I can totally sympathize. I had a world class meltdown today, absolutely paralyzed by fear, because I'm *this* close to delivering (as in right now I have been sent home from the doc's office to try to calm these ctx down, and if they don't, I have to go to the hospital and deliver
), and I'm freaking out about my almost 4 y.o. autistic son.
My best girlfriend is pg with her 3rd, her 2nd child has autism. She's freaking out too.
The best way I cope is this: I have to have faith that it will work out. In my heart I am terrified. In my head, I have the words and experiences of all the sn mamas who have walked this road before me, known the fear, known the uncertainty, and come out better on the other side. I just have to trust, it's all I can do. I can freak out in my head and be scared, but I hold onto that trust that it will somehow, some way be okay. After all, I was terrified of autism before I had an autie, so much so that I used to pray for any sn but autism if I was going to have a sn child. Well, guess what?
The first year was hell. But we made it through and came out better on the other side.
I know all about the fear, the feeling overwhelmed. Apparently it's normal.