Does he really look that thin? w. edit. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 06:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by peekyboo View Post
You know, it's almost a shame that all the interfering busybodies we all run into don't give us some cash. Think about it - "You can tell me why my child shouldn't be using a stroller b/c she's too big for it, but it'll cost you $40 to do so."

Yeah, looks like we need a Donate Paypal button for the board for the same reason...
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#62 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 06:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, I do have the 40 dollars. I will be using it on useful stuff, like christmas presents, or gas (3.05 a gallon here!)

Now that I think about it, and I am in a clear state of mind, I do understand what the lady was trying to do... (to assume that she was not trying to be rude.... which i hope she wasnt meaning to be) I am thankful her thoughts and thinking that she was helping by giving us the cash, and it was nice of her, however her comments were uncalled for. She should have been nicer, and just said Merry Christmas, or something. I dont know.

I honestly hope and think that she was trying to be kind. I wouldnt just hand over 40 dollars if I felt like being mean to a family, you know what I mean? I mean, that is a lot of money! I hope she wasnt the type who was trying to do a holier than thou thing, and pay me 40 dollars just to get her opinion heard. Thats just... really rude. The words she said were ugly, but the money itself was a blessing.

I was just in shock and upset about the whole thing, but now that I have slept and woke up, and re-thought everything, I feel better about it all. It was just her comments and attitude that threw me off.
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#63 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, looks like we need a Donate Paypal button for the board for the same reason...
Hahaha... thats funny. Bash the moms, let your thoughts be known! - 5 dollars! We do accept paypal!
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#64 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 07:37 PM
 
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I just want to say that I didn't realize this was the special needs forum. sorry if my comments were out of place.
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#65 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 08:42 PM
 
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My DS was way skinnier at that age. Once when he was around 17 or 18 months old we are at the pool and a man commented to wife, on how thin my DS was and how there must be something wrong with him : He is still very skinny, but extremely healthy, strong and athletic.

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#66 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 10:46 PM
 
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Your son is beautiful.

And skinny? No. He looks healthy and on the less-chub side, but lots of kids look just like that. Mine included.

We've talked about weights with our ped. over and over again, and he's never concerned. My sons just have my dad's body type--long and lean, and there's not much you can do to put chub on them.

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#67 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 10:59 PM
 
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I kind of laugh at all the thread about judging other mamas. I think that's why I got "stuck" with DS. It was a big smack across the head from Goddess!!
And I thank her for that lesson (almost) everyday.
I really have to laugh at this. Dh and I started dating when we were both teens, so from a very young and immature age. I remember being at a store once with Dh when he was 17. There was a mom juggling a couple kids and the baby was crying. Dh muttered "Can't she shut that kid up?" I was mortified but he saw nothing wrong with it. Boy did that change when we had kids. He has a completely different attitude now and I still tease him about his comments. (He says he was a jerk back then and knows better- he goes all papabear if someone says something like that about our kids) But I tell him when our kids act up in public its payback for that comment from years ago, lol.

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#68 of 100 Old 12-03-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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I think you are reading too much into her comments (understandably given the situation). She probably wanted to help, but like most people, didn't have the perfect words to say to make the situation more comfortable. I just imagine that if I had the money to help someone out I would probably go up to this complete stranger and start babbling uncontrollably, get embarrassed about the babbling and starting talking faster, then just trail off. I am sure I would end up just shoving the money at them and taking off. All hope of doing a good deed would be out the window as it would just turn awkward.

Besides, if she assumed you were only giving your kid soda she would have expected him to be overweight not underweight.


 

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#69 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 12:39 AM
 
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Hugs mama. BTW, I'm a soda drinker too... where else am I going to get the energy to keep up with my 3 kids? hehe
Ain't that the truth? And I am reading this while drinking a Pepsi.

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#70 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 12:49 AM
 
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Looks healthy to me! I, too, think the gesture was kind and probably well-meaning but egads the words that came out of her mouth were just wrong. She should have handed you the money, smiled, and not said a word!

My oldest is a scrawny guy, well you can't tell when he has clothes on cuz he has a big noggin (like his daddy!) and no one has ever commented to me about him, well beyond family.
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#71 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 12:56 AM
 
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He looks fine to me. My ds goes through growth spurts and when that happens, he looks super thin. Everytime I get a little concerned about it, I do mention it to his doc who examines him and says he's completely healthy and within normal weight range.

