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MOMs who AP- How do you take care of yourself?

839 views 19 replies 11 participants last post by  MamaRabbit 
#1 ·
I've been wanting to post this for awhile now, but been too busy!!
I'm really needing help from all of you mamas.

I am usually a very organized person- my house used to be picked up, laundry done, meals made. However, since the twins were born 19 months ago we've had to let a lot of expectations relax. I can let the "stuff" wait even though it drives me crazy!! I'll finally get a days worth of laundry washed and put away, and then within minutes my twins have EVERYTHING out of the drawers thrown all over the room, or out the door!! As I type they are playing in the pantry and have found a bag of hamburger buns. They ate some of it and the rest are crumbled all over the floor!!
It's like taking two steps forward and ten steps back! I work so hard to get a room picked up (not even cleaned, simple picked up!) and within minutes it's trashed again!! Okay, thanks for letting me vent!!!


My concern is more physical and mental health related. I have a very severe case of mastitis this week. I am getting no sleep, mostly because of the pain and the fact that my twins wake up as often as every hour at night (we co-sleep)! I am a very patient, calm, person most of the time. However, lately I am so exhausted that I feel it's taking it's toll on me! I have always been the type of parent that gives 100% to my kids- often at the sacrifice of my health. I really don't think I can do it anymore!!

I do lots of things to take care of myself- acupuncture, massage, I'm involved in woman's groups, choir at church, etc... so I do get to do fun stuff outside of my family. I really feel like the lack of sleep is killing me.

So my question is this: As an AP parent, how do you balance YOUR needs vs. the KIDS needs? When do you let your kids fuss and whine at night to gently teach them to sleep without nursing every hour? How do you get everything done during the day on your own without help? (I feel like all of my help was used up while I was pregnant and on bedrest for 8 months!)

Thank you mamas for your experience and support!!
I'm off to clean up the bread crumbs!!
 
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#2 ·
Please don't kill me for saying this, but they seem to wake an awful lot for their ages. You must be exhausted!
Have you read the No-cry Sleep SOlution? I just checked it our from the library, and not sure about everything in there, but I know it has enlightened me to a few things that I didn't realize I was doing to make the babies sleep poorly. Just a thought. I know nothing seems okay when I am overtired. I'll keep you in my prayers.

On a practical note, we have cleanup times around here 2x a day. After lunch and after dinner. So, I don't worry about messes until those times. If it is 11am and there is stuff everywhere, I don't let it bother me (usually
), because, I know that in 2 hours, it will be time for us to pick up. The same with cleaning. I pick a day to mop, a day for the upstairs, etc. So, if on Monday, the downstairs carpets are a little fuzzy, I think, tomorrow is the day for those carpets. That way, things are not as overwhelming. Everything has a time and place. Does that make sense?

Lunch time! Hope that helps/////////
 
#3 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by herdingkittens View Post
Please don't kill me for saying this, but they seem to wake an awful lot for their ages. You must be exhausted!
Have you read the No-cry Sleep SOlution? I just checked it our from the library, and not sure about everything in there, but I know it has enlightened me to a few things that I didn't realize I was doing to make the babies sleep poorly. Just a thought. I know nothing seems okay when I am overtired. I'll keep you in my prayers.

On a practical note, we have cleanup times around here 2x a day. After lunch and after dinner. So, I don't worry about messes until those times. If it is 11am and there is stuff everywhere, I don't let it bother me (usually
), because, I know that in 2 hours, it will be time for us to pick up. The same with cleaning. I pick a day to mop, a day for the upstairs, etc. So, if on Monday, the downstairs carpets are a little fuzzy, I think, tomorrow is the day for those carpets. That way, things are not as overwhelming. Everything has a time and place. Does that make sense?

Lunch time! Hope that helps/////////
Oh, thank you SO much for your reply!!! I want to hug you!


It helps so much to hear that you think they are nursing too much at night! I unfortunately think I brought that on myself! When the were younger, I would always quickly nurse them back to sleep so that they wouldn't wake each other up. I always wondered how other twin mamas did this. With one it was no problem, but with two it has been a challenge. I sleep between them and roll back and forth to nurse. When one wakes up the other wakes up. We've tried to have my DH comfort them but they freak out. From about 4am-7am I end up laying on my back with them nursing/sleeping on me! Ugh!
: I love snuggling with them, but it gets to be too much! I will definitely look for the book you recommended- thank you so much!

