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#1 of 19 Old 08-04-2013, 01:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

you know, it's an ongoing problem in this house, with at least two kids with adhd and an adhd father.

 

DD1 (7 years) is becoming more and more disrespectful and disobedient. I just got extremely aware of it, because one of her friends came for a sleepover, and she was just SHOCKED about the way DD is talking to me. She would say things like: You cannot speak to your MOTHER like that! or You can't say THAT!

 

And she is not even like a little obedient angel.

 

I am so sad. And angry. I feel like I cannot reach my little girl anymore. She is saying things like "f*ck you" or "*shole" towards me or her siblings regularly.

 

I am wondering if it would help to cancel any activities and sleepovers and playdates to make her spend time only with me (and her siblings). Not meant as a punishment, but as a regrouping/back to family thing.

 

What do you think?

 

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#2 of 19 Old 08-04-2013, 03:50 PM
 
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My HFA son has been going through a phase of swearing when he is having a meltdown or getting really angry. Some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth is insane. I don't do anything about it "in the moment" because he is pretty much unreachable in that state, but later, when we are having a nice moment, like at bedtime when I read him stories and he is all snuggly, I talk about it. I say how it makes me feel, how I don't like being spoken to like that, etc. He is always very apologetic. Then we talk about ways we can deal with the problem. Most of the solutions are about healthy and respectful ways to deal with anger and frustration. The message is to work on getting those feelings out, but in a healthy and respectful way. It's not an overnight solution, but the long-term lessons are priceless as I'm not just correcting behaviour, I'm giving him skills that he can use throughout his life. And I'm also making sure that our relationship stays tight. Because of that he doesn't want to disrespect me or hurt my feelings, and he is motivated to make changes and improve. 

 

I'm not clear on the circumstances surrounding her behaviour, but it sounds from your post that it is an overall attitude towards you and her family. Some part of your relationship with her may be damaged, at least from her perspective, and punishment is only going to make that worse (I get that you didn't mean it as punishment; but that is exactly how she will view it). It may stop the behaviour, but the cost is a disconnect from you, and the feelings that lead to that behaviour will just come out in other, perhaps more destructive, ways. 

 

I think first it is important to understand where the disrespect is coming from. A 7 year old is not really disrespecting you, she is manifesting/expressing some pretty strong emotions in the only way she knows how. So I would encourage you to try to figure out where all that is coming from. Anxiety underlies a lot of "bad behaviour", at least IME, and that would be my first guess. An inability to cope with anger/frustration would be my second.

 

I would encourage you to find a nice, close moment with your daughter, like bedtime snuggles, or maybe take her out for ice cream, just the two of you. And talk to her. Ask her what is going on (she may not be able to tell you, she may be too young to self-examine like that). Tell her how it makes you feel, do not be judgemental, just matter-of-fact. See what her reaction is. When you know what you are dealing with, you can explain it to her so you teach her to look inside herself to see what is going on with herself. Give her words and language to use around it. Ask her to join you in finding solutions to the problem, or make suggestions based on what is underlying it. 


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#3 of 19 Old 08-04-2013, 04:53 PM
 
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you know, it's an ongoing problem in this house, with at least two kids with adhd and an adhd father.

 

An adult having ADHD is not an excuse to treat others with disrespect. It is harder for some people to learn to express their feelings appropriately than others, but your DH doesn't get a pass. If he is trouble so deeply affected that being disrespectful of you is the best he can do, then getting out of the relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids.

 

If he is just lazy and be bothered to be kind to you, then may be he could change if you stood up for yourself and DEMANDED that he treat you appropriately.
 

As long as you stay in a relationship with an adult who is allowed to treat you badly, you will mostly have children who treat you badly. This isn't a special needs issue -- kids who watch dad emotional abuse mom, don't respect mom.

 

When you add a special need to it that makes it more difficult for children to learn appropriate social behavior or self control, it is recipe for a disaster. Getting to the root of the problem while your child are still smaller than you is important -- if you wait and add size and hormones to this, you will have really, really big problems.

 

I have a friend who divorced over this issue. She didn't like the way her husband talked to her, but it wasn't until her kids started talking to her the exact same way that she realized how bad it was.


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#4 of 19 Old 08-05-2013, 07:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Your totally right Linda, but DH does not talk disrespectful to me, (only if he gets angry - and this is rare)

 

I don't really think it's something they learn from Daddy...but I'll look into it.

