Dh filing a complaint against his boss w/human resources - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-28-2007, 09:56 PM
 
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It's interesting to me that his boss, who is a woman (and a minority) would be THIS insensitive to discrimination issues.
Maybe she feel invincible and above reproach, like no one else is entitled to protection against discrimination because SHE is, so she can behave in any way she wishes. Either way, I hope this all plays out in your favor with out having to change jobs

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Old 07-28-2007, 10:35 PM
 
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You know what's funny about that? Usually, just being a woman isn't enough to automatically be considered a minority. You need to be a woman of color, or have your religion be part of the discrimiation, or your sexual preference. Caucasian women can usually only file sexual discrimination or pregnancy discrimination cases. BTDT.

Unless she is one of the protected classes, she may not be as safe as she thinks.

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Old 07-28-2007, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She's a woman of color over 40, so that's a protected class, I'm pretty sure. I DO think that she thinks she's above reprimand b/c she HAS gotten away with this bullying crap before. Basically, that's what she's doing- trying to bully him to quit. It's happened to many other people in the 20 years she's been working there, at least a dozen times in the 6 years dh has been there. She sucks.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 07-28-2007, 11:15 PM
 
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Michelle, I'm on bated breath for Monday for you. I hope you and your DH are having a peaceful weekend despite this!!

secular classical-ish mama to an incredible 5 year old DS and an amazing 6 year old DD.
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Old 07-28-2007, 11:56 PM
 
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Wow, I'll be following your story from now on (just now seeing it). I'm a former HR rep (who wised up and pursued corporate training instead! ). Anyway, my perspective is that if/when he mentions EEOC that HR will step up their investigation considerably. Sounds like he has done the right thing documenting everything and the woman definitely sounds like a horrible boss (with NO clue and seriously in need of management training!).

I'll put a plug in, though, for female bosses. They aren't ALL horrible -- in fact, I've had the pleasure of working with many who are terrific. I'm sorry your husbands boss is not one of them!

Good luck to you both!
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Old 07-29-2007, 12:07 AM
 
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I would have him put, in writing:

He wants the promotion he was told he can get
He wants her to have a formal disciplinary action for her behavior that is not acceptable
He wants to have her not have a direct supervisory role/ability to give him performance reviews given her history of retaliation

These are very concrete things that HR can work with.

Let's hope things go well.

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Old 07-29-2007, 03:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree, not all female bosses are horrible. I've had a few good ones, but the WORST bosses I have had in the past have been women. It sucks. We think HR is waiting to follow up with him until he gets his review- probably to see how he responds to it. This is a $5k/year raise we're talking about, not including the promotion- so not exactly small potatoes.

Lynn- that is exactly what he wants and what he will be telling them on Monday, in addition to the fact we are on a timeframe for filing EEOC. And, honestly- he wants NO regular, direct contact with her. She's bullied not only subordinates, but peers in the past.

Giggleball - My sister works HR in another state and she told me the same thing you just did. EEOC makes responses come a bit faster.

Please, please, please let them do the right thing.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 07-30-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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Any updates yet?
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Old 07-30-2007, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He doesn't start until 3, so no updates yet. he's on his way in- it's 2:20 here now. HR replied to his meeting request that they can meet with him later this week- we suspect it's b/c they want to see how he reacts to his review.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 07-30-2007, 10:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He's been at work almost 3 hrs and still no talk w/the boss. He's being calm. As far as the question of what he wants, he's going to tell them he really only sees 3 options as this progresses:

1- they do nothing, everything stays the same, we file EEOC and sue the company and boss personally

2- they fire her, he files EEOC against boss personally, but nothing against the company

3- she resigns, he gets the promotion and lets everything else drop.

