DS (9) is half way through fourth grade. He was diagnosed (finally) with PDD NOS, which is an ASD, just over a year ago (by a developmental pediatrician, which I then had confirmed by a second in a separate health system). One month later, DH left, which opened up a whole other battle front. DS has been struggling in school since K, well since PreK, and has been struggling with anxiety, sensory issues, developmental delays, ADD, and social communication disorder in one form or another since birth really. He is in mainstream classes. He hates school. His grades are all over the map, usually half failing and half at Bs and Cs, his behavior is all over the map- he spends lots of time in ISS. I started him on Zoloft last year which helped control his anxiety and he really made a lot of headway socially and even joined two sports and participated well on the teams. I recently started him on Concerta for the ADD and it has helped him enormously behaviorally at school. He has been attending OT privately out of town for nearly two years to deal with sensory processing disorder as well as physical difficulties such as low tone and hyperextension/underdeveloped tendons in his hands which makes his handwriting and other fine motor skills a painful chore. He has been seeing an IC for over two years to help with emotional reactivity and social skills as well as interfamilial relationships. The school has been abysmal. We have been to FIVE child study meetings, teacher requested, at least yearly since first grade, and at this fifth one they finally decided to do testing. We have the eligibility meeting set for next week and I have the sinking feeling that they will deny him an IEP or any services to help him succeed in school. I thought that TDT (transitional day therapy) that is in place at the school through a private company might help him but was told that it is only available to students with medicaid unless there is a court order so I went through a several months long process of filing a CHINS petition through the family court and pleading my case at a FAPT hearing before a group of professionals to be granted several hours of in-home intensive therapy and also TDT help for him at school each week through an independent organization. Did I mention I am an educator? I have bookshelves full of parenting books, books about PDD, behavioral fixes, ASD at school, ASD at home, gentle parenting, explosive child, sensitive child, fussy child, dietary books, DSM IV, psychiatric medications for kids, I've printed, bookmarked, and read everything I can find on the IEP process and yet when I get into those mad hatter's tea party meetings I am quickly dismissed, talked over, talked around, and talked down to and quickly made to understand that I clearly have no idea what the hell is going on. The principal had the audacity to advise that we need to take a firm hand with DS and spanking never hurt her children and I feel absolutely torn apart at these meetings and so at the mercy of these persons that should I misspeak or invoke someones ire they may deny help to my son from spite. I feel like no matter how much I try to learn and how much I try to prepare and speak up and be assertive and how much money and time and energy and years I throw at this I will always come up short- like some sitcom bumpkin coming in to court trying to represent herself.
My son is falling through the cracks. The family support specialist observing the class for his functional behavioral assessment remarked "I never saw any behavioral problems, what I saw was spectrum behaviors and lagging organizational and executive function skills. The teacher would direct the class to put away their math and get ready for social science, he got out the science folder and was corrected. He got the proper folder and joined his small group and forgot his pencil, retrieved it, then realized they had all pulled up chairs and he didn't have a place to sit..." its kind of heartbreaking for me to hear this, to imagine this level of difficulty at completing the simplest task and the social stigma attached and then also getting the teacher's irritation...and should he show frustration at any point with this...principal's office, again.
I daydream of finding a job near a better school system and/or private schools that might be a better fit for him, selling our home, moving away and trying to find something lower cost of living. Uprooting my little family after DH left though seems unkind, DS is so close to his friends in this neighborhood; the social connections here are what gave the DP pause in diagnosing him as classic autism. My roots here are not deep, I have no family here but the support network I have is something at least, which is certainly better than nothing. I don't know how I would ever find time to make any friend again as a single working mom of two active boys, one of whom is special needs. I have a village for DS, professionals who I feel are skilled, kind, and have his best interests at heart...I just need to get the school on board somehow.
Thanks, I know this was long and meandering and possibly venty. I am just overwhelmed and feel so small in the face of such adversity.
My son is falling through the cracks. The family support specialist observing the class for his functional behavioral assessment remarked "I never saw any behavioral problems, what I saw was spectrum behaviors and lagging organizational and executive function skills. The teacher would direct the class to put away their math and get ready for social science, he got out the science folder and was corrected. He got the proper folder and joined his small group and forgot his pencil, retrieved it, then realized they had all pulled up chairs and he didn't have a place to sit..." its kind of heartbreaking for me to hear this, to imagine this level of difficulty at completing the simplest task and the social stigma attached and then also getting the teacher's irritation...and should he show frustration at any point with this...principal's office, again.
I daydream of finding a job near a better school system and/or private schools that might be a better fit for him, selling our home, moving away and trying to find something lower cost of living. Uprooting my little family after DH left though seems unkind, DS is so close to his friends in this neighborhood; the social connections here are what gave the DP pause in diagnosing him as classic autism. My roots here are not deep, I have no family here but the support network I have is something at least, which is certainly better than nothing. I don't know how I would ever find time to make any friend again as a single working mom of two active boys, one of whom is special needs. I have a village for DS, professionals who I feel are skilled, kind, and have his best interests at heart...I just need to get the school on board somehow.
Thanks, I know this was long and meandering and possibly venty. I am just overwhelmed and feel so small in the face of such adversity.