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#1 of 13 Old 07-21-2013, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH is working a third job now and we see him about 12 hours a week total. Im home with no car, one 5 year old Aspie and one high needs toddler with other issues that I can't even begin to understand right now (maybe ADHD or ASD). Most of the time lately, I am preventing them from hurting each other, reprimanding them for attacking each other, taking toys from each other, yelling at each other tearing the apartment apart, so on. I can't even turn my back on them for 5 minutes to make a meal, without the little one being attacked. We are living in one room at the moment and so I can not separate them. The toddler ALWAYS wants to destroy EVERYTHING. Whether its toys, papers on the counter, a plate on the table - he throws it ALL OVER every single time! When I try to set up an activity, the little one throws all the stuff around all over and the 5 year old gets frustrated. Neither of them can do an activity alone at this point. Plus the toddler doesn't sleep - and since he sleeps with me, Im braindead most of the day. I get so angry when the 5 year old hurts the toddler that I yell. I feel like I'm yelling all day. I have sensory issue myself and the 5 year old verbally stimming and flapping DRIVES ME CRAZY. It gives me anxiety because he usually hurts someone when he gets like this. Just venting. I don't even know what else to say at this point.

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#2 of 13 Old 07-21-2013, 03:50 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. I do not have a special needs child much less two and I don't have any sensory issues. It's hard enough for me to care for one child, and that's with help.

I can't do smileys on my phone or else I would have one of those little hugging smileys inserted here. HUGS to you. <3
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#3 of 13 Old 07-21-2013, 07:27 PM
 
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I don't know if it helps to commiserate but I am having an awful time too. I have older Aspies, a kid with anxiety and SPD, a preschooler with likely ADHD and SPD, a toddler and I am pregnant with anxiety and ADHD and off meds. We are home all day every day with no car. DH has worked the last 8 days straight. I yell all day and I feel awful about it. Honestly they could care less. I think it really does hurt me more than it hurts them to be getting angry all the time. My older kids are able to help with the youngers but more often than not they just trigger each others issues all day - one persons verbal stimming triggers a screaming fit from the other kid with the auditory sensitivities, their ineffective communication and listening skills create so much frustration and hurt feelings in each other. I have told people that having multiple children with autism in one house is like having some kids lined with fire crackers and some kids running around with matches with me constantly running around putting out fires and preventing explosions. It can be downright hellish. It so horrible that sometimes I find myself even laughing at the ridiculousness of it. No one could possibly believe the craziness unless they lived it 24/7.

 

What to do? I will try to give you the advice I usually don't remember to take myself. When your husband comes home for one of those 12 hours - leave by yourself alone. Try to get at least 2 hours alone out of the house per week. Even grocery shopping or other needed errands can be restorative if you can be by yourself in quiet thought. You have got to have some time away from the noise and chaos or you'll go insane. Take your one car and GO! Even just drive to nowhere, just get out of there for a while.

 

Try to take care of yourself somehow. I live for late night netflix with DH and a bar of good chocolate. Yes I eat one every day! orngtongue.gif Get enough sleep. I know your sleep gets interrupted but try to get enough overall, even if that means snagging a nap while your 5 yr old watches a DVD. If he's like my Aspies, he can zone out well on a screen for a while. 

 

Minimize. This has saved my sanity. Ok more like reduced my insanity cause I am still driven crazy cakes most days! But this is one area that was mine to control - stuff! Less, less, less, stuff. Even if my kids make a total disaster they don't have that many toys and we can clean it up quick. Makes things so much less overwhelming after a long day.

 

Are you following a routine? As a mom with ADHD I am awful at this but it really does help when I do it. Kids on the spectrum need routines. It helps behavior and keeps things feeling sane or at least a bit less insane. Breakfast, Dishes, Dress, Outside, Lunch, Naps/Quiet time, Outside again, Dinner, Baths, Bed. I do chores and laundry during that day as able or just wait till evening and get DH to pitch in with me after kiddos go to bed (which we really try to make happen between 8-9) Notice all the outside time? Kids with sensory issues and ADHD need green time - outside on trees, grass, dirt, sand - whatever you got. Helps with sensory integration and give them a safe place for all that energy. And all the noise they make is substantially less irritating out in the big open compared to inside your four walls. 

 

Assign something to your DH. Just to get it off your plate. My DH is home early enough to do baths and PJ's most nights and I let him do it, screams and all. (the kids are screaming, not him LOL) They hate their hair washed and teeth brushed is all. But anyway it helps so much to have someone else deal with that. 

