Need to vent. Share some perspective with me if you can. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 01:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I heard somewhere today about difficult twin teens. It really unleashed my flood gates a little. I was hoping that by sharing with you MOMs, someone can give me better way of looking at things.

Little people, little problems; bigger people, bigger problems? That advice has me kicking myself for not driving to Nebraska when you could still drop off your kids and not look back. (Mostly kidding.)

Pregnancy was pretty good. A fun and hopeful time. I braced myself for the twins, and was told we just had to get through the first three / six months. There were some tough moments, but it was easy overall. I have these beautiful, perfect girls. They slept, nursed, and sat / laid there.

From about five months on, things have just gotten harder and harder. Solid food added a time-consuming activity where there was no time. Separation anxiety is a killer. The babies whine and scream their soul-crushing wail if I'm not holding them both. So I do. I sit there and hold my increasingly heavy 9 month olds, or worse carry them both around, while they literally tear my hair out. I'm either at work, or home holding both babies, or listening to them scream. Sometime both.

I have it relatively easy: healthy, well developing babies, supportive family, comfortable life. But my husband and I are strained to the very brink of breaking. And now I know better. Things are going to get harder. Much harder. The babies will have to learn to feed themselves - tack on extra feeding time. They'll grow into their budding attitudes. Toddlerhood is ahead.

Sure the babies are cute, and doing new things every day. They giggle and play together. When they do, I can barely enjoy it, I'm too worn out, or taking those precious few moments to brush my teeth, clean the house, manage some family paperwork at top speed so as not to "waste" a moment with two hands.

Don't really remember why my husband and I, after four happy years together, did this to ourselves. At this stage, there's very little joy in our lives. The highlight of my last few months was not the vacation in Cape Cod (so much stress), not the fancy dinner out for my birthday (40 minutes of rushing through a meal to get home before the babies went ballistic). It was commuting with sleeping babies, listening to a murder mystery on book tape. I was happy to see traffic.

Don't know how parenting is supposed to be. I can put a good face on for the babies, and be warm to them. It means I snap and pout with my husband; we've got to vent somewhere. And on well rested days where everything goes well, everything goes well. But it's not fun. I'm not relaxed, inspired, I don't know why I get out of bed in the morning besides the fact that I have to. And there's no end in sight. Maybe when the girls are four. Maybe not.

Why do we do this? Where can I find joy and pleasure in my life again?

Mom to : Belle and Izzy
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#2 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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Gena: I have no advice for you, as my twins are still in utero. But I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now.
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#3 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 02:18 PM
 
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Oh Sweetie!

I don't have much time to post right now, but I just wanted to tell you I am holding you in my prayers!! I feel so sad for you. My heart just aches reading your post.

I'm a very patient, positive person. I think for me it's very easy to find one thing about my day that makes me feel good and gives me energy to go on. However, my DH suffers from depression- I had him read your post and he told me that he can totally understand where you're coming from. It's that overwhelming feeling that it's never going to end and there's no hope in sight...

I know there are many things we can do as moms to help relieve the stress- I'm not sure if you're wanting specific ideas. What I think I'm hearing from your post is that you are needing help ASAP! I think with twins it so very difficult because everything is magnified so much more when they are difficult!

You mentioned that you are healthy. I'm wondering if there's a chance something medically could be going on that is causing you to feel the way you do. I would want to rule out anything that you could treat. I learned that my B12 was deficient by a blood test and after taking supplements I feel a ton better. I know that can also cause anxiety and depression too.

Please know this comes from a loving place and experience... have you thought about post partum depression? I know there are many antidepressants that are safe to take if you are breastfeeding. Also, I know there are natural supplements you can take too.

Sending positive energy your way.....
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#4 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 02:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Mamas! I'm a little embarassed by my post. Things really aren't that bad. I'm raising my babies the way I want, and managing what's important to me. They get lots of attention love and stimulation, I work hard to feed them the best (lots of pumping/nursing and homemade food) and we've been lucky that they haven't had any health or development problems. We've very blessed.

Expectant moms, please disregard! I'm just running low. Being a twin mom is a challenge. But neither my DH or I would trade it for anything.