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#72 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 03:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by momwifenurse View Post
Yes, I do have the 40 dollars. I will be using it on useful stuff, like christmas presents, or gas (3.05 a gallon here!)
Good!

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I was just in shock and upset about the whole thing, but now that I have slept and woke up, and re-thought everything, I feel better about it all. It was just her comments and attitude that threw me off.
They would have thrown me off too! Her approach wasn't very tactful, and could have been a lot more helpful.

And no, I don't think your son is that skinny. Here are two pictures of our skinny son at age 5 (first picture) and age 4 (second). You can see his ribs! He's just as skinny at age 6, just more sensitive to being photographed while naked, so I've stopped doing it.

http://www.netinteraction.com/thomas...heloose480.JPG
http://www.netinteraction.com/thomas...ikesis2480.JPG

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#73 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 03:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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that is just how my kiddo looks when laying like that! I only have a nekd pic of him though and didnt think it would be ok to post here. :/ but yeah thats him alright! (ur kids are beautiful btw)
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#74 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 03:50 AM
 
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Hey Jennie

My little guy is very tall and lean. My mom once asked me to PLEASE put a shirt on him because he was looking too much like an Ethiopian.

Nursing bras should not double as birth control!
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#75 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 03:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AuntLavender View Post
her comments were not.

We shop at Goodwill. Occasionally a Grandma will give each of my children $1!?! We are not poor. We don't dress that bad do we? I do drive a 17yo car but it doesn't have rust or anything and I wax it and keep it running smoothly.

It takes all kinds eh?

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I think this might be more of a generational thing, because DS is given money ALL THE TIME by elderly people. Restaurants, the bank, just anywhere.

Nursing bras should not double as birth control!
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#76 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 07:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think this might be more of a generational thing, because DS is given money ALL THE TIME by elderly people. Restaurants, the bank, just anywhere.
you mean strangers will just come over and hand him money?! That seems so odd. What do they say to you? What do you say to them?
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#77 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 07:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey Jennie

My little guy is very tall and lean. My mom once asked me to PLEASE put a shirt on him because he was looking too much like an Ethiopian.
ive gotten that before, LOL well not an Ethiopian, but you know.
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#78 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 12:37 PM
 
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you mean strangers will just come over and hand him money?! That seems so odd. What do they say to you? What do you say to them?
Yes, or he'll go up to people and just start flirting and guess they feel the need to pay for his services. They say things about how cute he is and usually how he reminds them of their grandchild and how said grandchild is in another state and here have a dollar and then I insist that he not take it but usually they ignore me. One time an elderly gentlemen at the bank gave him CHANGE. : At least it's better than strangers wanting to give him food all the time. And when I say food, I mean like half eaten bags of who-knows-what.

Nursing bras should not double as birth control!
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#79 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 01:04 PM
 
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When my son was younger this happened often. We were even in Atlanta (husband had a business trip and we went along) where we knew *no* one and at lunch one day a gentleman stopped by and handed Alexander a dollar. He was 13 months so was like "hmm, food?" - now that he's older he doesn't get it anymore.
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#80 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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you're son is beautiful.

The lady's comments were rude, even if the gesture was well-meaning. I honestly think that once people reach a certain age, they feel entitled to air their opinions and judgments in any way they see fit. This isn't quite the same thing, but when my mom hit 65, she all of a sudden started addressing anyone she came across below age 60 as "dear." I told her it was patronizing, but she said "listen, when you get to be my age, blahblahblah."

And if there is a grandparents forum somewhere on this board, of course I am not talking about you.
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#81 of 100 Old 12-04-2007, 11:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The lady that gave us the money was older, about 65 or so. I agree, older men esp. ive noticed come up to children and start talking to them. I think its cute myself, but i havent ever gotten money out of it.... or half eaten bags of food! Lol That ones pretty strange.
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#82 of 100 Old 12-06-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AuntLavender View Post

We shop at Goodwill. Occasionally a Grandma will give each of my children $1!?! We are not poor. We don't dress that bad do we? I do drive a 17yo car but it doesn't have rust or anything and I wax it and keep it running smoothly.


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When my son was younger this happened often. We were even in Atlanta (husband had a business trip and we went along) where we knew *no* one and at lunch one day a gentleman stopped by and handed Alexander a dollar. He was 13 months so was like "hmm, food?" - now that he's older he doesn't get it anymore.
I just wanted to say, this happened to us once too. We were visiting my grandma at a senior center and an elderly man gave my then 2 yo dd a dollar. I thought it was very sweet, he seemed quite charmed by her and wanted to give her something.
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#83 of 100 Old 12-06-2007, 01:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Strangers gave us money again. 20 dollars this time.