Honestly, I don't know how realistic this is, but it is a pretty obvious issue, IMO and I don't think we'd have a hard time proving a case if needed. I think HR feels like he will let it drop if he gets the raise/promotion- but he won't be able to work with her b/c she will sabotage his career at every chance she gets. SHe's probably already badmouthing him around the company, but once anyone sees how he works, they will know he does a great job.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 07-30-2007, 11:06 PM
 
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I agree, not all female bosses are horrible. I've had a few good ones, but the WORST bosses I have had in the past have been women.
I totally agree w/the advice you've gotten. I caution you, though, from letting this sentiment about female supervisors even creep into your thoughts when you're talking to HR. It's super grounds for her to file her own suit or leverage against the co. Then, the co. has to choose the lesser of 2 evils, so to speak.

GOOD LUCK & I hope dh kicks booty He has every right and reason to win!
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Old 07-30-2007, 11:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, I don't think HE'S every had a bad boss who's female until this one. That's my issue. He keeps saying she's crazy (not to anyone at work, just to me- and others have complained she's crazy as well). I told him to NOT bring that up, b/c if she has some medical dx of mental illness, that will give her leverage to keep her job and not get moved.

I just want some answers. I have to report back to school this friday (Teachers report back friday, students the following Wed) and don't want this hanging over our heads. I don't think it will be resolved, I just won't have time to deal w/anything that needs dealt with.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 07-31-2007, 04:33 PM
 
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I caution you, though, from letting this sentiment about female supervisors even creep into your thoughts when you're talking to HR. It's super grounds for her to file her own suit or leverage against the co. Then, the co. has to choose the lesser of 2 evils, so to speak.
Also, if things really have to go that far, anything you say here can be used against you guys, so tread lightly.

Any updates? Oh, wait, he's probably not even awake yet.
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Old 07-31-2007, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I've been careful about what I've said- don't want to get too open, but thanks for the reminder.

He just woke up about an hour ago. Hopefully today's the day.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, he's meeting w/HR today at 3:30- I'll post an update as soon as I hear what they say. I hope it's good news, but won't get my hopes up.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 07-31-2007, 10:49 PM
 
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Keeping my fingers crossed that something good will happen!

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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Old 07-31-2007, 11:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by shelbean91 View Post
Well, he's meeting w/HR today at 3:30- I'll post an update as soon as I hear what they say. I hope it's good news, but won't get my hopes up.
Good luck!!!

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
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Old 07-31-2007, 11:28 PM
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Dh thinks he's being discriminated against b/c of Jake's autism.

I don't think I posted the back story, but Shawn has been working at the same place for almost 6 years. Jake was dx'd w/autism about 2 1/2 years ago. I was a FT student until I graduated last May and last August I began working FT as a teacher, so if something came up, we had to alternate days off.

Shawn hasn't missed an extraordinary amount of work, either to care for Jake or any other reason, but one day last Nov, his boss commented about 'all this time off, maybe having another position (he's a supervisor) would be a good idea'. He felt his job was threatened, so he filed for FMLA protection for anything related to Jake. Jake has therapy every day of the week and we're very limited in care options b/c of the autism (and he's a flight risk) so either dh or I need to take off if our regular provider (mil) or our 2 backups are ill or need a day off for whatever reason.

The day after he filed for the FMLA protection, his boss changed his schedule (from days to nights) and his responsibilities (essentially making him not supervising as many people or functioning as a supervisor). He waited it out from last Nov/Dec to now to see if it was temporary changes (as he was told) or what. He was also told last Nov (before the FMLA was filed) that he would be promoted this summer (no real job changes, but only title change that would make him bonus eligible and give a little raise). No proof of this and his boss seems to be not willing to do this and she's really the only one who needs to approve/deny the promotion.

So, he went to HR today and told the story. He's got a meeting with her today to see the status of his job position, responsibilities, and promotion. We're fairly certain she's going to tell him no, and he's got to deal with it. (She's made other people quit by making them so miserable).

I've checked with the EEOC and dh is protected b/c he's a responsible caregiver of a person with a disability. I think that she thinks he's a white male under 40 so can't be discriminated against and is doing all she can to make him quit. He doens't want to- this is a good company with good benefits and he's now been here longer than any other company. He wants his old responsibilites and schedule back (and this promotion he was told he would get- but there's no proof of that, so we'll see).

