Are you jealous of your dh commute to work? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 02-07-2004, 07:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Are you jealous, or have been even for one minute, of any and all time that DH gets to be alone? HAve you told him? Does he get it or think you are nuts?

Do tell.... I find myself jealous at the randomest things at times....(other than the women with a day nanny and a night nanny immediately postpartum)
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#2 of 21 Old 02-07-2004, 07:43 PM
 
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Yes, yes and yes! Dh has 45 min to an hour each way every day. That's a ton of time! granted, the commute can be stressful with all the traffic (and the bad winter weather), but he is ALONE and it's QUIET! I've told him this and he totally understands (not that there's much he can do about it, though). I'd really like to move closer to his office actually.

ps -- hope it's OK I posted here. The title of your post caught my eye. I'm not parenting multiples (although some days I can imagine it might feel the same!).

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#3 of 21 Old 02-07-2004, 07:55 PM
 
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Not only am I jealous of his commute to work, I am also envious that he gets to sleep on the couch totally uninterrupted, he gets to eat his dinner with both hands while it's still hot, he gets as much time on the computer as he wants without interruptions and he gets to take a shower EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Plus he gets his dishes washed for him, his laundry washed, dried, folded AND put away, he gets every meal prepared for him (I even pack a lunch for him to take to work) and he gets cleaned up after constantly.
The only thing I ever ask of him is to take the trash out, and he hardly does that. :
PS, me too. I'm not parenting multiples, but right when I want a shower I feel immediately like I have triplets. :LOL
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#4 of 21 Old 02-07-2004, 08:00 PM
 
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Jealous, maybe, angry, definitely!! His commute to work is 2 hours and because of that he stays at his mother's house on work days. He leaves here on Thursday afternoon and we see him again on Sunday morning. It's not the best thing in the world, and frankly, I wish he would have gotten a job closer to home when we moved here. He knows how I feel, but he doesn't want to leave his job no matter how it effects me or the kids.

Edit: Oops, I just realized what forum this is. I don't have multiples, but I do have 4 kids and a sick mother if that counts for anything. LOL
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#5 of 21 Old 02-08-2004, 12:06 AM
 
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Oh my girl you read my mind!

Yes,I do tatally feel jealous of that.I have said to him you get to drive to work,and even is it is work you get to talk to adults!Then you get the drive home(25-40 min pending on traffic-and its froma big city to a small town where you see the mountains all the way there And back!) Then YES he gets to eat his entire dinner with 2 hands and no body saying"I need mommy hold you"x2. And he gets his own master bedroom where he has a DOOR! And the computer,and a t.v. and a jucuzzie tub AND a Queensize BED ALL TO HIMSELF ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT.He never needs to wake up at 2,3,4,5,6,and 7 to nurse,snuggle or take a pull up off.
OOPS,I should be going to the *yell at your dh*thread.
I love being a mom.I love being there for my kids.I only wish dh would GET IT!!!!!!!!DAMMIT SOMETIMES *I* need a break!Fo rmore than 2 hours a week BTW(at least I get that).
Yes I have told him. He thinks Im But hey, I get to sleep on my back all night long to nurse my kiddos to sleep after they have woken up for the 50th time.He just gets to sleep on his side,tummy or back.Poor sucka!
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#6 of 21 Old 02-08-2004, 12:07 AM
 
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I wanted to add:

You do not have to be a mommy of multiples to be here!
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#7 of 21 Old 02-08-2004, 01:52 AM
 
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Yes, I get jealous of that. I get jealous that he gets to drive a car w/o listening to a screaming baby (Catherine hates the car so we almost never go anywhere).

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#8 of 21 Old 02-08-2004, 02:28 AM
 
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I think I'm most jealous that he can go to sleep whenever he wants to and the only thing that wakes him is his alarm clock. I have to wait until Orion is tired, and then nurse him every 1-2 hours. If he sleeps 3 hours straight I feel like I've won the lottery. I would be jealous of a commute, but his "commute" is 5 minutes!

I really wanted to hurt him the other night when I hadn't slept forever and Orion was wide awake and I was SOOO tired and I asked Dh to watch him while I took a nap. Dh said "Oh, well I'm going to bed" and I said "Oh well I guess I'll just nap on the couch next to him then" and Dh was like "Ok, goodnight." I stopped him then and told him it wasn't fair, and what he couldn't go without sleep for 2 hours just to let me nap (when Orion was going to be awake all night) and then he could get 5 hours of sleep, yeah not a great amount, but we'd both be able to *function* at least. He started in about how he had to go to work and I got to stay home and I got PISSED and told him "Oh, you want me to take care of your child when I'm so exhausted I can't function?" That shut him up. Oh guess I should find the yelling at your Dh thread too!

