Child spacing + special needs + new baby coming. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 12-21-2007, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
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I am feeling totally overwhelmed with what I have on my plate. Our son will be 10 in Feb. Our DD with down syndrome 5 in April and we have a new baby due in May. We homeschool(very relaxed) and my DH is rarely home. I have respite 2 hours a week and some time without the kids on the weekend.

I feel like I am about to loose my mind now, and can't imagine how I am going to balance all this out when the baby comes. My DS is a really great kid, a huge help, but I know he doesn't get his share. DD right now keeps us from doing so much because of her behavior. I try to keep a good attitude about her. She really can be a doll, but she is very strong willed and pushs me to the edge many times a day. She is very much in the preverbal toddler stage, she has signs and quite a few words, but still is very frustrating.

I know my children are perfectly spaced for my family and things have worked out just as they should for us. But, it is just leaving me feeling very overwhelmed.

I guess I am just hoping someone here can sympathize and share.

Thanks and Blessings.

DS1(12), DD(7)blessed with T21, DS2(2), and DD2 - newly arrived 1/28/11
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#2 of 4 Old 12-21-2007, 05:08 PM
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OH yes, we can sympathize! My kids are 23 months apart, so my oldest was hitting his "terrible twos" right when the baby was born. Then we realized that the baby was sick, something was wrong, readmitted to the hospital so many times, STRESS was abundant in our house!!!

Come here to vent whenever you need to! We'll all share hugs!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#3 of 4 Old 12-21-2007, 06:25 PM
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I can totally sympathize. I had a world class meltdown today, absolutely paralyzed by fear, because I'm *this* close to delivering (as in right now I have been sent home from the doc's office to try to calm these ctx down, and if they don't, I have to go to the hospital and deliver ), and I'm freaking out about my almost 4 y.o. autistic son.

My best girlfriend is pg with her 3rd, her 2nd child has autism. She's freaking out too.

The best way I cope is this: I have to have faith that it will work out. In my heart I am terrified. In my head, I have the words and experiences of all the sn mamas who have walked this road before me, known the fear, known the uncertainty, and come out better on the other side. I just have to trust, it's all I can do. I can freak out in my head and be scared, but I hold onto that trust that it will somehow, some way be okay. After all, I was terrified of autism before I had an autie, so much so that I used to pray for any sn but autism if I was going to have a sn child. Well, guess what? The first year was hell. But we made it through and came out better on the other side.

I know all about the fear, the feeling overwhelmed. Apparently it's normal.

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#4 of 4 Old 12-21-2007, 06:56 PM
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Well, we have a 6 1/2 year old son with multiple medical issues along with low functioning autism/global delays. We also have a 3-year-old son who is likely high-functioning autism and hyperlexic. We have a 3-month-old son that I was feeling exactly as you describe about prior to his birth. I had nightmares. I would hold DS2 close at night, terrified that I was going to be destroying him emotionally by having to pay so much less attention to him. I was sure I was dooming DS1 to a life of failure since clearly he would get that much less attention as well. (We homeschool so I figure I am pretty much responsible for his education and success in life right now.) And, so far it has been so much easier than I expected. Initially I was exhausted, but really no more than with DS2 - mostly due to regular new baby sleep deprivation that passes eventually. It does take more effort and planning as far as getting out and about, but the transition with this one has been easier than when DS2 was born, maybe because I just have another couple years of parenting under my belt, or maybe because I'm at a different point emotionally with the kids' special needs, I don't know for sure. It doesn't hurt that so far DS3 is a much more mellow baby than DS2, who was colicky to the extreme and didn't sleep through the night until he was about 2 1/2 years old. At any rate, we do have days that are very difficult, but somehow it has all worked out, I wouldn't trade any of them - I just REALLY hope that SOMEONE will potty train this year ... (And I will admit that I don't plan on having any more ... )

Best wishes for your new little one, and I do hope everything falls into place quickly for you!!

Mamma to three boys : We love :::
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