Any Mommy's have Aspergers? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm officially not diagnosed, but after reading around, I think I am Aspergers (my ds as well, and possibly my brother...maybe my dad too ). It was really freeing to read about Aspergers and how people with it behave because as I was reading I was like "oh my gosh, thats me, oh wait, thats me too!". I've always felt really weird, cooky, quirky. Lots of OCD things, defiant just to be defiant at times, and VERY black and white/rigid on issues...especially things that are near and dear to me (like bfing). My little brother they tried dxing as ADHD, but my parents never pursued it because they didn't want him medicated. I think maybe my dad too because he just REALLY has a HARD time in social situations, gets stressed out by excess noise/people, and is very rigid in a lot of his thinking, and some OCD things too. We all struggle with depression too, although my dad is the only one who's ever been medicated for it. My brother might have been growing up, I'm not sure. My depression stems from loneliness...not having anyone like me who understands me. Like I WANT to make friends, but I really don't know what comes next after "hi, my name is Jennifer" ya know?

So anyways, just looking to connect with some other mom's like me.
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#2 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 05:39 PM
 
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I was officially diagnosed autistic savant as a child. The diagnosis has never been reversed.

I was pretty severe until I grew up. Now I've learned to adapt and carve out my individual niche.

Hi, my name is Sandi.

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#3 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 06:15 PM
 
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I was diagnosed as childhood-schizophrenic-with-autistic-behaviors-and-hyperlexic-savantism (how's that for a mouthful?) as a child in the 70s, Asperger's as an adolescent in the 90s, and most recently PDD-NOS or "high-functioning autism" as an adult. Basically, I have an Asperger's-like verbal ability with several more "classically autistic" behaviors.

It's nice to meet you!
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#4 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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Yes, me. I was classic HFA as a child, my son is HFA, my baby is probably HFA. She is nonverbal at 19 months. I was viciously bullied in school and have always had a hard time socially... an eternal outcast.

I type a lot at the keyboad but I am practically mute IRL.

I have three other kids who seem NT but definitely have their quirks.
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#5 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 07:54 PM
 
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Motheringdotcommune: The Real Reason Your House is a Complete Disaster
Are you spying on me? :
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#6 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 08:16 PM
 
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My psychiatrist has hinted around it to me - brought it up again when discussing my son (recently dx'd w/Asperger's). My mom tells me weekly that she thinks I have AS (she's a teacher and has had AS students the past 10 years or so and just 'sees' me in them). Officially I have a bipolar II dx and even though the psych has mentioned AS I just haven't felt that pursuing it was necessary. So the answer is: maybe.
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#7 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We went to a lot of family counseling when I was in jr high because my brother was acting out a lot (he's two years younger) and my parents were having marital issues. I kept all my issues (like wanting to quit school in the 7th grade because no one liked me/understood me) to myself.

I can be a blabbermouth and talk excessively, but only in relation to a subject I'm interested in. I read something in a book that said AS will try and stretch a topic to include their obsession and thats SOOO me. Dh laughed when I told him was like "so thats why you try to include childbirth/pg/bfing into every conversation." And I rarely laugh out loud. Poor dh, whenever he says something funny I either don't get that it was funny, or I laugh a little on the inside and he's like "I guess you had to be there" and sad.

I've just started researching this, I was researching SID things for my son since he has some SERIOUS solids issues (no solids save for jalapeno chips until after his 2nd birthday...well, not NO solids, but VERY limited and not very often), an irrational fear of pooping (he'll ONLY poop in a bucket in the bathtub)-he KNOWS he feels better when he's done, and some obsessive tendencies (lining up all his trucks, towing things, trains). But one of the books I have has a questionnaire in the back and I got like 2 points less than him.

I myself have kind of grown out of some of my obsessions-like the organization of my closet, and some of them I was forced out of because its hard to do them with one or two kids always on me. They're good therapy I guess. But I still just can't make any friends IRL. I know I'm incredibly rigid, some things are just black and white to me, and my current top obsession is child rearing since it consumes pretty much all of my time. I CAN'T hang out with other moms because they drive me crazy So my poor dh and my mom have to be my only's.
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#8 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 09:25 PM
 
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But I still just can't make any friends IRL. I know I'm incredibly rigid, some things are just black and white to me, and my current top obsession is child rearing since it consumes pretty much all of my time. I CAN'T hang out with other moms because they drive me crazy So my poor dh and my mom have to be my only's.