When you described your daytime routine it very much reminded me of what I used to do before the twins were born. I love that you plan out a cleaning activity for each day. That did help me a lot before. When I think about picking up at our house, I'm simply focusing on the basics right now. Oh my goodness, my boys are super crazy into everything!! Even my DH said our other boys were never this inquisitive!! Of course there's two of them to chase and they both copy each other- double trouble!!
I can't even do basics like the dishes. If I'm trying to load the dishwasher they pull out dishes before I can get them all loaded. I think we are in a very exhausting stage with them anyway- they are busy toddlers. A friend of mine at church was telling me about a book she had read and how to find importance and spirituality in the simple things you so each day for your family. I try to remind myself of that each day!!

Thanks for the prayers!! I can always use that!!
I'm going to try to be more vigilant about scheduling activities each day like you suggested.
 
#4 ·
Perhaps you could buy a some sort of circular gate (padded) and keep your twins in there with few of their toys while you do your dishes and cleaning.

A friend of mine did that with her twins.. it helped her. Her twins are two years old now and she still do use that circular gate thing when she cleans.
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by VroomieMama View Post
Perhaps you could buy a some sort of circular gate (padded) and keep your twins in there with few of their toys while you do your dishes and cleaning.

A friend of mine did that with her twins.. it helped her. Her twins are two years old now and she still do use that circular gate thing when she cleans.
I saw one of those at the store this past weekend and thought about it... was thinking more to put it around our Christmas tree! My thought was that they would climb out of it??? I do once in awhile try to put them in a port-a-crib with some toys, but that doesn't last more than a few minutes. Hmm... I'll have to check those out!
Thanks!
 
#6 ·
I could have written your post for the most part. I have a 6 and 4 year old, and almost 17 month old twins. They would scream if I gated them!!

And yes, the house is trashed most of the time. They wake sometimes every hour at night, sometimes I get up to three hours straight.

I know that by 20-22 months I can night wean at least one of them without much trouble based on how my son reacted at that age. It seems like a long way off, but I know that end is in sight.

I'm really HOPING that we can do a tree without them destroying it this year...we'll see.

But they ARE growing each day, and I know it will get better...

Deb
 
#7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Prism75 View Post
I could have written your post for the most part. I have a 6 and 4 year old, and almost 17 month old twins. They would scream if I gated them!!

And yes, the house is trashed most of the time. They wake sometimes every hour at night, sometimes I get up to three hours straight.

I know that by 20-22 months I can night wean at least one of them without much trouble based on how my son reacted at that age. It seems like a long way off, but I know that end is in sight.

I'm really HOPING that we can do a tree without them destroying it this year...we'll see.

But they ARE growing each day, and I know it will get better...

Deb


Sorry to hear you're going through this too!! I wonder if it's just the age? I night weaned my now 8 year old at 18 months. It was a piece of cake! I told him throughout the day that we were not going to have "na na" at night because Mommie needed to sleep, na na's need to sleep, etc... It took maybe two nights with no fussing and he started sleeping through the night!! I remember when the twins were 9 months old thinking okay, we're halfway there!! At around 18 months I tried to explain the no na na at night and one of them started whining and saying 'noooooo!" So.... who's training who here???
I snap out of it during the day, but man the things I say in the middle of the night!!!!
 
#8 ·
Whew! Ok, glad to be of help. Yes, that book is pretty great. It just made me realize that I am putting my own babes down for naps and bed too late. I adjusted and they slept for a 3 hour nap this morning! That is a serious record over here! Can't wait to see what happens tonight. It is so hard to think straight when I am in survival mode. Oh well.

My friend has 3 yr old twins and swore by the gate, too. We don't have one, but mine are still not yet a year, so they are not yet that industrious.

Peace!
 
#9 ·
I night-weaned my twins at 22 months old. They didn't immediately start STTN, in fact it took a few months, but it was better than it was. I love the idea of having 2 clean up times. I may do that around here.
 
#10 ·
I actually nightweaned my DS1 at 15 months, and it wasn't so bad. I did Dr. Jay Gordon's plan, only we didn't even almost have to follow the whole thing. He protested, but mildly. Now, he still doesn't usually STTN at 27 months
But after nightweaning, he was waking up only maybe 2 times a night rather than constantly, and he went back to sleep without nursing. Maybe google Jay Gordon and see if it's something you'd be willing to try?

I think we're getting a gated area soon (my twins are scooting backwards and will be mobile before long). They aren't really high needs for the most part, and will sit on their own for a while, so hopefully it will work well with them. Nice sturdy gates like this can be super expensive though. On the one hand I feel bad about "caging" them, but OTOH we're living with my parents right now and it is NOT childproofed, and is not going to get childproofed, so it's really largely for their safety as well as my sanity.

