will it ever return to normal??? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-18-2009, 02:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Mommas .... I'm here with a 'grump' (minor rant).


I just want to know ..... is my life ever going to return to normal??? Am I ever going to feel like I have it all together, again, like I used to???

I'm just tired of running amok, feeling like I am a hamster on a wheel, and never getting anywhere. I'm constantly trying to stay one step ahead of my children, and more often than not, I'm one step behind. When I'm picking up one baby who has fallen while in the bathtub, the other is turning on the shower. Stop the shower, and the first baby is pulling toilet paper off the roll, with wet hands. ARGH!

Got a call from my work today .... I was supposed to work extra today .... and I had no idea. Hadn't put it on ANY of my 3 calendars (palm pilot, Yahoo calendar, and a gigantic write on calendar at home). Had to tell my boss ... sorry, won't be there. I already have plans. I felt like an idiot all day .... cried to my husband, etc.

I'm pulled in a million different directions .... and the end result is me being a grumpy jackass. I'm snippy with everyone, and I hate being that way. We've hired mother's helpers, a housekeeper, but yet things still are complete chaos around here. I'm sleep deprived, I'm sure, because my children are STILL notoriously bad sleepers.

HELP!! I feel confident that someone has been in, or is still in my yucky leaky boat. Please offer some words of encouragement. My husband told me today that he feels like he's hanging on the edge of a cliff, by his fingernails.

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

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Old 06-18-2009, 02:05 AM
 
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Not much time but wanted to say YES... I've been there and it DOES get better. Hang in there -- thinking of you.
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Old 06-18-2009, 02:27 AM
 
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Yes, it gets better, I promise! I don't know how old your twins are, but I do remember that the first year with ours was awful. The house was always a wreck; I was always tired; I was always frazzled.

Each year it has gotten easier and more enjoyable. Now (my twins turned 4 last month) it's fun, really, real and true! My house still isn't as clean as pre-multiples, but I've learned to let that go to a large extent.

Be gentle with yourself as you find your rhythm and get to know your little ones. It's hard, and it was hard on my dh and our marriage that first year. But you can make it through; you will find a new calm for your house. Hang in there!

"We think we're gliding down the highway when in fact we're slip sliding away." Paul Simon
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Old 06-18-2009, 03:59 AM
 
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Honestly, I can relate. Except for the "I used to have it all together" part. I mean, I've always struggled with some things. But this is outrageous.
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Old 06-18-2009, 11:32 AM
 
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I can only assume it will get better. I know it's only a little part of your day but the tub thing happens here too. Both trying to stand up, falling down, bumping their heads on the faucet, peeing on the carpet after the bath before they're diapered and on and on.

I'm a type A personality and usually very organized. Realistically, I've needed to come to terms with letting some things go but somedays it goes beyond my limits . Usually I will have multiple days where things are crazy and then out of the blue I'll have one of those days (or even just a moment in time) where I think maybe....just maybe....I can do this. Sending you one of those days soon :

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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Old 06-18-2009, 05:26 PM
 
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My boat leaks, too. But, the leak does not seem as bad as it did 6 months ago. Mine are 18mo and still sleeping not so great (most nights they only wake at midnight, but there are still many where I am up multiple times), however, it seems MUCH easier than when they were around 12mo. Maybe it is because we can spend most of the day outside now that summer is here?

Anyway, I hear you on the crabby thing. I've been trying to remember to plaster on a smile in the morning, even when it hurts. Everyone around me is so much calmer and happier when that smile is pasted there. That being said, it seems that the more time that passes, the easier it gets. There are different challenges, of course, but I will take removing a baby from the bathroom who is playing with the toilet brush AND unravelling the toilet paper (yes, at the same time) over those first few months ANYTIME!! My own personal opinion, for what it is worth!

A wise mother of twins told me "you gotta do what you gotta do." That has been the best encouragement for me since having twins. It has helped me to drop my expectations and not feel as guilty as I normally would.

Not sure if any of that helps. Just know you are not alone!

mother to girl (8), boy (7), girl (5) and twin boys (12/07) and a little boy due Feb 5!!
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Old 06-18-2009, 07:35 PM
 
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Gotta run atm but I'm typing from my ridiculously leaky boat. Dh and I are bailing it as fast as it runs in.
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Old 06-19-2009, 08:35 PM
 
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My guys turned 2 in Feb and it's getting easier to keep things in order as they get older. Not to say it's not chaos but it's more organized chaos, there are more days when I'm at least keeping up with them and even some where I'm way ahead of them........someone tell me this is a trend that will continue.
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Old 06-22-2009, 10:35 AM
 
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I hate to be one of "those", but I don't think it ever returns to normal - chaos is the new normal. I wasn't the best housekeeper before we had kids, and for the first three months all I did was nurse. My grandmother hired us a cleaner twice a week so that the place would be somewhat liveable.