This is me - people, in general, drive me crazy - I'm relatively anti-social. My sis and my mom are my gal pals. I think that having the internet and subject-specific message boards has really helped me feel connected but in a way that I'm comfortable with. I can do it on my own time and can be as obsessed about a topic as I want as I know I'm going to find other people with the same obsession.
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#9 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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I've been diagnosed with:
Childhood Mutism
Elective Mutism with Hyperlexia and Autistic behaviors
Hearing Impairment with Autistic behaviors (this one's wrong; I have excellent hearing)
Nonverbal Learning Disability with obsessive behaviors and social anxiety
Classic Autism (as an adult)
Asperger Syndrome (as an adult)

But the Asperger dx is not really accurate; AS requires no childhood speech problems, which I clearly had (and to a small extent still do). My first daughter, however, is a clear Asperger autistic, although undiagnosed.
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#10 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 09:44 PM
 
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AS requires no childhood speech problems, which I clearly had (and to a small extent still do). My first daughter, however, is a clear Asperger autistic, although undiagnosed.
Can you always talk? My dx changed from Asperger's once I finally admitted that I can't always talk (among other red flags, apparently). The neuro-psych had only seen me at my best, but then he started asking probing questions, and suddenly he was talking classic autism--he eventually settled on PDD-NOS but says he "isn't happy" with that diagnosis, as he's basically using it as a catchall to say "Too autistic for Asperger's, but not Kanner enough for autism."

I'm perfectly fine and hyper-verbal a big part of the time, but it comes and goes. My husband deal with the situation VERY well and has other ways of communicating with me when I can't talk (using echolalia as a communicative method, books, using phrases that I taught my parakeet). Wellbutrin helped my verbal ability for a short time, but not very much.
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#11 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 10:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is me - people, in general, drive me crazy - I'm relatively anti-social. My sis and my mom are my gal pals. I think that having the internet and subject-specific message boards has really helped me feel connected but in a way that I'm comfortable with. I can do it on my own time and can be as obsessed about a topic as I want as I know I'm going to find other people with the same obsession.
Oh yes, I love the internet for that! It has allowed me to finally have friends and be comfortable and take time answering. I hate being put on the spot. One of the reasons I gave birth unassisted to my daughter was because the midwives talked too much...they wanted more out of me than I could give. I *want* to be friendly and outgoing...but I can't. Dh is trying to understand, for a while he kept forcing me to try and make friends, but since reading about AS he's realized how uncomfortable that is and that I'm lacking the skills. I love listening to him or my mom talk to complete strangers. Its a beautiful thing and I'm always in awe.
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#12 of 103 Old 04-20-2007, 11:30 PM
 
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Hiya. Another suspected/self-diagnosed person here. Asperger's seems to suit me best, as I've never had any speech or language trouble--talked and read early, actually. It's just sensory and social. I was officially dx with ADHD in the mid-90s, but I think that may have been before the DSM criteria for ASCs changed, so I wouldn't have fit then, but I do now...does that make sense? NVLD has been suggested to me recently, but I'm still trying to puzzle out how exactly that's different from AS. If anyone's got good info on that, I'd be open to hearing it. Though it's far from official or definitive, any of those online quizzes for PDD and whatnot you can find, I'll score pretty high on.

So I don't have the same past experiences of being "treated" for autism or any of that, but I can definitely relate to the posts here about not being able to make friends easily, loving message boards because you have time to think over your words and can find people who share your obsessions, etc.

Oh, and my 5 yr old ds is on the spectrum. His official dx is just the blanket "ASD", because they thought he has tons of room for "improvment", whatever that means. I think Classic Autism would suit him though.
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#13 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 01:34 AM
 
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Can you always talk? My dx changed from Asperger's once I finally admitted that I can't always talk (among other red flags, apparently). The neuro-psych had only seen me at my best, but then he started asking probing questions, and suddenly he was talking classic autism--he eventually settled on PDD-NOS but says he "isn't happy" with that diagnosis, as he's basically using it as a catchall to say "Too autistic for Asperger's, but not Kanner enough for autism."

