Wow, loaded questions.
My dd was diagnosed developmentally delayed at 3, PDD-NOS at 4 and then Aspergers at 7 (guess the language delay didn't count since she had words, just couldn't use them).
At any rate, she is now 12 (so that is old enough for what you are asking). She is in a full inclusion aspergers middle school program (actually kids with PDD-NOS go to, it is more a ASD support class). She is in all mainstream classes with aide support as needed (shared with another guy or 2) and she goes to the aspergers support class 1 or 2 periods a day for study skills and social skills. Her grades in her academic classes last year ranged from A's to C's with Math being realllllllly close to a D.
I worried if we would have a conversation. She talks my ear off. Often when i am busy doing something else. She has learned many independent skills. She bathes herself, unloads the dishwasher, can do laundry, can cook some simple meals.
She is a fabulous artist, knows more about computers than I do, has everyone on neopets asking her to design them pets, and writes some pretty nice poetry.
It isn't all roses. There are still struggles. To get her to learn the independent skills meant visual checklists and specific ways of teaching. To get her to independently care for grooming has taken contracts, social stories, and visual charts. She only has 1 friend and he is another boy from her AS support class. She has epilepsy now which takes on it's own concerns. She still gets "stuck" and needs help with transitions. Homework can be a literal nightmare and projects, YUCK.
But we have made loads of progress and will continue to. I fully expect her to live independently. To do that I know I will have to have a plan and do alot of work. I know that it will include specifically teaching her how to balance a checkbook, do laundry, etc. I know for a while I will have to go and set up schedules for her and check in and support her so she can. I know I may also need to involve her in some adult support programs to help her learn to live independently but I still think she can.
I already have her involved in volunteer jobs to help her learn job skills.
Mostly, I know I have to really take time to consider all the skills a young adult needs to have to live and I will have to teach each one of those because she won't get it naturally, but once I do teach and monitor, i know she can do it.
So there you have it.
Oh, and she is tons of fun and a moody teen to boot! I just LOVE that she is a moody teen because that is SO typical. Particularly because when she was in preschool I never thought she would do anything typical.