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#1 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 12:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hello everyone. I can't really talk about this with people in real life, even my own husband, because they all say I'm "blessed". Please hear me out.

I never thought I would ever have twins. We don't have family history and I'm not older etc. NEVER thought I would be a candidate. Lucy & Bella were born 12/2007 (they are now about 14 months). I'm 9 weeks pregnant -------> with twins. We planned this pregnancy thinking no way in you-know-what I'd have twins again (what are the chances ??). I DREAMED of a singleton pregnancy, a NORMAL experience. I'd vaginally birthed Lucy & Bella and wanted a homebirth SOOO BAD! I deserved it after all I've been through with my first set of twins, right ?

I'm completely devastated. To the point of crying spontaneously all the time since finding out we were having twins a little over 2 weeks ago. I've been panicky and feeling SO ALONE amongst the "oh you did it once you can do it again!" banter.

I'm vegan, too. Have been for 12 years. And I read in a study that vegans RARELY like ever have twins. What the ???? am I doing to make me have twins ????????

and I got my period for the first time in Dec. and we didn't try much at ALL and bam! twins !!

I even called an abortion clinic tonight. I honestly know I can't go through with it. I'm saying this so you'll know how desperate I am.

My husband is in dreamland "Oh we can do it!" and not listening to me at ALL. Fact is our house is so small we have one bedroom where all four of us sleep on a mattress on the floor. His job is in total jeopardy. Plus the girls themselves are still sooo high needs and with my pregnancy now I fear I will not even be able to take care of them! (and we have no options for help)

also after Lucy & Bella were born I had really bad PPD where I was VERY panic-stricken to the point of hopelessness (it was soooo hard to care for 2 at the same time. They were 34 weeks and I had a lot of guilt about the breastfeeding not working like I'd thought it would. They were exclusive pumped over a year, but now with the pregnancy my milk supply has plummeted).

I'm at a point where I'm so depressed I can't even care for the girls now, as in I lie on the floor and they crawl over me I'm so tired all the time. Like comPLETELY exhausted. This pregnancy is very similar to when I was pregnant with Lucy & Bella and it terrifies me to think what the heck am I gonna do when I can't lift them anymore ???????????

thank you for listening if you read this far. I seriously have NO ONE to turn to. I have all this inner anguish and crying all the time but no one sees ANYTHING but a "miracle". I guess I want to know anyone here with more than one set of twins? How do you do it? And ANYONE HERE WITH TWO SETS OF TWINS LESS THAN TWO YEARS OLD ??????????????

Melanie, vegan mommy to twin girls born Dec. 2007, and another little girl born Sept. 25th, 2009!
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#2 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 01:20 AM
 
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Your feelings ARE valid. If I were in your shoes, I would also be in a mixed state of shock and panic and fear and anger.

The only thing you can do from here is to take all of your concerns and make game plans surrounding them (that is, once you are over twin shock and able to mobilize).

It seems EXTREMELY important to get your husband on board with your emotions and then, in turn, plan as a family on how you will cope with more children. That coping might mean moving to be near family who can help, a new job for your husband, a bigger house, etc.

I'm sure you can do this... I hope you can find a way to do it and stay mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy.

*I almost hate to say this, but do keep in mind that 9 weeks is still early for any pregnancy, and that vanishing twin syndrome widely occurs throughout the first trimester.

Mama to twin girls Adele and Nadia, born 5/2008
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#3 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 01:39 AM
 
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Oh my goodness. I wish I could come down there and give you a hug. And then take your girls out for a few hours so you could take a nice long nap. I remember how shocked you were the first time it was twins, and I am seriously on the floor right now that you are having twins again!

I think if I found myself in your position, I'd be freaking out, too, even without some of the complications you mentioned. I think your reaction is pretty understandable, even the clinic phonecall - you're in a panicked state and need to work through it your own way.

I hope this will remain a safe place for you to talk when you feel you can't talk to anyone else. And as time goes on, I hope we can help you brainstorm ways of handling whatever this pregnancy throws at you.