I'm perfectly fine and hyper-verbal a big part of the time, but it comes and goes. My husband deal with the situation VERY well and has other ways of communicating with me when I can't talk (using echolalia as a communicative method, books, using phrases that I taught my parakeet). Wellbutrin helped my verbal ability for a short time, but not very much.
Not exactly, but I don't know how relevant it is. I have this other issue, not autism related, that causes chronic fatigue, including, sometimes, cognitive fatigue. When I have those sort of moments, sometimes I lose the ability to talk comprehensibly or at all. And sometimes I momentarily can't talk because of extreme anxiety. But the rest of the time I'm fine. Between about age 10 (when I "recovered" from full selective mutism) and the time when I developed this other issue, I could talk almost all the time, although I had a few moments.

If the PDD-NOS dx had been around when I was a kid, I probably would have gotten that.
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#14 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 02:21 AM
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DH and I both have a few too many autistic traits for our DS1's diagnosis to be a coincidence...but we've never been diagnosed. I fit the criteria for hyperlexia, DH is more of an Aspie. We were great at academics, clueless at social stuff, and we both have big sensory issues; I've also struggled with low muscle tone in my upper body and general clumsiness all my life. When I was a kid, my darling insightful brother used to tell me, in all sincerity, not out of meanness, "Fay, you're book-smart, but you're socially retarded." As an adult, people occasionally ask me what country I'm from, but I've always lived in the USA...I just don't seem to follow the same social or conversational rules that other people take for granted. The funny thing is, since DS1 was diagnosed, DH and I have become much more social and we have been working hard on our conversational skills, for our son's sake. But it's tough to teach relationship-building skills to my child when I'm still learning those skills as an adult!

My father and DH's mother also fit the Asperger profile VERY VERY closely...plus DH's dad rarely ever talks. My mother-in-law even says that it is physically painful for her to look at faces.

"Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?" - Andy Warhol
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#15 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 05:28 AM
 
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Hiya. Another suspected/self-diagnosed person here. Asperger's seems to suit me best, as I've never had any speech or language trouble--talked and read early, actually. It's just sensory and social. I was officially dx with ADHD in the mid-90s, but I think that may have been before the DSM criteria for ASCs changed, so I wouldn't have fit then, but I do now...does that make sense? NVLD has been suggested to me recently, but I'm still trying to puzzle out how exactly that's different from AS. If anyone's got good info on that, I'd be open to hearing it. Though it's far from official or definitive, any of those online quizzes for PDD and whatnot you can find, I'll score pretty high on.

So I don't have the same past experiences of being "treated" for autism or any of that, but I can definitely relate to the posts here about not being able to make friends easily, loving message boards because you have time to think over your words and can find people who share your obsessions, etc.

Oh, and my 5 yr old ds is on the spectrum. His official dx is just the blanket "ASD", because they thought he has tons of room for "improvment", whatever that means. I think Classic Autism would suit him though.
NVLD is an extremely vague term. In the most widely-accepted sense, it means difficulty with non-verbal problem solving and communication. There is an overlap between this kind of NVLD and ASCs. However, NVLD can, paradoxically, manifest itself in problems with verbal communication. So if you're good at reading and writing and speaking but have problems with visual-spacial skills, you could be NVLD, but if you're good at visual-spacial skills but have trouble communicating in words, that could also be NVLD. It's not quite a catch-all diagnosis, but it's close.
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#16 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 10:33 AM
 
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At me to the list of suspect mommas!

I'm waiting to see what my SID Dd1 gets after evals go through at the specialty clinic. I've always been concidered the odd duck of the family even by my mom who is a bit odd her self (odder if you as me), my brother was Dx'd ADHD as a kid but if he had been Dx'd today he'd be the poster child for SID. When Dd was first Dx'd SID and I started talking to my mom about the behaviors, her responce would always be "I wonder who that sounds like?" while looking at me.

Dh likes to tease me about my soft spot for anything sparkley, shiny, or glittery. I just get transfixed by that kind of stuff and as of late so does Dd1. About a week ago Dd1 and I bough a bouncy ball each that you can see through with water in it, and glitter that swirls around (different colors so that we can tell our balls apart ), and there is a little strobe like ball inside that wiggles and flashes different colored lights when you bounce the ball.

