How do you reconnect with your SN child? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 09-10-2012, 02:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The attention that my aspergers child requires is overwhelming. For so long I have given him so much and Im exhausted (to say the least). We are not getting much help yet, because the school district hasnt approved him yet for services.

 

Lately, I've stepped away from him for a break. I've paid more attention to meeting my 1 year olds needs. More attention to my needs and my DH. We need it. But I've also had a disconnect with my Aspie DS. I find myself giving up on him more easily because I don't want to burn myself out again.

 

How do you reconnect with a child who takes every last bit of energy out of you and still requires *worlds* more energy!

 

I'm only human!


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#2 of 5 Old 09-12-2012, 08:15 AM
 
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I usually try to schedule a "date" with my oldest when I feel like we've disconnected.  It's usually lunch and the movies, just the two of us.  It's nice to have an out of the house stress free (relatively speaking!) time with just the two of us.  Ds tends to be a lot more communicative when it's just the two of us.

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#3 of 5 Old 09-12-2012, 10:03 AM
 
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Just chiming in to say that the discontent is very normal and don't be beating yourself up over it.It happens.  

 

 

We do the one on one time as well. I try to choose some activity that that SN child loves and that isn't going to be very difficult for me. Like my oldest DD loves going to the movies with me and if I throw in a pedicure. she is in heaven. Taking my DS2 to a movie would be a nightmare, he'd freak out about the movie or start wandering part way through the movie. If I took him for a walk and maybe for an ice cream cone, it wouldn't seem that "special" but it would have a better outcome then if I attempted a really special outing. 

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#4 of 5 Old 09-13-2012, 06:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Queen - I think I will take him out for a just us night. He seems to really need the one on one attention.

 

Peony - I'm pretty much trying to do this on my own and half of the day I'm wondering if Im doing the right thing or if this is what normally happens in a special needs family or am I just handling everything all wrong and ruining my child for life. lol - So thanks for the reassurance.


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#5 of 5 Old 09-13-2012, 09:56 AM
 
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I also do movies and lunch with my 10 year old eldest who has PDD-NOS.  I also try to "snuggle" him to sleep at least a few nights a week where we talk and catch up on his life.  I also have taken a "step back".  Thankfully he is doing very very well and I can step back and have him be secure.  But, for at least three years his life was very up and down and I had to work very hard to help him understand his friendships, school expectations and work with his team at school to help him.  At the same time I was taking care of a baby....who is now 4.  I am still waiting for my me time.  It is very hard, I agree, to manage the demands of caring for a child with special needs.  It is only natural to want and need to take a step back.  Do what ever you need to do to keep yourself going!  I forgive myself daily for my mistakes and my missteps because carrying guilt isn't going to help me be a better parent.  Be as easy on yourself as you can.

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