Venting does help a little. Your support helps a lot. Now I just have to find some balance, some way to recharge my batteries.

Mama of 5, you may be right. I have been feeding myself pretty badly, lots of sugar, and not much exercise. Don't think it's PPD, although anything's possible. Do husbands get that too?

Mostly I need to take a deep breath and do something nice for myself. Maybe skip out of work and wander around Barnes and Noble with a fancy coffee drink. Sounds good just about now . . .

Thanks MOMs!

Mom to : Belle and Izzy
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#5 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 04:02 PM
 
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First of all, big hugs.

It sounds like things are overwhelming right now, and it sounds like you are feeling down and not so sure about the future, too. Even the best of us can feel like this, so be gentle on yourself, mama.

I agree w/Mamaof5boys as far as looking into depression. Also, I think that sugar triggers moodiness and energy surges/crashes for me, so I try to keep it to a minimum. I also know that a lack of sleep knocks everything out of perspective and make me feel crazy... and who among us consistently gets good sleep?!

Beyond that, here are some ideas for what they are worth:

1. Figure out what you need and want. You can't enjoy your family if your own needs and your important desires aren't met. There's a reason for the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"!
Do you need more time to enjoy your babies?
Do you need more time for yourself?
More bonding time with your husband?
Would you rather work out of the home less?

2. Brainstorm ways to get what you need.
To free yourself a bit, can you hire someone to help clean and do laundry?
If you want alone time, could you and your DH or other family member arrange a schedule for you to get out and do something for you (same goes for time with DH)?
If you want to work less, could you arrange and budget for it with your DH?

3. Implement! Try things and then tweak things here and there and hopefully eventually you will be able to find more moments of peace and less moments of despair & chaos.

I think that part of the problem is that as women, we are expected to wear so many hats - mother, wife, daughter, worker, and on and on. I feel like the women's liberation movement tricked us into thinking that we can (and should) have and do it all. Add in the dissolution of many social support systems and strong communities, and all too often we do have to do it all, or more than what any one person/family should have to take on alone. I don't know where I'm going with this... except to say that it's hard, and that if you have to debunk the 'I can do it all' myth for your sanity, by golly, get rid of it!

Another idea is to keep a gratitude journal, and write down 3 things a day that make you happy or that you are grateful for; I used this in the past to work myself out of a dark place.

We're all here for you

Mama to twin girls Adele and Nadia, born 5/2008
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#6 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Gena 22 View Post
Mostly I need to take a deep breath and do something nice for myself. Maybe skip out of work and wander around Barnes and Noble with a fancy coffee drink. Sounds good just about now . . .
Could I join you????? That sounds great!!!

Just know that you can vent anytime.... I agree, it does seem to help! You mentioned your DH and PPD- you can PM me if you want to more info about that in our family.

Hope the coffee helps and you can feel positive energy coming to you!!
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#7 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 04:15 PM
 
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Can we have a depressed dads thread !?!?!

joy.gifspread a lot of love joy.gif

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#8 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by shukr View Post
Can we have a depressed dads thread !?!?!
Hi Shukr!

I never did get back to you about a post you made on another thread.... sorry!! It's been so crazy around here!!

My DH was going along fine in life until the stress of kids.... and now we have 5 Bless his heart, he is the most giving person I know.... He kept agreeing to more because he knew how much I wanted them. We were going to only have 4...... He adores them immensely, it's just SOOOOO much work!!!! I don't know how you do it Shukr!!
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#9 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 04:38 PM
 
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Not a MTM here, but my good friend has triplets AND twins (8 years apart, different fathers) and makes it look so easy...

As far as big/little goes (I have kids 15, 12, and 7), I would say that while it gets more intense emotionally as they get older, it definitely gets less intense physically.

Soon, they will no longer need carrying, help falling asleep, help eating, help to get in the car, help to get up the stairs, etc. It is a whole new world when parenting stops being physical - you can finally get the rest you need to actually parent. I actually have excess energy these days, and go to a Pilates studio twice a week for fun.

Also, as they get older, they enjoy leaving you more and more - school, playdates, sleepovers, camp, etc. so you can recharge.

Yesterday I was sick and stayed in bed the whole day - they basically parented themselves and did a reasonable job. So just hang in there a few more years (a day at a time...) and you'll be FREE!

