Stepson mom not sending him with or giving him his meds when he visits - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 02-19-2007, 08:24 PM - Thread Starter
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My stepson is 8 1/2 and he has been diagnosed with some kind of disorder. His mom told my husband it was bipolar, ADHD, and ODD. Lately, she has been telling people its only ADHD. However, I read The Bipolar Child and he totally fits the diagnosis and the descriptions of these children. My problem is that my husband picks his son up at his own mother's house and drives him an hour to out house for the day. A few times he had his meds with him. Recently, he does not have his meds with him and says that his mother said he doesnt need it. It is obvious that he has not been given his morning meds by his abnormal and out of control behavior.

My husband and his son's mother have a horrible relationship and when he attempts to speak with her about his son's issues the coversation always ends up being about him being a bad father as the source of this child's problems. I dont know what to do. I have an infant daughter and the last time my stepson was here he was out of it. He was yelling at my daughter not to look at him and telling her to "look at the blood instead" (blood being a bottle of ketchup). He is also very mean, calling everyone an idiot and retarded. Saying that animals are pathetic and stupid. Its his normal converstaional style to say that he is going to kill someone, And he does this frequently. My husband has tried for years to stop this behavior, but seeing that he only has visitation twice a month, its a futile effort. I try to stay away as much as possible, but my daughter is 7 months old and she needs to be home to eat and nap.

I dont know what to do. My husband is court ordered to see his son. He finds it difficult to take him places because he is out of control without his medicine. He has no legal custody. The son's mother won't tell my husband who the doctor is, what the medication is, the diagnosis, etc. What the heck should we do?? Please help, I dont think I can take this much longer.
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#2 of 7 Old 02-19-2007, 09:58 PM
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I'm sorry!

I don't know what you can do but I would start with documenting everything he says and does. If need be video tape. Just start piling up what you need to prove that this stuff is going on and *not* your dh's fault. If he acts this way and it starts to go further or you actually think that he's going to hurt the little one then I would see about speaking with child protective services. This is not healthy for him or anyone.

I haven't been in this position, so feel free to take what I have said how you wish, but that is what I would be doing. I'm sorry you are stuck in a position like this. I couldn't read your post with out saying something.
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#3 of 7 Old 02-19-2007, 10:07 PM
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I haven't been in your shoes either, so I'm not sure if my thought is a feasible suggestion, but... if the visitation is court-ordered, it would seem possible to have the court order that the mother provide communication on medical issues as well as ordering her to provide medications/medication schedules for when he is in your home? Perhaps legal counsel needs to be sought?

In the interim, maybe your husband could read up on the various potential diagnoses so he is knowledgable on the topics and also learn some helpful suggestions from literature for when he is in your home?

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#4 of 7 Old 02-19-2007, 10:30 PM
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sorry mama. your husband should document everything! your husband has a right to access all medical records, this is usually done in writing. failure to provide access to medical records could be considered custodial interference. failure for the mother to give her son meds could be considered child neglect. i dont know the exact rights your husband is entitled to, but perhaps you should seek legal council.

this child's needs do not sound like they are being met. you will have to go to court to enforce any of the above, but you may be able to request an advocate, which is typically a lawyer who acts on the behalf of the child only or you could call DCFS and file a complaint. im not sure what laws would apply where you are located.

perhaps you could hire a therapist to work with your stepson while he visits or you could join a parent support group for persons with bi-polar/adhd children.
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#5 of 7 Old 02-20-2007, 12:11 AM
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Regardless of what your SS's issues are, and whether he needs the meds or not, and whether they work or not, those types of medications CANNOT be taken randomly. He's either on them or he's not. By giving them sporatically to him, his mother is risking some pretty severe withdrawal symptoms - those types of meds can cause suicide, depression, paranoia, etc. Document every time he comes with and without them, and do some research on the internet to figure out which pills they are. If you look at medication indexes online for those types of meds, you'll see a physical description so you can figure out the pill (for example, "white, round, RT45 on one side. I'm sure your SS can tell you his Dr's name. THen look it up.

She is playing with fire.

Early intervention specialist and parent consultant since 2002.
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#6 of 7 Old 02-20-2007, 12:44 AM
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I am so sorry. I don't have any advice other than what previous posters have suggested: document (videotape being a really good idea), contact a lawyer, consider calling CPS. I wonder if your stepson might need an "emergency" visit to the doctor while he's at your house.
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#7 of 7 Old 02-20-2007, 05:48 AM - Thread Starter
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Good ideas. Thanks. His mother has been ordered by the judge (3 years ago) to turn over ss's medical records, which to this day, she has not complied with. The court has always sided with her and she has never been punished for her actions. I had called dss 4 years ago and after that he started to see a therapist. I called them again 2 years ago and they said that because the boy had lied to them in the past, they were unable to help him, and that if he was seeing the doctor than everything was okay. I also feel that those types of medications need to be taken consistently and to not give them to a child is very dangerous. He often sleeps over my mil's house and his mom "forgets" to send him with his meds, so he will go over 48 hours without them.

In my state, the custodial parent has to be notified if the other parent is requesting medical documents, and can request not to have them given. It stinks. I reallly like the video camera suggestion.

When he is on his medicine, he still speaks meanly to and about people and animals, but it is not so vicious and severe.
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