Parenting Kids with Special Challenges - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Would you like to see a forum devoted to those dealing with special challenges?
YES I am a person/ parent dealing with special challenges 26 39.39%
NO I am a person/parent dealing with special challenges 4 6.06%
YES I am NOT a person/parent dealing with special challenges 30 45.45%
NO I am NOT a person/parent delaing with special challenges 6 9.09%
Voters: 66. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-21-2002, 12:35 PM
 
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My 20 month old foster son is developmentally delayed, mainly due to neglect, both pre and post natal, but I don't really think of him as special needs yet (even though he has a therapist come regularly!

I must admit, I would like a clear diagnosis of what ails him, but his ped. is an idiot.
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Old 06-21-2002, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know how many people check posts just by forum, when I log in I check all new posts- it brings up every thread that hs ben recently replied to regardless of forum.
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Old 06-27-2002, 12:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Irishmommy I would forget the ped (most are idiots when it comes to delays) and find a specialist in your area.
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Old 06-27-2002, 03:58 PM
 
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My children are special to me but don't have any "special needs". But I have a 4 year old brother born with Downs. He's been through so much. He had open heart surgery at 4 months.

He is one of the coolest kids I know. He has great teachers and physical therapists but any info and support that I could find would be awesome. Anything to help me be a better big sister! Plus I'm sure that my parents would love to take advantage of this too!

Peace
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Old 06-27-2002, 09:55 PM
 
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I have worked with children with special needs and their families for years. Also, my mother is disabled. I feel their needs to be a very visable forum to facilitate discussion. Sadly, our society still shuns people with disabilites and discussion is often discouraged. If you read back through many of the posts in this thread and replace the word "disability" or "special needs" with any other minority (racial, ethnic, sexual orientation, or whatever) you will see how people with special needs are still marginalized. I
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Old 06-28-2002, 08:35 PM
 
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Hi

my son has a heart defekt, not that bad anymore but it was quite a challange at the time.

does it count?

I am from germany and writing english is not so easy for me
( quite a challange ), i am better with the reading part.

But i will try.


Love Gudrun
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Old 06-28-2002, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Gundrun it definately does count!
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Old 08-01-2002, 12:01 PM
 
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I vote yes!
Although I don't feel my son is special needs I suppose some people do . He was born missing most of his left hand. I think physically it will only cause small delays(learning to tie shoes, button buttons,etc.) so far it hasn't caused any. He can do everything any other two year old can. BUT I fear that socially it might be an issue. I worry about him being teased and all that stuff, which can be so devistating. Instead of crying(which I am sure I will do)I want to be a strong mama so I can deal with these situations in a way that keeps my son confident about who he is. I would love to be able to chat with others about this and offer any support I can to those who need it.

Happily married : to my wonderful DH and mama to my sweet 's 4/00 and 10/08
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Old 05-04-2003, 10:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Els' 3 Ones
I want them to know that you can do AP parenting of special needs kids.
I feel disability has been set aside from society for too long and I don't want to be set aside here.
This really stood out to me, because a huge issue for me, before my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, is that AP didn't seem to be working for me. I did it all "right" and I was getting so frustrated with the results/lack thereof in my relationship with my son. So I feel that without a formal acknowledgement of the ways handicaps can affect the parent-child relationship, then I would be marginalized: I would be excepted from threads on the basis that what works for others doesn't work for us. To find a space here that speaks to "we understand not fitting" would be a relief for me!
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Old 05-04-2003, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey! We now HAVE a Special Needs sub-board in the Parenting Challenges area. It's hard to find unles you know it's there. Just go to the main menu and click on Parenting- the sub-boards come up i na list then.
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Old 05-06-2003, 01:28 PM
 
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i think it's awesome that we have whatever we do have for discussing special needs here on the mothering boards. i think there is hesistation or lack of response because (from my experience) there isn't much visible support in the ap community for special needs. i didn't know my daughter had down syndrome until she was born. before that i was a regular writer to 'i'm pregnant!' but when i came home i didn't feel that there was a place for me on these boards anymore. there wasn't any talk about what could happen and at worst there was some negative talk about fears of a 'defective baby'.

that's why i was SO elated to see a special needs forum here. but i had to stumble upon it. for that reason i totally agree with el who said if 'special needs' was next to 'real life with a toddler' it'd be beneficial. i mean 'queer parenting' is a category that i'd never have been exposed to if it wasn't along side everyone else.

also, i think it's fantastic that there is a special needs section in fiding your tribe. great idea and again i'm so thankful for the recognition.

