I have an almost 4 yr. old spirited ds who we are just beginning to understand and get help for. From my brief lurking, I see that what we are dealing with is so small compared to what some on the forums face each day with their kids. But this is the first place I've found, that I see there may be some kindred spirits.
All my friends kids are so not like my kid. They are all off to preschool and doing fine while my kid struggles. They are all enjoying playdates while my kid hits, screams and so forth. All the SAHM's on our street went off on a girls' weekend and I couldn't go because to leave my wonderful and very involved hubby with our kids over night would've been cruel and unusual punishment. I hate that I sound so, "Poor me."
Ds has some mild sensory issues but is working himself up to an oppositional-defiant disorder diagnosis pretty quickly. He has NEVER adjusted to having a sibling (dd is almost 2) and can't be left alone for a second with her. He was colicky, acid reflux and high needs infant and continues to be very high needs. Requires constant attention. Aggressive towards other kids at times, at other times he's an angel.
He had a horrible time at a Mother's Day Out program at a local preschool, which prompted an Early Intervention appt. They said pull him out of the program and re-eval. later. We chose to go the private route instead b/c I suspected a sensory-seeking SID. Private OT said SID was present but mild. He has since outgrown some of the concerns. Ped. felt he was depressed by new sibling. We just began to see a psychologist. I will meet w/ her next week re: her thoughts on diagnosis. She gave us some helpful stuff re: dealing with his aggressiveness and anger outbursts at home.
Current preschool is working (fingers crossed). Small, home-based preschool, teacher is great. He actually responds better with her than at home. He has about 1 aggressive incident daily at school (this is an improvement from last year), then puts himself in time out. Teacher is fine with this so we think we'll enroll him next year, but wonder if we should consider Montessori-- would it help vs. hurt him????
Anyway, I am just beginning to accept that I can't enroll him in summer camp at our local Nature Center like my best friend is doing with her kids, can't leave him in the daycare at the gym I want to join, babysitters don't last more than a two or three times. Trying to find more compassion within myself and not yell at him, that is not the parent I wanted to be. Scared of what is in store as he gains the vocabulary to really express himself (right now he threatens to throw us out the window, calls us stupid). Fear constantly for my younger child's safety. My heart sinks when my dad tells me, "Don't have a 3rd child, who knows how he'll react to that."
Any thoughts, advice, feedback much appreciated.
Mom to ds 3.5, and dd 1.5