Does he really look that thin? w. edit. - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-03-2007, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A lady came to us in the HEB parking lot and gave us 40 dollars and told us to "buy some food for the children." She was referring to my son.

We were trying to buy a cart full of drinks (soda V8 fusion and milk) because we were out of them. Long story short, we did not have enough money on the FoodStamp card (yes we do use it) and had to leave the whole cart there. - as if that didnt make me feel crappy already.

She was looking at Caleb the whole time we were in line, trying to pay. I know he is skinny. I know he looks pale, and has dark circles under his eyes. He was dressed in a onsie, and I guess that didn't help the matter. I know he looks like he is starving... but I never thought it was so severe that someone would actually accuse me of starving and neglecting him.

Buy some food for the children...

Omg.

This is a photo from last month http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...s/103_0414.jpg
Heres one of him from this month, just because its cute haha
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...s/103_0522.jpg

EDITED: (thought i would post this in the thread starter, so no one reading this thread would miss it)

Yes, I do have the 40 dollars. I will be using it on useful stuff, like christmas presents, or gas (3.05 a gallon here!)

Now that I think about it, and I am in a clear state of mind, I do understand what the lady was trying to do... (to assume that she was not trying to be rude.... which i hope she wasnt meaning to be) I am thankful her thoughts and thinking that she was helping by giving us the cash, and it was nice of her, however her comments were uncalled for. She should have been nicer, and just said Merry Christmas, or something. I dont know.

I honestly hope and think that she was trying to be kind. I wouldnt just hand over 40 dollars if I felt like being mean to a family, you know what I mean? I mean, that is a lot of money! I hope she wasnt the type who was trying to do a holier than thou thing, and pay me 40 dollars just to get her opinion heard. Thats just... really rude. The words she said were ugly, but the money itself was a blessing.

I was just in shock and upset about the whole thing, but now that I have slept and woke up, and re-thought everything, I feel better about it all. It was just her comments and attitude that threw me off.
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:19 AM
 
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im sorry that happened.
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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it was really like a big slap to the face... phew.
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:22 AM
 
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some people are just so judgemental they dont stop to think about different body types and children with special needs.

and by looking at his pic, he looks very healthy, not starving at all
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:23 AM
 
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I'm sorry. I clicked on his picture and he looks about the same size as my three year old who is quite thin. He does look fed though.

Misty, mama to my nurslings William(11/4/02) and Parker(7/13/04).
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:29 AM
 
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OMG, he looks fine! That's a total slap in the face.


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Old 12-03-2007, 03:36 AM
 
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He doesn't look any skinnier than my 4 1/2 yr old. Or how my oldest was at that age. Was she actually trying to be nice, or sort of a "holier than thou" do-gooder? The former might be forgivable, but the latter just drives me batty!
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by peekyboo View Post
He doesn't look any skinnier than my 4 1/2 yr old. Or how my oldest was at that age. Was she actually trying to be nice, or sort of a "holier than thou" do-gooder? The former might be forgivable, but the latter just drives me batty!
I'm sure it was a nice gesture, just uising the wrong words YKWIM? and maybe it was more that she saw the op couldnt get the grocheries they wanted, and she wanted to help, and wasnt even meaning her ds. Maybe she thought he looked sick so he deserved a treat food wise and she saw that the op couldnt afford it. I'm trying to see the positive spin......
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That picture is a rather old one, I think he was around 32 months.

This is one from last month http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...s/103_0414.jpg

I know, he doesnt look that bad, but he was tired, and had bags under his eyes, has really pale skin, and the onsie was big on him so it made him look even skinnier. Hes 37 inches tall and 28-30 pounds.

Keith heard her better than I could and he said she said "just do me one thing, get some food for the children, and not sodas" So i dont know if she was being nice to help us by food, or actually thinking we starve our kid... its just.. woah.
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:57 AM
 
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:58 AM
 
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He's not that skinny, good lord! I wonder what she would think of my little guy, all 27 lbs of him...
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Old 12-03-2007, 03:59 AM
 
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well mama, soda is not good for anyone, truth be told. : Juice without added sugar is good, as is fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains, protein ...
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:02 AM
 
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wow, how upsetting!

since you ask in your title, I clicked the photo and yeah, he looks very thin, but also a healthy and happy guy. (edit to add- yeah, the 2nd is thin too, but not so much)

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Old 12-03-2007, 04:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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... we have food at home. We were out of drinks. I was trying to buy sodas for Keith and I, V8 fusion for Caleb and Milk for us.

btw. I changed the link in the above post to a better picture, hes smiling, sorta
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by majazama View Post
well mama, soda is not good for anyone, truth be told. : Juice without added sugar is good, as is fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains, protein ...
.......i didnt see her asking advice about nutrition
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:08 AM
 