Good luck, Lisa
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#10 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 04:59 PM
 
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no time...
just wanted to say it gets easier! different is maybe a better word? but for me, also easier. NOTHING was harder than the first year. husband gone, one twin always in the hospital, no family nearby... hard. now mine are two and life is amazing and totally different and funny and just good. hang in there! i agree with what everyone said and i also think you just need to "zen" your way through that first year. it will become such a blur, if you even remember anything at all. (i will add that i am just way better with the toddler-on-up ages than the whole newborn-one y/o thing)
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#11 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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My twins are 14 years old, and a joy to me every single day. We survived tweenhood and are entering into some terrific teenage years.

That said, the first two years were HECK. Like the OP, my babies were healthy, active, normal, cheerful. They did normal baby/toddler things - like bite each other, pull ech others' hair, throw toys, wake up in the middle of the night. DH and I would literally tag off if one of us was leaving the room, so we knew who was on security detail.

Sleep deprivation was a big part of it. My boys didn't sleep through the night until they were 9 months old, and I hit the wall at about 6 months. We quit going to church, so one of us could sleep in on Saturday morning, the other on Sunday morning (we both worked full time, so naps weren't an option).

I know the days seem endless and the light at the end of the tunnel seems like an oncoming train, but it DOES get better. Right now your babies are VERY needy. In a few months they will be able to do more and more for themselves - they will still be a ton of work, but it's a different set of activities. You will realize that you are actually finishing a meal while it's still warm, and you can leave the children alone together for 10 minutes without someone getting hurt.

Then they will learn to play together and entertain each other. I remember one afternoon my sons going from my closet (which was a firetruck, complete with hats), to a box in the living room, which was a boat, to the dining room, where Tigger's house was under the table. They went from one to the other in rotation for HOURS!! It was delightful to watch, and I didn't have to do a THING! You mihgt find you can unload the entire dishwasher without interruption!

You mentioned housework. Would it reduce your stress a bit of you could hire a cleaning person every couple of weeks? We did this for about a year, and it relieved a huge burden.

Hang in there long enough, and you too can enjoy days like this with your wonderful twins:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...2/BigMt014.jpg

ETA that 3 was a real turning point for us, and 4 was even better.

If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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#12 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 06:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Much better! Even though I didn't think I had the time, I forced myself out for that bookstore coffee. It's one of my guilt-free happy places. It gave me enough of myself back to get happy about the positive thoughts you've all shared.

Now a month of sleeping and I'd be ready for whatever comes my way next.

Thanks again. I really needed your boost, mamas!

PS - Love the pic, nd deadhead! That's something to get excited about.

Mom to : Belle and Izzy
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#13 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 07:43 PM
 
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Another thing I wanted to add - don't be afraid to ask for help. Maybe you can have a friend come over the help with bathtime, or some other occasion that seems hard to deal with. Do you have a friend or relative who could come over for coffe for an hour, and watch the babies while you take a long hot bath or shower? As you discovered with your bookstore break, just being "off duty" for a short period of time can do a world of good.

In my experience, friends and neighbors are more than willing to help out where twins are involved - they're just so grateful it's you and not them!

If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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#14 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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I also have little time, so a quick post before I have to go nurse, but it does get easier. Honestly, I didn't really didn't enjoy a lot of the first 1 1/2 years with our older son, but now that he is 2, it is much easier. It changes, but the all consumingness of it all decreases. You are NOT alone, which I think helps to know. Mine our 5 months and I struggle to get through most days, and yet I have a lot of help. It's almost embarassing, but I try really hard not to beat myself up about it.

I also sometimes need to take a step back and realize that even if other mothers are out there having a wonderful time in motherhood, once size does not fit all. I call it the conspiracy of motherhood. Everyone thinks you are supposed to be happy and fullfilled just because you are a mother, but it's a hard job and tough work. I'm glad you got a bit of a break today and are feeling better.
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#15 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 09:07 PM
 
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Gena,

SO sorry to hear that you are going through that . I will be praying for you. Things always look worse when you put it down in writing, don't they? That being said, it's okay to be feeling the way you are. You sound like you are a wonderful mother, trying to do your best and taking such good and loving care of your babies. This is a hard job.

