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-   -   How do I get a 9 year old with HFA out of my bed?! (http://www.mothering.com/forum/157-special-needs-parenting/1426450-how-do-i-get-9-year-old-hfa-out-my-bed.html)

Tomoe Gozen 06-25-2014 08:56 AM

How do I get a 9 year old with HFA out of my bed?!
 
My younger ds is still in my bed, and I need ideas on how to gently but firmly get him to sleep in his own room-- soon.

I co-slept with both my kids. The older, who also has High-functioning Autism, decided at 6 that he liked his own bed better, and that was it.

His little bro is a whole different world. He has a much harder time with change, and has many phobias. We've lived in this house for 2 years, and he still has fits of being "scared" of his bedroom!

He is also scared of most bugs. Something really unfortunate happened-- more than once-- wasps got into his room (scared me, too, I admit :eek:). He wouldn't go in there alone for weeks, even after I caulked the hole.

He does sleep alone at his father's (our original "family home") after his dad strong-armed him into it. Ds still has a hard time with it, though, after more than a year.

Now ex is giving me a hard time about it, and truthfully, I don't want to end up prying a 10 or 11 year old out of my bed! It's obvious ds is not going to go voluntarily. Please give me some advice!

anj_rn 06-26-2014 01:51 PM

Is his issue sleeping alone or in the room in particular. My sis had a hard time with this and eventually my mom just started getting up and sleeping in my sister's room. Then they both slept in there together, then my mom transitioned back to her room. It took a while, but was less traumatic. My nieces shared a room until one was in high school because they did not like being alone, but DS loves being on his own, and prefers not to even share a room. All kids are different, so you might have to experiment with what works for you.

Treasuremapper 07-20-2014 06:32 AM

We were AP, so we moved her entire full-sized bed and night stand into our large master bedroom. After a few weeks, she said our snoring bugged her and she moved out. Occasionally she would move in for a night or two, but then remember our snoring and move back out. My husband owns a tent cot and as a transition, he or I would bravely sleep in the tent cot in her room until she kicked us out for snoring. A tent cot, for those who don't know, is a cot with a solid tent over it for privacy.

You could try fake snoring if you don't snore naturally. Just a thought.

starling&diesel 07-22-2014 08:26 PM

What about you joining him in his room for a while and see how that goes? You could tell yourself that it's for ____ amount of time, ie. we're doing this with our 5yo right now. I'm thinking one of us will be in with her for 4-6 months, knowing her, but that we'll slowly start returning to our own bed for increasingly longer portions of the night. How far away is your room from his? If it's down the hall, then be sure to have really good night lights to mark the way. Our room is up a flight of stairs, which is why I think it will take longer.
What about audio books? Our DD listens to audio stories until she falls asleep. She cannot fall asleep without them. We also have a bright nightlight, and fairy lights. We also give her Calms Forte, a homeopathic that might help your son. I just mentioned it in another thread, but I promise that I'm not trying to up-sell them in any way. Also (I mentioned this in another thread) physically wearing him out might help him fall asleep more easily and stay asleep more easily ... what about going swimming after dinner? Or for a run? Or a bike ride? Or some wii thing? Whatever might tucker him out.

hillymum 09-04-2014 11:47 AM

My 10 year old has a lot of emotional issues as well as ADHD. He was attached from the very moment he was born, as in I was the only person who could hold him without him crying, and if I was more than 2 foot away he would start crying. He co slept with me from day 1. In the last 4 months we have managed a couple of nights where he stayed in his room all night. He has even done 3 full overnights at a very good friends home. He will sneak back into my bed at some point during he night though.

I hate doing it as I already have major sleep issues myself, but I am going to have to actually get up and tuck him back into his own bed, and keep doing it throughout the night, for as many nights as it takes, until he gets back to sleeping in his own bed.

I do this, then he spends a weekend at his dads and I am back to stage one again. Frustrating to say the least!

Good luck!


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