Oh yeah and no multiples here, I'm totally AMAZED by you mommies with multiples! I feel overwhelmed a lot just with one!

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#9 of 21 Old 02-08-2004, 03:45 PM
 
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In a word: YES! Thankfully, dh is really helpful when he gets home, but the day can be long and stressful without him here to help.
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#10 of 21 Old 02-09-2004, 08:58 PM
 
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YESYESYES!! And NONONO he does not get it when I tell him. My dh has an hour drive each way to work. Yes, it's stressful to drive in all that traffic, bad weather, etc. BUT he gets to listen to any radio station he wants, stop and get a drink without unloading 3 kids, make any stops on the way home, etc. He also gets a queen sized bed to himself, showers uninterrupted, use the toilet with the door closed, sit down without 3 children pawing on him (two demanding the boob NOW!)...my list goes on. Just the other night my sister, her dh and their 2 boys stayed with us because they had no electricity or heat (bad ice storms in our area). We have a 3 bedroom house...one is the master bedroom the other our guestroom and the third is the playroom. I sleep in the master with all of our girls and he sleeps in the guestroom. He slept with us that night because my sister and her crew used his bed. That night the girls took turns waking me every hour to nurse as usual for them. He couldn't believe how much they really woke (like I was lying to him or something). Yet the next day when I mentioned it he goes into this huge tirade about how he may sleep alone but he really doesn't sleep well, he wakes often, goes to bed too late, gets up too early...on and on he went. He could not admit that it was rough to be me at night.

We very often get into the debate over who's day is really harder. I can't get over the fact that he actually thinks that sitting at a desk answering the phone and dealing with clients is actually more difficult then raising a toddler and two babies.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#11 of 21 Old 02-09-2004, 09:11 PM
 
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Yes! And I used to complain and he got it, Goddess bless him.

But another thing that was bad was, when our kids were small, we had little money. I found out after the fact that sometimes he would go out for a Thai lunch with his co-workers, (like if it was someones' b-day or something). I never got to eat out. For years. Or do takeout even, other than pizza once in a while.

You'd think he could've thought of me and brought me home a lousy container of pad thai! He didn't have to buy it for the kids. they wouldn't have preferred it over the mac and chs type stuff they liked.

And dh's wonder why they don't get enough sex.
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#12 of 21 Old 02-11-2004, 10:24 AM
 
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My DH, bless him, is smart enough to realize that the likelihood for sex is directly related to how well-rested and how appreciated I feel. One of these days (months, probably), I will feel well- rested again...

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#13 of 21 Old 02-11-2004, 03:46 PM
 
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Occasionally my dh goes away on business trips - usually 2 overnights. He always stays in a nice company-paid Hilton hotel. Now I know HE doesn't like these trips (or so he says!), but I do find myself fantasizing sometimes about a big comfy king size bed all to myself, queing up the Video On-Demand service and catching up on some movies (haven't been to a movie in ages), and ordering lots of HOT! DELICIOUS! food that someone else makes for me that, as another poster said, I get to eat from beginning to end, no sharing, and no interruptions, and having a quiet, uninterrupted night sleep and getting to sleep in.

Now, back in reality, I have a very hard time imagining leaving dd and ds for more that a 4 or 5 hours, BUT... boy it does sound awfully nice sometimes!!!
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#14 of 21 Old 02-11-2004, 05:07 PM
 
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I'm not jealous of the commute- it's almost an hour to hour and a half in ridiculous traffic (the drive would take about 30 min w/o traffic. I used to have to commute almost that long and it's horrible. I actually feel bad that he has to deal with it. He's really good about taking turns with the kids and housework when he's around, so I can't complain too much about that either. I do have to say that when I was WOHM part time and temporary, I was feeling somewhat guilty (not really) that I got a 20-30 min commute in very little traffic and had fun talking to others at work. B/c it was part time and temp and I didn't HAVE to go, I enjoyed it much more than a regular FT job. (It is the same place I worked FT before ds was born-love the job and people, just HATED the commute.)