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btw mama, dont feel bad, ds is 25mths and only 20lbs and 32inches
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wonderwahine View Post
.......i didnt see her asking advice about nutrition
I hate to see anyone drink soda. It corrodes yer body. Especially if you have very little money, it would be better spent on healthy foods. Not saying that this woman is giving it to her kids, or that she doesn't have healthy foods at home.
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by majazama View Post
I hate to see anyone drink soda. It corrodes yer body. Especially if you have very little money, it would be better spent on healthy foods. Not saying that this woman is giving it to her kids, or that she doesn't have healthy foods at home.
i still think it was uncalled for on this thread.
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:13 AM
 
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i still think it was uncalled for on this thread.
i think you are overreacting, and that my opinion is not alone. I'm seeing this from the other persons perspective, why they would say that, and give her money.

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momwifenurse~ your boy looks healthy, IMO. Much love to you and yours!!
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:15 AM
 
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i think you are overreacting, and that my opinion is not alone. I'm seeing this from the other persons perspective, why they would say that, and give her money.

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momwifenurse~ your boy looks healthy, IMO. Much love to you and yours!!
imo the woman who gave her the money, her comments were uncalled for to.
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:16 AM
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WHAAAAT???? He's darling! Some little ones are just string beans all through childhood. And, I don't think he even looks all that skinny.

Maybe she was just trying to be helpful...seeing you having an 'issue' at the checkout line. She shouldn't have told you what to do with that money, if she was truly giving it to you as a gift. Anyway, I pray that God blesses you and your family with many, many riches this Christmas-time, and all through the year! Your son is beautiful, and you're a good momma.

Blessings!
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree. That is JUST what that woman saw. A lady with two kids, buying a crapload of soda and juice. We get the 24pck of cheap sodas. So 48 sodas is a lot... however, just wanted to put it out there, we buy healthy foods, and everything, he just wont EAT them.

Wonderwahine: my son was 15 pounds at 1 year, I dont think he hit 20 pounds until he was 2! I remember him still wearing a SIZE 1 dipe till he was 1.5 =P He wears a size 3 now on long car trips... but not for the past 2x, yay!

and yes, that lady's comment was uncalled for, and rude. Even if she was trying to help, she shouldnt have said it like she did... is it bad i am thankful for the 40 dollars? but insulted at the same time, heh.
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:22 AM
 
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If she was trying to be helpful, she didn't need to say the thing about no soda. I don't think your son looks undernourished - he's a slim guy but my daughter's in high percentiles for height and weight and isn't much more padded. Most toddlers just aren't! Sorry you had that experience.
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:27 AM
 
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Looks like a normal, healthy, breastfed kid to me. I think you just got caught out with the sugar water
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Old 12-03-2007, 04:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Looks like a normal, healthy, breastfed kid to me. I think you just got caught out with the sugar water
eww sugar water is only good for lemonade
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Old 12-03-2007, 06:13 AM
 
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I don't think your son looks that skinny, and I think that the woman's comments were judgmental and rude. How was she to know that you weren't buying drinks for a party or something?

I'm sorry that you were made to feel that way.

It's complicated.
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Old 12-03-2007, 08:04 AM
 
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He looks thin, but not starved. A lot of kids that age look like they are his size. I am sorry you had a bad day.
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Old 12-03-2007, 10:20 AM
 
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her comments were not.

We shop at Goodwill. Occasionally a Grandma will give each of my children $1!?! We are not poor. We don't dress that bad do we? I do drive a 17yo car but it doesn't have rust or anything and I wax it and keep it running smoothly.

It takes all kinds eh?

Sincerely,
Debra
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Old 12-03-2007, 10:30 AM
 
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Well, he does look like a skinny minny, tbh, but not unhealthy. And honestly, if you put the whole situation in context, I'm sure she really thought she was helping you. Skinny, tired looking boy with ill-fitting clothing and mom using a food stamp card to buy juice and milk. You didn't have enough $$, and she wanted to help. Too bad she came off judgemental, but you got $40 out of the deal and you didn't have to use the money on your food stamp card.

Load that boy up with that Fusion juice!! Any chance you can slip an iron supplement into it without him noticing?
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Old 12-03-2007, 10:52 AM
 
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He still doesn't look as skinny as Maura - well, Maura does have the typical hypotonia poochy tummy, but her legs are definitely skinnier than his, and no one has ever given me slack about her weight in any way! I have a feeling this woman thought she was being helpful and yet came across very badly and a bit on the judgmental side, which is sad b/c instead of being truly helpful like she could have been, she made you feel even worse. Unless you've used food stamps, I don't think you truly get how using them can wear on you. On the one hand, you're very grateful for having them, but on the other hand, it's like admitting failure in public, over and over again. Getting lectured about what you should be buying - no matter how well intentioned - after not being able to use the food stamps, just kicks a person when they're already down.
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