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#1 of 31 Old 12-29-2008, 09:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, first I want to admit that this sounds terrible of me, but I can't be the only one who thinks this way. Can I?


Am I the only one who rolls her eyes or thinks "give me a break" when I hear pregnant ladies of singletons complain about their size or their other pregnancy related issues? (not serious issues - just the small aches and pains and sleeping issues, etc)

I do realize I'm extremely fortunate to be feeling so well at nearly 30 weeks with my twins. But I hear all the time about "Oh I'm so big and uncomfortable" when they are 24-27 weeks along. I think to myself, I'm measuring at like 39-40 weeks and I'm handling it!

So am I just being a twit? Or did any of you sort of feel the same when when carrying twins.

Please, no attacking me, I admit I'm embarrassed by my initial reaction. And I would NEVER voice aloud or comment on any forum about how they should handle things or suggest they "get over it". NEVER EVER!!!! Cause I do realize pregnancy is different for everyone. But sometimes I feel like women think that pregnancy is a free pass to complain. I'm so thrilled and thankful to be pregnant I guess I relish the aches and pains, this will be my only time to enjoy these feelings probably.

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#2 of 31 Old 12-29-2008, 10:15 PM
 
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As someone who has had both twins and a singleton, I have to say my son's pregnancy was far more uncomfortable then my twin's pregnancy. I do think that some women have a really hard time. I was measuring 52 weeks when I delivered the girls but I was in so much PAIN with my son because he was so big and bearing down on my pubic bone and it HURT! I wasn't much bigger at the end with the twins then I was with El. Even in the beginning, I had terrible morning sickness with him and NOTHING with the girls! Every pregnancy really is different and every woman handles things in a different way.

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#3 of 31 Old 12-29-2008, 10:18 PM
 
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My first pregnancy was twins. It was extremely rough for me and I did not even know at the time that I have a major uterine malformation. Once I got to 28 weeks or so the care providers just wrote off all my concerns as complaining and I wound up with a c-sec and two micro-preemies one week later.

I am now a little over 28 weeks with a singleton and I am feeling just about as horrible as I did then. I was finally given bedrest orders earlier this month after being jerked around for weeks -- but only after I threatened to formally complain. And then the practice fired me as a patient so I currently have no HCP.

I am very scared about going early, I was a size 8 when I got pregnant and I have gained 60+ lbs... I can barely walk for contractions...I have maybe two outfits that actually fit me -- plus I still have to meet the needs of my two three year olds in my condition.

I guess the bottom line is, you don't know what another woman may be going through... maybe some women do use it as an excuse to complain, I wouldn't know but I think pregnancy is certainly a time where every woman should be given the benefit of the doubt. Nothing sucks worse than having your very real symptoms being written off as bs.
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#4 of 31 Old 12-29-2008, 10:42 PM
 
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Am I the only one who rolls her eyes or thinks "give me a break" when I hear pregnant ladies of singletons complain about their size or their other pregnancy related issues? (not serious issues - just the small aches and pains and sleeping issues, etc)
Not nearly as much as I roll my eyes when parents of singletons complain about how hard it is to take care of ONE baby!

No, but even as I say that, I totally know that when I had just one, it was hard. So, I roll my eyes with sympathy.
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#5 of 31 Old 12-29-2008, 11:02 PM
 
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I get frustrated when I hear people complain about being pregnant towards the end, begging to be induced, etc... because I just wish I could MAKE it to the end... I hate when people take it for granted that they'll get to term. I want to be big and uncomfortable

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#6 of 31 Old 12-29-2008, 11:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Honesty I do realize that every pregnancy is different. I guess it's just the whole excuse to complain that bugs me. Sure I hurt if I do much these days. But it all feels so worth it, that I hesitate to say anything.

And really, I promise I would NEVER say anything critical to the complainers. Really, I do have sympathy and compassion.

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#7 of 31 Old 12-29-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DeannaK View Post
Okay, first I want to admit that this sounds terrible of me, but I can't be the only one who thinks this way. Can I?


