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#1 of 21 Old 07-09-2009, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What's your experience with "negotiating" baby names with your significant other? We're expecting twin girls this fall. We've got one name for sure--I absolutely love it, and my partner likes it too. He's chosen a second name that he loves. Problem is, I don't love it. It's only ok, as far as I'm concerned. I could live with it, but ideally I'd want another name that I love as much as the first one. However, he's stuck on his choice and has pretty much lost interest in the name game. Should I be happy with one name that I love and one name that he loves?

While we're on the topic, how do you feel about "theme" names for twins? We both really like gemstone names, but I feel we shouldn't choose two names of that type, no matter how much we like them. I feel like the girls should have totally non-matching names, even if that means passing over some truly lovely names. Anyone have a different point of view?
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#2 of 21 Old 07-09-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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My dh and I chose 1 of the girl's names before we even knew we had a girl in there! The other name was another story. He loved one name and I didn't. I could have lived with it but I don't feel a child's name is something to compromise on. You both need to love it. We decided to make lists and pass them back and forth. We would cross out the names that we didn't like starting with the absolute no's at first and after passing the list back and forth a few times, we both had one name left and that is baby b's name.

I told him that he could name baby b the name he wanted but for her middle name, he didn't like that and he ended up not using the name anywhere.

ETA: As far as themed names. I think everyone has a different opinion. If you really like gemstone names, I think that would be fine to name your girls that. I believe it's much better then "Sherry & Terry" type themes.

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#3 of 21 Old 07-09-2009, 01:30 PM
 
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Oh the name game We spent months (MONTHS!) negotiating our girls' names (one of the problems being we already had 2 girls and had kind of "used up" the girl names we could agree on). I actually used an online poll feature on BabyCenter to even poll our friends and family! Of course, the results weren't binding. We both had names that we each loved, but the other one couldn't stand. I think vetoe rights are important when it comes to names. We did have some criteria that we agreed on. We wanted them short, preferably one syllable, and we didn't want the same first initial (and definitely no rhyming!). My dh also kind of bowed out of the process for several months until about a month before the girls were born when I pushed to finally name them before we ended up with nameless babies! Luckily we had agreed that all of our children would have my last name as their middle name (I didn't change my name when we were married), so we didn't have to argue about 4 names, only 2.

We ended up with Kate and Tess, both names that were on "my" original list. As a peace offering I agreed that he got to choose which one got which name. I had always thought that the first born would be Kate but he thought different, so she was named Tess. I still get messed up when people ask me who was born first

Good luck mama, you'll get there eventually

Tammy, Canadian Mama to 4 girls May-02...March-05 and...identical twin girls Jan-09
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#4 of 21 Old 07-09-2009, 03:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SuzyQ, Kate and Tess are such nice names. You did a good job.
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#5 of 21 Old 07-09-2009, 04:56 PM
 
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Not a multiples mom but...

any name that a loving partner hates is off the list

no juniors

no all "j" names or any other letter , thank you

check the initials for bad words (PIG or HOT or FAT)

**************

I love theme names. My granny lived down the street from a gemstone family. The boys were Garnet and Jasper.
The girls, Opal, Ruby , Pearl and Beryl.
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#6 of 21 Old 07-09-2009, 05:39 PM
 
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I don't have multiples, but we've had lots of naming discussions, so I thought I'd add my 2¢ if that's okay.

I agree with PP that names are something both parents should love. I, personally, would not accept "just okay" as a name for my child--I want my kids to have the best I can give them, including their names.

As far as "themed" names go, I don't necessarily have a problem with them, but if you're feeling unsure, you can always choose names which have themed meanings. For example, if you're going for precious stones, you could call one daughter Ruby and the other Margaret (which means "pearl").

Good luck hammering out the details with DP!

Amy loving DH 5/04, raising DD 2/05 and DS 11/09; missing my mom& my babies 6/07, 12/07; and on the side
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#7 of 21 Old 07-10-2009, 04:52 PM
 
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Congrats on your twin girls!!! Oh, the fun you have in store for you!!!

DH and I had no trouble agreeing on names for girls. But the first ultrasound revealed two boys and we were back to the drawing board. We tried each making a list of our Top Ten and seeing if the lists intersected anywhere. They did, and that's where Dylan's name came from. Shane was a name that I fell in love with when I was a teenager and always thought, "if I ever have a boy, I'll name him Shane". Well, DH wasn't really crazy about that name at all. But everything else we came up with felt like it would be a compromise for one of us. DH knew it meant a lot to me, so, in the end, we each named a baby. He named Dylan, I named Shane. And now he's totally OK with the name. Shane is clearly a Shane -- can't imagine him with another name!

The funny thing about our story was that I thought we agreed that Baby A would be Dylan and Baby B would be Shane. But I was out of it on magnesium for 3 days after the boys were born, so DH gave the nurse their names. But, in my mind, he did it backwards! Yet...again...it worked out perfectly! They both seem to fit their names so well, it would be unfathomable to have them named any differently!

