Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
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I'm hoping someone can help me out. My ds will be three in February, and I'm considering having him evaluated by a pediatric psychologist. I've thought about doing this on and off for about a year, but always when I decide to do it, he'll suddenly seem so fine that I put it off. I just don't know if his issues are normal toddler issues or if there is something more going on.
His main issue is anxiety. When he was younger, he was afraid of rain and thunder, but to the extent that he would resist going outside on a sunny day because "it MIGHT rain." If an airplane passed overhead, he would start crying and clinging to me, saying we needed to get inside before it rained. The funny part was that if it was actually raining, he usually had no issues with going out to play in the rain. . . anyway, that fear passed, and he's no longer worried about rain or thunder. Similarly, he had a china tea set that broke. He wasn't that upset when it actually broke, but he is always talking about how he wants to get a new set and "just leave it in the box so it can't break." He hates balloons because "they might go up in the sky," and when people do give him a balloon, he freaks out until we DO let it go up in the sky, which brings him total relief. So, most of his worry is about things that MIGHT happen, not things that are actually happening.
He's very perceptive and seems to always know exactly what we're talking about it, and often he finds a reason to worry about what we're talking about. He is usually easily calmed by us reassuring him that he is safe.
The main problem lately is that he's really worried about his shoes getting dirty. We are not clean freaks by any means, and encourage our kids to get dirty, and we get dirty, and we just don't know where this is coming from. He sometimes refuses to walk outside (and sometimes he's just totally fine with it). By refuses I mean that if I don't give in and carry him, he will throw himself on the ground, kicking and screaming. Sometimes he will agree to walk, but every ten feet or so will sit down and check the soles of his shoes and wipe them with his hands. . . it's very peculiar. We've been trying not to make a big deal out of it. We just say, "shoes are supposed to get dirty, they love to get dirty, and if you're worried about how dirty they get, we can always wash them when we get home."
In general, he's a pretty intense kid. He often seems like he knows too much for his age. He is not carefree at all (like his twin brother is). He can be really high needs, particular about EVERYTHING all day, and then have a day of not caring what he wears or what music is playing or anything. It's so confusing.
He's really good at playing with his brother, but doesn't really play with other kids. This could just be because he is shy, which he definitely is (and I was too as a kid).
If anyone has any insight, I'd really appreciate your help!
Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.