Am I the only one who rolls her eyes or thinks "give me a break" when I hear pregnant ladies of singletons complain about their size or their other pregnancy related issues? (not serious issues - just the small aches and pains and sleeping issues, etc)
OK, I'll join you. . .sort of.

My first reaction is that it may truly be like that for that woman and experiences vary greatly. I reflect with a grateful heart, on how fantastic I felt for most of my first three pregnancies. I acknowledge that part of this was probably due to reasonable expectations on my part (yes, I gave in to the overwhelming fatigue I felt early in the pregnancies). I remember how utterly miserable I felt during almost all of my twin pregnancy and how astonishing this would have seemed to many when it was still so early that I barely looked pregnant. So I can readily remember that things may not be what they appear.

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure some woman are faking their own misery to exploit the goodwill of others. Sometimes, it's evident in their demeanor. Sometimes they admit to it post-partum, often with a self-congratulatory chuckle. That's just crummy. First you lose respect for yourself. Then others lose respect for you. Then people lower their respect for women in general.

So I guess when it's a pretty obvious performance, I feel more than .

But I say nothing.

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#8 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 12:19 AM
 
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My second (singleton) pregnancy was in some ways definitely more difficult than my first (twin) pregnancy. The morning sickness lasted longer (until 20 weeks vs. 14 weeks with twins).

That said, the last three weeks of my twin pregnancy (weeks 35-38) were terribly uncomfortable (much worse than anything I experienced with my singleton pregnancy), and I'm sure I did my fair share of complaining (and I really do think it was justified ).

I often find myself reassuring moms who are having a really hard time in the newborn days (usually with nursing and/or lack of sleep), and it will come up that I have twins, and the moms will just stop complaining and be like, "OH MY GOD! How did you DO it with TWO babies?!" And the truth is that I think the experience of mothering two newborns was so much easier for me than the experience of being pregnant with two full-term babies. Pregnancy is preparing us for different levels of challenge and thus we need to be tolerant of different levels of discomfort/etc.

It's all relative, right? Some people are great at being pregnant, and some people are pretty terrible at it (I put myself in the latter group). I do think that being pregnant with twins skewed my perspective on pregnancy size. I almost always think that moms who are full-term with singletons look impossibly small (and it doesn't help that I measured only 3 cm smaller at the end of my singleton pregnancy as compared to my twin pregnancy, due to a large singleton and excess amniotic fluid).

Lex

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#9 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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I'm pretty right on par w/you, Deanna. I would never say anything, and I know everyone is different, but I do remember this woman at prenatal yoga just being a GRUMP and "hoping to deliver" at 38 weeks. I was already bigger than her with like 2 months to go.
Also, like ApplePieBaby, I had delivered my singleton at 35 weeks, and can't tell you how much I wanted to go to like, 42 weeks. Even the twins who came at 38 weeks, I wish I had carried longer.
And then there is the whole other realm of "is this woman doing anything to support herself?" And sometimes this is restricted greatly due to financial life place, but instead of buying all sorts of new baby things and driving the new car, it would seem appropriate to instead be getting chiro care, or acupuncture, or a massage. Pg can be really tough on the body, but I guess it just shows us how differently we all experience pregnancy.
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#10 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 12:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by vanauken View Post
Not nearly as much as I roll my eyes when parents of singletons complain about how hard it is to take care of ONE baby!

No, but even as I say that, I totally know that when I had just one, it was hard. So, I roll my eyes with sympathy.
Now THAT I can totally agree with. I just about lost my mind the first year with mine. Course mine are like MASSIVE karmic payback for having an easy first child!

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#11 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 01:29 AM
 
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I don't have twins, but anyway, lol. I felt HORRIBLE at the end of both of my pregnancies, like I thought I was going to just explode. And I only made it to 38 weeks, never further. My sister on the other hand, is almost 40 weeks and has NO pain. I almost can't believe how different it is for her. I guess everyone, and every pregnancy, is different.

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#12 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 02:38 AM
 
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I had two very easy singleton pregnancies. My twin pregnancy wasn't too bad but bad enough for me to understand what hard pregnancies for singletons would feel like. I have more sympathy now than before!

But I do get where you're coming from. I have a friend who complains during her whole pregnancy JUST to get attention... she lives for attention. It's those kinds of complaints that get to me.