I'm really nervous about this. I know we're in the right, but I can't depend on the HR dept doing the right thing. His boss has been there for a LONG time. he's meeting with her right now. I'll update later.

Any support or suggestions would be great!
Hey Shel!

Well, I would say change jobs. Here's why....

I was fired while pregnant. At the time I also had a one year old. Before getting pregnant with any of my children- I was being groomed for higher level positions.

My boss actually told me that there was nothing the company could throw at me that I couldn't handle!

Anyway, I had a sick baby - I was pregnant - blah, blah blah.....

After I got fired - I filed a claim with the EEOC - who then found that there wasn't enough proof to do anything. This took MONTHS! After that ruling - I was free to file in court - which I did.

The long and short of it is that after 6 years and loads of attorney's fees - the company settled. By the time I subtracted out all of the fees - I could have worked part time and made more money. It wasn't worth it. The stress alone with almost dibilitating. Being deposed was hard too.....

Anyway - Good Luck!

Trying to do the right thing with three kids and a hubby. 
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Old 07-31-2007, 11:48 PM
 
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Subbing.

Hope the meeting goes well.
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Old 08-01-2007, 03:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Lab- Sorry you had to deal with that- that sucks! He's not quitting. Not now, at least. They will have to fire him and I think we've got enough at this point. Of course, we'll have to wait and see for sure. He's looking, but he's pretty pissed off that he's in the same situation as many others and would like her out so she can't do this to anyone else. The greater good, you know?

So, update on the meeting....apparently, the hr rep wasn't taking this as seriously as she should have been. She went back and talked to boss lady who had an explanation for everything. They were in the meeting (dh and hr) for about an hour and a half and she seemed to still be of the opinion that there is a big misunderstanding and there 'must' be a win-win situation somewhere. NOPE- that's not going to happen, he explained why. He can't win with her AT ALL from this point on.

He laid it out- this is a discrimination issue and he wants HR to address it as such and either say it's discrimination and handle it accordingly or say it's not so HE can do what he needs to do. She seemed a bit dumbfounded and said she needed to talk to her boss (um, what has she been doing this past week?? but whatever). She told him this is now top priority. He told her he will go outside the company if necessary but doesn't want to. He said he wants to see her gone, but only b/c he wants to stay there and she'll make things miserable for him. Apparently, him saying discrimination over and over wasn't enough for her to realize he felt he was being discriminated against.

We're going to write up a statement explaining that he feels he's being discriminated. We're going to quote and link what we've found on the eeoc website, so they know what we're looking at and they can respond accordingly. My guess is they're not taking the FMLA/disability stuff as part of the issue and looking at the fact that dh is a white male under 40, which isn't a protected class.

The fact of the matter is that if Jake didn't have autism and have to go to therapies, she wouldn't have a problem with him. He's not missed any more work than anyone else. This is PISSING me off. Seriously.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 08-01-2007, 03:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to add- I've got WAY too much stress to have to deal with this too! I posted in TAO about biting into a shard of wood in a Wendy's salad, I'm trying to do an online class to maintain my teacher certification, I have to return to school on Friday and I'm having to get my room set up, I'm changing Jake's therapy center/times, MIL isn't back in town yet, though she should be this weekend, I have to get the kids all their back to school stuff, etc. Seth is starting preschool next week. I'm trying to get the house in order (cleaned, organized, etc.) before i have to go back to work. I'm reaching my breaking point here.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 08-01-2007, 03:57 AM
 
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Oh yeah, it does suck on so many different levels. And, yeah, I go back to school next week. Weird transition & stresses there, too.