I'll be thinking of you, and sending s.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#4 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 01:40 AM
 
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Deep breaths. Deep breaths. You are in a huge emotional place right now and you have every right to feel overwhelmed and scared. Talk to your husband about this and tell him your fears. This is not something you should deal with alone. If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, then talk to PPD people now so you can plan and prepare for after the babes are born. You are ahead in the game by knowing it is something that you are at risk for. Your family can and will grow and adapt to the new situation. I know it is hard to see how, but it will. You can do this. You CAN. Find any help you can....volunteers from a local charity, church, twins group, mother's helpers, someone you know at the grocery store, etc., etc....take ANY help you can get right now. One hour at a time...take it one hour at a time....and keep talking. I can understand your desire to regain your homebirth plan. Don't give it up yet. We put so much pressure on ourselves regarding birth, breastfeeding, mothering...everything. Give yourself a LOT of credit. You are doing a great job. For those that keep telling you it is a blessing or a miracle, or "how lucky you are", then tell them you need their help and sign them up, hon. These huge feelings of anxiety will lessen.....
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#5 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 04:22 AM
 
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Wow Melanie, what a huge shock! There are big AP/MDC groups in NC. Ask for help and they will! RIght now try to think of the positives. What did you enjoy with your twin pregnancy, the birth, rearing them so far.

PPD, I had it with my 2nd born but did not with my twins, it may not happen. You CAN make a small house work for you. We live in less than 800 sq ft for a family of 6 and we make it work. It's not easy, but it's doable. Yes we've changed sleeping arrangement about 20 times LOL but being flexible is key.

PurpleHeather here has 2 sets of twins, and I"m sure she could give you some great input.

Missionary, birth-worker, midwifery student
Mama to love.gif DD (9yr), DS luxlove.gif (3yr), & 2twins.gif UC twin DDs (5yr)

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#6 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 09:06 AM
 
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Wow, I know it's overwhelming. Not from personal experience, but because I have a RL friend who has two sets. I think MANY of us on here had VERY complex and conflicting emotions when we first found out it was twins the first time-- I can only imagine how compounded all that must be when you were hoping for a singleton and get a second set so soon.

Give yourself space to really encounter your feelings and explore where they're coming from. Fear is so powerful when we don't look our fears in the eye, KWIM? I had SEVERE PPD with my third, but not with my other kids (including twins) so remember that it's not set in stone.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Wife of one and mom of five, including my HBAC twins!
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#7 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 11:13 AM
 
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Oh I wish I could come watch your little ones and let you rest. You must be exhausted physically and mentally.
Big hugs coming your way! s:

Deanna Mom to 3 boys! Jake (April 2006) & Twin Boobie Monsters Wesley & Nathan (Feb 2009)!  homeschool.gif nocirc.gif

 

 

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#8 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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A huge to you, and an encouraging you can do it.

But seek out and accept ALL offers of help, evern before your new babe(s) arrive. Pregnancy is hard work too

Twin boys 04/2005 : Support breastfeeding rights at FirstRight.Org : warrior
Face the rear for MORE than a year! Toddlers' necks are safest in a rear facing carseat
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#9 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 11:37 AM
 
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Another big hug for you.

I am terrified of having a second set of twins. As in, it is a major reason why I have zero interest in dtd right now. So I haven't been there, but I have imagined what a house with four young and demanding, sweet and mobile, children would be like.

I'm not religious, but for my preg and this first year I have found myself saying, "God never gives us more than we can handle". This will make you stronger, whatever decision you make. As for the day to day realities of preg w/ twins, while caring for twins and then caring for four small children, I don't know how a person would get through it. But you will. I only know of one person irl who has two sets, the oldest were two when their sibs were born. She did hire a nanny to be w/ her most days. I think having daily help would be just about necessary. Wish we were closer so I could send make your fam dinner. . .

 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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#10 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 12:19 PM
 
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Wow.... I remember when you got pg the first time, b/c we were in the same DDC... I can't even imagine what you're going through. It has to be the most daunting thing that I could ever face. My post is basically going to echo what pp's have said, get dh on board with your feelings, create an action plan, perhaps ppd won't return, etc.

As for the vegan thing, that has been my rallying call that I won't have twins again, so now you've proven me wrong. It must just be a genetic predisposition, or all of those wonderful grains fruits and veggies that are doing it.

We're here for you.

Mama to lovely twin girls 1/08
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#11 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 02:34 PM
 
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I recommend you finding a therapist who works with pregnant and post-partum women. The abortion clinic might be able to recommend someone? You're right - not a lot of people can understand your situation. I really feel for you.

