Ever feel like you don't belong here (MDC)? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 81 Old 01-11-2007, 06:20 AM
 
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I'm not a SN's parent, I just happened to be dropping in to see if I can find any wisdom for my friend, but I totally understand where you're coming from.

I consider myself pretty crunchy, but sometimes when I come to the board and read some of the opinions and suggestions (and flames), I feel totally inadequate, almost a crunchy failure. Then I just remember, different strokes for different folks. I know that I am doing the best I can to raise my two wonderful children and in the end what really counts is their health and happiness. Only my husband and I know what works for us.

In the end, don't let the flames from a few ruin the fantastic resource for parenting ideas and support that this board provides.
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#62 of 81 Old 01-11-2007, 11:08 AM
 
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I’ve been thinking over this thread for about a day now, and this is what I think, for what it’s worth:

If one of my boys came home from school and said so and so doesn’t like me because (I don’t wear the right jeans/live in the right neighborhood/watch the right tv show/drive the right car/follow the right religion/talk funny/have some sort of physical or mental difference/etc, etc, etc) what would I tell him? I think I would say something like this, “There will always be people who are going to judge you by their own measuring stick of what worth is. That doesn’t mean their stick is right. You have worth just because you are, and what someone else says or thinks about you can never change that.” I think that applies to adults too. We all get judged by someone else’s ideas of what is worthy of their respect but that doesn’t mean that they’re right. Yes, even the ‘sacred cows’ of AP and NFL like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc…whether or not someone does them or not should never determine their worth in my eyes. If they do, quite frankly I think that would make me no better than someone who judges another based on their clothes, their car or their house.

So, hold your heads high and smile, you know that you are every bit deserving of that proud title of ‘momma’. You’ve loved your children and you’ve fought battles for them that a lot of parents on here can’t imagine. The only person who can judge the amount of love in your heart is you, and the children who are receiving that love.
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#63 of 81 Old 01-11-2007, 01:45 PM
 
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I'm glad this thread is back. This past year has been quite humbling for me. Before I became a apparent and before DD2 was born I had a whole list of "I'll never...." thoughts which worked quite well because I never needed to consider things like giving *daily* antibiotics (she has kidney reflux) or a few other reflux meds because she was in terrible pain and refusing to eat. One of our recent "milestones" was her holding her own bottle. You would have to know what we've gone through to just get her to eat at all to know how huge this is.

I think all the judgment and snark and what have you has just forced me to have a thicker skin and try to not be judgmental in return. I really think some people just don't have any idea and it can be easy to speak outside of your own experience without a second thought.

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#64 of 81 Old 01-11-2007, 02:37 PM
 
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I hear you mamas!! I really don't like getting unsolicited advice in some of the other forums about how bad WBVs are and that I shouldn't take my DD to the doctor regularly. Um, I can't monitor her meds here at home the way she needs, and I'm unwilling to soley rely on my intuition.:
I wish that MDC was more about support then breaking others down.

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#65 of 81 Old 01-11-2007, 03:12 PM
 
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Whew. There's another intense post in TAO. My heart just hurts.
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#66 of 81 Old 01-11-2007, 10:09 PM
 
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to the OP.

Being a parent in general has made me more passionate, then becoming the parent of an SN child has added a huge amount of compassion. I'm all about the passion nowadays. I have such incredibly strong beliefs in what I think is right and wrong for us yet at the same time my eyes have been opened and my mind broadened to know that what I feel so strongly is right for us is NOT what is going to be right for others. I'm truly thankful for where I am and where we are as a family now, I'm really quite amazed at the whole process often.

Feeling how has been described in this thread is what made me shy away from message boards in general for a long time. People just don't understand. I dealt with this on another private board I belong to recently. It's amazing how people have no sympathy, no understanding, no ANYTHING in regards to special needs children and parents. They think they know what they would do, and they swear by it, and put you down for doing/feeling otherwise. It's sad, very very sad.
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#67 of 81 Old 01-11-2007, 11:40 PM
 
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This has been a great thread. I hope others see it and it gives them pause (which it won't--which is why I pretty much avoid any areas or threads that might set me up for that type of judgment unless I think I am helping someone by posting my thoughts).
bri276, I'm sorry, I really hope that the right people (near you with play groups) just didn't see that thread. I know I've posted things that get no replies and it does sting.
along those lines,
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone View Post
I erased it because why bother posting when it had all the effect of a fart in the wind.
I apologize. I also really try to reply to people, unless lots of others already have, and I just somehow missed your post (and some others in that same time frame as well I noticed when I went back to yours). We've been sick here and I must've had an off day that day.

There have been several times when I've posted on MDC and been afraid that no one would respond (and it has happened plenty of times, even recently). I try to not take it personally but that is hard sometimes--especially when I am stressed out and overwhelmed or just plain lonely feeling.

Rachelle, mommy to 8 year old boys! 

My Blog-free homeschooling finds and my lesson plans and link to the new User Agreement

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#68 of 81 Old 01-12-2007, 12:00 AM
 
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Bri--bummer about the thread!! I would totally bring my girlies over to play if we were closer! One of the mamas on our '04 ddc is in RI...maybe she'll see the thread. Love the picture of her in your siggie...of course I'm like "cool, she uses an ameda too!"

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#69 of 81 Old 01-12-2007, 12:05 AM
 
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annikate- thanks! maybe by you bumping it up someone else will see it!

grypx831- too bad!!

Rachelle- I too hope that was the reason. I did try to tell myself that but it is just a sore spot already when I have almost NO mama friends and really want my dd to have some buddies.

