Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with Irishmommy
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am such a different parent than I imagined.
His first two weeks, I remember having a sense of immortality about ds. I could imagine this life ahead of us, picturing him capable and invincible. Picturing myself able to keep it that way.
I see parents all the time who feel this way about their kids. It's normal, but I can't relate. Once we heard ds had multiple heart defects, the reality that something terrible could happen to ds was mapped permanently into my world view. When parents say "Oh, he'll be fine" about a kid hanging from monkey bars, or going alone to get something out of the car, I can't relate. I just stare at them and try to appear like I know what they mean but really, I have no clue. I think "How in god's name do you know that?!".
When ds asks to do something remotely risky, my mind goes something like "Okay. Keep breathing. The worst is possibly about to happen. Fake it and keep smiling. Try not to freak this child out by gasping, screaming, or appearing stricken with terror. Nod and look indifferent. Then, watch him like a hawk from a casual distance, while appearing to be staring at the horizon and enjoying the view. Once you are certain he has survived, try not to applaud, or cheer wildly, because people will stare".
See? This is what I'm talking about.
Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray