She did what?!?! (poop) - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 83 Old 10-30-2006, 10:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
waterbaby9503's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Okay, I don't even know where to post this. Diapering, step families, or here? I don't know.
Several hours ago my dp and I were awakened by his daughter (7) knocking at the door(we lock our bedrm door). She said she pooped. In her room.
We come out, and the stench is horrible. After we investigate and all his said and done we see that she pooped on her bedrm floor(and she has *nice* carpet in there!) and the proceeded to try to hide it by smearing it with her hands. She rubbed it onto a lot of her toys too. Sick!
My baby(our baby, 6mo, an angel in the midst of this chaos) started crying so I went to him. Dp starts scrubbing at the poop in the rug(after I made it clear I was not going to get stuck cleaining his daugter's feces out of the rug. I would be happy if he relinquished custody of her). He emerges from her stinky room to tell me we might have to replace the carpet because it's not coming up(did I mention I own the house?). He ended up calling his mom at a loss of how to clean this(at 3am) and then went to Walmart for OxyClean for Carpets "Just for Pets" edition. He used the whole bottle and still needs more. He started bagging up her toys and clothes that have poop on them and they will go to the garbage(I'm not touching it! and he won't clean it...so it's trash)
We sprayed Lysol in the air all over the second floor.

Yes she is in counseling. Yes she sees a child psychologist. Yes she has seen a dr and the dr doesn't see a reason for this to happen. She has pooped in pants twice before while playing on a playground because she "didn't want to stop playing".
The reason dp is not with her mother in anymore is that her mother is into porn and "DP" porn into particular(no that doesn't stand for Dear Partner. If you don't know what that means then don't find out but God knows it's sick and nasty. It's a variety of porn). It's possible the mother has sodomized the girl. I don't know what to do!!

I guess I'm looking for pity??
Advice on removing human feces that have been smeared into (not sitting on top of) the rug??
Should I stay in this situation??
Wonder if he can even legally give up custody of her(which he almost wants to do)?
HELP!!!:
waterbaby9503 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 83 Old 10-30-2006, 10:38 AM
 
mama-meg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 124
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So I couldn't read this and not respond. I'm going to try to be nice, so if it comes off a little harsh I apologize.

This is his child. For all that it sounds like merging your families is difficult she was his obligation and joy before he met you. I presume that you knew that he had a child, correct? If her mother is unfit (and I don't believe that her occupation necessarily makes her so, though if your accusation of molestation is true then of course she would be an unfit parent) she should not return to live with her mother. As a stepparent what I can tell you is that until the day comes where you feel like that child is your own you fake it. She probably knows that you don't want her there, you suspect that she was molested by her own mother and you don't understand why she might have behavior problems? And to top it all off she's 7, that's still little. Heck I know children who have just weaned at 7 and I would say that given her circumstances a little emotional immaturity is justified.

On a practical note when my son got his diaper off we used a strong solution of oxy clean powder (2-3 scoops in 2 cups hot water) and that took poop out of my white living room carpet.
mama-meg is offline  
#3 of 83 Old 10-30-2006, 09:34 PM
 
nomadmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: wandering again
Posts: 1,121
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by waterbaby9503 View Post
My baby(our baby, 6mo, an angel in the midst of this chaos)
I'm not doubting that your 6 mo is an angel, but your dp's 7 yo deserves to be someone's angel too.
nomadmom is offline  
#4 of 83 Old 10-30-2006, 11:19 PM
 
Noodlesmom4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: king cake country
Posts: 181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dealing with a child who smears feces can be very trying. Try to sit back and take a deep breath. She is 7. Right now (compared to your 6 month old) seven seems much more grown up than it really is, and that makes the situation feel even worse. The not-so-great news is that many toddlers go through a similar phase, so you may very well get to experience this at least a few more times before your own little one is out of diapers.

Rent a capet cleaner for about $20-$30. In my experience this is the only way to get the smell out. Until you get the carpet cleaner, spray (not pour) a little straight pine-sol on the areas. Odo Ban also works wonders.

There is not a reason in the world that will make you feel better about what has happened, no matter how valid the reason may be. You may never know exactly why this has happened. It sounds like she has experienced things that even an adult should not have to deal with in her short lifetime and she needs your understanding even though it may be the hardest thing that you ever do. Please, please, please get into counseling w/your dh & make sure to tell them exactly how you are feeling about the situation. It isn't good for you, the child, your 6 month old, or your dh to be in a situation where there is so much resentment.