I understand what you mean about "deserving" a normal pregnancy. I feel the same way. The last 2 years have been HELL, and DD's birth went wrong (I let the CNM break my water; she got stuck; I got cut). I deserve a normal pregnancy and the birth experience that I so desperately crave. BUT, that's not meant to be. I've had to completely revise my expectations - no more low-intervention care, for one. I've already had 4 ultrasounds with this pregnancy. But I've needed them for my own sanity. Midwives aren't "allowed" to attend twin homebirth. What a crock, IMO. So, I'm having to work through my completely VALID concerns about trying to birth twins naturally in a hospital setting with a surgeon hovering over me - that is if he even LETS me use my vagina.

Ok, so I've rambled "me me me" and this is about YOU. I guess what I'm saying is that pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting are sacrifices. They can be blessings, but they're sacrifices too. There must be some sort of cosmic reason for this timing, right?

Let your babies crawl all over you. If that's all you can do, then that's all you can do. I'm 12 weeks and barely surviving. DD and DH won't be permanently scarred. This is temporary - as horrid as you're feeling, things can get better. Perhaps this pregnancy will be easier once you get past this stage. I wake up every day hopeful that I'll feel better.

If you want to keep one of the babies, talk to an OB. "Selective reduction" might be an option, especially if the babies are in their own sacs. I don't know anything about it but have seen it mentioned here.

You've been through PPD before, so I certainly can understand your fear of going through that again. All the more reason to work on putting together a support team. You don't deserve to go through this alone.

Baby steps - I've had to really work on this . . . I get overwhelmed when I look to the past or too far into the future. If you can focus on one day at a time or one hour at a time, if need be, you might find some relief. You're 9w pregnant and taking on ALL of the potential problems you might (or might not) face in the future.

Hope this helps at all. I know I'd be freaking out in your situation too, and certainly the "you've done it before" justification sucks because it just invalidates your feelings.

Kimberly, mom & wife - blogging.jpg about pregnancy and birth
DD 2004; 3 angel1.gif babies 2007-08; rainbow1284.gif twin DDs 2009; DD 7/12/11 hospital uhoh3.gif VBAC bouncy.gifafter 2 cesareans!

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#12 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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Oh wow, I would feel exactly the same! (((hugs)))

Jayme-
Boy13, Boy12, Boy10, Girl7, Girl5, Twin Boys 6/14/09
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#13 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 03:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleMonkey View Post
I'm vegan, too. Have been for 12 years. And I read in a study that vegans RARELY like ever have twins. What the ???? am I doing to make me have twins ????????
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaRabbit View Post
PurpleHeather here has 2 sets of twins, and I"m sure she could give you some great input.
Um...maybe it's the screenname?

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#14 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OGirlieMama View Post
Um...maybe it's the screenname?

Wife of one and mom of five, including my HBAC twins!
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#15 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 06:05 PM
 
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PurpleHeather is wonderful. Definitely talk to her!!!!

Kimberly, mom & wife - blogging.jpg about pregnancy and birth
DD 2004; 3 angel1.gif babies 2007-08; rainbow1284.gif twin DDs 2009; DD 7/12/11 hospital uhoh3.gif VBAC bouncy.gifafter 2 cesareans!

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#16 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 08:36 PM
 
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Oh, I can totally, TOTALLY relate. My singletons are 6 and 4 and then I have 2-yo twins and 5-mo twins. I felt the same way when I found out. Panic. Anxiety.

My pregnancy was miserable. I had a terrible birth. My husband left last month and won't be back until October. I'm over 600 miles from my family with no help at all. It sucks. But we have days when I am totally smitten with these little ones. Days that make the sucky days totally worth it.

It's going to be tough. But you can do it. Actually, if you PM me I'll give you my phone number. I would love to talk to you. Really. Because I totally get what you're feeling. ((big hugs))

Maybe you can homebirth these twins? Maybe you'll have 2 peaceful, east babies? You never know! I hope that you have it easy this time! Really, PM me and we can talk.

Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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#17 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 08:38 PM
 
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One more thing... I will be in NC next week. I am driving (by myself) w/ my kids and dog from GA to VA. I would even be happy to meet you somewhere or something. If you're ok with that. I'm definitely crazy but I'm not an axe murderer or anything, I promise! LOL

Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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#18 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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I'm not in the same exact situation but I really feel you. I have been feeling very similar things. And DH and others have been reacting the same way.


