almost 9 months and still waking a lot at night - my fault? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 09:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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the title says it all.

my guys will be 9 months (7 adjusted) next week, and wake up a lot still. they go down at 8, and generally wake around 11, then 1, then 4 (but not together, at different times around these times), then together at 6ish, at which time i take them into bed with me on the ez-to-nurse so that i can get some sleep. they then nurse/doze/who knows until about 8.

when they wake, i do nurse them. we don't co-sleep. they go right back down into their cribs after they nurse for a short time.

i know it's a sleep association thing, but it gets them back to sleep so quickly as opposed to the scream-fest that is any other comforting method. plus, i don't want to night-wean. i just wish they wouldn't wake up 10000 times a night... and i essentially have no help at night, so i can't spend precious sleep time consoling a crying guy who just wants 10min of boob.

the husband is no help - he says that it's a habit i got them into from early on, people he works with got their babies to sttn no problem, it's my fault and to not complain b/c i should have done something about it earlier. i think he is an unfeeling robot sometimes, but maybe he is right? is there something i should be doing? co-sleeping all night isn't really an option. or is this normal? they go down at night w/o nursing to skeep.

help!
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#2 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 09:58 AM
 
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Put my vote on unfeeling robot.

Some kids do sleep through the night by this age, some don't. There's a sleep regression at nine months, so some kids who did sttn stop doing it.

Especially if you're soloing at night, absolutely keep doing what's easiest in terms of getting the kids back to sleep. Avoidable screamfests are a luxury for parents with backup.
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#3 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 12:35 PM
 
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Well, my twins aren't here yet, but my dd was exactly this way. I am ashamed to say we did try the cry-it-out method (darn peer pressure). It didn't work at all. Even at 3 she's still not the best sleeper, usually wakes at least once to join us in bed. Dh used to blame me, then finally realized it was just her personality. It also helped when some other parents came out of the closet and admitted their kids aren't as perfect sleepers as you think.

I'd vote to keep it up and not blame yourself. We did use Elizabeth Pantley no-cry sleep solution books. They didn't eliminate night wakings, but did make it a bit easier.

J A with DD1 7/06, lost twins 9/08
DD2 12/09 & DS1 12/09
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#4 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 12:43 PM
 
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He definately needs to give you some support here. Mine are 26 months and still aren't consistantly sleeping through the night. They stopped waking up for their 10 pm "feed" when I night weened at 16 months. One baby still takes a bottle filled with water when he wakes up (there is no other way to get him back to sleep.) We never co-slept and when they used to wake up DH would bring them to me and then take them back to their beds when they had fallen back to sleep. There are some nights where one will sleep through and the other doesn't, so we still get up. I would never have survived without DH gettting up as well. Now with this new baby imminent, I am sure that he will take the boys as I will be nursing a newborn. I never slept and my sister did nothing but. All kids are different. Have you tried giving them a bigger "dinner" and more food around settling down time (if they are on solids) before you nurse them to sleep at 8? They could be genuinley hungry, I know mine were (I could sometimes hear their stomachs grumbling )

Just remember that this too shall pass and eventually they will sleep through.

: wife to James, MoM to R babyboy.gif and D babyboy.gif  (Aug 2007) and E babygirl.gif (Nov 2009) and Y babyboy.gif (April 2012)

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#5 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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9.5 months here and both are up 3-4+ times per night (at different times of course) and I do co-sleep with them. It's tiring mama, I hear ya! I've gone through it with 2 older children, so I know it will end at some point. For now the quick little nurse back to sleep does the trick and I've stopped looking at the clock. It's not your fault, it's just so normal, and in the grand scheme of life, this is just a short journey

Tammy, Canadian Mama to 4 girls May-02...March-05 and...identical twin girls Jan-09
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#6 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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Goodness, sounds normal to me for that stage! Anything to avoid a screamfest!

Missionary, birth-worker, midwifery student
Mama to love.gif DD (9yr), DS luxlove.gif (3yr), & 2twins.gif UC twin DDs (5yr)

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#7 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 01:28 PM
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Only nursing 3 times a night at 9 months is good. Nursing 4 or 5 times a night is normal at that age. All mammals nurse to sleep, it's nor a habit it's biology. Babies who have CIO don't necessarily wake up less often they just don't cry or call out because they have lost the hope that anyone will come. They also often have sleep issues later when they can physically get out of bed on their own.
You can show your DH this http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html . This part "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." is really useful info.
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#8 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 05:11 PM
 
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oh gosh, thanks for posting! We had GREAT sleepers at 6 months, and may never get back to that. Between one being sick or teething, or whatever, we're still getting up at least once a night and ours are 20 months!

I'm not nursing anymore, but offering a few ounces of milk is the only sure-fire way to get them back down calmly. I know this "breaks" all the rules of mainstream sttn parenting, but it works for us.

Dh takes ds, I take dd. Sometimes it gets a bit competitive, especially when one has a good sleeping spell for a few nights. But there's NO way I could do this without his help!

hang in there mama--
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#9 of 21 Old 10-22-2009, 11:20 PM
 
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For me, in my house...perfectly normal.

My oldest son who is not much of a sleeper didn't sleep through the night consistently until he was 1.