A word of advice - take it or leave it - do not encourage your dh to give up custody of his child no matter how bad things get. If he is willing to give up his child for the sake of peace, it would only make giving up another important relationship (you) in the future for the very same reason (should your relationship ever become strained) that much easier for him. His daughter needs him badly, and he needs your support so that he can be there for her.

If it were your child doing this with some other woman as his step-mom, how you would want her to react to the situation? How would it make your child feel to live in a situation where he must sense that he is not really wanted, not right? You would want this other person to treat your child kindly and to try to work through the problem. Not saying that it will be easy, but you can do it. I have a child who periodically smears his feces in the carpet, on walls, furniture, toys and clothes, and just thinking about what must be triggering the behavior makes my heart hurt. He feels so much shame when he does it, and even though I have replaced carpet that I couldn't afford to replace and feel so angry when he does it I know that he can't help it. If she has other behavioral problems, my guess is that she just can't help herself.
Noodlesmom4 is offline  
#5 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 12:41 AM
 
StephandOwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 8,613
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by waterbaby9503 View Post
I would be happy if he relinquished custody of her
Ignoring everything else in this post for a moment I have to say I am saddened by this. When you got into this relationship with her dad you presumably knew about the girl. It's a package deal and you cannot and should not expect him to give up his DAUGHTER for you. If anyone ever suggested I "reliquish custody" of my ds for any reason their butt would be kicked to the curb so fast they wouldn't know what happened. Sorry to be so blunt, but I am shocked someone could be so mean to a little girl (who, according to your post, may have gone through some horrible horrible stuff).

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

StephandOwen is offline  
#6 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 01:18 AM
 
Jennifer Z's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think the OP needs to seriously examine her attitude in this whole thing. It is just poop. It is just carpet. However, the little girl is not an "it". She is a human being who is hurting so deeply she is unable to express it.

I am sorry she isn't as convenient as you would like, but that is parenthood. In fact, parenthood will likely be much grosser than that...you will be puked on, bleed on, peed on, and, yes, pooped on. Yes, it sucks, but I can't even fathom shaming a child like that over it. You are going to seriously damage that child for life if you don't pull yourself together and be the grown up.

What would I do in this situation? Well, first, I would hug her, try and talk to her and see if there is anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Take her to counceling, go to counceling yourself, go into family counceling to figure out how to become a healthy family since you obviously aren't able to do it on your own.

And, the easiest thing you can do that will show her you care...walk your butt out to the garage and fix her toys for her. Making it a battle between you and your dh as to who will clean it is demeaning and childish. It has no place in a healthy relationship or an adult mindset.

Mom to 10yo Autistic Wonder Boy and 6yo Inquisitive Fireball Girl . December birthdays.

Jennifer Z is offline  
#7 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 01:28 AM
 
Jennifer Z's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
An apt adage:
It is when kids are the hardest to love that they need it the most.

Mom to 10yo Autistic Wonder Boy and 6yo Inquisitive Fireball Girl . December birthdays.

Jennifer Z is offline  
#8 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 02:35 AM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer Z View Post
An apt adage:
It is when kids are the hardest to love that they need it the most.
Most all of us here in the Special Needs forum know about how hard it can be sometimes. I have also cleaned poop out of the carpet that my dd dug out of her butt and smeared. It is scary because you don't know why they are doing it and it is gross for sure, but once you talk to someone and find out that a lot of kids do it, for different reasons, at different ages.

When dd did that I asked her why she did it (by the way she was 8 years old at the time). She didn't answer me, but I picked her up, took off her clothes and put her in the bathtub. I washed her up like I would have any other time. It was not fun, but I understadn that there are parts of parenting that really are no fun at all.
I covered the carpet with a towel, because we have animals, and when her bath was over and she was dressed I put her in front of the TV and began working on the carpet. I never said anything more to her about it. During her bath I did tell her things like "if you have to poop you can tell me", etc. but I didn't say too much because I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I talked to her therapist about it the next time we went.

Also, toys dd has slept with have been peed on more than once and thrown up on more than once. Whatever is able to be bleached goes in a bucket or bathtub with bleach water. Only if it is unable to be washed, like a stuffed animal that can't be washed, do I ever throw something away. That would be like punishment to her for something she cannot help.

I, myself was physiclly and sexually abused as a child and I know what that is like. I also know what it is like to have parents who fight about you, in front of you and how much shame you feel. Kids who are the hardest to love really do need your love the most....and if you can't muster love you could at least give them some compassion and care. If you can't even fake having any compassion for this child you should get out of the relationship. If you cannot see past her behavior then you must distance yourself from her father so that maybe he can see the positive in her, when you are not there to point out all her "short comings".