Amy â Unschooling my twin boys, born April 2006 (12 weeks early at 2 lbs each). Astrology for Parenting -- helping parents attain authentic and respectful relationships with their children and families.
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#8 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 02:40 AM
 
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I named Serena, as I felt it was the perfect name for her. She was so "serene" in-utero, it just seemed perfect. My DH wanted "Sierra" for baby B, and I wasn't as connected to it. I wanted Sophia. But in the end, I felt it was important that he felt super connected as well. It turns out that Sierra is perfect for her, and I love it. I did give her my name as her middle name, as I needed to feel a connection as well.
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#9 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 02:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by notjustmamie View Post
IFor example, if you're going for precious stones, you could call one daughter Ruby and the other Margaret (which means "pearl").
Yes! If you are much-enamoured with the idea of theme names, do something obscure; you'll like the hidden connection but your girls won't feel hampered by it.

Imagine having to explain, as an adult "Gemma" that you have a twin sister and her name is "Ruby". Oy! Or explaining (with yet another sigh) that your mother really did love the Bronte sisters and named you "Emily" and "Charlotte". Could it be worse? Oh yes! Having to explain that your mother actually never read the Bronte sisters but named you "Emily" and "Charlotte".

I also agree that all names vetoed by either partner are out.

Six kids, sixth sense, six degrees of separation. . . from sanity!
Not sure that I'm crunchy, but definitely a "tough chew".
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#10 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 03:21 AM
 
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My twins are not identical, but it was hard for us to pick names. We wanted them to sound alike, we thought of naming them "Lucia & Luciano" Yeah, the thought of it crossed our minds

We decided that he was going to pick the name for the girl and I was going to pick it for the boy. We agreed that we were not going to tell eachother what name we had in mind until birth. And to our surprise the names were perfect. Even though I was not crazy about DD's name at first, I couldn't imagine a child with that name.
But it's perfect for DD, she can be a bossy grandma at times

Lorna, mommy to Leonor & Leonardo (31/10/01) and Riccardo (14/11/07), wife to Ignacio (98')
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#11 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 04:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bklynem View Post
We've got one name for sure--I absolutely love it, and my partner likes it too. He's chosen a second name that he loves. Problem is, I don't love it. It's only ok, as far as I'm concerned. I could live with it, but ideally I'd want another name that I love as much as the first one. However, he's stuck on his choice and has pretty much lost interest in the name game. Should I be happy with one name that I love and one name that he loves?
It sounds like you and your dp feel the same way! Each of you LOVES one name and thinks the other name is ok. Unless you are willing to give up the name you love, I don't think you should ask him to give up the one he loves. You are both fine with the "not favorite" name - just not in love with it. So I'd go with the two you have now or scrap them both.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bklynem
how do you feel about "theme" names for twins? We both really like gemstone names, but I feel we shouldn't choose two names of that type, no matter how much we like them. I feel like the girls should have totally non-matching names, even if that means passing over some truly lovely names.
I think it depends on how strong/obvious the theme is. And what the names are. Sisters named April, May and June with a brother named August seems a little over the top to me. But Ruby and Pearl work IMO. There were sisters in my hometown named Honey and Cinnamon, and although it seemed odd at first, soon the names fit and no one blinked an eye.

For twins or just siblings, I think:

*no rhyming
*no same first initial as each other
*nothing that is too similar - like Jenny and Janae
*nothing that is a totally different genre of name - like Kayleigh and Jane (I've always thought the Bush twins' names don't go together at all - and that one was shafted)
*same amount of feminity or masculinity - either all unisex names or all clear as to gender

And I always love middle names after people that are special to you. Good luck deciding - it is always a big decision!
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#12 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 10:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SuzyQ2+2 View Post

We ended up with Kate and Tess, both names that were on "my" original list.
Aren't those the twins names on ER that the nurse (carol) gave birth to from Dr. Ross (played by George Clooney?) I'm pretty sure that is what she named her twins....

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#13 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 12:08 PM
 
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Aren't those the twins names on ER that the nurse (carol) gave birth to from Dr. Ross (played by George Clooney?) I'm pretty sure that is what she named her twins....
Yes, yes they are...though I had NO idea at the time, and not until someone here (? Intertwined?) pointed it out. I always knew I'd find some connection to George Clooney Of course, when I was watching one of those Ocean's 11,12,13 movies I noticed that he also ended up romantically involved with Julia Roberts' character, who happened to be named Tess! Really, I had no idea...it was just a name that came to me in the night

Tammy, Canadian Mama to 4 girls May-02...March-05 and...identical twin girls Jan-09
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#14 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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I'm not sure that the names you pick out now will even matter once they are born. For each of our kids we had a final boy and girl name. Not one of those kids got that name once they were born. Although we had a name for twin B and we ended up using it for Twin A. Sometimes I call my kids by the name they were meant to be and we all get a kick out of it!

Logan was to be Foster
Avery was to be Mason
Meryl was to be Rowan
Finley was to be Meryl (but she went several weeks without a name)

I think each parent needs to at least like the name. This isn't a time to be just going with it to avoid the conflict, kwim?