Hang in there!
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Old 08-01-2007, 04:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I just dont' understand why they can't say 'OMG, that is SO wrong- you have been discriminated against it and we're going to fix it right away' Of course, I never really expected that to happen, I was just hopeful. I'm still hopeful, but realize that likely won't happen.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 08-01-2007, 04:18 AM
 
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I just wanted to add- I've got WAY too much stress to have to deal with this too! I posted in TAO about biting into a shard of wood in a Wendy's salad, I'm trying to do an online class to maintain my teacher certification, I have to return to school on Friday and I'm having to get my room set up, I'm changing Jake's therapy center/times, MIL isn't back in town yet, though she should be this weekend, I have to get the kids all their back to school stuff, etc. Seth is starting preschool next week. I'm trying to get the house in order (cleaned, organized, etc.) before i have to go back to work. I'm reaching my breaking point here.
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:02 PM
 
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Big hugs to you Michelle! I can't imagine dealing with this on top of everything else you have on your plate right now. I hope that his company realizes exactly what they're dealing with as far as where you may go with it. I hope Seth enjoys preschool - will he be at the school with you?
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:25 PM
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Finally after not reading this thread ever, I got around to it. Holy smokes! You have every right to be ticked off. I can not believe how they are treating your dh Hang in there-
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Old 08-01-2007, 01:02 PM
 
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Finally after not reading this thread ever, I got around to it. Holy smokes! You have every right to be ticked off. I can not believe how they are treating your dh Hang in there-
yep, this is crazy. I had it happen, but it was a small family business so Ireally didn't feel I had any recourse, esp. since thier son was a lawyer. I brought in a doctor's note note saying I v=couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes at a time, and I presented them with ideas of how I could be useful from a chair and they started scheduling me one hour a week to cover saturday lunch. Sigh.

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
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Old 08-01-2007, 01:06 PM
 
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Ugh, I'm sorry Michelle. I wish I could say I was surprised they're blowing it off, but I can't. I think companies crunch numbers l-o-n-g before they consider ethics most of the time.

Good luck - keep us updated!

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Old 08-01-2007, 02:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Big hugs to you Michelle! I can't imagine dealing with this on top of everything else you have on your plate right now. I hope that his company realizes exactly what they're dealing with as far as where you may go with it. I hope Seth enjoys preschool - will he be at the school with you?
The kids will not be at the same school as me, part of the stress. Jake will be at 1 school, Katlyn and Seth at the school by home, and I'll be at my school. I tried to move everyone to the school Jake's going to, but they had already filled all their positions by the time I talked to them. I'll start earlier next year.

I'm not surprised they're blowing it off, just frustrated. I do feel MUCH better after a good nights sleep, though.

B/c the HR rep seemed surprised that this isn't just a 'big misunderstanding' I typed up a statement that said 'i feel as though I'm being discriminated against due to being associated with an individual with a disability and I feel I'm working in a hostile work environment due to being associated with an individual with a disability.' I cited the EEOC website, gave links and examples pertaining to our situation. I stated that being a caregiver alone isn't a protected class, but when combined w/FMLA and ADA, it is a protected class. I also printed the EEOC section pertaining to that in its entirety as well as a basic q&a section (about 23 pages total).

I suppose he wasn't clear enough using the words 'discrimination' and 'retaliation' in his original complaint, so he's going to be crystal clear so they know where to look. HR rep is talking to her boss, hopefully we'll know today whether or not they even recognize this as discrimination. I suppose we need to prove all of this is a result of Jake's autism and filing the FMLA, but with such a long series of coincidences, I don't think that will be too hard. HR rep asked why dh didn't go in earlier to talk to her and he explained that if he had come in earlier, he wouldn't have had any proof- it would have looked like he was a complainer and not a 'team player' and he would still be in the bad situation with his boss. He had to wait until he was sure this was happening.

He did say he wanted her gone, which I'm sure doesn't look too good, but right now it's a 'her or me' situation. If someone shoots at you, you have to defend yourself and that's what he's trying to do. If she could play nice in the sandbox, he'd have no problem working with her. He gets along with everyone. He just has been working with her long enough to know that's not going to happen. She feels crossed and will NEVER let that go.

We're going to get the appt with the EEOC by mid august to get the paperwork in so we're in no way close to the deadline of filing.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 08-01-2007, 04:39 PM
 
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