Parents of special needs adults? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 7 Old 05-04-2016, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Parents of special needs adults?

My middle child, now 20, has always been "quirky" and sensitive. She was diagnosed with ADD in elementary school, then I pulled her out and homeschooled her for several years rather than go through the special Ed process at public school, and pin her down with more diagnoses that might limit her .

At age 19 she self diagnosed herself with autism. Obviously, she's high functioning or she would have been diagnosed much younger. She's also figured out some other issues that may or may not be related to the autism, such as sensory issues that have interfered with tooth brushing until very recently. She's regularly flossing and brushing now (with no toothpaste or a safe to swallow baby toothpaste) but still needs 4 root canals and a few more fillings after a few years if not brushing at all.

I'm just getting so sick of dealing with her sometimes. Today she didn't go to school because none of her shoes were comfortable. The semester ends in less than two weeks and its not at all certain that she's passing all her classes.

I have my own health challenges; fibromyalgia, recurrent depression, and a heart condition that's yet to be fully diagnosed and is completely wiping me out. I need her help around the house and I don't consistently get it.

I'm tired and frustrated and overwhelmed.
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#2 of 7 Old 05-04-2016, 10:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
At age 19 she self diagnosed herself with autism. Obviously, she's high functioning or she would have been diagnosed much younger. She's also figured out some other issues that may or may not be related to the autism, such as sensory issues that have interfered with tooth brushing until very recently. ...
I'm tired and frustrated and overwhelmed.


The sensory issues are definitely related to autism. Autism generally presents differently in girls than is boys, and is widely believes to be underdiagnosed in females.


I'm sorry that you are tired and frustrated and overwhelmed. I have a young adult DD with autism as well, and I'm concerned about her grades. We went shoe shopping last weekend, which is a big thing because she considers very few shoes to be wearable.


I don't have any advice or anything.

but everything has pros and consĀ  shrug.gif

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#3 of 7 Old 08-08-2016, 07:19 AM
 
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I am sorry your child is having difficulty with oral care. One way to avoid future dental problems is to minimize any "food reward" for behavior. For example: "If you do this or that...you will get candy"
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#4 of 7 Old 09-15-2016, 09:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am sorry your child is having difficulty with oral care. One way to avoid future dental problems is to minimize any "food reward" for behavior. For example: "If you do this or that...you will get candy"
I never, EVER did any of that- with the possible exception of using m &ms for potty training when she was 3 (which worked for her NT sister but not for her.)

The insane amount of dental work is nearly done, and she's since developed new oral hygiene habits. She flosses her teeth and does oil pulling every day. I'm not sure if she's brushing as regularly, though she does have a toothbrush. I'm not sure if she's using the "safe to swallow baby toothpaste" or no toothpaste at all.

She's still a very frustrating person to live with.

Ruth, single mommy to 3 quasi-adults
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#5 of 7 Old 09-20-2016, 09:31 PM
 
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Hi Ruthla,

I don't have any advice, just sympathy. My 21 y.o. daughter is at home and has her own significant physiological challenges. Hugs to you.

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#6 of 7 Old 12-28-2016, 10:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
My middle child, now 20, has always been "quirky" and sensitive. She was diagnosed with ADD in elementary school, then I pulled her out and homeschooled her for several years rather than go through the special Ed process at public school, and pin her down with more diagnoses that might limit her .

At age 19 she self diagnosed herself with autism. Obviously, she's high functioning or she would have been diagnosed much younger. She's also figured out some other issues that may or may not be related to the autism, such as sensory issues that have interfered with tooth brushing until very recently. She's regularly flossing and brushing now (with no toothpaste or a safe to swallow baby toothpaste) but still needs 4 root canals and a few more fillings after a few years if not brushing at all.

I'm just getting so sick of dealing with her sometimes. Today she didn't go to school because none of her shoes were comfortable. The semester ends in less than two weeks and its not at all certain that she's passing all her classes.

I have my own health challenges; fibromyalgia, recurrent depression, and a heart condition that's yet to be fully diagnosed and is completely wiping me out. I need her help around the house and I don't consistently get it.

I'm tired and frustrated and overwhelmed.
Hey, i empathize with your situation. Handling an ADD or autistic child is very challenging. Hang in there..i know it is very difficult. I have seen my neighbor struggle with her autistic child. What helped her immensely is having a strong support system in terms of friends and her friends in the church she goes to. Why dont you try to build your support system? All will be well..keep the faith!
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#7 of 7 Old 12-29-2016, 07:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She's been doing OK lately,and is planning to move out next month. She's just finished her Associate's Degree and is taking a break from school. She did manage to pass all her classes in the Spring semester, and then took summer classes, and then took a test last week to get her final 3 credits.

I'm having a lot of problems with my 15 year old right now, and my stress levels have been through the roof. She feels that getting away from the stress here may help her move forward. Also, her big sister is still unmarried and doesn't currently have a roommate, so she can move in with her sister and leave her bedroom set up here "just in case." And Leah's been managing the rent all by herself, so if Hannah can't find a job quickly, there's not SO much pressure about it.

It seems to her like a well-supported way to try and move forward towards independence, and while she doesn't quite feel ready, she's not sure she'll be any "readier" in a year or two, so why wait?

Meanwhile, dealing with a depressed 15 year old boy who refuses to go to school is a challenge all in itself.

Ruth, single mommy to 3 quasi-adults
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