Maggie, blissfully married mama of 5 little ladies on my own little path. homeschool.gif gd.gifRainbow.gif
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#19 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 11:52 PM
 
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I think you gals are more brave than I am. I haven't even ALLOWED myself to think about how complicated it's going to be or how we can't afford 2 at the same time. I just can't even GO there . . . at least not yet.

I think we need a multiples mamas group hug!

Kimberly, mom & wife - blogging.jpg about pregnancy and birth
DD 2004; 3 angel1.gif babies 2007-08; rainbow1284.gif twin DDs 2009; DD 7/12/11 hospital uhoh3.gif VBAC bouncy.gifafter 2 cesareans!

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#20 of 43 Old 02-13-2009, 11:54 PM
 
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I didn't realise you were this stressed out over it. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I would be terrified too. I'm actually playing the watch and wait game myself, my betas are high and my betas are usually low. My friends keep joking that I'm having another set and it's just not funny. Part of me doesn't want to know if I am or not and the other half does so I can schedule a reduction. This is my last birth and I just won't have the crap I dealt with the first time again. We have all discussed it and the guys are behind me in the decision. I love my daughters but I love my sanity more and I fear I'd be forever broken if I had to do it again. My twins left me suicidal and I don't dare think of what having another set would do to me. I'm sorry if being cheerful has not been helpful. I was trying to help. Seriously though, there is no judgement from me and I don't blame you for calling an abortion clinic, I'd be in the same place to be perfectly honest.

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
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#21 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 12:18 AM
 
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Sending you so much strength and peace... I would be having the same thoughts, I think... feel free to write anything and everything you need too here if it helps -- and try to give yourself time if you can -- even time to *not* think about it (if that is helpful).

Aw mama.
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#22 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 12:25 AM
 
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I haven't been where you are (that's the reason my husband got a vasectomy....the thought scared me too much!) but I have had a pregnancy I didn't want....and it turned into twins.

I, too, considered an abortion for that pregnancy.

They have been such an infinite blessing. I am so glad I made the choice to keep them. Not saying that is the right choice for you and your family. I just wanted to say that I had MANY of your same feelings as we had four very young children already, I was already completely maxed out time/energy/sanity-wise, financially didn't feel like we could handle TWO more children, etc. Space was OK in the house but our vehicle was too small for two more.

We make it work. There are so many days when I'm tired and at the end of patience and will but I trudge through. I got blessed with (ok, BEGGED GOD my entire pregnancy for) two really super easy, sweet, laid back babies. They've been amazing.

Sorry, I'm just rambling. I felt so much of your pain in my heart just now. I pray you are given what you need to have to make it work.
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#23 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 01:23 AM
 
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Oh, mama, I am so sorry you're going through such a difficult range of emotions right now. I can only imagine your shock at the news and how scary it must be to consider. I don't have 2 sets of twins but there are 2 or 3 mamas on here that do - hopefully they'll chime in. Homebirth doesn't have to be out. Many of us have had our twins at home. If you'd like more info on that, please ask. I wish there was a way I could help! I suppose this isn't necessarily the case for everyone but you commented about not being able to lift your (current) twins eventually - I never reached that point while pg with my twin (I was always able to pick up my almost 2.5 yo back then). Sorry, I wish I had more for you. We're here.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#24 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 10:29 AM
 
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I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Sending you lots of strength to get through this period. I hope you find the support you need.

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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#25 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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BIg hugs coming your way! You were in my DDC My boys were born 12/29, so I know where you are at in terms of how much care they still need all the time. I have 2 older girls that are 21 months apart, though, and I wanted to tell you that your twins are going to chance SOOO much in the next 6 months! They will be much more independant. I got PG w/ Laina when Lacy was 12 months old, and she was a high-needs kid (still is). Laina was teh most peaceful baby! She's still really laid back! When I was first PG it was hard to think of how I would care for both of them, but by the time Laina was born Lacy had grown soooo much! Your girls will be changing a lot in the next 6-8 months. By the time you have the next set of twins, they will be playing more by themselves, able to eat by themselves, dress themselves and they will also be minding much better! Really! I'm not saying it won't be hard, but I don't think it will be as bad as you think it will You have several months here to come up w/ a good routine to get them on (we are working w/ my boys on this now, going to bed w/o nursing, just laying down in the bed w/ them), figure out the whole snack thing (they will be able to have sippys and snacks while you care for the other babies, you can teach them to do a lot of things in the next few months! You CAN do this!!!

