Thank you for that additional input. That kind of shifts the way I was looking at all of this a bit.
We have had our own private OT and Behavior MD for Bean becasue when we first went the route of the school (AEA) they were so heartbreakingly mean to me on the phone and told me that they didn't deal with children "like mine" there (this was when fecal play was a major issue).
Well, I have since learned that the person who told me that was not only mean, but flat out wrong. They do indeed and I further found a woman within the AEA who was very kind and supportive, but I found the people I hired privately to be much more interested in helping my daughter and in helping me to educate myself too. The AEA, while well intentioned, was not used to her case and kind of floundering to help us when we did get into it.
Anyway, my point is I would prefer sticking with our private sources and not the public school. It is expensive, but if it brings us all happiness and peace of mind on a daily basis. If it prevents the "fight"...well then we just need to find a way and make it work.
I think that this is confirming for me the choices we have already made, but start to question when time goes by.
Here I have wonderful OT and a behavior MD my dd loves. Both kind and helpful. We have implemented a diet that has turned her around 100%! We have put her in a private school that bends over backward to meet her needs in any way I ask.
When time goes by I forget why we chose these things. Because of that, I look at the price tag and start to think... maybe I should just scrap all of this and toss her in public school...after all, she is doing so much better and look how many children are in public school and doing great....
But then when I remember why we are where we are and how great she is doing...well then I feel silly for thinking about trying to save money on this area of our lives.
And dh wants me to homeschool her, but everyone I have ever talked to (MDs, Behavior, OT, Pyscologists, you name it) has always stood firm that social interaction on a regular basis was so important for my dd in particular to keep her from withdrawing again or more.
To teach her the daily skills of interacting in a kind environment.
And while I am babbeling, I have to share this story (about kind environment).
Last year my daughter still had accidents fairly often at school. She would have bms in her clothing and would be embarassed, not want to tell anyone. Now the children in the class were ALWAYS kind to her and never once made fun of her for smelling funny, or having to be helped to get cleaned up or anything else. The kids are so nice in that school, and it has been such a blessing.
I remember that child in school who had accidents and was excluded, made fun of, emotionally tortured. There is no way I would send my bean through that even once.
I ramble. This is all difficult for me to feel like I know what is best all the time.
Thank you for sharing your stories and opinions. It really helps. I will talk to our local schools (public) as well and see if I can get a feel (but I know their classes have about 10 children more per teacher, so that off the bat makes me hesitant).
Thank you mamas