Let's just say it puts me and Dd1 in our happy places. :
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#17 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 01:31 PM
 
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NVLD is an extremely vague term. In the most widely-accepted sense, it means difficulty with non-verbal problem solving and communication. There is an overlap between this kind of NVLD and ASCs. However, NVLD can, paradoxically, manifest itself in problems with verbal communication. So if you're good at reading and writing and speaking but have problems with visual-spacial skills, you could be NVLD, but if you're good at visual-spacial skills but have trouble communicating in words, that could also be NVLD. It's not quite a catch-all diagnosis, but it's close.

Ahhh, ok. I'd definitely fall into the first category. Dh laughs constantly at my lack of spatial relations skills. It's so bad, I was trying to cram something in the fridge the other day, mad that it wouldn't fit, and he's laughing going "look! If you move the cheese, it'll fit perfectly!" Oh. Never even occured to me. I can't put together puzzles or anything like that, they just don't make sense to me.

Does anyone else have problems with their fine motor skills? I always have, and ds does too, and I wonder if it's related or something seperate. It's one reason I'd consider pursuing a formal diagnosis-- to possibly qualify for my insurance to cover some OT. I really want to sew, and if I can get someone else to cut the pattern and fabric, I'm actually halfway decent at it, but I simply cannot cut a straight line to save my life! I did get a rotary cutter and mat for Christmas, I really need to try that out and see if it's easier than scissors.
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#18 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh yes, a rotary cutter and a mat and a big yard stick are GREAT! I will only sew things that I can cut with those because I need my lines to be PERFECT!

My personal obsession is stripes/checks. I LOVE them! Hehe...Everytime we see something stripey I have to fight the impulse to buy it. My mom always teases me when she sees stripes or checked things, and almost always buys me a new pair of pajama pants each year that is striped.

My mom taught me how to write "I love you" in cursive when I was 4. I'd carry a notebook with me everywhere and write it over and over. My brother and I both started Kindergarten at 4. My ds recognizes at least 10 words already, knew his alphabet and their sounds, and could count to 10 before his 3rd birthday. He can count to 20 now.

Has anyone read about the subtypes of AS? I'm pretty certain that I am "anxiety girl" for the most part...but I have a good dose of "logic girl" too.
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#19 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 04:06 PM
 
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I've not read anything on the subtypes of AS - do you have a link by chance?
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#20 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't. Its actually in the book I'm reading "Parenting Your Asperger Child" by Dr. Alan Sohn and Cathy Grayson.
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#21 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 04:28 PM
 
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Thanks, that book is on my 'list' at the library
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#22 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 04:59 PM
 
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I type a lot at the keyboad but I am practically mute IRL.

.
oh man, this is totally me. until recently, i couldnt figure it out...but after reading about aspergers it kind of makes more sense...though i still dont completely understand why i am like this?

does anyone know how you go about getting diagnosed with aspergers? i have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week, for anxiety. in the past i was told i was bipolar (which im not), and depressed with anxiety (which i am), but i think there is more to it. after reading about aspergers, i feel like i kind of "found myself". everything just sort of fell into place. i have always always had trouble making friends, and to this day only have about 2 friends. i am very critical and always have a need to correct people, not realizing that can come off as pretty rude. i am obssessed with correcting things, and researching things. so is a psychiatrist the person that dx's aspergers?

DS 5-11-06
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#23 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 05:03 PM
 
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I'd like to ask the other AS/ HFA mothers how they can do things cooperatively/ as a team with their kids? I find it unbearable to do anything with a partner/ on a team and this is a constant struggle for me... I want to do science experiments and cook with my kids but I'm on the verge of melting down every time I try. I've always been like this-- I can work either in complete isolation, or not at all.
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#24 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 05:08 PM
 
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natalia-- a neurologist or psychiatrist can diagnose Asperger's but be prepared for complete ignorance on the part of many clinicians. Also you might want to reconsider a formal diagnosis as it could be considered a "pre existing condition" if you ever need new health insurance, and (god forbid) it could be used against you in a custody dispute if you ever found yourself in one, or (again god forbid) if you are ever targeted by social services.