Heather- LOL! when I took that pic I didn't even realize the pump was in it, then when I decided to use it for my siggy here I thought "perfect"!

anyways, it was just that whenever I'd seen others post looking for playgroups whether it be in the MA/RI/CT or any other tribal area, it would often go to two pages, so to not even have 1 response just made me wonder. but I shouldn't assume that's the reason. and besides, I should probably look for a special needs playgroup, which I think there is one a few towns away that I'm going to look into.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#70 of 81 Old 01-12-2007, 12:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone View Post
I wrote a long post about how ds's school start time for next year was basically being kept secret until after the deadline for open enrollment in order to make it harder for parents to change schools. The time shift will be over an hour and half. I am not going to submit him to a school day that would run from 8:00am (before school care would be needed because of my job's start time) until 4:30pm when the bus would probably drop him off at home so that means we need to change schools. He's been in four schools already and he's only in the second grade. Yadda yadda yadda

I erased it because why bother posting when it had all the effect of a fart in the wind.
Sorry I missed it, but how frustrating! How can they NOT tell you? And why the time shift? That is the craziest thing I have ever heard, what about consistency, about parents who have to work and need to organize? Can they even do that?

Maybe there is more to this (I didn't see the thread) but sorry you are dealing with that. Hope you can find a better school where you won't have to move him again! Especially a school that is a little more upfront and honest.


 

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#71 of 81 Old 01-12-2007, 10:26 AM
 
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USAmma's post in TAO made me exhale for the first time ever since joining. Wow. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for posting that. Thank you so SO much.
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#72 of 81 Old 01-12-2007, 10:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Finch View Post
USAmma's post in TAO made me exhale for the first time ever since joining. Wow. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for posting that. Thank you so SO much.
Yeah. After reading this thread I was going to ask if there was something we could do, could someone post something in TAO, and USAmma already did!
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#73 of 81 Old 01-12-2007, 11:10 AM
 
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: : no one knows what its like unless they have seen it by a close family member or you are a parent you know what choices you have to make for your childs life is right there is NO way it is wrong just because medically you chose the "normal" rute and not the natural way there is nothing wrong with that you can make natural choices in other ways people sometimes go over board and dont stop to think about the choices that other familys have to make for members of their familys health and safety
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#74 of 81 Old 01-12-2007, 08:27 PM
 
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nothing to add but lots of nodding in agreement.

Berkeley mom of 3 and President of Tender Cargo Baby Gear
and The Nurture Center Store and Resource Center 3399 Mt Diablo Bl Lafayette CA 888-998-BABY
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#75 of 81 Old 01-13-2007, 07:50 PM
 
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#76 of 81 Old 01-13-2007, 08:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bri276 View Post

grypx831- too bad!!
The minute I saw "friendly" and "swing" I was so excited! My daughter would sit in a swing at the park ALL DAY and happily talk to the kid next to her (in her own language lol). If you ever visit NYC let me know!
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#77 of 81 Old 01-14-2007, 01:14 AM
 
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well, im pretty happy here, however i hang out in SN parenting mostly, most other boards don't apply to me, so why bother. i feel i dont belong more IRL and i have found so much support and information that is helpful here. i do try to post, however i have tried not to do so while looking down my nose, so i apologize to anyone who may have been offended.
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#78 of 81 Old 01-14-2007, 07:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by boobjuice View Post
i feel i dont belong more IRL and i have found so much support and information that is helpful here.
Gosh, this rings so true for me!

I, too, avoid forums unless they have something specific to offer me (rarely go into TAO, completely avoid the Preschooler forum, etc). I try to let most of the judgemental stuff roll off my back because it bothered me even way back before DS was diagnosed - too much judgement about ff or non-family-bed or whatever (take the member who posted in USAmma's TAO thread that she's going to continue to assume that most "bad decisions" are made because people are "ignorant of the truth" ). In my mind, it's part of what MDC has always been - not that that makes it OK - but it is hard to be on the other side.

But in reference to what boobjuice said, I do tend to feel very out-of-place with IRL mama friends. Most of them don't usually say directly offensive things, but sometimes it's hard to be around all the talk about typical kid stuff. It's like being forced into the Preschoolers forum against my will . Here it's easier to avoid things I don't want to hear about.

Big to us all, and thank Goodness we have a place to come where we can be understood.
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#79 of 81 Old 01-16-2007, 12:16 AM
 
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I can honestly say that I know EXACTLY what you are going through on this one. We also can't do any herbs or homeopathy due to immuno-suppression. Hang in there! I feel that you definitely belong! Our children give us a run for our money every single day. This is not what we had planned....but, we are making the most of it and being the best moms that we know how to be. Big hugs to you for making the best decisions for your child! Keep it up!!
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#80 of 81 Old 01-16-2007, 12:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by teachermom View Post
I think that when you have a child with special needs, you have to broaden your view of attachment parenting and natural family living. you have to make choices that support your child's needs. I think attachment parenting is about the bonding we do with our children more that fitting a standard set by others. You parent the way that works for you child and your family.
I can't agree with the above more...

And Mama.... I feel the same way... so much so that I find myself here and at the TP more than anywhere now....

Becca ~Mama to 3 (DD - 1/3/02) (DD - 2/16/04) (DS - 8/11/05)
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#81 of 81 Old 01-16-2007, 10:22 PM
 
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Ohh I ventured out among the other forums today and have gotten a taste of that better-than-you attitude.. I can tolerate a lot but a better-than-you attitude isn't one of them.
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