I am so far past my wits' end I can't think of an appropriate cliche to describe it.
DS (5) is making life for our family a living hell. I know, it's a story that's been told many times, but here's the twist--he's only a problem with us, at home. To an extreme. He has never been a problem at school, never at friends houses, and only rarely at Grandma's house. He comes home from school and within thirty seconds of dropping his backpack, he's crying about something. The crying/melting down continues until bedtime, which is a long battle, then he goes to sleep, wakes up in a state of meltdown, leaves the house and is a perfect angel outside the home, then looses it again the second we walk through the door of the house. Over the winter break, he had a cousin his age staying at Grandma's house, so he had a playdate 24/7. I was terrified, thought it would be a living hell and it would completely overwhelm him, but it was the opposite: he was an absolute gem the entire time, and we hardly ever saw him. He told us himself yesterday that he's only happy when he's at school or friends' houses. It's almost as if he's come to associate us/this house with the place where he melts down, so he's come to dread it.
His meltdowns are almost never tantrums, and he is never aggressive or manipulative. He's simply miserable here, with us. He says over and over that he's "getting out of control" and he doesn't know why, and nothing is ever right--when he's hungry, no food will satiate, when he is getting dressed, no clothes feel right, when he wants to play a game, no game is the right choice. And screaming and body throwing ensues. Unless, of course, he's at school or someone else's house, in which case he is happy as a little clam and I can't even believe my eyes.
He's been in OT for three years for sensory issues, play therapy for anxiety, and we're in the middle of neuro-psychological testing to see what else might be going on. Our dev. ped. said that ADHD is not a possibility because he wouldn't be able to contextualize his behavior like this (it seems pretty classic at home). We've tried Zoloft (bad reaction), Celexa (worked for a time and the stopped) and he's been on Risperdal for a year.
Anyone have ideas? We are so miserable in this house. My two DDs are completely paying the price for this, and I feel like I've spent all my spare energy for years now trying to figure out what's gone wrong. I am becoming convinced that despite all common sense, despite that fact that we have an extremely fun and loving home, despite two happy sisters, maybe it really is us. Maybe it's not possible to make him happy. And then what do I do with that?