 

He does behave oddly often enough though, and I feel as if I am the one carrying the burden pretty much on my own ... but I guess that's a whole new subject...


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#5 of 19 Old 08-05-2013, 07:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Piglet, I am trying to go that route.

 

I am getting so discouraged and even angry by her behaviour. and than I am angry at myself for loosing it. I KNOW it doesn't help.

 

But I get this thoughts of "How can she dare! She should learn how it is to have a BAD mother!" which is obviously stupid.

 

I guess I need to work on myself at least as much as I need to work with her...


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#6 of 19 Old 08-05-2013, 01:12 PM
 
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Your totally right Linda, but DH does not talk disrespectful to me, (only if he gets angry - and this is rare)

 

I don't really think it's something they learn from Daddy...but I'll look into it.

 

 

 

 

Then I don't understand your first posts. In your first line, you link your DH having ADHD to disrespect and disobedience in your home.

 

Since I don't get it, I'll bow out.


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#7 of 19 Old 08-06-2013, 12:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Linda, now, that I read my post again, I can see what you mean. Sorry, english is not my first language, so I do get it wrong sometimes ;) What I meant is, that I do have lots of problems with the two ADHD kids and a ADHD husband. Sometimes I kind of assume that people know what I mean, without actually telling them ;) The disrespect is not coming from DH. BUT we do fight a lot, and he does not guide the kids (most of the times) - he kind of ignores their behaviour until he gets so fed up that he REALLY gets mad (not physically - but he can be quite frightening). I actually think that he does not even get what they do until it's too late for gentle redirection. Yesterday DD hit me. Not like super hard or anything, but she was mad because I said she cannot have something, went outside and came back in to hit and tell me that she hates me. I was at her daycare - so her teacher their got her and talked to her. And she was really sorry afterwards - but than she goes on telling me that I would hurt her. I don't ever intentionally hurt her. I think that it might be uncomfortable to be hold and carried away against one's will - especially if she is fighting against it - but I see no other option in certian circumstances. It is a really, really difficult situation...

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#8 of 19 Old 08-10-2013, 03:34 PM
 
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I am getting so discouraged and even angry by her behaviour. and than I am angry at myself for loosing it. I KNOW it doesn't help.

 

But I get this thoughts of "How can she dare! She should learn how it is to have a BAD mother!" which is obviously stupid.

 

I guess I need to work on myself at least as much as I need to work with her...

 

I used to have these thoughts too. Especially before I knew I was dealing with autism. In searching through myself, I see it is conditioning from when I was a child. Don't be hard on yourself: it is normal to feel that way. You need to reframe what you are seeing so that you react in a different way. It takes practice, but you can do it. 

 

What really helped to stop this kind of reaction in myself was to remind myself over and over again that when my child is doing that they are in a state of anxiety, they are a bit frightened by the intensity of their feelings, and they do not want to be that way. I have gotten to the point where I can react with sympathy, I see a child who needs me and that prompts the nurturing instinct within myself. I can look past the words and see what is behind them.

 

One time in particular I got angry with DS while he was melting down and he said to me "Mama! You're not helping! You're supposed to help me, but you are just making me more angry!". I realized he was right - my job is to help him, not to heap anxiety-provoking scoldings onto him. The other thing that helps is that when DS reaches the peak of his meltdown he then "breaks", he immediately switches from yelling and anger tears to sadness tears and he immediately runs to me and holds me very tight. They are what Gordon Neufeld calls the "tears of frustration" and they are so very important for healthy emotional development. 


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#9 of 19 Old 08-17-2013, 01:53 PM
 
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Linda, now, that I read my post again, I can see what you mean. Sorry, english is not my first language, so I do get it wrong sometimes ;) What I meant is, that I do have lots of problems with the two ADHD kids and a ADHD husband. Sometimes I kind of assume that people know what I mean, without actually telling them ;) The disrespect is not coming from DH. BUT we do fight a lot, and he does not guide the kids (most of the times) - he kind of ignores their behaviour until he gets so fed up that he REALLY gets mad (not physically - but he can be quite frightening). I actually think that he does not even get what they do until it's too late for gentle redirection. Yesterday DD hit me. Not like super hard or anything, but she was mad because I said she cannot have something, went outside and came back in to hit and tell me that she hates me. I was at her daycare - so her teacher their got her and talked to her. And she was really sorry afterwards - but than she goes on telling me that I would hurt her. I don't ever intentionally hurt her. I think that it might be uncomfortable to be hold and carried away against one's will - especially if she is fighting against it - but I see no other option in certian circumstances. It is a really, really difficult situation...


