It does feel like a war zone, like there's no way to plan or figure it out and in the end, none of the choices are ones we want to make.
Continuing prayers for you and your family . . . may you find strength and peace.
My heart aches for you. That you've spent so much time processing this - that you've HAD to is so unfair.
I can't answer your questions about knowing when it's time to stop. But I trust YOU to know as their mama.
There's no judgment here. And Goddess help anyone who tries!!!
Rachelle, mommy to 8 year old boys!
My Blog-free homeschooling finds and my lesson plans and link to the new User Agreement
Toni, wife, mom of 4 beautiful children, RN
|When can we say "this is enough."?|
Those pictures just broke my heart. No child should have to face that, and no mother should either. I hope that when he's asleep he's in paradise, running around playing and eating and having a great time, in some other dimension with no pain or fear.
Like you acknowledged, it's not possible for others to truly advise you on this issue. I cannot imagine anyone knowing better than the two of you what is right for your children- you carried them, you have cared for them. I read your posts and I just feel through them that you are such a good, honest person, it hurts me that you are going through this. The one thing I can say is please don't doubt for one minute that you will make a choice out of selfishness. You have already exhibited superhuman amounts of selflessness. Any normal relief you would feel in the aftermath of that horrible situation would be understandable, normal, and NOT a reflection of a character flaw in yourself, but the feeling of a soldier after a battle. I just hope to God (or whoever) that this is never something you face.
Tricia, married to DH. 2MC's & 4 yrs ttc...finally mom to Andrew6/06 and Benjamin 10/09. Adopted bro & sis 2002. My 2 fav. words: Spay and Neuter! I'm an Ultimate Viewer, 2010!
Everyone else is so much more eloquent than I am so I'll just say - listen to your heart. You are his parents and you know him better than anyone else. Do what you feel is the best for HIM and you won't go wrong.
I will keep all of you in my thoughts.
Thank you for sharing the pictures of James.
You've expressed so eloquently issues I've often thought about, even for my much-less-impaired children, and even for adult members of my family. Quality of life issues are so important to me. I think most of us have known older people who lost so much quality-of-their-life that we ached for their losses. My gmother lived to 103, but the last 5 years she was mostly miserable-- blind, difficulty eating, wheel-chair bound, etc. This after being a bright, vivacious woman. Yet, at least with elders we can rationalize the good lives (hopefully) that they did have, and what they have shared. When the questions swirl about a child-- how confusing it is! I am guessing "the line" or brink is never clear before-hand. I hope it if does ever come to you that you will find a place of peace with your decisions and that all who know and love you will support whatever decisions y'all make.
I hope that this go-round you are just musing the topic and that it won't become relevant in the next week-into-months.
Blessings of health for your family.
CD(DONA) and Birthing From Within Mentor and Birth Doula
I wish all of us MDC mamas all over who are reading this thread and praying for you could be there in person so you could see us, receive our hugs, and feel the love and support we are sending you, James, and all your family.
I agree 100% with what OMama said so well - no matter what choice you make, whenever you have to make it, will be the right one for James, because you are his mother, and you will act out of the great love you hold for him. Just looking at his pictures, it is so clear that despite the struggles he has, he is a happy, loved and loving child. Thank you for sharing them.
I am so sorry you are in this terrible place. But you are not alone.
~*The days are long, but the years are short.*~
we, too, have been dealing with "life threatening stuff" with our twin girl, charlotte and her seizure disorder and i have felt all of the things you wrote about. she tanked, again, just last week in the ER, but is ok now. it all sucks and then there is the guilt too. don't be too hard on yourself! you sound like a healthy, amazing, strong, caring mother!
You are facing possibly the most difficult, heart wrenching decisions and discussions a parent could ever have to make. My prayers for strength and wisdom. No judgment, as no one here is in your shoes.
Can you talk to the hospital social workers or chaplains (if you're religious) - they can help you talk these things through in a non-judgmental way. That means of course you have to trust them, and I don't know how long that takes to develop.
You, your husband, James and your other boys are in my thoughts constantly. I can't even begin to fathom the depths of the agony you must be experiencing to even have to have this discussion, let alone actually having to make that impossible choice. I prayer for your peace.
Elizabeth, I am so sorry for all of this and I am sorry for the decisions you are facing. It is every parent's worst nightmare.
I'll keep your family in my prayers. Every moment you have hundreds of people holding you close right now and will be behind you every step.
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