One of the girls on my DDC on the Twins Magazine website got PG when her twins were just a few months old! They were born 1/9-08, and the new baby was due 12/29/08, but was actually born 1/9/09, so she had 3 kids within one year! All born on the same date! Another girl I know IRL had 2 older kids, then a set of b/g twins, then another set of b/b twins when the first twins were 2! It does happen (and thanks for the wake up call, we have not been using any BC b/c I have not cycled yet)
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#26 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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I'm not a multiples mama but I lurk here sometimes. I dream of having twins. I do *not* dream of having 2 sets of twins. I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must feel right now. I'm sorry that no one has been understanding (besides, obviously, the mamas on this board).
I couldn't read and not post.

Wife of Michael , SAHM to Aristotle 09/99 Raphael 06/07 and Marius 05/09 Known only in dreams but never forgotten: Euphrates Decluttering 290/2010
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#27 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 04:50 PM
 
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That would have terrified me, too. I had some pretty bad PPD after my twins but never recognized it. Please realize that you are in a rough place right now - twin pg's are more tiring than singletons, first tri sucks regardless, AND you are caring for 2 littles already.
Make a plan:
Get a counselor - they are less likely o suggest mds but meds are fine if you truly can't function, they have saved may a person.
Ask for help from family and friends. Don't be shy.
Draw up a plan on where you will all sleep, etc. - like a twin mattress next to yours on the floor for your toddlers and then the new babes in your bed.
Tell DH EXACTLY what you need from him right now. Don't expect him to "see" how you feel, just tell him this is what you need him to do right now. Men have a hard time understanding big emotions like what you're feeling, so tell him if you think he can handle it - or just stick to practical stuff like "Do all the laundry" and "Make me lunch before you leave for work."
If it helps, I know a mama who had triplets, then a singleton when the trips were 17 months old. She survived, and it was hard but not as hard as she thought.

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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#28 of 43 Old 02-14-2009, 10:09 PM
 
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I can only imagine how you feel. My boys (19 months now) were the twins I always fantasized about. But when I got pregnant with this baby (now 21 weeks) I would wake up in a cold sweat just panicked that it was twins again.

Don't you dare feel bad about lying on the floor while they play. I've done this more times than I can count. They think it is so fun that mama is a jungle gym.

I also second the suggestion of a therapist who deals with pregnancy issues. They will allow you a 'safe' place to talk out your thoughts, fears and concerns. They can also help your DH to see what you are experiencing.
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#29 of 43 Old 02-15-2009, 11:19 AM
 
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huge {{{hugs}}}
I also freaked out when I found out I was having twins, and I only had one older child.
Are your girls MZ?
I was a vegan when I conceived my twins, too. Weird, huh?

I wish I had some great advice. All I can offer is complete sympathy and {{{hugs}}}

eta: My DS1 was 14 months when I got pregnant with the twins. Seriously, don't feel bad about laying on the floor and letting them play around you--if they're happy, they're totally fine. I did a lot of that. Also I started letting him watch Signing Time DVDs once a day, just for that break, during the time of day when I had my worst morning sickness. Do whatever you need to to get through this, and your girls will be fine.
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#30 of 43 Old 02-15-2009, 04:05 PM
 
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My sets of twins are not as close as yours will be, but I can feel your pain. I, too, wanted a homebirth my second time around but a midwife "couldn't" assist. It was really disappointing because I was so ready to have the homebirth (even though I birthed vaginally with the first set, I REALLY wanted less intervention the second time and I wanted my older kids to be more a part of the process). I wanted to walk around town with ONE baby, not have to worry about two babies tag-teaming me all night, I just wanted to "simplicity" of having one little baby to worry about. I love, love, love my twins but it is a hard thing. And two sets is a lot of work. If you had ppd before, and based on the way you are feeling now, I think you really need to find a therapist or someone to talk to. You do not have to go through this and carry it all alone; it's a lot to absorb and take on.

That being said, you can do it! Having two sets of twins has been so much fun. And all our kids have such special relationships, both with their twin sibling and their other siblings. It's wonderful to watch them all play together and love each other up. I still dream of the single birth experience (which is never going to happen now) but I would not give up any of the little sweeties we have.

Sorry to blabber on about myself but hopefully I've helped in some way.

Take care of yourself and focus on what YOU need and your body needs to be the healthy, loving mama you're meant to be. It has taken me a long time to realize how important it is to take care of myself but it's imperative. OK, that's all.
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