(((Triniity))) My initial reaction to your first post was that you sound very overwhelmed by having an ADHD family.  I can understand and relate as we are also an ADHD family!  It was pretty bad for quite awhile.  DH and I have almost divorced over it as other things have eaten our individual coping skills up.  The biggest thing that seems to have helped my marriage and my dc2 (who is the most aggressive,. verbal, struggling to deal with emotions, etc out of the kids) is counseling.  DH and I have started marriage counseling, individual counseling, and meeting with dc2's counselor more regularly.  We have worked on what our roles are in the marriage, the family, etc as well as what is and isn't acceptable between us.  We have worked hard on putting a united front on, even if we need to discuss that we didn't agree on something in private later.  If we had remained as divided as we were on parenting, we could not stay together as it was worse for our kids. The next biggest thing has been having dc2 tested fairly thoroughly recently. This has taken the blame off of our parenting skills (even in the eyes of the other) and allowed us to understand more completely what some of the co-morbid issues are.  Knowing this allows us to work on them as well as dc2 to work on them in therapy.  It also is allowing us to address some other issues that will require OT/PT/SLT that we were thinking we no big deal.  The frustration of everything combined is a BIG deal for any kid, but especially one with some limited coping mechanisms due to ADHD.

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#10 of 19 Old 08-18-2013, 12:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you all for your support! 

 

(we had a lightening hit our landline, so there was no internet or phone for a couple of days ...)

 

It is sooo hard sometimes. I wish there were someone to tell me what to do and what is right. 

 

@puzzlepeace: We are doing marriage counseling. I don't really think that it helps though. DH does counseling, but more for his ADHD, which is obviously important, too and does affect us all....

We will see a child's psychologist in two weeks. 

 

I just don't know how I am supposed to react to the kids sometimes. It makes everything so damn hard, the way they are disobedient, argue about EVERYTHING, throw fits in the car that nearly cause accidents...Today DS hurt his little sister's finger, it might even be broken - he slammed a door and her fingers were in between :( 

 

And than I don't get support from my Husband. I mean, he tries, but he just does not get it. Yesterday he left our five year old ADHD son at home and went for a walk, because DS could not find his shoes. And I feel that I cannot leave the kids with him. And I don't know what to do about it. But I guess that's a different subject. 

 

@piglet: I see what you mean. I have to work at these skills, but what really gets me is not the meltdown situation, but more this disobedient disrespectful behaviour in general. I get it if they are disrespectful when they are having a meltdown, and I try to ignore rude words and stuff than, but when they are just disrespectful and calling me names and expecting me to jump if they call - without being willing to do anything for me... It makes me so angry. 

 

I think the whole system is not really working here.... 


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#11 of 19 Old 08-19-2013, 03:58 PM
 
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So, if I understand this, your child is 4?  And she has words like f*ck in her vocabulary???  Where did she pick up such words?  I think its really important for parents to model the behavior they want from their children.  So if you or your DH use foul language, step 1 would be for you to change.  And if you or your DH are disrespectful to each other or to the kids, that behavior needs to change first.  Then you can start requiring your child to behave more appropriately.  My DD is 10 and has ADHD as well.  It is definitely more difficult for her to remember things when she needs to.  Sometimes it takes more creative strategies.  Sometimes it takes many many many more repetitions of things than I believe is possible.  I think I've asked my DD not to leave food in the family room at least once a day for 6 months, and its only slowly getting better.  I rely on writing things out for DD, which probably doesn't work for you yet.  But you might start with the exact same techniques that a non-ADHD family would.  Agree on acceptable behavior/language for ALL members of the household.  Maybe make a reminder poster with pictures for the fridge.  Maybe practice all together.  Set out consequences and be very, very consistent.  Reward the behavior you want.  For DD, we always do 1 reminder before we impose a consequence because she forgets so fast.  But if she doesn't do whatever immediately after the reminder, then I think its OK for a consequence.  Don't believe in consequences?  Do whatever you do believe in, just be prepared for it to take longer than you expect to show results.  And for me, the key is that all of the behaviors you expect from your child should be modeled by both you and your DH.  I've even said "I forgot to do X so now I'm going to do X and Y to make up for it" or "I am angry and I don't want to yell so I'm going to go to my room to cool down for a bit". 

