Any Mommy's have Aspergers? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 12:12 AM
 
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I don't know if there are any AS moms here who post on wrongplanet, but a beautiful young lady who was a member there took her life last week. You can PM if you have questions. I am just crushed by this news.
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#92 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 02:44 AM
 
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#93 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 02:45 AM
 
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I don't know if there are any AS moms here who post on wrongplanet, but a beautiful young lady who was a member there took her life last week. You can PM if you have questions. I am just crushed by this news.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
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#94 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 06:13 AM
 
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I am really starting to suspect that I have either Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism, or something like that. So much of what I read fits me to a T. There's a few things that do not, like the lack of empathy part. I am overwhelmed with empathy and all kinds of feelings that I don't know how to control. Does that fit into it somehow?

Does having Aspergers typically mean you'll be a more difficult child? I know some mamas that have a hard time with their Aspie kids, but I was an extremely easy child, especially when I was really young. I still exhibited those behaviours though, but I always did what I was told. Some of my most clear memories are now the same things that are making me wonder about this. I remember CONSTANTLY correcting my mom when she called the margarine "butter", except I would tell her that she had to call it "parkay" because that's what it said on the lid (that was the brand). That type of thing really bothers me, and it really bothered me then. I have such memories of being extremely literal as a child, and always having to correct people as well. I still do this all the time, but I try really hard not to, when it doesn't seem appropriate. But it's REALLY hard-- it's definitely a compulsion to correct somebody when I know they're wrong. Spelling in particular, not that I'm perfect by any means, but if I know it's wrong, it drives me CRAZY.

Don't even get me started on the social part. I always figured I had social anxiety, but right now this is making better sense to me. I can't keep eye-contact to save my life, especially once I'm thinking about it. I have a very hard time knowing what to say to people or what is appropriate.

I over-analyze the crap out of everything. My brain never shuts up. I've had troubles sleeping since I was a kid.

I don't seem to know my own strength, and have always ran short-distances sporadically for no real reason.

I have a tendancy to get attached to people or things. To this day, I can't sleep very well without a particular blanket that I've slept with since I was a baby. If I'm going to be sleeping somewhere besides at home, I will always take it with me.

I am very sensitive to both light and noise. Music is EXTREMELY important to me, and the only thing that I like loud. Otherwise, loud noises upset me. I have a very hard time going out in the light without my sunglasses.

I HATE being interrupted when I'm doing something. If I'm doing something that I feel is important, I will just get upset. And I have a really hard time going back to what i was doing if I am interrupted. Likewise, I cannot STAND to repeat myself. I almost can't even do it. It takes a great deal of effort to even make the attempt to repeat myself.

My interests are very different than most people's. I don't care about what's fashionable or "in" whatsoever, and don't find the typical things attractive. I see beauty in strange places. Models look like NOTHING to me. I look at the supposedly "attractive" people in tv, movies, and magazines, and see nothing. I can't explain it other than to say that I just don't see anything at all.

I have always felt very different than everyone else.

I have always mumbled a great deal. Lots of people have trouble understanding me. I can't even tell when I'm doing it. No matter how many times I am reminded that I am doing it, I don't realise it. I also apparently often make a sound at the end of my sentences that I can't even hear. My DP points this out to me sometimes, but I seriously can't tell that I'm doing it.

I could go on... Honestly, I'm in shock about how much a lot of this really fits. But then there's some things that don't make sense to me, like the empathy part, and being a well-behaved child.

Anyway, I just had to say something here, because all of a sudden I just don't know what to think...


Edit: Just a few other things that reading other's posts reminded me of.
I read very early on. I know I could read by age 3, and was reading at a 5th-grade reading-level by kindergarten.
I can't stand it when dp starts stroking my leg or arm or something. It HURTS. He doesn't usually seem to believe me.
I almost can't make phone calls to people/places I don't know. Especially if it's to make an appt or talk about a bill or something. I have to spend a great deal of time picturing where I'm calling (like, what it looks like there), and what i will say. Over and over again.
I like words, word games, puzzles, numbers, etc, a lot. Logic games that combine these things will likely keep me very busy.
I have to do things to match my moods. What I eat, read, what film I watch, what clothes I wear (and I do tend to wear the same thing a lot for a period of time) all depend on my mood.

I should really stop myself there... Thanks a million if you read all this.

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#95 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 11:50 AM
 
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I actually didn't read all of it, because you had me at "lack of empathy."

That's an utter (commonly spread) lie - autistic people have as much empathy as anyone, or as little. They frequently have a hard time verbalizing their emotional states, or with figuring out what to do or how to behave regarding the emotions they are feeling.

But they absolutely DON'T lack empathy.

