Are your kids very jealous about sharing you? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 02-05-2004, 10:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was just hoping for a little advice. One of my 17 month old twins to a large extent and the other to a lesser extent HATE to share me most all the time. If they wake up from a nap at the same time and both want to be held, they will scratch each other's eyes in anger. Simultaneous nursing is settling down a little cause I've started to put them down as soon as the "food fighting" begins, but that was a hute struggle and still is a bit of an issue. There is no way I could have both of them on my lap to read a book together and if they see me holding my 3 year old, they protest.

A couple of times, I have sort of let them CIO in my arms - just sympathize saying, "I know you want mom to yourself, but Lilly needs me now too..." and in a wierd way that felt kind of good, like I know this is not perfect, but let's all try to process it and accept it.

Any insights or strategies? I bet this is not terribly unusual, but just wondering how others deal with it.

Thanks!
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#2 of 4 Old 02-06-2004, 03:07 PM
 
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Happens all the time here.
It is exhausting.I just do the best I can when I am home alone.I have some huge bicepts!:LOL
When they both want to be held,I hold them both,and then try to distract them both by singing or dancing really funny.When everybody is calm then I explain to them that we are blessed but sometimes it is hard to be a twin and that I understand that.

Than whenever dh gets home,we schedule one on one time.
Everynight we do mommy and me time and daddy and me time.I take one dd downstaris to read ot talk,whatever striked us,and dh takes the other dd and he does the same.The next night we switch.

Now that they are getting older(3)The fights have really clamed down because now I can tell them and they understand when daddy gets home then we can have our own space.

HTH
Good luck!
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#3 of 4 Old 02-06-2004, 07:29 PM
 
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Well, I don't know how much help I can be to you because my girls are younger then your's are and are just at the beginning of this stage. We are at the jealous nursing point...if one is nursing then the other drops everything to nurse also. They don't pick at each other while nursing yet. They do want to be held if I'm holding their older sister and will climb over whatever obstacle is in their way to be the closest baby to me.

I did want to say that letting them cry in your arms is FAR from CIO. In fact, in this month's Mothering Magazine they have an article on letting your baby cry in your arms and how it can be very healthy for them. It especially says it's important to talk soothingly to them while they are crying to let them know their feelings are okay.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#4 of 4 Old 02-09-2004, 04:39 PM
 
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This recently started up here too. I saw shades of it over the months, but I think there's something that comes with a toddler's understanding about their world coupled with increased language skills that really makes this a challenge around one and a half (give or take).

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I just do the best I can when I am home alone.I have some huge bicepts
:LOL Me too!!!
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