 

And, for the record, I personally would have said "We do not use language like that in this house - it's disrespectful, please leave the room until you are calmer."  Or "... Please say that again with proper language and a nicer tone".

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#12 of 19 Old 08-19-2013, 09:10 PM
 
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I didn't realize your children were so young. 

 

At that age, if they are acting that way, it's because something is not "right" with them. I mean, they may have anxiety issues, or feel disconnected from you. They may be wanting your attention and this is the only way that works for them. Whatever the issue is, focusing on the behaviour isn't going to help. You need to get to the source. And since your children are so young, they are unlikely to be able to verbalize what is going on with them. You need a certain amount of self-awareness for that, and a four year old definitely doesn't have that. A six year old maybe a wee bit. So you will have to be the detective. 

 

Imagine that you are a coach, and you are training your athletes in the skills of Managing Emotions. When they fail at it, yelling doesn't help. They need information. Your children need you to provide them with better ways to express their anger. Yes, tell them you don't like it when they are disrespectful to you, but provide them with words they can use instead. 

 

And make sure you take care of yourself. You need emotional energy to do the above, to resist the urge to be reactive in the moment, to be able to see past the behaviour to a child who needs you. If you are tired, stressed out, depressed, etc you won't have many resources to draw on. So make sure you are getting what you need, too. 


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#13 of 19 Old 08-20-2013, 03:31 PM
 
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#14 of 19 Old 08-21-2013, 12:05 AM
 
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Just wanted to say that while I agree that parental modeling of good behavior is important, not all out of control, vulgar, profane children are mirroring what they see at home! My oldest with Aspergers and ADHD and some other issues has the most foul mouth on him and neither myself or his dad ever used those words! We didn't have cable, and he grew up watching PBS shows and carefully selected DVDs. The only place I can imagine he learned it was at school. As soon as he discovered an off limits word, he added it to his artillery to use when he'd launch verbal assaults on us. Its infuriating to be blamed for something that is truly not your fault. Please don't assume that with these kinds of kids that the parents are necessarily doing anything wrong. Most of us are exhausted doing everything right and it still doesn't work. 

 

OP - I can tell you are exhausted and in crisis. Are you doing counseling for yourself? I have found personal counseling to be more effective at helping me cope with my family that group, marriage, or family counseling has. I think esp for moms that have to hold our families together all by ourselves, we need a safe place to vent and get feedback away from all the craziness. The situation can be so close and in your face all the time its hard to see solutions. Just one on one with a counselor I have been able to express freely my frustrations without worrying about backlash later at home, and I have gotten some great insights that empowered me to make positive changes in the only thing I really have control over, which is my reaction to the problems. 

 

People with ADHD have really poor impulse control. So when they get mad, there is no filter. They speak first and think later. My DS says horrible things at times and you'd think he was the meanest thing ever with no connection to his family. I have even asked about things like conduct disorder because when he's mad he doesn't seem to care what he does and who it hurts. But I have been assured by professionals and I have seen for myself as well that he really does love us and he feels pretty awful once he calms down after losing it. So our focus has been to teach him alternatives for what to do with that huge surge of anger that hits him. The problem is, he can't do it in the moment. Not won't, but literally can't. His impulse control is not strong enough. What has helped him is meds. Both a stimulant med, which give him more control since it "wakes up" his prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that is sleep in ADHD people and just happens to be the part of the brain responsible for reason, judgement, and problems solving! And he is on a mood stabilizer so the waves of anger are less often and less intense. He needs BOTH behavioral therapy/management and medication therapy/management to be able to control it. Its working!  I think in a house with multiple people with ADHD (ours is too!) that medication is nearly essential for surviving, if not thriving. 


