Normal sibling, sn child - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 09-12-2008, 10:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is almost three. We've suspected something "off" about his behavior for about a year now, and had an appt. with our pediatrician today to get the ball rolling. He thinks DS has high-functioning ASD. . or AS. It's more socially based than anything.

My problem is that DD is 5, and very normal. She sits or stands near I(in the same room as) DS and he'll hit her, pull her hair, etc. for no obvious reason. DD understandably becomes upset and tries to retaliate. I always pull DS aside and explain to him that's not okay--we don't hit people ever. I tell him we can hug, but not hit. It goes in one ear and out the other.

I don't know how to address this with DD. This feels so unfair all the way around. And it feels like what I'm doing with DS isn't working at all.

Can anyone help me??
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#2 of 5 Old 09-12-2008, 10:08 PM
 
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No solutions hear but have you talked to a homiopathic specialist about any supplements that may help? My sons behavior was out of control for about a year and I was desperate. We have him on some supplements and he is now very normal and a pleasure to be around and only usual sibling rivalry now. also doing great in school yeah!!!! Good luck!
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#3 of 5 Old 09-13-2008, 01:18 AM
 
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I could have written your post as well! My daughter Jaina (6) is NT and has a hard time with her little brother Jayce (3) that has ASD. We just keep talking and talking about how Jayce's brain is wired a little differently and that's why he needs help learning to talk and that's why he doesn't eat many foods, and that's why he doesn't understand some things. I've been amazed at how well Jaina has done with Jayce this past summer. She learned to get down to his level and teach him simple games he could follow, which in turn helped him make tons of social progress.
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#4 of 5 Old 09-13-2008, 10:56 PM
 
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I've been wondering about this same issue. ds1 is "fine" and ds2 has severe GERD, eating issues, and seizures. It's hard to explain to ds1 why ds2 is now acting different (he had a grand mal seizure last weekend and now his behavior has changed), why he's got so many doctors appointments, why he doesn't eat the same food we do, etc.. ds1 has started acting out and it's hard. I know why he's acting the way he is and despite giving him extra attention, he's still having problems. I just wish I had some way to help him understand what's going on:

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#5 of 5 Old 09-13-2008, 11:12 PM
 
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what does he do when she retaliates? Ds2 is only 7 months old so we don't know for sure if he is NT or not but I do wonder about this issue- ds1 already pinches ds2 so hard he leaves marks before I can get him away from him (he only does if every once in a while and always just out of the blue). My plan right now is that once ds2 is old enough to try and relatiate to basically let him, within reason. I'm not going to let them kill each other but if ds1 pinches or hits ds2 and ds2 slaps him or pushes him away I see that as a natural consequence that ds1 needs to learn. If you hurt your brother he will hurt you back. Of course ds1 is on the mild side of the spectrum and understands consequences well.

Is that wrong? I certainly don't want my younger child (NT or not) beating up on my son with ASD and I won't let him wail on him or anything but I don't think its right to never let ds1 experience the natural consequences of his actions when it comes to hurting his brother just because he is on the spectrum. I feel like all kids need to learn that you can't just hurt someone and have your mom swoop in and not let them hurt you back if that makes any sense? Just trying to play out the ethics of my future situation in my head...

ds1 is very spirited and we went through a phase where he was trying to hit anytime he didn't get his way- at first I tried "hands are not for hitting" and "hugs not hitting" and things like that but he just didn't seem to "get" it. The only thing that worked was holding both of his hands firmly (but not hurting him or anything), getting down on his level, and saying in a calm but stern voice "you DO NOT hit." I had to take away toys and turn off the TV from time to time when he started trying to hit me and it was amazing how quickly he got himself under control when he connected "if I hit my TV goes off and my toys go out of the room."

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