I know you were looking for pity, you said, but I think you should, as a PP mentioned, re-read your post and think about what it would be like if you were reading someone elses post like that or how you would feel if someone was talking about your child like that.

Dealing with some of these behaviors really does make you feel like you are on the edge sometimes and you don't know what to do. It is good to have some resources (therapists, supportive, positive friends, etc.) that you can use when you feel like that. It's that hard for those of us who are very attached to our own children, so I know it must be even harder with someone elses child who you are not attached to.

Please get some help with this situation.

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
#9 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 09:38 AM
 
pumpkingirl71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southeastern MA
Posts: 1,287
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This thread has a bit of a competative feel to it. I'll bite. Yesterday, my daughter smeared *me* with dog poop. The worst part is that I thought it was mud and I tried to wipe it off with my hands. Do I win?

But the next morning, I think it just a funny parenting thing. I am over it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer Z View Post
An apt adage:
It is when kids are the hardest to love that they need it the most.
This is soooo true. We all get angry with our special needs children. My family needed to seek out therapy to deal with our anger. But I know that as I work my way through the bad emotions, I realize my little girl needs so much love. I can only hope the OP is working her way through her anger to get to a better place.
pumpkingirl71 is offline  
#10 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 09:49 AM
 
Mommasgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: NH
Posts: 316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by waterbaby9503 View Post
I guess I'm looking for pity??
Should I stay in this situation??
HELP!!!:

First off I am really trying to be nice. You should not stay because you obviously have no idea how to treat this little girl with compassion which is what she needs.

Of course your 6 month old is an angel all children are angels at ALL ages. I am sure your attitude that your 6 month old is an angel is very obvious to the 7 year old and doesn't help any issues that she has.

Kids aren't convient and you will find that out when you "angel" gets older. So if you want convience don't have anymore children and get some fish.
Mommasgirls is offline  
#11 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 10:12 AM
 
angela&avery's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: new england
Posts: 2,438
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
simply love her.
angela&avery is offline  
#12 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 11:02 AM
 
Mommasgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: NH
Posts: 316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by gurumama View Post
I am glad to read that the 7 yo is in counseling. You need to be in counseling as well. Immediately.

This is it exactly. Call today and make an appointment for yourself and your DP.
Mommasgirls is offline  
#13 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 02:04 PM
 
Empress's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would take a serious look at your personal character, and your DP's, as well if you view a 7 year old girl as disposable because she has issues stemming from possible abuse and has had a few poop accidents. It is absolutely within the realm of normal for all kids at some point to have accidents like the one you are describing, it isn't unusual, and for you to write what you did is unthinkable that you would identify yourself as an attached parent.

Attached parenting doesn't stop with only your biochildren, it includes stepchildren and all children that you welcome into your life. It means loving them, even during the trying times. It means making their physical and emotional needs a priority, and treating them with respect and dignity. All I can hope is that your family and can attend counseling, and you can be the type of family this little girl and your son needs.
Empress is offline  
#14 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 03:45 PM
 
judejude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Bloomington, MN
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71 View Post
This thread has a bit of a competative feel to it. I'll bite. Yesterday, my daughter smeared *me* with dog poop. The worst part is that I thought it was mud and I tried to wipe it off with my hands. Do I win?
Oh ya, well one time.......... Just kidding

Me : , husband ,daughter Raven : 10-28-95 :
judejude is offline  
#15 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 04:24 PM
 
Individuation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Babymooning...
Posts: 1,865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I love you guys.

I read this when it was first posted, and was really upset by it. I've been sad about the little girl, and the whole situation, and wondered if anyone would comment.

I'm so thrilled by all your responses.
Individuation is offline  
#16 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 04:56 PM
 
Finch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NC!
Posts: 9,186
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ditto that hala. Geez, y'all were so nice and diplomatic. My response would just be filled with UAviolations. :

Poor kid. It must suck to be a kid desperately in need of love and understanding only to have the adults in your life treat you like a burden and like you are "defective." Thank God my son was born to me and my dh. I shudder to think of what his life would be like with some other families since he's not a little "angel" all the time, and he's "imperfect" since he's got autism and all....

Oh and btw....just prepare yourself, 'cause 6 month old angels turn into whirling dervish toddlers when you're not looking.
Finch is offline  
#17 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 05:00 PM
 
bigun's's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel really sick to my stomach and sad for that little girl. How horrible for her to feel like she has no one to turn to and no one to love her. It's possible that she is doing anything (including smearing poop) as a cry for help and attention. Instead of discarding her things, they need to be cleaned or replaced. You had to have known dp had a child that had issues. You should not have continued a relationship if you weren't willing to take on every aspect. Should you stay in this relationship? NO. Get out now, before you hurt her anymore. And get some counseling yourself.
bigun's is offline  
#18 of 83 Old 10-31-2006, 05:15 PM
 
sunnmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: surrounded by love
Posts: 6,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am hoping that the op's eyes are opened by these responses. I, too, read this when it was initially posted--and my heart just sank for that little girl.