Also: bipolar is THE most common misdiagnosis for aspies, especially male aspies. Borderline (for females) and somewhat so schizophrenia are probably second and third as misdiagnoses for adult aspies.
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#25 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 05:17 PM
 
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natalia-- a neurologist or psychiatrist can diagnose Asperger's but be prepared for complete ignorance on the part of many clinicians. Also you might want to reconsider a formal diagnosis as it could be considered a "pre existing condition" if you ever need new health insurance, and (god forbid) it could be used against you in a custody dispute if you ever found yourself in one, or (again god forbid) if you are ever targeted by social services.

Also: bipolar is THE most common misdiagnosis for aspies, especially male aspies. Borderline (for females) and somewhat so schizophrenia are probably second and third as misdiagnoses for adult aspies.
wow....ok...i am with you on the "formal diagnosis" thing. i cant believe i didnt think of those things. i also didnt realize that could be used as a pre existing condition.
well now im kind of dissapointed. i was hoping after the appointment i could tell everyone the reason for my behavior all of my life is bc im apies though i have a feeling the doctor wont be too familiar with apergers anyway.

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#26 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 07:04 PM
 
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Has anyone read Women from Another Planet? That is my favorite ASC-themed book so far.



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I'd like to ask the other AS/ HFA mothers how they can do things cooperatively/ as a team with their kids? I find it unbearable to do anything with a partner/ on a team and this is a constant struggle for me... I want to do science experiments and cook with my kids but I'm on the verge of melting down every time I try. I've always been like this-- I can work either in complete isolation, or not at all.
I mostly do things alongside my kids (parallel play, if you will). That doesn't bother me as much as actual cooperative work.
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#27 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 07:05 PM
 
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wow....ok...i am with you on the "formal diagnosis" thing. i cant believe i didnt think of those things. i also didnt realize that could be used as a pre existing condition.
well now im kind of dissapointed. i was hoping after the appointment i could tell everyone the reason for my behavior all of my life is bc im apies though i have a feeling the doctor wont be too familiar with apergers anyway.
You can still tell people that even if you don't have diagnostic papers. Many adult Asperger autistics are self-diagnosed.
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#28 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 08:03 PM
 
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You can still tell people that even if you don't have diagnostic papers. Many adult Asperger autistics are self-diagnosed.
my mother will roll her eyes im sure, she is pretty difficult. and the others...well they might just look at me like i am crazy. so i guess maybe i just wont say anything....

DS 5-11-06
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#29 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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I'm subscribing to this thread even though I'm not on the spectrum myself....at least anymore. As a child I disctincly remember spinning around in circles for hours and hours. And lining up my toys. I'm sure I even have pictures of this somewhere. Anyway, I still have to catch myself sometimes from lining things up when I see them scattered somewhere. It wasn't until my dd was dx'ed with Pdd-nos that I realized these behaviours were considered red flags....I was like, uhhhh.

I do have a dx of ADD, a severe math disability that I was in special ed for and that is all. I've never had the social issues that would put me on the spectrum. I'm sure I have a little bit of processing stuff as well, because sometimes I can be staring right at someone and I'll have to ask them "what?" a few times, even though I heard what they said and was looking right at them. I also have a bad habit of trailing off at the end of my sentences.

My mom has been dx'ed with AS and I'm sure my dad has it too, even though he hasn't been diagnosed.
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#30 of 103 Old 04-21-2007, 09:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Brigianna View Post
I mostly do things alongside my kids (parallel play, if you will). That doesn't bother me as much as actual cooperative work.
I usually do that ("I'll do my thing, you do your thing, we'll just enjoy being in each other's company) but my kids are all so clingy and needy, they're always begging for more... I feel terrible because I know my NT daughter especially would love to do teamwork things. I really want to teach them all to cook but the closest I've been able to come is to give them directions from across the room. I only have the severe issues with physical proximity when I'm trying to "do something"/ i.e. complete a task. I can cuddle them and hug them, but if I am even doing something as simple as straightening out the sofa cover, I go bizerk (usually just inwardly!) if someone tries to interact with me, talk to me, or even be physically close to me.
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