As they got older it did get a little easier to get a handle on things as they spent more time playing together over longer stretches. They turn two in August and it is way better now. My DH still comes home from a long day of work every day and does the dishes and will sometimes make dinner depending on how crazy the day was.

I found that I just had to let some things go. We are in the beginning stages of toilet training and they have started taking their diapers off. While one is sitting on the toilet pooping the other one has taken off his diaper and peed on the floor/wall/couch (thank goodness we have tiled floors, not carpet), or one will be on the toilet and the other will be washing his tushy with toilet water with all of the toilet paper that he had just pulled in there. Sigh.

But it is much better than it was a few months ago. *hugs* it does get easier to handle even if it doesn't get better.

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Old 06-22-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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Speaking with no parenting experience at all ......

When I deal with kids and I feel my patience going out the window, I find comfort in the tactics and theories that I've learned. That way I'm not flying by the seat of my pants or just reacting, but coming from a theory base on how to deal with the kids. Things like distracting, giving them options, visualizing, behavior modification, etc.

Also, I gave up on the idea of being a good house wife long ago ... I can't keep up with it, and that's ok.

I'm sure I'll be eating my words soon.


Good luck!

Loving my twin boys! fencing.gif 11/03/2009 And my daughter 08/16/11 hearts.gif novaxnocirc.gif vbac.gifmomma  chicken3.gif Homesteader supermod.gif Doula

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Old 06-22-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CarrieCo View Post
Speaking with no parenting experience at all ......

When I deal with kids and I feel my patience going out the window, I find comfort in the tactics and theories that I've learned. That way I'm not flying by the seat of my pants or just reacting, but coming from a theory base on how to deal with the kids. Things like distracting, giving them options, visualizing, behavior modification, etc.

Also, I gave up on the idea of being a good house wife long ago ... I can't keep up with it, and that's ok.

I'm sure I'll be eating my words soon.


Good luck!
Oh CarrieCo, you made me laugh today. First though - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! For those of us who have degrees in child development and many years of experience in working with severe behaviour problems and STILL have the kind of days the OP is describing (and I only have ONE kid).... yes, you'll eat your words. I hope you have lots of ketchup handy.... Enjoy your pregnancy, it's a lot easier to take care of them when they're on that side of your skin.

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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Old 06-22-2009, 03:46 PM
 
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Unless you're having twins and then it was MUCH easier to be taking care of them when I could breathe, eat, and move all at the same time!
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Old 06-22-2009, 05:42 PM
 
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Unless you're having twins and then it was MUCH easier to be taking care of them when I could breathe, eat, and move all at the same time!
Right, forgot about that part! Shows you what I know! I lurk over here just to hear your amazing stories and because I am going through IVF and know that my chances of multiples are increased. You ladies are heros!!

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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Old 06-26-2009, 04:58 AM
 
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mine aren't as old as yours, but I"m thinking there's just going to be a new "normal" around here. can't say I'm too happy about that.

Denise, mama to ds1 (03/26/05) and boy/girl twins born 08/12/08
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Old 06-27-2009, 02:41 AM
 
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I hope it doesn't ever return to normal here. I love where we are at!

I hope it gets better for you though, please remember to ask for help when it gets too hard. Remember that they are small for a blink of an eye, and then they are out of the house. Embrace the crazy when you can, and when you can't, try to escape for a quiet cup of tea.

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CIRCUMCISION

The more you know, the worse it gets.

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Old 06-27-2009, 05:23 AM
 
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My twins are 4 & from time to time I think, "If I only had the girls, life would be so much less chaotic." It's probably not true, but for me the feeling that I was in a sinking boat decreased after 2-1/2 and has gotten less and less since then. There are still times that the girls will go through a phase that has me feeling like I'm drowning, but they're less frequent. Ian adds chaos -- he's a crazy climber, into everything, all over the place all the time with lots of opinions toddler. But, I've come to like the chaos and appreciate it for what it is -- a temporary state. I know I'll look back on this time with all the kids at home as the best time of my life, so I'm trying to take it for what it is.

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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Old 06-27-2009, 05:24 AM
 
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Right, forgot about that part! Shows you what I know! I lurk over here just to hear your amazing stories and because I am going through IVF and know that my chances of multiples are increased. You ladies are heros!!
Good luck to you! My twins are from IVF -- it was such a difficult time.

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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Old 06-27-2009, 04:45 PM
 
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homebirthing - i want your attitude of joy!!!


we have the new normal here

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Old 06-30-2009, 10:58 AM
 
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my twins just turned 3yo this past week. and i have to say that i think i've dry docked my leaky boat at last. is life "the same" as it was pre-twins? heck no. and why would it be? life wouldn't be the same again even if the twins had been just one baby #2. the addition of any children changes the dynamic permanently. but the culture shock of adding baby #2 and #3 at the same time was intense, no doubt.

the first year was about sheer survival. i did what i had to to keep everyone fed and fairly healthy. that was about it.

the second year was chaos. i did what i had to to keep everyone fed, fairly healthy and prevent major injury to kid or structural damage to house due to increasing mobility and curiosity.

the third year. well, the third year was actually fun. and i can honestly say that i am really looking forward to this fourth year.

so hang in there. as a PP said-- do what you've gotta do. and know that many, many mommas have been in that bathroom with the shower getting turned on that the TP roll spinning out of control with you. they made it and you will too.

