When you feel that you've reached the end of your rope - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 06-02-2014, 05:10 AM - Thread Starter
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When you feel that you've reached the end of your rope

This forum has been a huge support to me over the years. Coming here for advice and sharing in other people's struggles. So,with that in mind, I wanted to give a bit back by sharing at bit of the story of my oldest son.

My oldest son is now 15 and a freshman in high-school. He's on Autism spectrum and has an auditory processing disorder.

I can still remember crying after his preschool Christmas pageant, because he was just so different from the other kids standing up there singing. He was just sort of staring out into space the whole time.

I cried when we finally gave in and decided that a self contained classroom with some mainstreaming would be best for him. It was and his teachers were amazing!

By 4th grade there were so many tears, because he really began acting out at school, and after all the diet changes, supplements, counseling, we still had to put him on medication which I never wanted to do. But when your kids says to you sobbing after you had to pick him up from school because he was so out of control, "I need help. I don't want to hurt someone!" You do whatever you have to help, even if it was something you swore you'd never do.

Even then, I wondered if everything we were doing was actually helping. All the supplements, healthy gfcf egg free diet, counseling, support at school, medication, play groups didn't seem to be making much of a different. Lots and lots of tears on both sides, and often a feeling of helplessness kicked in. Despite that he was still my sweet little boy who would apologize and hug and love afterwards and genuinely feel bad about whatever had happened that day. I loved him desperately and felt like a failure because I couldn't seem to help him.

I don't remember exactly when the shift happened. It seemed to happen so quickly and yet quietly, but by 7th grade, things switched. No more calls from the school. His grades went up. When I went to the monthly meetings, the reports became more and more positive. I cried some more, but it was happy tears this time. Even his teachers got teary eyed.

Everything we had done seemed to start to come together. It wasn't all peaches and cream. He still loses it at home occasionally, yelling and out of control, and circling the same subject for hours. But so much easier to deal with and those moments are much easier to deal with.

He started running track and cross country, and although he often stood alone at the meets, his team mates always congratulated him and included him as much as he was willing to be included.

His middle school principle came to his transition meeting with tears in his eyes to tell my son how proud he was of him, how his teachers were proud of him.

He's a freshman in high-school now. He's been on the high honor roll 2 quarters and the honor roll one. He runs JV and Varsity cross country and runs in the track club, since they don't have an official team. He made it to states with his freshman exploratory presentation.

He still has a hard with somethings. Social interaction can be tough, but he has a couple of close friends, and he's happy with that. When he's not running he tends to be more out of control at home, so we encourage him to run even when the season is out. I still have days where I have to remind myself of how far he's come and how hard he's worked to be here. I have days where I call my dh and tell him he's going to deal with HIS son when he gets home. LOL! It's still hard, but considering this is the kid I figured would never be able to have a job or a friend or be happy with himself, I am amazed.

So basically, if you've read through this, what I'm trying to say is to hang in there. Your child loves you and you are the center of his universe, even when it feels like he/she hates you. Even on days that you aren't sure you like them, you know that you will always love them.

Things can and do get better, and even when it seems like you get one problem somewhat under control, another one starts, you will get through it. You are strong enough to make it to the next day,and then the next, and then the next. Hang in there!

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#2 of 2 Old 06-02-2014, 10:31 AM
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Thanks so much for posting this! I really needed it today. My DS is about to turn 14 and it's still really rough.
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