When is it time for #2? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-04-2003, 11:28 AM - Thread Starter
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I am the happy adoptive mama to Elliott, who is 4.5. A delightful boy in every way, Elliott has sensory integration dysfunction, a modulating disorder, and a central auditory processing disorder. Despite all of this, he happens to be very bright and charming with a great sense of humor. High needs is putting it mildly--E's a guy who requires full-energy parenting.

With all of this in mind, when is it appropriate to plan for number 2? We'd like to adopt again, and assume that the process will take 18-24 from the start. Starting today (which isn't going to happen) Elliott could be as young as 6, or closer to 7 when his sister arrives.

For those of you who added to the family after the arrival of your special needs child, how did you decide that you were ready? Any words of advice?

Thanks mamas,

paige, happy mama to Elliott, the delight of my soul
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#2 of 5 Old 08-05-2003, 07:22 PM
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I have a son who is 7 and he has autism, along with adhd, sensory issues, and also auditory sensory problems. My son was normal untill he had 9 vaccines in one day just before he turned two and then after that he regressed rapidly. I always planned on having two kids 5 years appart. But when my son was 4, I just knew I couldn't handle another one at the time. My husband at one point told me he didn't want anymore kids because of the cost of raising a child with special needs and the stress. Well, last year, I started to get my son tested for many biomedical test and found out a lot about him. Thanks to biomedical treatments, he improved a lot over the last 6 months and he is progressing a lot so I was really shocked when my husband told me that he thought it was time for another baby. Anyway, I am 13 weeks pregnant now and can't wait. My son will be almost 8 when the baby arrives which is quite a long space between ages, but for me, I couldn't handle a young child with autism and a baby at the same time. I am glad I waited as long as I have so my son can get the therapy and treatments and the extra attention he deserves and needs. I cannot tell you really when it's approprate to plan for baby number, it's just when you and your husband feel like your ready for another.
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#3 of 5 Old 08-23-2003, 07:56 PM
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We waited until the twins were 3 to see exactly what Andrew's needs might be as he gets older. He does require a little more attention than his twin but not all that much more - he needs us to carry him or push him in his wheelchair. We figured that we could handle another child heading into the year the boys started school and that's exactly what happened. Whew!

The twins start school in 10 days and Charlie is just 6 mths old! We're hoping to possibly even add one more to our brood when the twins are around 6 and Charlie is around 2... we'll see what happens when Charlie becomes mobile! :
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#4 of 5 Old 08-29-2003, 07:03 AM
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Whenever you think you have the *energy* to keep up with another one, go for it!

Our first daughter was high-needs from the beginning :-) We actually talked about *no* more kids, but then around 14 mos, she had a "good phase" where it looked like things were smoothing out (not resolved by any means, but cope-able).
We conceived again, and wouldn't you know, the "good phase" ended with a bang!

Our kids are exactly 25 months apart in age, which is actually closer than I had originally envisioned, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. WE were scared when I was pregant and things got rough with the eldest, but after a year of having both of them, I'm really glad we did.
Having Rhianna around really gives our lives a shift in focus, and a lot of sunshine that would otherwise be lacking. It has also given us a lot more confidence in our parenting! And not the least, she has really been good for her sister :-)

I don't think anyone would prescribe siblings for special needs kids <LOL!> But having another little-person around to mimic and respond to seems to be far more successful in terms of getting Samantha to be *gentle* than her adult-parents have ever been!

Good luck :-)
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#5 of 5 Old 08-31-2003, 09:20 PM
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I am so glad you asked this question! Andrick is 18mths and I am "itching" to have a second child. We always said we would wait until our first was out of diapers so we would only have one in diapers at a time... that doesn't seem quite as big of a deal now as it once did. My DH only recently agreed that having a second child is something he wants to do. Until then he was quite hesitant in agreeing have a second. Anyway, I don't think I've probably said anything that will help you but I am anxious to see if anyone else has any sage advice! ~ Brook
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