About the locked bedroom door.....where does ds sleep? I am assuming with you, in your room. So is dd the only one locked out of the room? That lock is specifically meant to keep her out? How awful

I am horrified that dh is considering relinquishing custody. Please, please do not encourage dh to abandon her. Leave if you must, but let her keep her father. She needs him more than you do. She is seven years old.
sunnmama is offline  
#19 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 03:31 AM
 
amydidit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Azeroth
Posts: 4,806
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have removed several posts from this thread which were violating the User Agreement. Specifically:
Quote:
You are expected to avoid the following when you post:

1. Posting in a disrespectful, defamatory, adversarial, baiting, harassing, offensive, insultingly sarcastic or otherwise improper manner, toward a member or other individual, including casting of suspicion upon a person, invasion of privacy, humiliation, demeaning criticism, namecalling, personal attack, or in any way which violates the law.
Please remember that even though we may not agree with the OP we do still need to post in a respectful manner. Take this opportunity to teach and guide, gently. Thanks!
amydidit is offline  
#20 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 10:19 AM
 
wendy1221's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: NC
Posts: 5,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My 7 year old poops his pants several times a month. He still sleeps in our room fairly often as well. I feel really bad for this little girl.
wendy1221 is offline  
#21 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 12:41 PM
 
Individuation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Babymooning...
Posts: 1,865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK, now that we've all posted our sympathies for the child (which I think entirely appropriate) I got to thinking of ways to help the OP. Having a special-needs child AND a six month old is pretty stressful.

There are some things that should stop immediately--stop disparaging her mother around her (no matter what kind of porn she does), treat her and her things with respect, etc.

However, is there any way you could get a little more help? Maybe have someone come in and professionally clean the house, carpets and DD's things? Let your husband take care of the baby for an evening and do something fun with your DSD? Try to get to know her?

If you're feeling close to the end of your rope, I'm sure you can find people to help you out, even here on MDC (let me know if you're in NYC, and I'll come help your little girl with her homework while you spend some one-on-one with the baby, for example).

I for one really didn't mean to jump in and attack, but the attitude in the original post was Really Not Okay, and the OP should know that. That said, let's help her find practical solutions to help the family.
Individuation is offline  
#22 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 01:17 PM
Banned
 
MillingNome's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: hunting in Gilead
Posts: 5,619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)



ITA with whoever said to simply love her. She is a part of your dp. And if anything he should be going after more fulltime custody (if things bad things are happening on dsd's mom's end). Kids are highly in tune to when they are getting snubbed. Try to keep all communication she can hear positive. I'm guessing she heard or could have heard you telling dp she's his kids and you weren't going to be dealing with the mess. It can be hard to be "nice" at three in the morning but she'll remember.

I would recommend going to some family couseling too. Even if it is only a few session, it can help sort out some of the issues going on.

As for the carpet, rent a carpet cleaner. Cleaning bodily waste is the worst part of this pareting gig, imo!
MillingNome is offline  
#23 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 03:44 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Could the toys and clothes be washed in the washer. I am really saddened by the thought of her losing some of her things. She has already lost so much. Please try the counseling. I think it would be a GREAT idea for family counseling. Plus it will show the girl that everybody is supporting her. PLUS then you can get the support you need in order to see if you can stick around or move on to something different.
afishwithabike is offline  
#24 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 04:52 PM
 
antannie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: in a pile of wet wool and lambies
Posts: 1,161
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with a fish with a bike (and most of the rest of you too) She is likely feeling punished now. Just Love her and what JenniferZ said about being needed most. Also I agree with fake it. 7 is young and obviously she has been truamatized. Not being loved or wanted makes it worse! Give her help to develop skills for next time. "we won't be mad. Just come and get us so we can help." You said she tried to hide it. Sounds like she tried to fix it which means she was really worried.

I think you need some counselling help. You sound very angry and hateful to her. You can work through that if you want too and pushing your partner to give up his child can never have a happy result for your relationship.

GOod luck
antannie is offline  
#25 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 06:24 PM
 
srmina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Chicago
Posts: 428
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think I would poop in my pants if nobody loved me too. I'd probably be doing a whole lot worse.