I have never suffered with PPD, but had a period of time when the babies started solids (hormone shift, anyone?) and I hit bottom. I kept trying to tell myself to suck it up and get over it, but in hindsight I was really struggling more than I let on. I had feelings and emotions that I have never had and they were not fun. I felt like I couldn't tell my husband because I was having sad thought about him, too. It really felt like an attack. Anyway, I say this because I think I should have gone a talked it out with someone outside my immediate family life that I could trust. I'm fine now, but I think that would have helped me then. That's my :

mother to girl (8), boy (7), girl (5) and twin boys (12/07) and a little boy due Feb 5!!
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#16 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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Just sending hugs and encouragement your way. I remember many points between 9 and 15 months (times when it *should* have been easier than those insane newborn days) thinking `what were we THINKING? we brought this on ourselves?`And a lot of thinking `this isn`t any fun for ANYONE.`

I think all the PP have given a lot of wisdom and I would try to do all of those things (get out of the house, B vitamins, hire help and ask for help, figure out the things you DO enjoy with your babes and do that... etc.) I found I *really* liked doing things with just one babe. No one stared. It was so easy! And I felt like I got to know them a little better that way. Even now, with 3.5 year olds, DP and I try to take all our kids on one-on-one dates as much as possible.

For me, it also helped to know I wasn`t alone. And like you, I felt guilty for not loving every minute of it (especially with healthy babes, pretty solid breastfeeding experiences, a great partner). But you aren`t alone. And there is nothing wrong with not loving every minute of it. But if you can find the bits you DO love, and try to do more of that... then the balance of good and not-so-good might swing the other way.

Hang in there, mama.
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#17 of 28 Old 11-25-2008, 11:38 PM
 
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I have days like that too. Thinking of you.

 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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#18 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 04:43 AM
 
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I was feeling totally like you the day you posted and have enjoyed hearing everyone's ideas. My twins are just 2 months, but I'm just so tired some days. It's not every day like in the beginning, but it's tough. DD is still not sleeping now at 2:40am! She likes to fight sleep, which means I don't get sleep either. Today was a much better day for me too, so I think there are good days and bad days and that will continue for quite some time....we just can't give up, our kids are counting on us to keep it together.
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#19 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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Almost everyday I think of how hard things are going to get. My twins are just over 5 months and I'm almost dreading the days when they're crawling. And then I think about the day they'll be eating solids. And then I think about the day they'll be walking (in two different directions). And then.....and then.... The upside to this is that I am mostly enjoying every day with my babies because I keep imagining that things could be more difficult. We definitely have some hard days though. Like today when both babies are sick and having a hard time staying asleep for naps and I feel like I can't hold them both. And even when I do they're both still crying (Of course, they're both sleeping now so I'm probably jinxing it by writing about it)

Take care!

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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#20 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 01:11 PM
 
