I am autistic (Asperger's), my almost 4 year old is an unlabeled weird Nt-ish replica of me except much cooler and with many more friends than I do.
So, the past few days have been very stressful for me. On top of all that, my laptop died on me. As usual, when something breaks down, DD observed and asked questions while I was taking it apart and coming to the sad realization that I needed a new laptop. For some reason, I am really attached to my computer and completely freaked out over it. DD woke up in the morning to find me staring at the motherboard, multi-meter in hand, pulling the hair out of my legs with my nails. She said: 'Mommy, you will be ok. We can buy another one.' She then gave me a hug and got me a glass of water.
The next day, after my mom was kind enough to buy me a new laptop, I go with her to the store, to find out that the salesperson had hustled her into paying 150$ to install windows and get some stupid anti-virus. It was already done and too late to cancel it, but I told the guy off for ripping people off like that. He went on to say that it was very difficult to install and that I surely could not do it myself. Once again, I went into 'crazy autistic this-is-not-making-sense mode' and argued with the guy for a good half-hour. My daughter, once again, gave me some hugs and kisses and calmed me down.
When we got home, I opened the laptop and just felt so violated to have someone else mess with my technology. It feels like the laptop is used. I just NEED to install anything that there is to install myself. I started crying a little bit but pulled myself together when my daughter approached with her 'It's ging to be ok' look.
So, is this bad? I don't know if I can trust my perspective right now, but I feel horrible, like I am traumatising her or something. I have so many things that I am so particular about (no one would ever dare try and fix anything on my car or do me a favor and clean my dishes or whatever) and when things are unsettled or stressful, I really go in full autistic mode. I normally say that accepting autism does not only apply to children and that DD will surely grow up to be a well-balanced, open-minded person. Now, I am wondering where to draw the line. I am wondering if the way she tries to comfort me is not something she should be thinking about at her age.
Other Aspie or otherwise "special needs" parents, what do you think?
Single mom to E (2004) and D (2010)