Please take this as an opportunity to help this 7yo. She is at a crossroads right now. With love and support, she can turn out to be a wonderful human being. Without it, she could turn into something much worse. She is probably doing this because she is aching so much for attention and love. Please give her that love. Find the strength within yourself.

Trust me, I know having special needs kids is not easy. I know bodily waste well. My dd has thrown up every day for 3.5 years straight, usually on me. And she pooped on me several times a day for weeks when she had sepsis. Was it disgusting? Yes. Could she help it? No. Clean everything up without a word or punishment and consider strongly making her room carpet-free.
srmina is offline  
#26 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 07:11 PM
 
1boy1girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 115
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer Z View Post
I think the OP needs to seriously examine her attitude in this whole thing. It is just poop. It is just carpet. However, the little girl is not an "it". She is a human being who is hurting so deeply she is unable to express it.

I am sorry she isn't as convenient as you would like, but that is parenthood. In fact, parenthood will likely be much grosser than that...you will be puked on, bleed on, peed on, and, yes, pooped on. Yes, it sucks, but I can't even fathom shaming a child like that over it. You are going to seriously damage that child for life if you don't pull yourself together and be the grown up.

What would I do in this situation? Well, first, I would hug her, try and talk to her and see if there is anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Take her to counceling, go to counceling yourself, go into family counceling to figure out how to become a healthy family since you obviously aren't able to do it on your own.

And, the easiest thing you can do that will show her you care...walk your butt out to the garage and fix her toys for her. Making it a battle between you and your dh as to who will clean it is demeaning and childish. It has no place in a healthy relationship or an adult mindset.

ICAM!
1boy1girl is offline  
#27 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 07:13 PM
 
1boy1girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 115
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finch View Post
Ditto that hala. Geez, y'all were so nice and diplomatic. My response would just be filled with UAviolations. :

Poor kid. It must suck to be a kid desperately in need of love and understanding only to have the adults in your life treat you like a burden and like you are "defective." Thank God my son was born to me and my dh. I shudder to think of what his life would be like with some other families since he's not a little "angel" all the time, and he's "imperfect" since he's got autism and all....

Oh and btw....just prepare yourself, 'cause 6 month old angels turn into whirling dervish toddlers when you're not looking.

This too. BTW, I miss you Finch.
1boy1girl is offline  
#28 of 83 Old 11-01-2006, 08:15 PM
 
Finch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NC!
Posts: 9,186
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1boy1girl View Post
This too. BTW, I miss you Finch.
Aw, thanks. I miss you too.
Finch is offline  
#29 of 83 Old 11-02-2006, 02:33 PM
 
lolalola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This saddens me :

I really hope the OP heeds the advice of the posters on this thread. This child needs your kindness. Please get some support for your family. This is a child who is at risk.
lolalola is offline  
#30 of 83 Old 11-02-2006, 07:32 PM
 
paganmum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: central IL
Posts: 651
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have to agree with the others about having to calm down before even thinking about posting.
This child needs loves and a butt load of it at that. (doh! no pun intended!!!)
I can not imagine how this child feels! She heard you tell her father that you wouldn't touch the mess and that it was up to him. WOW!

My special needs child is 5yo. The biggest thing that any therapist has told us is that if a child is trying to hide something it is because they know that what happend it wrong and are scared! It explained *so* much about some of the behavior that Dd shows after she's done something and we find out. It's not easy to deal with but it's something that has to be done as calmly as possible or things will only be worse next time, at least for us. My Dd likes to cut things up, which is a lot more potentially harmful then pooping, she has hidden injuries to try and cover up the fact that she was cutting up paper with what ever from which ever out of reach location. Carpet can be replaced, but fingers, ears or self worth aren't as easy to replace. The damage that was done before we knew that there was anything going on with our Dd is only *just* starting to mend, and it might not ever completely mend. My Dd has *tons* of emotional and self esteem issues that we may never be able to figure out how to deal with unless she can find a way to tell us what we need to know. So until then it is all damage control.
Your 6mo will grow up over time. If all goes well your 6mo wil be perfectly healthy and have absolutely no issues that need dealing with. But even then that same child will learn how to climb, make messes, hide messes and be a challenge. Parenting isn't easy in any way shape or form. But, we can not take our frustrations out on children especially if they already have issues. They know when they aren't wanted and aren't loved and it will only make things worse. Her father should not have to give her up. He is her father and if he has had the balls to take on her challenges then he has every right to keep her. He has bigger ones then most men I've known.
AS the others have said you need to seek out counseling if you are going to stay in this relationship. I would also suggest doing a lot of research and reading about children who are where your DSD is and the causes and treatments avalible. But, by no means tell you SO to get rid of his child.
paganmum is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off