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I can totally relate to so much of what you wrote. I found the first year+ to be really hard on an emotional level. I think I did struggle with ppd although mine didn't present the way I would have expected (I'm very familiar with how depression feels but this didn't feel like that - instead I had rage which is also a sign as it turns out). I did get through it but I feel like in retrospect I couldn't have made a few changes that would have helped me cope better with the stress of the situation. First, I should have reached out more to friends and family for help. When we first had the boys I had a couple of friends tell me how they were going to come weekly to help with whatever I needed but since I didn't proactively plan their visits, it just never really happened. I wish I had done that. I did find a great network of online friends, all moms of twins, who parent in the same general way as me which I found really invaluable. Other people just didn't understand why I didn't let the babies CIO or my commitment to breastfeeding or whatever so to have people who understood my parenting ideals and supported me in fighting for them was really, really helpful. I think it would have been good to have dh babysit the babies once a week for maybe 2 hours so I could have some "me" time. It took a long time before I was comfortable leaving them with him for any length of time - I remember that even around the time they had turned 2, I went out for a short while (just running nearby errands) and when I called to check on him he just told me how they were screaming the entire time and wouldn't be happy until I got home. That stressed me out and of course I cut my errands short and came right home. I realized later that that wasn't fair for him to do to me - he needed to step up and figure out how to take care of them w/o me (we have 2 older kids after all - it's not like he doesn't know how to be a dad) and after a long talk about it he finally figured things out and now has his own groove with them. To go along with the time away plan - as I'm finally getting to that point with my own twins I'm realizing that I've lost a lot of my own identity with this mom gig and I need to carve out something in my life that is just about me. These are your first so hopefully you don't feel like you've lost your own identity yet but keep my words in mind. It's easy when we love these little people so desperately that we martyr ourselves to the point that we barely have any self left. I believe now that we can and should do both - meet their needs in a way that we believe is best but at the same time give ourselves just a little amount of recouping time each week to maintain the relationship we have with ourselves and don't forget the relationship you must still maintain with your partner (I haven't mastered that part yet - it's a challenge). Last, I found that b/c everything was always so stressful and busy, I leaned heavily on junk food for myself (while feeding my family properly) b/c I'd just want something to eat NOW and didn't want to wait so I ate lots and lots of bowls of ice cream w/caramel, lots of chocolate bars, and mochas. These things helped kill my appetite but the problem is that (besides the obvious) all that sugar contributed to the rage and short-tempered issues I was struggling desperately with and making me a nutjob, quite frankley. I cut out sugar awhile ago and it really truly has made a profound impact on my life. I'm not crazy mom anymore. Life is still really stressful - in fact it's even more so in this past week as my dh just got injured and is off his feet for a couple of months - but I'm dealing with it like a sane person now. What a difference! So that might not be your issue at all but I've got to mention it b/c I'm sure someone else out there can relate. I knew it was something I needed to do pretty much the entire time but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Finally I did and I never want to go back. We're all much happier now.

Oh - one last thing! I really do feel like life with twins gets easier. There are some challenges now that I didn't have in the first year that *are* really hard, BUT I just love where they are now. They are so much fun. They are funny little people and watching their true personalities appear is just the best! They do fight with each other plenty but they also love each other and play really well lots of times together. I can only image it getting better and better and better - not that each stage won't present a new challenge but I think with it we'll shed some of the frustration that exists when dealing with babies and younger children who can't clearly communicate their thoughts or physically can't do what it is they'd like to do.

Big Hang in there and make sure both you & dh get time alone for yourselves and together and I'm sure you'll be okay. Dh and I only just had our first date ever since our twins were born (they're over 2 1/2 now) and we absolutely should NOT have waited that long. Lean on people - I think you've got to with a bigger family or with twins.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#21 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 01:34 PM
 
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Hang in there. Honest, I swear, it gets better -- MUCH BETTER.

I was an accomplished, intelligent, "with-it" woman before I had twins I thought I might need help from my mom for a couple of weeks after they were born and I'd be fine on my own after that. Ha!

I had a terrible pregnancy, extremely high needs babies (who didn't sleep through the night till they were 3 yo), ppd AND ptsd (from their birth).

I remember crying when a friend of mine with 2 yo twins brought me banana bread because I couldn't understand how a mother of twins could ever have time to bake. I thought my life was over.

If I had to do it again (and I admit I never would by choice ), I would take a lot more time for myself, make sleep (for myself) the top priority, and spend more alone time with my husband. At the time, it didn't seem like there were enough hours in the day to do any of those things, but I see now how much better I might have been able to manage if I hadn't gotten completely consumed by my kids.

Mine are 5 yo now, and while there are still days I feel like my brain might run out of my ears if I tilt my head, things are pretty good. I mean, I'm having 15 people for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and I'm actually pretty ready!

A pp really hit it on the head when she said that things get easier when the physical requirements of mothering diminish. And it's wonderful to watch them play together as they get older.