 

Is there a possibility that you could get that 3rd PT job instead of your DH? My DH works 50-60 hours per week but there is no way in hell I could handle him getting another job. I would do it instead to get a breath of fresh air while DH stayed home for a while! I am a dedicated SAHM but I know my limits. It sounds like you are way past yours, love. I would highly suggest problem solving with your DH and seeing what could possibly meet your financial needs AND the emotional health needs of your family. See if you can brainstorm with your DH as to how he could possibly be home a little more and/or how you can get some supports in place so you are not so isolated. 

 

Is your 5 yr old DS going to school in the fall? That will give you a great break and allow you to work with your younger ones's issues and get some clarity there. See if your younger one could possibly qualify for SN preschool through your state. 

 

And last but not least - meds. Sensitive issue but just let me say this - If there are issue that could be helped by meds, its a much better option that being totally miserable 24/7. Melatonin for sleep is the first one I'd try! Aggression in your 5 yr old may be greatly reduced with medication. Lots of kids with ASD have undiagnosed ADHD. My oldest Aspie mellowed out considerably regarding aggression after starting treatment for ADHD! Who knew? Anxiety meds for you might help you cope. Only you can decide what is right for your family but I just wanted to give you my thoughts one mom to another that its ok to get help in pharmaceutical form if you need to!  


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#4 of 13 Old 07-22-2013, 04:13 PM
 
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Being cooped up in one room and no transportation? No wonder you are at your wits' end. And no wonder your kids are driving you crazy. Is there a park nearby? Some outdoor space for you guys to go? Is there a relative or teen girl around who could be a mother's helper to you? Have you guys ever considered moving somewhere that you could have a bigger home, or be within walking distance of some community?

 

Honestly, you deserve a medal for dealing with what's on your plate already. My hat is off to you, mama. 

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#5 of 13 Old 07-22-2013, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow Earthmama, thanks for the advice. And thanks for the hugs dalia. Right now even as I type this they are arguing. I don't know how you do it with 5 boys! I could barely handle the first, and then surprise! Along came another! I had a job at the local hf store for 6 months, but my husband couldn't handle the kids EVEN with a routine and a schedule mapped out for him. It was noticeable to say the least that my son wasn't getting the type of attention he needed. I would work until 11:30pm and come home to the kids up, running around. Then have to put them to bed, and then the next day I had to overcompensate for the attention they didn't get from DH. He's a good guy, but he just isn't motivated enough to keep supports in place that control behavior. Not to say Im doing awesome, but at least Im giving them attention and not just playing a video game all day - IF you know what I mean. As for the routine, I'm like you - its hard for me to stick to a routine. I have set up many, and it just causes me anxiety (wish I could figure out why). Also, sometimes I feel like trying to organize anything is pointless. Like, how many times I have to ask him to do things on the routine. Ok, time to brush teeth _a million times_, time to read books_ and he's running around like I haven't said a word. Time to... time to... and its like Im talking to a brick wall!! And I've heard of creating charts and rewards and chores and stickers and all that stuff. And I really really want to do it, but I've tried SO many times and I can not be counted on to be consistent. My brain just doesn't work that way especially when Im sleep deprived and frustrated all the time. Also, he gets to where he wants a reward, sticker, treat for EVERYTHING and then we argue about it all.day.long. He is so persistent. I just dont have the energy. Some good news - I got a break today. DH took a sick day (from his day job) and took them out to some fun places. I got to stay home and clean and rest. I really needed it but when they came back I went from a 0 to 10 in just a few hours. I can't believe how upset I got, and I know it has alot to do with my sensory issues. I did a nice bedtime routing and was laying in bed with them when they decide to fool around. Well they ended up ripping the curtains down and were about to bring them (dust and all) into the bed - which is just GROSS!!! Asking them to stop about a twenty times didn't help and I had it, I took the curtains and threw them outside, yelling. I can't believe how ridiculous I acted. I just want to cry. Every once in a while I get a great answer to one of my posts here on mothering. These are the answers that I go back to and reread from time to time. There are a few from when my first was 2 and I still reread them. I know yours is one that I will be reading again and again. So thank you for taking the time to type all of that out. (I don't know how you found the time) I like your reference to the firecrackers. Only an SN mom would understand that comparison. I do late night Netflix and chocolate too! We should get together lol!