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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#15 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 04:06 PM
 
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While we're on the topic, how do you feel about "theme" names for twins? We both really like gemstone names, but I feel we shouldn't choose two names of that type, no matter how much we like them. I feel like the girls should have totally non-matching names, even if that means passing over some truly lovely names. Anyone have a different point of view?
It's a matter of taste. The fact of the matter is that for the majority of their lives, your twins are not going to be part of a package deal. As they get to be adults and out on their own, a lot of people won't even know that they are twins. So personally, if the name stands on its own nicely, who cares? I do agree that avoiding saccharine or extremely close combos is probably for the best. But take that with a grain of salt, we named our sons with the first and last name of my favorite poet--though not even my english lit major friends got it at first. Both names stand alone quite nicely though.

I think you should compromise in that it MUST be a name that both like. If one person loves it and the other one doesn't even like it, it's time to keep looking. Depending on how much time you spent with the first name, your DH may be done because names and stuff tends to not be as much of an interest to guys than to gals, though of course they know when they DON'T like something.

Find a name you both like. If they're both gemstone names, so what? The truth is that people are going to give you crap for matching/not matching/themed/not-themed names no matter what. So the beauty of the name as a stand alone name plus your connection to it is the most important thing, don't give a rip what outsiders (including other family members) think. If they weren't complaining about the name, they'd be complaining about something else, believe me. ;>
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#16 of 21 Old 07-11-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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As long as they are both names you like, I think you will probably find that you love the names as they are attached to children that you love.

DH and I used the only boys name that we could agree on for our eldest. Our daughter has the first name we would have used if he had been a girl, but we had another girl's name on our list. When we discovered that we were expecting 2 more boys, it was a mass panic looking for names. Eventually, I said to DH that we should name the boys after their grandfathers if we couldn't agree on any names that we liked that weren't already names of close family members. About 6 weeks after he agreed that would be our fallback position, I realized that I was starting to think about the babies with those names and told DH he had about a week to come up with other suggestions before I felt like those were the kids' names. His response was to say, let's call it settled now. And then, the only decision was how we decided which boy would get which name. It turned out that wasn't an issue at all. My father is 6 foot 6, DH's father is much shorter (having had TB just as he should have been hitting his growth spurt). One of our boys stopped growing at 30 weeks. There was no question that the little guy was getting the big gradfather's name in hopes that it would send him good growing karma.

In short, our boys got "fallback position" names that we both liked but had strong reasons for not using, but we fell in love with the names as we fell in love with the babies we gave them to.

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mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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#17 of 21 Old 07-12-2009, 05:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, all -- so many interesting perspectives here! I am not sure what we'll do, but I did come up with a really cute nickname for the name I am uncertain about, which makes me feel better about it.
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#18 of 21 Old 07-12-2009, 07:51 PM
 
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Oy vey. We had one boy name and one girl name we liked. My dh refused to participate in any further naming conversations (what if we had g/g or b/b twins?! I argued!).

Turns out, he had secretly found out the gender of the twins (b/g) and knew we didn't need any other back-up names.

It made me absolutely nuts at the time though.
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#19 of 21 Old 07-13-2009, 08:07 AM
 
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We had our son's name within 2 months. Our daughter's name was a struggle. We did not like what the other picked. He said hers one day, which is Ellie; I was not a big fan of it at the time, but I love her name now. It even suits her. Our son's name is Eli. He picked his middle name and I picked her middle name. He also picked our youngest daughter's name and Eli and Ellie picked her middle name. Her name was also a compromise. It was very popular and I wanted it to be name that not many would have. There is only one other Eli and Ellie in our area.
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#20 of 21 Old 07-16-2009, 07:01 PM
 
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Oh, the name game. We rarely agree on names. My 'rules' are that they are simple and easy to pronounce, but not common. Our girls (not twins) are Lacy and Laina. We did not plan for them to have the first letter the same, but for the second we really liked the NN Lanie. We went thru all the names (Delaney, Melanie, Elaina) but we ended up just really liking Laina, and that's her name FOr the twin boys, we had a hard time. We both made lists and went thru the baby books. They didn't have to be the same letter, but we wanted names that sounded good together. We ended up w/ Brock and Bryce. Oh, one stipulation for the 3rd pregnancy was NO MORE L NAMES I love my girls' names, but didn't want a pattern going on.

As for loving or not loving a name and compromise, I do think that each partner should have equal veto-ing power. Both of you make lists, and keep passing them back and forth. I am sure you will come up w/ the perfect names
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#21 of 21 Old 07-16-2009, 11:23 PM
 
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When naming our twins, we had to come up with 2 boy names and 2 girl names, as we knew we had two of the same but not which gender. To complicate things further, we were both teachers, which means that scores of perfectly nice names were verboten because of a negative association for one or the other.

What we did was spend a lot of time looking at name books, name sites online, and making lists. Veto power for either one was absolute. Thankfully, neither of us came into it with a "I've got to name a baby _____".

Looking back, while frustrating at the time, naming the twins was fun. We had lots of good laughs over improbable names, and had a fun time seaking out the right names. Our daughter got one of the names we didn't get to use on the twins, since we only got to use our boy names with them.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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