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#13 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 02:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by DeannaK View Post
Cause I do realize pregnancy is different for everyone. But sometimes I feel like women think that pregnancy is a free pass to complain. I'm so thrilled and thankful to be pregnant I guess I relish the aches and pains, this will be my only time to enjoy these feelings probably.
You don't have to be a multiples mama to feel that way. I had someone call me a see you something something because I never complained while pregnant -- but I liked being pregnant. I had normal aches and pains and nausea and exhaustion, and couldn't walk the last three days, but... so? That's pregnancy for ya. Overall, it was great, and it gave me my baby, so it was miraculous.

But that's just an attitude thing. Other people have different attitudes, and that's OK too -- as you well know, no one should tell anyone else how to feel about their pregnancy. And some pregnancies really are harder or easier, multiples or singletons.
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#14 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 06:37 AM
 
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I find these generalizations and assumptions sad to be honest...

The number of babies you are carrying does impact how well you feel, but it is dedinedely NOT the only thing that makes a difference.
I was pregnant with twins once, and ok, they passed away before I went to term so I did not get to experience that but up to that point in the pregnancy, what I had experienced with my first baby had been by far more challenging ( I had severe hypermesis )

Also, your build, the number of kids you had before - that has a HUGE impact.
My last pregnancy was number 7, and OMG... the pain I was in for the last 2 months was out of this world. I had to soak in hot water several times a day to
withstand the pain and daily series of contractions, and could barely walk without my legs giving in. I have a very small torso and scoliosis. Even so I was preggo with a singleton, I was measuring 44-45 cm.
And guess what... two of my friends who had twins were just fine. Another friend who had twins was worse off than me.

Being a woman who suffers a lot when pregnant, I become very sad when I find "stop whining already" theads...
This is not a competition of who is worse off. Who are we to know how a woman is really feeling? Why not be compassionate and assume they have a reason to feel that way? Just because twin pregnancies are more often than not very challenging, it does NOT negate the fact that singleton pregnancies can also be!
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#15 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 08:42 AM
 
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I was in SO MUCH pain with my last singleton that I was admitted to hospital for a week had a series of tests and ended up on percocet for the next six weeks.AND I am someone who labors without meds and uses homeopathy first.I didn't feel great taking pain meds knowing that Ollie would get them but hey,my pain was severe,I wasn't just complaining:
Thank goodness that I had a genuinely sympathetic provider that didn't just roll her eyes at me and tell me to quit complaining.
Regardless of the amount of babies that you are carrying,we are all sisters in this experience that we are blessed to have and false sympathy is worse than none at all.Everyone is different.That is what makes this world such an interesting place.

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"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." ~ Sir Winston Churchill
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#16 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 11:03 AM
 
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Oh, and about the complaining itself...

Believe me: nobody else gets more fed up with the talking about the pain than ME! So i keep my mouth shut 90% of the time I am in pain or sick because I don't want to bother people. I wish I never had anything negative to say, but sometimes the pain and discomfort is just too much and it comes out, you know...

How do you know if the "complainers" that make you think "get over it" aren't just voicing their negative emotions for the first and only time that day, or that week?
Or maybe if they do voice those "complaints" often, it is afterall a forum for pregnant women, a safe place where they feel they can share what they usually keep to themselves IRL, because here people would understand and be sympathetic. Well, maybe not

I am sorry, but it is the 4th thread this month alone discussing the "pregnant complainers" and they are really getting to me. It is not like I don't beat myself up enough already for not being able to be as active and productive as I should be.

As much as I love giving birth and am soooooooo thankful and blessed with wonderfully healthy babies and births, pregnancies are very debilitating to me. I have a HIGH pain tolerance and am a tough cookie otherwise, so this is NOT a "bad attitude thing"
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#17 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 11:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and about the complaining itself...

I am sorry, but it is the 4th thread this month alone discussing the "pregnant complainers" and they are really getting to me. It is not like I don't beat myself up enough already for not being able to be as active and productive as I should be.

