Should I have him evaluated? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-29-2005, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
lexbeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
Posts: 5,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Mamas,

I'm hoping someone can help me out. My ds will be three in February, and I'm considering having him evaluated by a pediatric psychologist. I've thought about doing this on and off for about a year, but always when I decide to do it, he'll suddenly seem so fine that I put it off. I just don't know if his issues are normal toddler issues or if there is something more going on.

His main issue is anxiety. When he was younger, he was afraid of rain and thunder, but to the extent that he would resist going outside on a sunny day because "it MIGHT rain." If an airplane passed overhead, he would start crying and clinging to me, saying we needed to get inside before it rained. The funny part was that if it was actually raining, he usually had no issues with going out to play in the rain. . . anyway, that fear passed, and he's no longer worried about rain or thunder. Similarly, he had a china tea set that broke. He wasn't that upset when it actually broke, but he is always talking about how he wants to get a new set and "just leave it in the box so it can't break." He hates balloons because "they might go up in the sky," and when people do give him a balloon, he freaks out until we DO let it go up in the sky, which brings him total relief. So, most of his worry is about things that MIGHT happen, not things that are actually happening.

He's very perceptive and seems to always know exactly what we're talking about it, and often he finds a reason to worry about what we're talking about. He is usually easily calmed by us reassuring him that he is safe.

The main problem lately is that he's really worried about his shoes getting dirty. We are not clean freaks by any means, and encourage our kids to get dirty, and we get dirty, and we just don't know where this is coming from. He sometimes refuses to walk outside (and sometimes he's just totally fine with it). By refuses I mean that if I don't give in and carry him, he will throw himself on the ground, kicking and screaming. Sometimes he will agree to walk, but every ten feet or so will sit down and check the soles of his shoes and wipe them with his hands. . . it's very peculiar. We've been trying not to make a big deal out of it. We just say, "shoes are supposed to get dirty, they love to get dirty, and if you're worried about how dirty they get, we can always wash them when we get home."

In general, he's a pretty intense kid. He often seems like he knows too much for his age. He is not carefree at all (like his twin brother is). He can be really high needs, particular about EVERYTHING all day, and then have a day of not caring what he wears or what music is playing or anything. It's so confusing.

He's really good at playing with his brother, but doesn't really play with other kids. This could just be because he is shy, which he definitely is (and I was too as a kid).

If anyone has any insight, I'd really appreciate your help!

Thanks!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
lexbeach is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-29-2005, 05:39 PM
 
peekyboo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: crocheting a new tinfoil hat
Posts: 1,971
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It couldn't hurt to take him to a pediatric psych and have a little evaluation done. He does sound intense, and maybe you can get tips on how to deal with it all. My oldest was - and still is to a degree - an intense kid. My mother once said he reminded her of the kid in "The Sixth Sense" - only without the "seeing dead people" part Part of his intensity was that he understood things that no 4 year old should understand but was too immature to process it, so it made the world a little more stressful place for him. Once we figured out the cause of his stress and explained it to him, he was fine and didn't have issues again or if he did, could talk himself through it. With age, this has lessened, probably b/c he's gaining the maturity needed to understand things.

One book that really helped me out was "Raising the High Spirited Child" (or something like that). It's like they took my ds and used him as the poster child for many of the situations, lol! I picked it up at Barnes and Noble, so it's pretty accessible everywhere.

Good luck!
peekyboo is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
lexbeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
Posts: 5,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the advice! I will definitely pick up a copy of that book; I've been meaning to read it for a while now. It is reassuring to think that some of this stuff may lessen with age and maturity. At this point it is so hard to imagine him functioning as an older kid.

Any other input?

TIA!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
lexbeach is offline  
Old 11-29-2005, 11:35 PM
 
Tracy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: "It's Chinatown, Jake"
Posts: 11,702
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My only tiny suggestion is if you go for an evaluation...do it out of pocket.... I am very, very, very reticent for any label to be attached to my ds and especially when it comes to insurance.... imagine if what your ds is going through right now softens with time and later down the road you try to get insurance for him and they ask was he ever diagnosed with one of the following..(laundry list to follow)?

god knows how so many of these labels now flying out peds/therapists/etc doors left and right are going to impact our little ones later? I predict car insurance for boys who got diagnosed with ADD when they were 4 but it softened or they out grew the behaviors by the time they were 8---will hurt them when they are 18....

anyway my feeling is, I'll let a label get attached out there...when I'm ready. if you know what I mean.

good luck..and truthfully your son sounds very, very bright to me. And bright ones vibrate differently.. I should know I've got a bright vibrating son next to me.

Check out New Moon on my Astrology Site

http://tracyastrosalon.blogspot.com/

 

Tracy is offline  
Old 11-30-2005, 12:29 AM
 
peekyboo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: crocheting a new tinfoil hat
Posts: 1,971
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lexbeach
Thanks for the advice! I will definitely pick up a copy of that book; I've been meaning to read it for a while now. It is reassuring to think that some of this stuff may lessen with age and maturity. At this point it is so hard to imagine him functioning as an older kid.

Any other input?

TIA!