Welcome to the thread!
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#96 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 02:43 PM
 
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I was a very "easy" child, by mainstream standards. My ASC daughter also happens to be my easiest. I have actually read that while autistic boys are likely to be hyperactive and "difficult," autistic girls are more likely to be quiet and withdrawn and obedient, and more likely to go unnoticed. This is one theory about why ASCs are more often diagnosed in boys than in girls.
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#97 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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For the record, my ASC son is definitely my *easier* child by most counts in that he's calmer, more patient, and more "obedient" (hate that word) than my other one and than most kids his age I know.

Anyway, carry on...:
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#98 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 04:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by feebeeglee View Post
I actually didn't read all of it, because you had me at "lack of empathy."

That's an utter (commonly spread) lie - autistic people have as much empathy as anyone, or as little. They frequently have a hard time verbalizing their emotional states, or with figuring out what to do or how to behave regarding the emotions they are feeling.

But they absolutely DON'T lack empathy.

Welcome to the thread!
I definitely lacked empathy as a young child. I just felt blank most of the time, and to this day I have tremendous emotional blunting and often have no idea, really, how to identify my feelings. However, this doesn't mean I don't feel empathy now, as an adult. But often it is a delayed reaction and/or it takes me a long time to identify it.

I did, as a child, develop a sense of empathy around age 7-10, hard to tell exactly where. But I have clear memories of being very young and just being "flat." I remember injuring animals, but later in life I came to feel a lot of sensitivity and sadness for homeless animals.
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#99 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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Oh... about being an easy child... I was a very, very strange child and my strange behavior outraged my mom. But I didn't have many temper tantrums and I wasn't "disobedient." I was pretty obsessive about following rules and keeping order.

But I would horde things, created an imaginary world and insisted that world was real and this world was not, refused to change my clothes, self injured (I would bite myself and head bang, and when I was older I would cut/scratch myself with my nails or knives), I often wouldn't talk to anyone who came over, I would quietly destroy things when no one was looking because for a while I was obsessed with fire.

So I wasn't a typically disobedient child but I wasn't exactly a dream child either. And I did turn into a very "troubled teen." I calmed down and normalized a lot around age 22/23, when I met my husband. I'm kind of surprised I made it out of childhood/ being a teenager alive!
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#100 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 08:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kchoffmann View Post
For the record, my ASC son is definitely my *easier* child by most counts in that he's calmer, more patient, and more "obedient" (hate that word) than my other one and than most kids his age I know.

Anyway, carry on...:
:

My ASD kiddo is way more easygoing that my older son. By far.

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
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#101 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 08:43 PM
 
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Thanks everyone for your responses. I still very much see myself in all of this.

I tried to talk about this with DP, who didn't seem to believe me, and then made me feel like total crap. Or at least I came out of a few conversations with him feeling very let-down and frustrated. I haven't been this upset with him in a long time. :

Whether or not I'm right about this, he could have been so much more supportive. Today I feel downright awful.

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#102 of 103 Old 10-29-2007, 10:45 PM
 
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bjorker my DH dismisses the concept of high functioning autism too (or at least in relation to our family). For him, you're either profoundly autistic or you're not autistic at all. However, interestingly, between my son (HFA dx'ed), DD (PPD dx'ed) and me (AS not dx'ed), he is more willing to believe I've got "issues" than he is willing to believe our kids do. But even then, he won't go so far as to accept that this is something real.

He did once ask me, "Why didn't you tell me this before I married you" and of course I told him I didn't even understand the concept of an autistic spectrum until recently.
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#103 of 103 Old 10-30-2007, 08:04 AM
 
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meowee. That sounds very frustrating.

I just wish my DP would have looked into it before saying those things. I've felt like such crap since then. I mean, just... seriously thrown off.
He's been a big proponent recently of all things therapy (which I already do) and seems to think that these things can be cure-able or something. One of his first comments to me was that I wasn't living in reality. And that he sees these things in himself in the past, but are much better now because he's worked on himself, and all that. I know which things he's talking about, and it's just not the same thing. He also made some comment about how he doesn't know me (simply because of this) which really upset me a great deal.

This ties into another question I have--
How do you deal with the idea that others might look down on you once they know you have aspergers? I absolutely detest that idea. Hopefully I'm not coming off all wrong by asking this... I'm just struggling with that thought and wondered if anyone has been through this, or have known this to happen, or anything like that.

Also, does anyone else make sounds that everyone else hears, but you don't? Once I saw that as a "sign" of aspergers, I was completely dumbfounded, in a way. I never had an explanation for that until now. I think I mentioned that in another post, but I make a sound at the end of my sentences sometimes that I can't even hear. Dp points it out to me sometimes, but I'll have had absolutely no clue that I even did it. I can't even look back and realise that I did it. It's weird...

Thanks again for letting me ramble here... this thing has really shaken me up...

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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