As much as I love giving birth and am soooooooo thankful and blessed with wonderfully healthy babies and births, pregnancies are very debilitating to me. I have a HIGH pain tolerance and am a tough cookie otherwise, so this is NOT a "bad attitude thing"
I'm sorry I offended you. That was not my intent as your situation does not seem to be the type of situation I was referring too. s:

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#18 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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Not nearly as much as I roll my eyes when parents of singletons complain about how hard it is to take care of ONE baby!

No, but even as I say that, I totally know that when I had just one, it was hard. So, I roll my eyes with sympathy.
Exactly! Granted, my dc are (I think) pretty "easy". But let me assure the other moms at baby yoga. . . I am much more tired than you are. . . I promise. At some point, you just have to assume that everyone goes through different things with preg/childhood and we all handle it differently and sometimes you just need to put a smile on your face and act nice.

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#19 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 01:44 PM
 
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Am I the only one who rolls her eyes or thinks "give me a break" when I hear pregnant ladies of singletons complain about their size or their other pregnancy related issues? (not serious issues - just the small aches and pains and sleeping issues, etc)
I honestly don't remember too well if this sort of scenario even occurred *during* my twin pregnancy but afterwards, sure, I've totally rolled my eyes (w/o actually doing so) hearing the run-of-the-mill "Oh, I'm sooooo big and uncomfortable" comments. I think to myself, "Really? Cuz you can *walk* without gripping a wall and you can sit up and roll over in bed without screaming out in agony and incidentally, have you seen any photos of just how big I did get with my twins?". I know what it's like to be big and past your EDD with good sized singeltons but that didn't hold a candle to what I experienced carrying a combined total of 15 lbs of twins. I think it's normal to feel this way - for anyone who's felt out of the ordinary pain and decreased mobility during pregnancy. Nothing wrong with these thoughts passing through your head.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#20 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nothing wrong with these thoughts passing through your head.
Thanks I was feeling for starting this thread. It's nice to know I'm okay with having the occasional eye rolling moment. Especially when I work so hard at taking good care of myself, making major adjustments in my life so that I can stay feeling as good as possible. (Like forgetting about certain gifts in order to go to the chiro).

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#21 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 03:38 PM
 
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Thanks I was feeling for starting this thread. It's nice to know I'm okay with having the occasional eye rolling moment. Especially when I work so hard at taking good care of myself, making major adjustments in my life so that I can stay feeling as good as possible. (Like forgetting about certain gifts in order to go to the chiro).
I think it's fine to have the occasional eye-rolling moment - especially when you were so clear on your first post that you're not without sympathy for others, and that you don't let them know that you think they're being a bit melodramatic.

I think part of it too, at least for me, is eye-rolling at my younger self, you know? I mean, I wish I could go back and shake my younger self by the shoulders and say, "you have ONE baby! She actually NAPS! You have NO IDEA how good you have it!" I totally know that I used to be just as bad as the moms I roll my eyes at now. So, I'm not so much laughing at them, as laughing at me . . .

But you never know how much you can handle till you have to handle it. I think as long as you're kind-spirited about it (i.e., know that without your twin experience, you'd have no idea how comparitively easy the singleton experience is, so really, you're just as bad), a bit of secret eye-rolling can actually help get you through a hard day, just because it's nice to have a giggle in the middle of all of this: ::::: Hug::
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#22 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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Deanna, I can relate. I do have sympathy for others, but it was pretty funny for me to be 37w along with twins hearing my neighbor complain that she thought she might kill herself (jokingly) if she had to be pregnant a minute longer with her singleton. (she had her baby at 36 weeks.) I am fortunate to have had 2 amazingly easy pregnancies, the twin pregnancy being a bit harder physically (I went 38 weeks) than my singleton (induced at 37w).

Denise, mama to ds1 (03/26/05) and boy/girl twins born 08/12/08
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#23 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 07:12 PM
 
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I think part of it too, at least for me, is eye-rolling at my younger self, you know? I mean, I wish I could go back and shake my younger self by the shoulders and say, "you have ONE baby! She actually NAPS! You have NO IDEA how good you have it!" I totally know that I used to be just as bad as the moms I roll my eyes at now. So, I'm not so much laughing at them, as laughing at me . . .