Lex
Like the other poster said, it could just be he's so bright. My oldest is a bright kid. And he was very much like my younger brother (also really smart) was when he was a kid - which is probably why it didn't occur to me that my ds Collin was quirky in any way b/c he's like a clone of my brother, lol! To me, it was normal.

It really was the worst between the ages of 4 and 6. Kindergarten was interesting - luckily, he had a teacher who saw the child he could be and worked hard with him and me to get him through his social humps. At one point I said "You know, my younger brother was just like this as a kid." the teacher asked "What did your mother do?" I said "Nothing, we had to wait for him to grow out of it, which was about 3rd grade." Collin luckily started growing out of it in 2nd grade. That's when I learned the principal thought he might need to be put in special ed classes back when we had all the issues in kindergarten. I was stunned! No one ever mentioned special ed to me back then...and they're lucky, b/c I would have fought tooth and nail against it. However, apparently I presented myself so well to the school staff and all, and talked about my son with such insight, that instead of labeling him and writing him off, they listened to me and worked with us.

So figuring out your child, what sets him off, what works best in dealing with it, all of that will pay off in the long run.

Oh, and we saw a pediatric psychologist with another child of ours and it was about $250 out of pocket. (To find out she wasn't autistic, which was never in question, I asked for a referral to a neurologist, got one for a developmental ped instead, and ended up there...ah, referrals...)
peekyboo is offline  
Old 12-02-2005, 10:06 AM
 
ShaZaM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Valencia, Spain
Posts: 21
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi there,

I recently read the askdrsears.com section on High Needs Babies and it has put some things into prespective for me. You might want to check it out and see if your baby fits the category. I have a one year old DS who has always been so intense and demanding, but advanced. I thought I might be the one who has made him needy by responding to his every needs... it turns out that I have been doing everything right (for him and me) and that we are not the ONLY ones out there!! It has made me relax a bit and just continue doing what feels natural. I am going to include the link, cuz I think it might help you

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp

Good luck!!

Sharon
ShaZaM is offline  
Old 12-02-2005, 03:58 PM
 
witt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 499
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hi lexbeach
my boy was very similar wouldn;t open car door if it was wet, wouldn;t finger paint etc etc anxious to the max. we had him assessed and he is gifted. do a google on characteristics of gifted children and see if they fit for your son
then i would look at getting him assessed privately if you can
good luck
witt is offline  
Old 12-02-2005, 04:12 PM
 
springbabes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Utah
Posts: 996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He sounds like a perfectly normal Highly Sensitive Child. I have one and the toddler years were extremely difficult. She's 6 now and much easier to deal with. Take this quiz:
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm
Read this book:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076...lance&n=283155


I guarantee you'll feel much better about him .

Cindycaffix.gif, wife to soapbox.gif, mama to DD1 (4/97)lol.gif, DD2 (3/99)bouncy.gif, DS (4/03)biggrinbounce.gif, and DD3 (6/07)energy.gif, 3 cat.gif, and 10 chicken3.gif.
 
springbabes is offline  
Old 12-03-2005, 04:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
lexbeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
Posts: 5,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all the replies!

springbabies: I think you've figured him out! I took the HSC online survey, and 18 out of 23 statements in the survey were true. So, I'm thinking ds probably IS a highly sensitive child. Time to read the book!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
lexbeach is offline  
Old 12-04-2005, 02:00 AM
 
springbabes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Utah
Posts: 996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You're welcome . I'm glad I could help. My DD scored a 17 on the quiz and just to compare, I took the quiz for my other DD and she only scored a 6. (No surprise, I guess--my girls are like day and night.) I know it helped me a lot just having an explanation for why my DD was so difficult. I felt for a long time that I had done something wrong as a mother to give her so much anxiety.

I just did a search and found a this tribe here:
http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...ghly+sensitive

Cindycaffix.gif, wife to soapbox.gif, mama to DD1 (4/97)lol.gif, DD2 (3/99)bouncy.gif, DS (4/03)biggrinbounce.gif, and DD3 (6/07)energy.gif, 3 cat.gif, and 10 chicken3.gif.
 
springbabes is offline  
Old 12-04-2005, 03:42 AM
 
witt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 499
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lex, I still think you should consider the gifted angle, gifted children are HIGHLY sensitive and often socially isolated or don't play as well with their peers. Don't rule it out, do that google search. Your boy sounds like he leans towards gifted to me.
good luck
PS there is also stuff on "indigo children" worth doing a web search on
witt is offline  
Old 12-10-2005, 02:00 AM
 
Shiloh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: listening to kriping churckets
Posts: 6,680
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
anxiety is very common in kids (especially brighter ones) my dd was deathly afraid of umbrellas, fireplaces, christmas/santaclause, costumes or masks of any type...and of course my mother's patio umbrella...

she outgrew it.
a child needs 'control' to conquer a fear, teach your son about the weather reports and empower him. We think its 'normal' for a kid to get dirty, but really why would a kid want to mess up 'his shoes'?

Quote:
gifted children are HIGHLY sensitive and often socially isolated or don't play as well with their peers.
Well I think from experience gifted children socially isolate themselves by choice and do well with peers if you can find them in likes/ablities not just age....

8 might be enough
Shiloh is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off