{{{hugs}}}
As far as your original questiion...still working on it. I have no idea. I haven't been taking care of myself at all, and now that I'm sick again for the third time in as many weeks (and I usually do not get sick often), I'm realizing I need to step back and think about this exact issue.
 
#11 ·
Balancing AP and sanity! Hope things are calming down for you. My twins are my first and younger than yours, so I'm really way behind you but I sympathize.

Around 5-7 months my twins went on night-crazy. They sleep in cribs and had been sleeping soundly through the night since about 2 months old. The trade off was that my supply suffered. So when they started getting crabby and waking in the night, I thought it was a 6 month growth spurt. I was almost happy to bring them one at a time into my bed to nurse side-lying. At first it was one twin, once a night. Then both, then several times a night. For weeks. On vacation it got really bad - waking every hour or less, staggered so I got no sleep. When my parents joined me, they had an "intervention." They stayed over, sent me to bed and took care of the babies. Their crying was pretty painful for me. But once they settled down, the girls slept through the night. And they have for the two months since then.

I don't know what to think about "the intervention." My emotions tell me it's so wrong. But none of us were doing well without sleep, and I was just making the situation worse. It hurts to think about it.

Sorry this isn't totally relevant. It's just been bothering me and I wanted to share. I'd like to be more AP, but there are times it just doesn't work for us.

You get my kudos for doing as well as you are!
:
 
#12 ·
I don't think I started to regain even a slight measure of sanity and "me"-ness until I hired a babysitter 1-2 days a week this past summer, when the girls were 2.5 years old. But I had a lot of PTSD issues from prematurity, plus toddlers who still won't STTN. You can probably do better than I did.
 
#13 ·
I remember feeling pretty overwhelmed at that age (and with babes nursing that much at night) and kind of marvelled that they let people like me and my DP keep our drivers`licenses because we didn`t feel alert enough to shovel the walk, much less drive! So that`s when we nightweaned them (gently) and it did help. Mine still don`t STTN at 3.5! but it made a HUGE difference getting some big chunks of sleep.

good luck.
 
#18 ·
I just got the No Cry Sleep Solution book. We'll see how that goes.... It's a little ironic for my DH and I, because our oldest slept in a crib, we "taught" him to sleep alone,
and he slept the best and still does today. It wasn't until our second child that we caught on to APing, yet he is probably our most well adjusted kid!!

Some days I really wonder if all of this exhaustion pays off and then we'll get a compliment from someone saying how well we know our kids, and are so in tune and attached to them, and it makes it all worthwhile!

I worry too on the strain it causes for my DH and me. I feel like my poor DH often gets the very last shred of energy I have, which often isn't enough. Does anyone else have this issue? With five kids though, there's never a quiet moment to talk!!!
 
#19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mamaof5boys View Post

I worry too on the strain it causes for my DH and me. I feel like my poor DH often gets the very last shred of energy I have, which often isn't enough. Does anyone else have this issue? With five kids though, there's never a quiet moment to talk!!!

To some extent I get this, but it can work the other way too imo. I've often felt my husband is the one who doesn't make enough time for our relationship. We separated this pregnancy largely due to the fact that I couldn't stand another postnatal period with him


Now that he's out of the house he has worked harder to make an effort. I guess his stress reaction is to shut down and hibernate rather than work harder out of the house. I don't know which is worse!!!
He seriously gets PND


Try writing some love notes to your dh maybe to say what you'd like to be giving him, even if you can't
 
#20 ·
I end up layingon my back from 4-7am nursing both. Not easy and so frustrating. It eats away at me mentally. I find that just laying down for a few minutes once they're napping helps. Getting out for a 10 minute walk in the evening helps more. Mine are 2 mo younger than yours and just started being able to go to sleep by themselves. For afternoon naps, I nurse them, say go to your bed, they run to the crib, I put both in with a handful of cheerios. They eat the cheerios and play with a toy, I come back 10minutes later and they're out. For evening, I've found that I have less night nursing if I stuff them full of food, then nurse, then repeat the "nap routine" but with the playpen outside our bedroom door. Once they wake up to nurse they've already been dead asleep for 3 hours and are still in sleep mode rather than light sleep suck like pacifier mode. If that makes sense at all. We've tried this evening routine for a few days now and it's a huge difference in how much sleep we all are getting now.

I really don't get too much down time. I enjoy my shower by myself. I get online. That's about it.
 
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