I'm at a loss on how to help my son
I have also posted this in the toddler forum. is that agaisnt any rules?
So first of all a little background. I am a single mom with two boys, my oldest will soon be 5, and my youngest will soon be 3. Their father was an abusive man, I suffered many years through this, when it started happening to my son was the end of it. My oldest has his own set of problems because of the man, such as hoarding food, night terrors, claustrophobia.
The problems I'm having are with my youngest, who has never spent any time alone with his father (I left just as I found out I was pregnant)
My Youngest, D, has a slew of behavioral problems that I dont know how to handle anymore. We were "encouraged" to leave daycare, there are very few people who can handle babysitting him for more than an hour or so.
D, on a good day is sweet and loving, curious and extremely adventurous. Unfortunately our good days are few and far between, and can turn into a bad day in an instant.
Because I am a single mom I have taken parenting courses and had a member of our local health unit coming in every week for a year to help me become the best mom I can be, as well as teaching me all about raising children.
With all of this information at my fingertips, I have exhausted my resources.
He has extreme emotional outbursts that result in him kicking, biting, pinching, hitting himself and others. These outbursts can last up to 40 mins and can be triggered by discipline(we use time outs in my house), change in schedule or routine, too many people, loud noises, separation anxiety, or at times seem to have no trigger at all(these times I assume he's just tired).
These outbursts have always been there, although his experience in daycare, as well as the extreme violence towards himself an others have really sparked questions considering he's at the age where he should be past most of these issues.
As well as these outbursts sleep is scarce. He can take an hour just to fall asleep, and wakes up every 3 hours... To which both his brother and I suffer as well.
Because of these problems, I have reached out to our nurse practitioner for help. She sent us to a behavioral specialist in Ottawa. I was told to give him melatonin at night (he will sleep for 3 hours and wake up, and cannot fall back asleep for hours). The doctor wanted to give him ritalin (I refused. He's barely 3!).
Out of this appointment the doctor confirmed he has a slight speech impediment, and major behavioral problems. He offered no insight or ideas. I was told that he cant help me because he only deals with medication, and if i choose not to medicate I should consider foster care if I can't handle him. His words were "figure out how to survive"
The thing is, I don't want to medicate my baby, and I don't want to just survive. I want to help him learn how to control himself. I'm afraid that he will be refused from school next September because of these problems, specifically that he is still not potty trained (not for lack of trying for the last 6 months) and his separation and social anxiety cause him to attack other people.
Other parents with autistic children have suggested to have him tested for autism(after observing him).
Things we have tried to avoid or calm meltdowns:
none of these help until he is naturally coming out of the fit.