Just keep taking it one day at a time and make time for yourself.
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#22 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 02:16 PM
 
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Gena, I can totally relate!!! I have 7 month old healthy girls, fabulous nursers (NEVER a challenge there), pretty good sleepers (though they DO still wake up a lot at nite), and my DD1 has done a great job of adjusting to them. I love, I like them, they are adorable, my life feels richer because of them, but there are days (and sometimes too many of them), when I can't catch a break, where I just need one freakin' second for myself, but no one else seems to be on board for that. I have a loving, wonderful husband, but I get grumpy when all it seems like we do is discuss details of the day, who pooped, did DD1 cry going to school, what groceries we need..... I KNOW that DH longs for the days when we used to lay in bed for hours and then go for lunch, workout, see friends, etc. Now we each get one day to go to yoga, and even that is hurried, as one of us needs to be getting DD1 from school. I work as well. My DH and I both work part-time, but that even seems challenging. I can't imagine more at this point, but we are needing to financially. I think that each family has different scenarios, be it more work, more emotional stress from other sources, more kids, more physical challenges,etc, and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't complain b/c we *do* have it relatively easy.
I remember sometime in the first month, when all 3 kids were screaming, I broke down crying b/c I felt like I had created a disaster. I was the one who wanted to get pg again, and DH wasn't really on board. The pregnancy was an "oops", but thankfully, the birth control blip wasn't on my end. But it was hard thinking that my DH wasn't happy. Thankfully we got through that moment, and I see his love for the girls. Not to say that if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn't do it differently..... and that hurts.
Time, just time for that coffee drink like you said. That's one of my favorite things to do as well-- a bookstore with a coffee shop. Books!! Time to read, journal, talk to friends, and my latest guilty pleasure, the MDC boards I seriously don't know how so many people find time to post! They are on the board a ton, and also have blogs. Is it sleep??? Maybe I just need to give that up so that I have a second for myself, but I just can't. I'm already TIRED!!!
So, I do think that diet has a lot to do w/it. I spent the last couple of weeks w/too much dairy and too many carbs. I need more "happy food" like salmon and broccoli. I just feel cranky and tired, and I'm trying to find ways to carve space into my life (3 months since my last 2.5 hour date with DH), but that's work too. I have to try to find a care provider that I feel great about (that I can't afford) and then spend some time w/them before they are left alone with them. Even at that, I can't leave all 3 with one person, as DD1 requires one sitter herself Anyways, I do think that even when all things seem to be "good", things can still be so freakin' hard, that it is hard to find joy. I think that's when it's really important to reach out to others to get support. Know that you are not alone! I had to laugh about the solid foods thing. I was looking forward to that "tying them over" a little more when I'm gone, but no, it doesn't, and it's MORE work, and they still nurse the same. AAARRGGHHH!!! I can't believe I just got to write all this. They are sleeping less and less during the day, and so I am so busy (until I run off to work and do physical labor), then run back home, to nurse and feed, and play and ........... you hang in there and I will too!
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#23 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 02:28 PM
 
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I just read 2+twins post, and I think the sugar thing is BIG!!! I know it makes me crazy too, and I forgot to mention that I feel rage often on the bad days. Thankfully I've done a lot of work to build myself up on a spirit level, otherwise, I seriously could see going mad and hurting someone, which scares me so bad. I know that to deal w/DD1, I have to be oh so patient, and really talk things out w/her. "don't do it b/c I said so" has never worked w/her. There are days I sure wished it did!!!
I'm rambling, but I think maybe after Thanksgiving I'll try to give up sugar. I did it in the past, there is a great book called "Sugar Busters" (I think that's the name), and I had a GREAT time w/o it. But I went back and I know I lean on it now. So, for me, no sugar, good food and yoga are the key to my mental health.
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#24 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 04:09 PM
 
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I just wanted to echo what nd_deadhead said. It has gotten a lot easier at 3 & even easier as we're nearing 4. There are still times when it's rough, but it is a lot easier. I, too, had times of feeling completely overwhelmed when they were tiny & wondering I we done IVF twice to have babies!

I've also found that what's difficult shifts as they age. It is much less physical as they can do more and more things for themselves. And they will sleep at some point. The tantrums are difficult in a different way.

I have no idea what lies ahead in terms of the teen years. Maybe it will be very hard, or maybe it will be peaceful, but you can't worry yourself too far ahead.

And don't feel embarrassed. We've all had days, weeks, etc, like that.