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#15 of 19 Old 08-21-2013, 10:47 AM
 
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Just wanted to say that while I agree that parental modeling of good behavior is important, not all out of control, vulgar, profane children are mirroring what they see at home! My oldest with Aspergers and ADHD and some other issues has the most foul mouth on him and neither myself or his dad ever used those words! We didn't have cable, and he grew up watching PBS shows and carefully selected DVDs. The only place I can imagine he learned it was at school. As soon as he discovered an off limits word, he added it to his artillery to use when he'd launch verbal assaults on us. Its infuriating to be blamed for something that is truly not your fault. Please don't assume that with these kinds of kids that the parents are necessarily doing anything wrong. Most of us are exhausted doing everything right and it still doesn't work

 

Oh dear -- I really didn't mean to make this sound like I was blaming the OP!  Just suggesting a place to start.  Though I really hope that a 4 year old isn't learning f*ck in preschool.  If I suspected that I would definitely remove my child from that school.  And behavior issues, with or without ADHD's influence, is definitely not just the parent's fault -- sometimes parent's behavior might make the issue worse, but I think there are almost always a range of things going on that contribute to the problem. 

 

And self-care for parents is crucial when parenting is difficult.  One of my first steps when things are going wrong in our household is to go back and make sure all of the basics are covered: Is everyone (parents and children alike) getting enough sleep?  Are meals on a good schedule and as nutritious as possible?  Everyone getting enough outside time and exercise?  Time alone to calm down and re-center?  Love and connection?  All of these things can make a huge difference in both children's behavior and a parents ability to cope with whatever.

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#16 of 19 Old 08-21-2013, 05:32 PM
 
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In her OP she said the girl is 7. Unfortunately 7 is plenty old enough to learn a few colorful words. And yes, its entirely possible she heard her dad or Uncle Jimmy or even mom say it once when she stubbed her toe....my son's bio dad maybe didn't swear but he wasn't the greatest example of calm behavior either and I think that contributed problems and you are absolutely right that parental response can add fuel to the fire. But I just cringe when I think of how often I am likely judged by my son's behavior and I just wanted to illustrate something I learned the hard way as a mom of SN kids, that my influence is just a tiny piece of what is going on and much smaller than I realized it would be before I had kids.

 

I wanted to share something else that the counselor worked with me on and that was being non-reactive to my DS when he'd try fight with me. That doesn't mean I ignore it. We have rules and set consequences so if he says/does ____then _______is his consequence. We avoid an emotional reaction in me at all costs, because that is what he is after, and the psychologist explained that every time I let it get to me and yell or cry, its rewards him and re-enforces the behavior. Its really hard! She gave the analogy of the pigeon dinging the bell until it gets the pellet. Even if he only gets the pellet every 10th time, he will still keep dinging the bell. So my job was to never, ever, give him that pellet. Don't let the behavior work for him. So if you can try to see what it is your DD is after and make that behavior stop working for her and stop giving her whatever "pellet" she is after, that might help. Love and Logic books are good at giving some great tension diffusing "one-liners" that let help parents stay calm and non-reactive. Here's a list http://www.loveandlogic.com/t-one-liners.aspx If you've never read the books, I would suggest you give them a try. We couldn't use the approach exclusively because my son's mild autism made him unable to connect the dots on his own between behavior and consequences. But it would be the first approach I would try with a child that was struggling with appropriate behavior. 


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#17 of 19 Old 08-23-2013, 07:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for all your answers and suggestions. 

 

@Evan_and_Annas_Mom: The boy is five and the girl is seven years old. And I don't know where they get these words. I certainly don't use it. (we are german so the translation is not spot on anyway, it's more about the seriousness of these words) 

I am personally quite language sensitive. I don't like the use of swear words or disrespectful words. I do say sh*t sometimes, if I just broke my favoured dish or soaked my beloved book or really hurt myself. Even between all adults I don't like it. I never say "dirty" words for things like love making and stuff, and I don't like it if others do, even in an all adult situation (for example).  Their Dad does not use swear words either. I mean at least not the ones they use. But they do go to school and daycare. And to places. They don't watch tv, only DVDs and certainly no swearing language in them. I think they just picked them up somewhere (probably at school) and learned how nicely adults react to them using them. (after a couple of weeks of f*cking *ssh*le DD1 asked what the actual meaning was, so no clue there ;) ) 

(Would you really remove your kid from a preschool for using swear words? Is there a preschool without any? I mean, if the kids have older siblings, they know a couple, I'd guess)

 

 

Quote:
And, for the record, I personally would have said "We do not use language like that in this house - it's disrespectful, please leave the room until you are calmer."  Or "... Please say that again with proper language and a nicer tone".