Crunchy Mama to the Triad of Chaos-- DD1 (9/03) & the Twinadoes- DS and DD2 (6/06)
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Old 07-02-2009, 02:52 PM
 
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I think your concept of "normal" shifts, but it never will return to what it was, IMO. Mine are 3 now and things are definitely a lot better than they have been in the prior 3 years, but life is still insane, dh & I can't hold a conversation (and that's not just b/c of the twins - we have 2 olders too), it's been impossible for us to have dates with just each other, life is just a huge ball of stress and it's h.a.r.d.! Wouldn't trade it though!

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Old 07-02-2009, 04:47 PM
 
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Well, hopefully there is a light ahead for you, though we have different situations, as mine aren't walking yet. We just hit 14 months and it is wonderful!!! But I have found as well that being a working mom can add a lot of stress to parenting, as you're having to get somewhere looking somewhat professional, in a somewhat timely manner, and then switch hats to worker bee from mama bee. I was nursing my babies in between clients, so I was constantly switching hats which made me exhausted. I have found parenting to be so much more delightful on the days when all I have to do is parent, and not work......
Also, I found that DD1 who is almost 5 was getting the brunt of my stress, and instead of seeing her intentions as good, I was just waiting for her to do something wrong. I know it sounds simpleton-ish, but I really do better when I assume that the kiddos all have the best intentions (and ultimately I do think they do). This includes one twin deciding to explore the other's face with hitting like movements.....
Also, I am almost completely off of caffeine now, as I realized that the last thing my adrenals need is more stress, and caffeine is a big one.
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Old 07-04-2009, 08:24 AM
 
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Yes, enjoy those words CarrieCo. I find they go down best with ample amounts of chocolate!

Honestly for me, life improved 500% when the twins started walking. They stopped NEEDING me for everything and that was huge! They also became playmates for DS instead of competiton and that eased things alot too. We are fast approaching 2 now (just a few more weeks) and things are even easier. The twins are now potty trained in the house (as long as they are bare bummed) and DS finally trained too (he has trained 4 times... he keeps regressing. He's finally on board with it because the twins do it too). The house is finally starting to get cleaned and things are pretty normal. We're trying to simplify, because when you have stuff you have more work to do. The simpler things are the less we have to do!

Oh and it's been SUCH a change that we're having another baby, because honestly if I survived colicy/high needs twins I can survive anything.

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Old 07-07-2009, 07:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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just wanted to say thanks, and I love you all!

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

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Old 07-10-2009, 10:18 AM
 
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Hmmm, we managed to "teach" our children to sleep without letting them cry it out, though there are more tears with twins here than there were with singles by virture of two babies and one Mama.
ITA....Unfortunately my twins have cried more than my singletons when it comes down to getting to bed but it hasn't been intentional. It is different with twins but in many ways it's the same issues and you have to be creative and come up with new solutions - things you never even considered before and may even seem a little crazy . I remember one night lying on my side nursing and patting one baby and stretching my leg across the bed to use my foot to pat the other baby because my arm didn't reach. I remember thinking "is this for real?"

And no...they don't sleep through the night but neither did my singletons at 1 year. For the time being I make other choices when I'm feeling exhausted and that's worked for the past 6 years. I employ dh's help at night or I go to bed early. A few nights ago I went to bed for the night at 6:30pm when I nursed the babies to sleep. I missed out on time with dh and stories with my other dc's but I felt much better the next day. I realize for some suffering from major sleep deprivation this might seem like glib advice but it's worked for us so far. It's hard and I do look forward to the day when I get to sleep at night again. For now I'll try to enjoy the snuggles.

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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Old 07-10-2009, 08:26 PM
 
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Old 07-10-2009, 11:04 PM
 
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Speaking with no parenting experience at all ......

When I deal with kids and I feel my patience going out the window, I find comfort in the tactics and theories that I've learned. That way I'm not flying by the seat of my pants or just reacting, but coming from a theory base on how to deal with the kids. Things like distracting, giving them options, visualizing, behavior modification, etc.
laughup :

Good luck with that! Come back in a few years and let us know how it goes!

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mom of twins.gif (8)  blahblah.gif(5) thumbsuck.gif (3) and baby.gif born at home on Christmas day! 
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Old 07-12-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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In my experience, my life improved dramatically when I started getting regular sleep again. (For us, that wasn't until they were THREE FREAKING YEARS OLD.)

Once I got over the longterm sleep deprivation (which took about another year), I felt like a superwoman. My standards are way lower than they used to be, and it's possible I will never get my "mind" back, but things are so much easier now.

Mine are starting full day kindie in the fall and I don't know what to do with myself!

It WILL get better. Promise.
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