Almost one already... I feel kinda cheated... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 12-11-2008, 04:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I love having babies, always have loved babies and wanted 4 of my own to hold and cuddle. 4 was 'our' number. We are so lucky to have 2 girls and 2 boys : But sometimes, like now, when my boys are looking so big already, and the last year has flew by, I feel cheated. Having twins is harder than having one baby. I didn't get to spend as much time loving on each one as I would have liked b/c the other one needed me. I also didn't enjoy my twin pregnancy. It was hard and the last month was misserable. I felt lucky to have them be born healthy and get to come home right away (No NICU), but in all honesty that last month was a killer. It wasn't fun. I didn't enjoy the little kicks, bonding, ect. Plus I had 2 other kids who needed me, so I was always busy. Still am! So, do other twin moms feel this way? Especially the twin moms who have older singletons? I don't feel emotionally closer to my singles, but I do feel like I got to spend more time w/ them individually than I do the boys. The boys keep me hoping pretty much all day long! I never sit still, someone is constantly needing something! I don't feel like I get to sit down and play with them one-on-one (maybe I don't need to? They play well together), the seem to get into stuff more, make mroe messes and need much more supervision to stay out of trouble. They are jsut starting to walk and I guess I'm just blown away that they are entering toddler hood and leaving the baby stages behind one by one...
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#2 of 7 Old 12-11-2008, 05:34 PM
 
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I know exactly what you mean. My DH and I TTC for over 2 years, including a miscarriage in that time. We were exstatic when we found out we were pregnant again. I couldn't wait to nurse my baby, wear my baby everywhere. We were of course over joyed when we found out it was twins.

But it wasn't until after they were born that I had this sense of missing out. I'd find myself jealous of moms with one baby. I read on the LLL website that mothers of multiples often mourn that loss of a one-on-one mother-to-baby relationship that was soooo anticipated. When I read that, I thought, THAT'S IT!! that's this overwhelming grief I kept feeling. Don't get me wrong.. I LOVE my little guys. I feel blessed and lucky to have been chosen to raise and nurture these handsome little men in my life. However, they are my last, no more babies (tubal ligation during their c-section). I still feel grief and mourning for what I missed out on. And yes, I still feel jealousy when I see moms with their one baby. I wanted that again so bad.

So I see where you're coming from. That exclusiveness with one baby isn't there. And you feel bad. I do too.
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#3 of 7 Old 12-12-2008, 01:15 PM
 
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Missing the one on one stuff is just part of the game with multiples.

In addition to missing the baby cuddles and play time, I find myself hurrying to help the LOs be more independent so I have to do less for them. I feel like I'm going to miss all the fun stuff just getting them old enough to be ready to go off to school without me.

Kate
mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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#4 of 7 Old 12-12-2008, 02:05 PM
 
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I feel that way too. I try to remind myself of all the things they get to experience that a singleton doesn't - knowing your sibling since forever, always having your best friend around etc. But it is hard for me when someone is having a needy day just watching the other one play by themselves. We always thought we would have three, but after this, I have no plans on getting preg again. I wish I could have worn them more, sad they miss out on going places as much as one baby would, wish we could have coslept more then we did, feel a little guilty I'm not as tender as I should be in the middle of the night. But as pp said, it is just part of the game.

Happy birthday to your boys!

 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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#5 of 7 Old 12-13-2008, 05:06 AM
 
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Ahh, and how about those times when you do cuddle and laugh and play games with one twin, but feel guilty about neglecting the other twin at the same time? That's a tough one. Even taking turns with the games doesn't entirely erase that guilt.

Xander and Sophia, 9.5 months
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#6 of 7 Old 12-13-2008, 04:08 PM
 
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YES!!! That is exactly how I feel.

I felt it after the birth of my twin girls and was so excited to have another baby so that I could enjoy a singleton. I missed that one-on-one time that I had enjoyed so much with my older boys.

Then I had another set of twins.

Now I'm looking forward to a chance to have just one more baby. Just ONE more. (Just ONE!!!)

Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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#7 of 7 Old 12-15-2008, 10:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purpleheather79 View Post
YES!!! That is exactly how I feel.

I felt it after the birth of my twin girls and was so excited to have another baby so that I could enjoy a singleton. I missed that one-on-one time that I had enjoyed so much with my older boys.

Then I had another set of twins.

Now I'm looking forward to a chance to have just one more baby. Just ONE more. (Just ONE!!!)
I cannot totally relate, Purpleheather, but your post made me chuckle. I keep thinking, "if we are able to have more children, what a piece of cake it would be to have just 1!" Although, my grandmother had 3 children, then a set of twins then another set of twins. And I have 3 children, then a set of twins.....

On the topic of the main post, my guilt is for the neglect of my older children. Even though they are not worse for the wear (my son often talks about the twin girls that are coming, and how he wishes we had 100 babies....and he is totally serious! God love him....), I have to fight those feeling of guilt for not being able to do all the things that I want to do with them all. Mainly, often I just want to cuddle up on the couch and read gobs of books to the older 3 without having to get up for anything like diaper changes and the like. You know? Not trying to derail the conversation, just sharing the other side of the coin.

mother to girl (8), boy (7), girl (5) and twin boys (12/07) and a little boy due Feb 5!!
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