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I NEED to do more...

608 views 6 replies 5 participants last post by  Polliwog 
#1 ·
October 20th my daughter was diagnosed with autism. She turned two on Thanksgiving (11/27). She's doing ABA therapy 3 hrs a week. I did a speech eval with her and I'm in the process of setting that up. My mom's friend owns a pre-school and she's going to start three days a week in January. She'll be the youngest in the class so she can mimic the older children and they aren't going to let her get away with anything. (She's super smart and if you let her do something once she will believe it's her right to do it again and again.) She knows most of her letters. Counts to ten. Says up and cat (the cat died last Saturday so that's been hard she keeps asking for him) and she is the most beautiful thing ever. I have pecs everywhere. She points and shakes her head no. She's only eating baby food, but we are working on that and she makes great eye contact. She uses the iPad like a pro. Her play is "limited" and she's "non-compliant" and she doesn't talk. I've cut my work hours down to one day a week. I'm home with her and I'm on top of her and we are doing everything the therapist says to do.

I feel like I need to be doing more.

I just don't know what. I know this is a life long thing...I get that, but I need her to speak to me. I need to hear mama come out of her mouth. Our son is five and in VPK and the poor kid is having a hard time because I am SO focused on her. I still feel like I'm not doing enough for her. Like I'm missing something. I get the speech thing will come everyone says it will, but...All I want for Christmas is for her to talk. I know that's selfish of me. She's healthy I should be happy, but I just want to hear her speak to me.

I'm probably crazy.
 
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#2 ·
Counts to ten. Says up and cat ..... and she doesn't talk.

I need her to speak to me. I need to hear mama come out of her mouth.
I don't understand what is going on with her speech. It sounds like she does talk, but that he speech is very limited. Is that right?

As far as needing to hear mama come out of her mouth, for me, there have been a series of heartbreaks in raising my DD, who is also on the autism spectrum. At times, I've grieved for what will never be. May be giving yourself some space to really process this and grieve it would help.

However, when my DD was 2, she had no understandable speech. Your DD is only 2 and 1 month. That's so young. It's way too young to feel that this isn't going to happen.

At 2, my daughter hadn't said mama yet, but now she can say anything she wants to, and that's included, "Mommy, I love you." "Mommy, is there anything I can do to help?" "You can't make me." And every parent's favorite, "But I like my room this way."

As far as helping your DD, it sounds like you are on the right track. My advice -- spend some time with your other child. Take pictures of BOTH your kids. Enjoy their childhoods. If I could go back and do it again, I would have done all the therapies and stuff, but I would have been more relaxed about it and enjoyed my kids more. I was always so stressed and freaked out, that it some ways, I feel like I kinda missed a lot of their childhoods even though I was physically there.

This is Christmas week, and it is the ONLY Christmas you get when them being 2 and 5. Make the most of it.
 
#4 ·
@Linda

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that I guess. There are days she doesn't say a word. There are days I can coax Up and Cat out of her. When I say she doesn't talk I mean she doesn't talk on her own. Not like other kids. You have to say to her "Now say up. Up." And you've got a 50/50 shot of her saying up. When she says up she gets picked up when she doesn't she has to walk. I can't wait to argue with my daughter about her room. :)
@seirra I hadn't heard of it. I'll look it up. Thanks!
 
#3 ·
Hugs mama! There is a great book written by Sally Rogers called "an early start for your child with autism". Maybe you're familiar with it....It has a lot of activities that can help build social strength, leading to improved communication skills including language.
 
#5 ·
I understand better what is happening. It isn't true to say she doesn't talk, and when speaking to others, try to be precise because it is helpful to people who work with her.


One odd side benefit of raising a special needs kid is truly enjoying completely normal things that annoy other parents, like discussing why a tidier bedroom would be good. Sometimes my response to things is completely different than the other mom's. When my DD got her drivers license, we were over the top with joy, because we never took it for granted that she would be able to learn to drive.
 
#6 ·
I'm home with her and I'm on top of her and we are doing everything the therapist says to do.

I feel like I need to be doing more.

I just don't know what.
Whew, mama, that's a lot. I think what you need to do is step back for a few minutes, look at what you just told us, and realize that it's AMAZING that your DD not only has a diagnosis, but is getting services at the age of barely 2. You are on top of it. It IS a life long thing but she is on the road to getting the best treatment, and you ARE doing enough right now. Take some deep breaths and go do something fun with both your kids.

My only suggestion is to contact your Early Intervention or Birth-to-Three program and ask for an evaluation, if you haven't already. Your DD will probably qualify for a lot of services through them, probably PT, OT, Speech therapy to supplement what you're doing privately. They may offer a preschool/group therapy program as well. Both my children attended the therapy preschool at our local EI around age 2, and it was a lovely experience for both my special needs child and my no-known-needs child. Of course, not every program will be the same, but it's worth checking out!
 
#7 ·
Try and relax. Enjoy your kids and try not to make their whole lives a therapy session.

As a current preschool teacher, and former early childhood education specialist, I question putting your toddler in a class of older children. A high quality toddler program seems more developmentally appropriate.
 
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