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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#25 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 10:28 PM
 
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Almost everyday I think of how hard things are going to get. My twins are just over 5 months and I'm almost dreading the days when they're crawling. And then I think about the day they'll be eating solids. And then I think about the day they'll be walking (in two different directions). And then.....and then....
NOOO!! Don't dread it! That beautiful picture of nd_deadhead's boys are just what all those little steps lead up to! Once they sit up they can sit and entertain themselves for longer periods of time! Once they can crawl, they are entertained for longer! Once they can walk you don't need to carry them everywhere as much (I am looking forward to them getting up the steps themselves without worrying they will fall back!...ahhh to not have to carry 2 humans up stairs!!)! These are WONDERFUL things!! Ok, the solid food thing is more of a chore, I admit, but hey, gate the heck out of your house and lock up those cabinets, and the walking and crawling will be entertaining for you, too! They spend those first 6 or so months just needing you, and then things start to get fun!!

Sorry, I just had to say that. So many people around me say things like, "oh, just wait until they are crawling!" or "just wait until they are walking!", and this is not said in a nice way! Enjoy! I only have 11.5 months of experience with twins, but from my other children, it gets better everyday!!


mother to girl (8), boy (7), girl (5) and twin boys (12/07) and a little boy due Feb 5!!
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#26 of 28 Old 11-26-2008, 11:07 PM
 
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THanks so much for posting!! It is hard, often. My los will be 9 months this weekend. Between teething, falling down from pulling up, nasal congestion and poopy diapers, ds had a rough day today. And so did we.

I think it's especially hard when they are needy & clingy. I've found that rolling around on the ground with them helps. I'm close enough for comfort, but I get to rest just a bit to. I like to lay on my back and throw a soft ball into the air and catch it. I do it over and over -- they watch it giggling. And my back gets a much-needed break.

And...I gave in and started Zoloft. I'm having a hard time admitting to it, but I'm hoping that by being open someone else might know it's helpful. I thought I could pull through this myself. I too had a hard time with the sugar and did my best to cut back on that -- but was still having what feels like anxiety attacks. So I'm on a very low dose (25 mg). It takes the edge off and I feel more confident as a mom. PPD may not be your issue, though, and I totally respect that.

Ditto to all those suggestions to get help. Your babies will live through it, I promise. My los are now completely used to our babysitter and get excited when they see her -- she's with us for a few hours every day so I can shower, work pt and do the grocery shopping/errands. I LOVE it, and it turns out they enjoy playing with someone else, too.
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#27 of 28 Old 11-27-2008, 10:48 AM
 
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NOOO!! Don't dread it! That beautiful picture of nd_deadhead's boys are just what all those little steps lead up to! Once they sit up they can sit and entertain themselves for longer periods of time! Once they can crawl, they are entertained for longer! Once they can walk you don't need to carry them everywhere as much (I am looking forward to them getting up the steps themselves without worrying they will fall back!...ahhh to not have to carry 2 humans up stairs!!)! These are WONDERFUL things!! Ok, the solid food thing is more of a chore, I admit, but hey, gate the heck out of your house and lock up those cabinets, and the walking and crawling will be entertaining for you, too! They spend those first 6 or so months just needing you, and then things start to get fun!!

Sorry, I just had to say that. So many people around me say things like, "oh, just wait until they are crawling!" or "just wait until they are walking!", and this is not said in a nice way! Enjoy! I only have 11.5 months of experience with twins, but from my other children, it gets better everyday!!

I guess dread is a pretty dire word. It's not so much dread as apprehension. I am looking forward to those things. I love watching them eye each other and grasp hands. It's just that I can see how it might make things more difficult too. I've been pretty lucky so far in that things haven't been too crazy. I mean we're busy and all but overall I'm not finding it super busy, crazy, hard - kwim? So, when people are surprised about that I keep figuring one day it's going to come back and get me

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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#28 of 28 Old 11-28-2008, 10:48 PM
 
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My boys will be 14 in just a few months. In our case it definitely got easier & easier as time passed. For me the first 6 months or so were the absolute hardest, followed by a preschool period at about 3-4 years old. Their transition through puberty has been an interesting thing but not harder than infancy. It has often been emotional & moody but keeping in mind what it's like to be a hormonal teen has really helped me. The rest has just been me struggling with the fact that my babies are becoming young adults & I don't think that's anything different from any other teen parent really. Hang in there - it will get easier & you will look back on it all with a different perspective.
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