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#1 of 6 Old 01-27-2003, 06:00 PM
 
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OK
I don't know where to make this question...
My SIL is 26 and has slight mental problems/deficiencies. It's a very long story, but my DP is thinking of asking her to live with us. I have never done any research into her problem, just tried to treat her as any person. She has been mostly "kept inside" for some years, (has finished elementary special school a looong time ago, started secondary on a "normal" school and didn't do very well and dopped out)

She is a sweet girl (though with quite a temper if she feels hurt), my heart warms when she smiles... I am wondering about her posibilities, of becomeing more independant. I just wanted some links to mental development or special people treatment - specially relating with work insertion.

The story is long and messy, I'll just say she had a very difficult childhood; I would like to help her but I'm not sure where to start...

Please, forgive me as English is not my native language an in such a delicate issue I feel specially clumsy with language today. Please, tell me the right words (If you undersatd me, LOL)

Anyway, I would appeciate insight about being around special people.
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#2 of 6 Old 01-27-2003, 07:20 PM
 
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I have no idea what is available in Argentina, but I wanted to send you hugs and warm wishes for the adventure you are about to undertake.
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#3 of 6 Old 01-27-2003, 09:24 PM
 
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I don't really know what is available in Argentina, either- but I did an internet search for Argentina+disabilities and came up with a huge list- although most were in spanish so I don't know exactly what they said.
In the states, people with disabilities can receive social security disability payments, housing subsidies, job training, and other programs to help them out. People with disabilities can live happy and fulfilling lives if they are given the support networks that they need. I think it's wonderful that you want to have her come and live with you- it will be enriching not only for her, but for your whole family as well. Two great movies to watch are The Other Sister, and I Am Sam- very good, realistic portrayals.
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#4 of 6 Old 03-03-2003, 05:20 PM
 
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First of all, thank you both for your prompt answers... I feel a bit inadeqate/not polite for not answering before... hey, Thanks!

A little update: She has been staying the weekends with us for more than a month.
She has started a knitting proyect, bakes cookies, and plays "I see something ... #color#" with DD (2 1/2) I don't know if my expectations were too low, but I feel very happy to see her respond. And as you said, I find I want to bake and start projects as well, I hadn't felt so enthusiastic for a long time.

I am still learning how to treat her as sometimes she is VERY touchy, but I realize Stopping and Listening is often what is needed (like with DD, and any human being, after all...) She is also upset when told "No", but we are working on helping her know that we love her anyway... her disfunctional past shows a LOT, like her stammering and telling you a thousand times "I don't want you to get angry at me" before asking for something...

I love her a lot really... I will watch those movies, than you khrisday. I had heard about My name is Sam, her greatest wish in this earth is to have children and sometimes it makes me really sad... and worried, as now she is totally unprepared and what started our involvement was her "escaping" home at night

Thanks for the good wishes,

Monica
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#5 of 6 Old 03-03-2003, 07:39 PM
 
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Monica,
Thanks for the update. It sounds liek thigns are goign well, so far- that's really nice to hear.
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#6 of 6 Old 03-04-2003, 12:17 PM
 
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Sounds like just what she needs..."to be treated like a person"

IMHO-In my experience it would be to your advantage to consider what situations make her uncomfortable or might trigger "behaviors" that are unacceptable. Be pro-active not reactive. Try to anticipate and avoid or inform her that you are doing something that "just has to be done" (I don't know like maybe she doesn't handle haircuts well) and that she can talk about it before with you, but can't upset. she gets a reward (like watching a movies, doing a puzzle whatever floats her boat) I would also allow her a place (bathroom, bedroom) that she can go when she gets overwhelmed
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