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#6 of 13 Old 07-22-2013, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Piglet. Yes, I do have to try and get out more. There is a park, pool and pond in our apartment complex, but because of my sensory issues, I have a hard time getting the kids there. We usually go out about 3 times a week. The chlorine in the pool makes me sick as well as I hate getting in the cold water. And the toddler has like NO attention span! He just wont sit and play in the kiddie pool. I get SO nervous about him jumping in the adult pool I end up chasing him around. He also now knows how to open the gate to the park, and is quite persistent about getting into the road behind the gate. I dont understand it, there is an entire play structure for him to climb and slide and all he wants to do is run into the road!! He constantly needs new input... new games... new toys. Doesnt pay attention to any puzzles or anything that Im doing with him. He will sit for books- so we read books until the 5 year old comes and starts jumping on our heads and throwing the book and kicking us :( We go for walks at the pond with toddler in the beco wrap and that is nice. Everyone enjoys that except me. The sounds that would normally be soothing and the sensations (bugs, wind, squishy grass, tickly weeds), attack me. I do as much as I can, because I know its important for them to get out. There are relatives, but they spank and made the baby CIO once when he was 3 months old. And they usually do not make themselves available for me, which is fine with me.

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#7 of 13 Old 07-22-2013, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How did you guys get spacing into your post? I spaced paragraphs out and when I hit "submit" they all come together in one big paragraph.


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#8 of 13 Old 07-23-2013, 08:49 AM
 
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I totally understand having one's own sensory issues getting in the way of giving my SN kiddo the environment and input he needs.  With DS, who is sometimes a craver of input and sometimes overresponsive, and I am an over responder, going to the playground in our city feels like a herculean task.  I'm trying for first thing in the am now, hoping I can deal with it and it will make the other issues the rest of the day better, thus less input (read screaming, mine and theirs) and less input for me...

 

Apartments are hard.  Right now we are staying somewhere with a yard, and just being able to let the kids outside without having to "go" somewhere helps so much.  But if we leave the city, we leave so many of the services/school that help us so much...

 

Good luck Mama...I also love late night streaming, skype calls to folks who understand (few as they are) and chocolate!

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#9 of 13 Old 07-27-2013, 01:31 AM
 
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I am glad my post was helpful to you. You didn't ask for advice but I just wanted to reach out and help you somehow! I know how desperate it can all feel! I wish we could get together too! smile.gif

 

I have noticed too that after time alone where I finally feel a small degree of peace I can get even more irritated by the kids. Its like that calm gives me a sense of how crazy it is and makes me even madder when they do it. I just know that I have to have it anyway, just like good food or sleep, having that alone time is essential. But you are right, it doesn't make things roses when your back in the middle of it all again. 

 

I would have had a fit about the curtains too. My kids have seen me have many, many fits over the years. I often feel terribly guilty about it afterward. We call them "mommy tantrums" around here. But don't be too hard on yourself. First of all, if you are like me, you feel way worse inside that you are actually acting. Secondly, I think that while being calm and showing self-control are important behaviors to model, I realize it is also important for my children to know that their behaviors have consequences and that human beings have personal limits, even moms. So my kids have seen me reach those limits and go spilling over and it ain't pretty and while I do apologize afterward, I also point out how their behavior contributed to the situation. Thirdly, sometimes with these very physical, very literal kids, you NEED to do something extreme to grab their attention. Something loud and physical can grab their attention whereas I can ask and cry and beg and plead and ignore all day and it won't make a difference. My DH helped me to see that I get big and loud because that is what works. What sucks for me is that I hate the feelings I have to have before that happens because I always try the nice ways first, and its only after the frustration builds and I have been ignored 24,0000 times that I might pitch my fit. I wish I knew a better way! 

 

Can I share a story with you? We went on a drive down to the coast yesterday, about 2 hours from our house. OMG!!!! The kids fought the whole. freaking. way. All the classics - he's looking at me, he's touching me, when are we going to get there. They'd fight about who sat where since the last stop and its my turn to sit there now, I'm hungry, I'm bored, why are the granola bars gone, I didn't get one (yes you did), on and on. We'd brought the DVD player but found out too late we'd forgotten the connector cords. The baby was supposed to nap on the way but the older kids were so noisy he never slept. I warned them, I asked them, I begged them. Nothing. Finally I whip around in my seat and give them the most angry face I can muster and said in a very loud voice, rant.gif "IF ONE MORE PERSON MAKES A PEEP IN THIS CAR I SWEAR I WILL NEVER TAKE YOU ON ANOTHER VACATION AGAIN! I WILL STICK YOU ALL IN DAYCARE AND COME ALONE WITH DAD AND DON'T YOU FOR A SECOND THINK I WON'T!!" I probably sounded like a raving lunatic (esp considering they don't make daycare for 15 and 17 yr olds, LOL) but finally, quiet. Not a peep except for me crying softly in the front seat, wishing I'd have just stayed home. So angry that every single time I am pushed to that point. We finally get there and its terrible weather. Too cold to swim or even really play on the beach. It was 62 with an icy blowing wind. In July?!?! And DH read the tide schedule wrong so we went to the tide pools and they were well under water. So all that drive for nothing. We didn't even have jackets since it was 90 where we live just 2 hours away (its usually around 10 degrees cooler on the coast - not 30!) I was so done. I swore I'd never go anywhere with the kids again. We went somewhere to eat and then went to Goodwill to try to find some jackets (another adventure with my boys) then decided at least we'd watch the sunset on the beach before heading home. As I sat on the beach, shivering with my baby in my lap, my boys ran around, flew a kite, and got their feet wet. We then watched the big orange ball sink completely, all sitting (mostly) quietly. It was very peaceful, and in the moment I realized that even the most horrible days always end. And tomorrow is a new start. The sun always goes down. And it always comes up. It was strangely comforting. I shared that thought with my boys, that bad things always end, and each day is a new start, and to remember that when they have hard times. And you know, today's been pretty nice! And I haven't had to yell once! I know that won't last, lol, but I'll take it when I can get it! 