I guess I say that about a dozen of times a day? Maybe more? 

 

@earthmama: I am probably not doing nearly enough for myself (except going to work, maybe ;) ) There is just no time! I know that this is kind of a stupid answer, I am still working on finding time. I bet this is true for every momma of special needs kids. I'll get there, some day ;) (at the moment I am dreaming of an au pair. And maybe I will really try to find one) 

Thanks for the loveandlogic. I think I will try the "transforming the difficult child approach. I mean, I will try it, I read it before, I did like it, but did not like the '"consequences" - but before I get to the medication, I will try the approach. 

 

@kayleesmom: Thanks for the hugs!


Trin with DH , DD(7) dust.gif and DS(5) jumpers.gif,  DD(2) energy.gifdog2.gifbelly.gif(due 5/14)

I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...

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#18 of 19 Old 08-23-2013, 11:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Triniity View Post

Thank you for all your answers and suggestions. 

 

@Evan_and_Annas_Mom: The boy is five and the girl is seven years old. And I don't know where they get these words. I certainly don't use it. (we are german so the translation is not spot on anyway, it's more about the seriousness of these words) 

I am personally quite language sensitive. I don't like the use of swear words or disrespectful words. I do say sh*t sometimes, if I just broke my favoured dish or soaked my beloved book or really hurt myself. Even between all adults I don't like it. I never say "dirty" words for things like love making and stuff, and I don't like it if others do, even in an all adult situation (for example).  Their Dad does not use swear words either. I mean at least not the ones they use. But they do go to school and daycare. And to places. They don't watch tv, only DVDs and certainly no swearing language in them. I think they just picked them up somewhere (probably at school) and learned how nicely adults react to them using them. (after a couple of weeks of f*cking *ssh*le DD1 asked what the actual meaning was, so no clue there ;) ) 

(Would you really remove your kid from a preschool for using swear words? Is there a preschool without any? I mean, if the kids have older siblings, they know a couple, I'd guess)

 

Sorry about age mix-up  -- read too fast I guess.

 

If I thought the *teachers* at a preschool were using "f*ck" around children, I would certainly decide that this wasn't the right place for my children.  But you are right, you can't control for what other children are saying.  I would expect a preschool to correct a child using that sort of language in the classroom, but playground talk can't be controlled by teachers so it still gets used.

 

Sounds like you are doing the best you can in terms of your own household environment and countering what your children are picking up from others.  It is frustrating that other children seem to use language you don't want your children to learn.  It's especially annoying when the child doesn't even know what the word means.  The one time my DS (age 12 at the time) used "f*ck" all I had to do was explain what it really meant -- he was so embarrassed that he never used it again.  Well, at least not where I could hear him.  Who knows what he says at school.

 

I hope it's a phase and it passes quickly.

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#19 of 19 Old 08-23-2013, 09:06 PM
 
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Have you seen the book The Explosive Child ? Terrible title, but give it a chance! It is written for families with somewhat older children, and I have little use for the scripted parenting advice towards the end of the book. But I love this book for the philosophy that "kids do well if they can", and if they aren't doing well, some lagging skills are keeping them from it. Not manipulation, not disrespect, not power plays, not attention-seeking. Some unmet need is affecting their behavior. This book presents a total paradigm shift - away from consequences, and toward teaching the executive-function skills that will help a child to get his needs met by better means. 

 

Another book that focuses less on the philosophy, and more on teaching the lagging skills, is Smart But Scattered. Written especially for ADHD families, it has specific suggestions for teaching the skills of impulse control, focus, patience, flexibility, etc. that are the common problems. 

 

If your child did not know how to read, consequences, logical or not, for not reading would not help. Nor would rewards for reading, at least not without lessons of some sort. It wouldn't even help to express how hurt and worried Mommy is when they can't read. No - you would analyze where the lagging skills are - letter recognition, phonics, vision problems, comprehension, whatever the missing skill might be - and focus on teaching that. You might start with the simplest steps, and gradually build to the complex. Social skills are not really all that different from reading - some kids learn easily, others struggle.

 

This outlook has really lowered my frustration with behaviors that would otherwise be infuriating. It has given me patience and empathy with behaviors that looked downright awful. And it has been a lifesaver for my YoungSon with autism, and several high needs foster kids. What's more, it really works!


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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