Now that I'm in school FT, I do get out of the house just enough to keep me happy.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#15 of 21 Old 02-11-2004, 10:51 PM
 
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Dp's workplace is only about a ten minute drive from our apartment, so she doesn't get much time alone during her commute. . . But she feels like her whole day at work is *much* easier than a day at home with Luke and Jaz. She teaches socially, mentally, and emotionally needy teenagers, so I think that says a lot! She took the first month of Jaz and Luke's lives off from work and she was pretty relieved to go back at the end of the month. She is just not SAHM material. That said, I get a lot of respect for what I do, and she does not expect me to do anything other than take care of Luke and Jasper during the day. For a really long time I didn't feel like I needed a break from Luke and Jaz, in fact I really couldn't stand the idea of being separated from them, even for a minute. But as we near the end of their first year, I need a good break at least every other day. I often will have the boys all ready to go in their stroller when Dp gets home from work. I hand her a snack (she's always hungry at the end of the day), and tell her to be gone for at least half an hour. It is amazing how much better I feel after just 30 minutes alone. I appreciate the boys a lot more when I get an occassional break from them.

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#16 of 21 Old 02-11-2004, 11:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by DreamsInDigital
Not only am I jealous of his commute to work, I am also envious that he gets to sleep on the couch totally uninterrupted, he gets to eat his dinner with both hands while it's still hot, he gets as much time on the computer as he wants without interruptions and he gets to take a shower EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Plus he gets his dishes washed for him, his laundry washed, dried, folded AND put away, he gets every meal prepared for him (I even pack a lunch for him to take to work) and he gets cleaned up after constantly.
The only thing I ever ask of him is to take the trash out, and he hardly does that. :
PS, me too. I'm not parenting multiples, but right when I want a shower I feel immediately like I have triplets. :LOL
DID, not to get all in your biz here, but you need to have a talk with dh, and soon! He works 8 hours a day outside the home; you work those same 8 hours inside. When he gets back, you should be sharing the load, not letting him freeload. I don't care how stressful his work is - I'm sure yours is just as! He's a grown man, fully able to make his own lunch at the very least, and as your partner he should be seeing that YOU get the hot meal with both hands - or you take turns at it. I really don't want to sound like I"m telling you how to run your life, but once these patterns get set, they're really hard to get out of, and it sounds like you're letting him get accustomed to a situation that's going to really take a toll on you in the long term.
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#17 of 21 Old 02-13-2004, 06:06 PM
 
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Hi, I'm a lurker who just had to chime in here and say..."heck yea I am!!" My husband doesn't understand how I could find 30 minutes in awful traffic a treat but at least he's alone and it's quiet!!

Lys
mama to Julia-turning 4 next month
Liam, Claire, & Megan who just turned 2
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#18 of 21 Old 02-13-2004, 07:37 PM
 
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drmsorl:




Welcome!! Wow, triplets eh? We're sure glad you decided to come out of lurkdom...


teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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#19 of 21 Old 02-14-2004, 01:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by drmsorl
Hi, I'm a lurker who just had to chime in here and say..."heck yea I am!!" My husband doesn't understand how I could find 30 minutes in awful traffic a treat but at least he's alone and it's quiet!!
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. DH doesn't get my jealousy either. I just want that alone time to myself. I do not care WHAT the traffic or weather is like....
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#20 of 21 Old 02-20-2004, 09:13 PM
 
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I used to think even driving with all three was a vacation because they are all very good in the car and i would turn up the music.....AHH!!! But now my problem is a talking, jabbermouth, turbo talker, 3 year old. She never stops to even take a breath. even if i go out with just her i dont feel like its a brake. what will i do when i have three little girls talking nonstop. my ears ring all day long.

Yes i am of course jelouse of dh's commute, though i would never want to work outside the home i also feel overwelmed and wish i could trade him once in awhile.

Angela: Catholic Homeschooling Mom to Sierra(11/00), twins Addison & Kendall(3/03), Jack(4/06), Brielle (7/08), Levi (2/2011); due with#7 (9/13). Birthed every witch way.....hospital. C section. VbAC. Unassisted water birth (hypno/painless). Assisted waterbirth to an almost 10lber! (Not painless!)
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#21 of 21 Old 02-22-2004, 02:39 PM
 
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my husband gets kind of defensive when i mention to him that he gets to drive alone to and from work, and that he gets a "lunch" and two "breaks" (huh???). he always tells me that it's not that easy doing what he does. i get that, because i've done it, but he just couldn't be convinced that my "job" is all-consuming!!! that is...until now. he just lost his job, and WHOA is he adjusting to MY life. even with both of us here...a couple of hours with our set of 3 year old twins and a one year old is enough to wear him out! i think he is starting to get it!
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