how can i support this mama? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-20-2004, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
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my childhood neighbor, who i grew up with and who lived right next door from the time i was 2 till the time i was 17, is going thru tough times...

her ds, who i think is about 4 or 5 (???) was born with a brain condition - i can't remember what - he has really bad seizures, to the point where he has to wear a helmet all the time, plus they have damaged his motor skills and speech, and has to take all these medications and has had operations but his seizures are only getting worse, and he may have to get an operation which could leave him paralyzed, if i understand correctly...


she just sent out some letters asking for prayers. she is a very devout christian; i am not, so i cannot offer prayers, but i can offer good vibes and i do want to help.

altho we grew up together we were not close friends after puberty. she now lives in another state. i haven't seen her in years... the last time i saw her was at her brother's funeral... this family has been thru hard times.

any ideas of how i can support her?

she mentioned in her letter her back is killing her from picking him up all the time. so i thought, i wonder if she's ever tried a sling? she also has a younger dd, maybe a year or so old? but then i thought, that might be really obnoxious - here i am, havent' been in touch in years and have only been a parent for a few months, much less trying to parent under the circumstances she is dealling w/, and all of a sudden i show up w/ my hippy-dippy ideas, trying to tell her how she should parent.

i just can't imagine what she is going thru. would really appreciate your thoughts/ideas. even if it's only suggestions of what NOT to say. tia.
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#2 of 4 Old 05-20-2004, 12:42 PM
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It's so hard to say what would be appreciated by another parent. I woudl say write her a nice leter, tell her that you are keeping her family in your thoguhts, and ask if there is anything that you can do for them.
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#3 of 4 Old 05-20-2004, 03:58 PM
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I agree. It sounds like she's just asking for support -- prayers, good thoughts, and good vibes are all appropriate. I wouldn't offer suggestions, though. If her son is 4 or 5, she's been on the special needs journey long enough to find basic suggestions from outsiders obnoxious, even if well-meant. I love my sister-in-law to pieces, and she knows me pretty well, but whenever she makes a suggestion, it just shows me how impossible it is for us to bridge the gap between "normal" parenting and our situation.

You're a good person for caring, and well-wishes are always welcome.

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#4 of 4 Old 05-22-2004, 09:40 PM
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You could also make a donation to a foundation that's doing research on his condition. It kind of sounds like he has epilepsy (which my ds was just diagnosed with), but you might want to make sure he doesn't have some underlying issue. You can also send them gift certificates to healthy quick restaurants or even to local stores as I would guess that they're both strapped for time and dollars.

As for the sling, a 4-5 yo is getting pretty heavy at least to me.

So nice of you to be thinking of her...


Angie, Mama to Finn (6/01) and Theo (4/05)
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