~sb
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Old 05-19-2003, 05:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shulammite
This really stood out to me, because a huge issue for me, before my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, is that AP didn't seem to be working for me. I did it all "right" and I was getting so frustrated with the results/lack thereof in my relationship with my son.
Yes. This has been my experience with my 15 year old foster/adoptive son. I do a lot of things with him that I wouldn't do if he didn't have the needs he has, and I would have to characterize a lot of our approach with him as "tough love" rather than AP as it is usually defined. It seems our relationship with him was much worse when we didn't recognize that all the skills we had for building a solid relationship (AP) were of diminished value if we didn't address that the form of expression for those skills would be very different given our son's needs. We are still following his lead and meeting him where he is, rather than some notion of where he "should" be. We have not abandoned any of the basics of attached, loving parenting. It's just that totally different form. Am I making any sense?

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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Old 05-19-2003, 10:44 AM
 
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Possibly people find it difficult because the special needs are all so different?

I would love a place to discuss challenges. My son has CF, and I'm just adjusting bc it's a new diagnosis. I need support and love to give it too!
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Old 05-31-2003, 06:27 PM
 
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This hasn't been addressed yet, to the best of my knowledge, but I am the parent of a special needs kid -- she's 2.5, but it's pretty obvious that she's different.

I was just browsing the message board for her birthday month and year, and all the other moms are bragging joyfully and wonderfully about their kids' achievements -- learning colors, counting to 10, beginning to potty train -- and I feel as if I can't contribute anymore because I'm sure they would think I was bragging or trying to put their own kids' achievements down. They're nice people, so of course I don't want to do that.

Moreover, the reactions I have received from friends and relatives to our dd's achievements have been rather hostile and suspicious.

Rather than being supportive, they've referred to her as a "monster" we are somehow "creating" (the implication being that we must surely duct-tape her to a potty chair until she spits out what the chief export of Albania is, or whatever) , and we've also heard the BS about how "all kids even out by third grade" and "why won't you let her be a child?" (although we have explained it's not a matter of "letting" her "be" anything other than who or what SHE wants to be).

In short, I've begun to feel kind've excluded from friends and family other than giving the usual generic updates on the phone about how she's fine, she's growing, she loves riding a trike, et cetera. Moreover, I've begun to wonder whether or not I'd have a lot in common with moms of other special kids -- probably many of whom have to deal with some of the same irritating cr*p. So yeah, I'd like a special board. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 06-01-2003, 02:34 AM
 
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Just realized that this thread has been revived. I'm not clear on what is being asked here....if anyone has any requests could you PM me? Thanks.

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Old 06-01-2003, 05:06 PM
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Mariah (Piglet68) directed me to this thread which was started last year and has been posted to again recently and therefore risen to the top of the forum. I'm going to close it as there's no need for the poll or discussion anymore. We now have a separate forum for Special Needs as a subforum in the Parenting Issues board. When you click on Parenting Issues from the main page you will then see the Special Needs Parenting forum at the top. Just click again on it and you will enter the Special Needs Parenting forum.

Another explanation for something that may still be of concern to some of you. Why is it a sub-forum rather than a main forum? It's a space issue. We get many requests for specialized topics such as Special Needs Parenting. Rather than increase the length of the main page, which would entail a long scroll, we prefer keeping main categories with their main topic boards on the main page and placing special topics into the main topic boards that they fit into. In this case Special Needs Parenting fits into Parenting Issues quite nicely.

But yes, I know that it makes it sort of hidden from view. And I did say that I was working on a setup that would show the subforums as titled hyperlinks on the main page (in a way that wouldn't expand the length of the homepage). But I have delayed doing this because it involves a hack of the system code, and to hack it now (which is a bit of work to do) entails having to do it all over again when we upgrade to the new version of vBulletin which is rumored to be soon released. So I'm trying to hold off on any hacks until after the upgrade. I hope everyone can be understanding and bear with me until then.

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