We helped them change their tire They were in their 80s and really needed the help.

60 dollars in less than a week, pretty good,
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#84 of 100 Old 12-06-2007, 02:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by momwifenurse View Post
Strangers gave us money again. 20 dollars this time.

We helped them change their tire They were in their 80s and really needed the help.

60 dollars in less than a week, pretty good,
Sweet!

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#85 of 100 Old 12-06-2007, 02:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by momwifenurse View Post
Strangers gave us money again. 20 dollars this time.

We helped them change their tire They were in their 80s and really needed the help.

60 dollars in less than a week, pretty good,
pimp those kids out!! woo! for making money
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#86 of 100 Old 12-06-2007, 04:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Lol my kids were in the car the whole time haha. They fell asleep. But I ended up spending the 20 on food like she asked us to, and then the 40 ended up going to stuff we needed... i.e. cat food/litter cleaning products, and stuff... so once again no xmas money. Poop. But ah well Needs before wants!
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#87 of 100 Old 12-07-2007, 02:59 AM
 
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Aw, I am sorry you had to go through that. Some people just don't know when to keep their comments to themselves. I am ALWAYS dealing with comments over my tiny kids. Mara is 7 years old and weighs 42lbs, Nick will be 4 next month and he's 26lbs and 35in he is really tiny but he hates to eat and it is a battle everyday to get him to eat, he's been hospitalized a couple of times for it and he was failure to thrive, at 12 months he weighed barely 16lbs (ment to put 16 not 20lbs, lol. He weighed 20lbbs at 24 months) . My 11 month old daughter weighs 13lbs 3oz and she's 25in. I always get comments on how tiny and skinny they are but they look healthy to me, expect for my son he looks to be to thin. I just learned to ignore people like that, some kids are just tiny.
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#88 of 100 Old 12-07-2007, 04:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dont feel too bad, at 1 year my son was 16 pounds and still in size 1s. He was weight today and was 28 pounds. =P Thanks for the comments. I wish some people would try to be a little understanding.
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#89 of 100 Old 12-07-2007, 05:05 AM
 
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I'd see her words as clumsy maybe, but honestly, not rude. Considering what she saw, I'd think that she was just trying to help out a mother.

How lovely of her!

Sometimes I get caught for words and don't necessarily say the exact right thing, and I'm sure most of us are the same. I've debated with myself on occasions about whether to help out another mum in a grocery line, and rehearsed over and over what I will say, deciding that everything I come up with is clumsy.

No matter how you try, in that sort of situation you can easily embarrass the person that you are trying to help.

I'd try to see it for what it was - a kind, generous gesture. Gosh, $40 is a lot of money for someone to just hand over to a stranger! If she were a snarky person, she'd have just made a snarky comment, surely? Not handed you a significant amount of money!

I don't think he looks skinny at all. He's super-cute! Seeing those pics, I don't imagine that she was thinking he was skinny, just that you were struggling to buy groceries. If I see someone who seems to be struggling to buy groceries, I try to help out. It's not snarky, it's just that I can afford groceries, and don't believe that anyone should be in a position where they can't afford the basics in life.

Maybe the soda swayed her opinion of you, but maybe it did not. Either way, she was a very generous person, and I think it would make you feel more comfortable to just think about her generosity, not her words.

(And btw, although I don't post in special needs, I've had my share of judgements over my kids, so I do understand that. I also know that on occasions I've jumped to the conclusion that someone is judging me harshly, then they have come out with a really kind comment or gesture that shows that the opposite is true. )
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#90 of 100 Old 12-07-2007, 11:34 AM
 
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I haven't read any of the replies to this thread at all, b/c it's too long.

But I think you took her comment the wrong way. She saw you unable to pay for a cart full of groceries and handed you the money saying buy the kids some food. I don't think she was saying this b/c your child looks thin. I bet she didn't even notice what was in your cart. She just saw a young mom w/ young kids who was unable to pay for her groceries. I am 100% sure this came out of love and it wasn't a comment meant to make you feel guilty for trying to buy a bunch of drinks. I hope now that you've calmed down you can see this.

I'm actually crying thinking of the kindness of someone who would do something like this. I blame pregnancy hormones, but damn, I've been through some HARD times and no one ever stepped in to help me like this woman did. I can only imagine what it would have meant to me if someone had.
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