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#10 of 13 Old 07-30-2013, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sounds like every trip I've ever been on with the boys! My youngest hates being strapped down in the seat and will fuss to get out the whole way. Then If its dark out, and the street are lights flashing on his face - he goes ballistic! The hitting, screaming and complaining is magnified by 100 when you're stuck in a car and for some reason the yelling bounces off the interior and smacks right into my eardrum like a freight train!

 

One more reason to stay home...


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#11 of 13 Old 07-30-2013, 07:48 PM
 
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I'm laughing about the trip (s), but with empathy! We take one trip a year because it is a BIG freaking deal to travel with our kids. And something always goes horribly wrong.  Sometimes we end up doing the 7 hour each way trip to the Children's Hospital which is it's own version of hell, but that's not for "fun". We haven't done anything else in well, years. My oldest daughter travels for sports, we NEVER EVER go as a family. One parent takes her and the other one stays home. Other parents always ask why, and I tell them that traveling with my kids is like being tortured to death with a spoon. For real. And you know exactly what I am talking about!

 

 

Dh always goes on and on about how we never do anything fun. What. Our life is fun? eyesroll.gif So a few weeks ago he decides we should take a one night trip to a town 1.5 hours away that we haven't been to in many years. I could go on and on and what ended happening is that after a hellish day, way overpaying for two hotel rooms, we drove back late at night with tantuming kids vowing to not try anything "fun" for many more years to come. 

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#12 of 13 Old 08-01-2013, 03:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thing1Thing2 View Post

Sounds like every trip I've ever been on with the boys! My youngest hates being strapped down in the seat and will fuss to get out the whole way. Then If its dark out, and the street are lights flashing on his face - he goes ballistic! The hitting, screaming and complaining is magnified by 100 when you're stuck in a car and for some reason the yelling bounces off the interior and smacks right into my eardrum like a freight train!

 

One more reason to stay home...

 

I agree about the sound in the car. That was 90% of what I found unbearable. I am thinking I should bring headphones next time. The thing is, with some of my kids they will just keep escalating to a violent outburst. DH thinks we need a mini bus with each kid in his own row. LOL! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View Post

I'm laughing about the trip (s), but with empathy! We take one trip a year because it is a BIG freaking deal to travel with our kids. And something always goes horribly wrong.  Sometimes we end up doing the 7 hour each way trip to the Children's Hospital which is it's own version of hell, but that's not for "fun". We haven't done anything else in well, years. My oldest daughter travels for sports, we NEVER EVER go as a family. One parent takes her and the other one stays home. Other parents always ask why, and I tell them that traveling with my kids is like being tortured to death with a spoon. For real. And you know exactly what I am talking about!

 

 

Dh always goes on and on about how we never do anything fun. What. Our life is fun? eyesroll.gif So a few weeks ago he decides we should take a one night trip to a town 1.5 hours away that we haven't been to in many years. I could go on and on and what ended happening is that after a hellish day, way overpaying for two hotel rooms, we drove back late at night with tantuming kids vowing to not try anything "fun" for many more years to come. 

Yes, keeping it simple and close to home is such a better idea, isn't it? I mean if its going badly, you can just go home. You can even take one kid home and then come back for the rest of the group later. When you are out far away you are just stuck. We probably endured the horribleness so much longer than necessary simply because we had come so far and didn't want to go back! 

 

I am dreading a trip we need to take in Oct for my sisters wedding. Its a 15 hour drive, mamas. I will be 8 mos pregnant. Heaven help me! I am hoping we can either buy or rent a full-size van by then. My older boys just cannot take being squished into the minivan anymore. 

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#13 of 13 Old 08-02-2013, 05:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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earthmama Congrats! You're brave to be having another! I want another but I'm too afraid!


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