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#24 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 10:24 PM
 
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I felt the exact same way, and made a blog post about it at 38 weeks pregnant, only to have some psychotic mommy blogger link to my post and got HUNDREDS of comments calling me b**ch, stupid, mean, miserable, feel sorry for my husband for having to live with such a whiner, and how I'm ungrateful for not just being happy I can have children because SOME people would give anything to be that far along.

The truth of it is, I was pretty darn happy my twin pregnancy, amazed by my body, and generally pretty excited about it all. But I still rolled my eyes when women half my size whined about how big and miserable they were.

Wife of one and mom of five, including my HBAC twins!
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#25 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 10:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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: Note to self, "do not blog about this".


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#26 of 31 Old 12-30-2008, 11:33 PM
 
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At the risk of being called mean & miserable, I'll agree with this one. I wouldn't ever say it to another pregnant mom, but I have to admit to being a bit surprised to hear them complain to me when I was hugely pregnant with twins. I'm not a "complainer" but will freely admit to feeling sorry for myself during my pregnancies. First one was complicated with PIH and bedrest, second was an 11-lber, third was a m/c, fourth was twins, and fifth was twins in the summer in GA. It seems like each time I get more miserable so I'm afraid of what might happen next! It's hard to smile and be sympathetic with a teeny pregnant mama when your 90 lbs pregnant with 15 lbs of baby in you, your pubic bone has separated so much that you can't walk, and you have heartburn that causes you to throw up in your mouth when you swallow. But maybe it's just me because I was miserable at the end of my twin pregnancies?

Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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#27 of 31 Old 12-31-2008, 01:21 AM
 
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I love this thread cuz since I have had my twins, not only was I impatient hearing others complain while I WAS pregnant with my twins but I still honestly don't want to hear it when someone is feeling a bit "heavy". I am so grateful to have my baby girls as much as I am at having my teen and having given birth to an 11 lb baby then 6 lb twins 13 years later, I'm going with the twin pregnancy being a LOT harder on the body. I ached, I had heartburn, trouble breathing, no room left for the old lungs , no kidding and my hips buckling from a girl sitting on each one. You can't compare a singleton pregnancy to a multiple, sorry!

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#28 of 31 Old 12-31-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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Oh geez Heather, I have all of that to look forward to? Sounds delightful

Jayme-
Boy13, Boy12, Boy10, Girl7, Girl5, Twin Boys 6/14/09
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#29 of 31 Old 12-31-2008, 12:16 PM
 
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to all of you!!!!

Yes, those thoughts have rolled through my head. On my local moms board I see a lot of posts about "I just can't stand to be pregnant one more second" and I mentally roll my eyes and then tell them how hard it was to carry my twins to 39 weeks and be patient to let them come in their own time. No, I don't think you should induce at 37 weeks with no medical reason because you're uncomfortable. Please do not bother to post to this thread with commentary on how YOU had to induce because of x,y,z reason. I still don't think NORMAL pregnant discomfort is reason to induce.

BUT!

When friends call me to complain they almost always say in apology "who am I to complain to the mother of six with baby twins!!!" and I remind them that just because I have it hard right now doesn't make their stress any less difficult! I do have a lot of empathy for others because it's all hard. Carrying a singleton past my EDD was hard, having constant bouts of BV and contractions with my singletons was hard, having a 9 pound baby with a 15 inch head come out was hard!!!! However, don't look at me pregnant with 15 POUNDS of baby and another 5 POUNDS of fluid/placenta/ook and tell me how bad you have it with your little basketball belly!
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#30 of 31 Old 12-31-2008, 04:21 PM
 
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Complaints about big I have no patience for unless you're carrying triplets.

Complaints about pregnancy discomfort don't bother me. There were aspects of carrying my 10 lb singleton that were more uncomfortable than carrying the twins. My hips hurt so much more with Ian. My transverse breech twin A kept some of the pressure of my hips that Ian's big old head caused. I swore I would never complain once about a singleton pregnancy, but I have to admit I did to my husband and Mom at the end when I couldn't sleep with hip pain.

And just taking care of one baby seems like a dream. . .

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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