My twins who are 8.5 months (7 months adjusted-so right behind you). Are doing the same thing that yours are doing. Infact, we've had a few INSANE nights were they were waking up every 2 hours WTF!??!?

There's a lot going on in our little ones brains right now. Teething, crawling, growth spurts and other developmental milestones. I think its just the stage. I remember being completely out of it during my oldest 8-9 month time frame. From nap insanity to night waking I was just bonkers.

I do think its just the stage and when they are crawling and a few teeth break through things will settle down. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

HUGS!!

Babywearing, breastfeeding, Mother of MoMo twins and their older brother.
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#10 of 21 Old 10-23-2009, 11:31 AM
 
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Mine are certainly not sleeping even that well, and they're a few months ahead of yours still - almost 10 months now. I cosleep and nurse them back to sleep whenever they wake, and while I'm too tired to actually keep track of how many times, I know they're up at least every two hours.

My theory is - whatever gets you through the night! Eventually, they will be sleeping all on their own, and you will even be crazy enough to miss the nighttime snuggles At least, I miss them with my big kiddos . . . .

Jane, mama to DD (April 04), DS (Dec 05) and DS and DD (Jan 09)
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#11 of 21 Old 10-23-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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ok, i've sooo been wondering this recently

mine are one (ten months adj) and ds naps a bit in the day but dd is sleep at the breast or on chest only sort of girl. i almost never have hands free. i'm on very low sleep supply. always feed through the night.
hey, i never have more than 2.5 hours, 3 occasionally, w/out nursing day/ night.

so no answer. think it's normal though and will pay off later ???????

here's hoping anyway

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#12 of 21 Old 10-23-2009, 01:57 PM
 
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It's normal, especially for kids who are breastfed. Your DH's view of 'normal' is not normal, IYKWIM. Also, lots of people have kids who don't sleep through the entire night, but they may not talk about it. Those kids who do sleep through the night are usually either FF or CIO or just happen to be amazing sleepers.

So, yeah, I wish your DH would get on board with you.

My girls were waking & feeding that much at 9 months. When they got older and weren't eating very much during a night feed, we worked to eliminate that feed using Pantley's NCSS. We cuddled the babies instead. That method worked to eliminate night feeds. This process took both DH and I. After that, they woke about once per night. (Now, though, at 17 months, they are waking again a lot at night due to 2nd year molars. Soooo...)

Mama to twin girls Adele and Nadia, born 5/2008
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#13 of 21 Old 10-23-2009, 04:34 PM
 
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If your babies are doing solid food, you might try feeding them something really fattening, like avocado right before bed. Some kind of stick to the ribs food.
My DD1 (singleton) loved avocado and started solids at 5.5 months. The twins, however, don't care for avocado, darn it, and didn't do solids until about a year old.
They are 18 months and I usually wake up at least once with them a nite, but they nurse quickly and are in bed with me, so it's not too big a deal.
I did read somewhere about children who wake frequently at nite just have a thankful built in mechanism that helps to avoid SIDS. It's those kids who sleep like logs that I would worry about.
It sucks, though, sometimes, doesn't it? I think that in about 3 months they'll sleep a little more, but for now try telling your hubby that you actually have brilliant, survivor instinct children who are keeping themselves alive and well by having their needs met.
Good luck to you, and a hug too. It can be so hard with twins sometimes, and yet so joyful, huh?
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#14 of 21 Old 10-23-2009, 09:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks so much for all of your input!

i am honestly not hugely bothered by the night-waking... i mean, i would LOVE a full night's sleep, but i know it's only temporary and so it's ok. i'm more irritated with being told it's my fault. i mean, i know i could try CIO and maybe that would solve the problem... but just no. it's a shame that the norm is to let your baby scream and cry until he gives up hope...

they currently have their last solid meal at around 5 and then go down at 8, so will try moving that closer to bedtime and seeing if it helps matters.

thanks for letting me know i'm not alone... i know it in my heart, but it helps to hear it!
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#15 of 21 Old 10-24-2009, 10:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dividedsky View Post
they currently have their last solid meal at around 5 and then go down at 8, so will try moving that closer to bedtime and seeing if it helps matters.
Yes, I think moving the feeding closer to bedtime is a really good idea. You're doing great, mama!

Mama to twin girls Adele and Nadia, born 5/2008
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#16 of 21 Old 10-25-2009, 04:52 PM
 
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My twins aren't here yet but I have two children that were total opposites when it came to sleep. All children are different but I truly believe sleep training per se isn't the way to go (i.e. CIO). We tried it with DD (#1) because of pressure. It lasts until there is a disruption in routine, later night that usual, out of town guests, travel, etc. Then you have to do it again. At least that is how it worked. So after it stopped working, we stopped.

My DD didn't sttn until she was 9 mo and I night-weaned. Instead of me going to her, DH would go and cuddle her, she'd go back to sleep. She then went to an 8-8 sleeper. Great!

But with DS, he sttn at 8 weeks (10-8) but then stopped after awhile and would wake 1-2x/night to nurse. I actually liked the cuddle time with him so I just kept doing it. He night-weaned himself around 13 mo and sleeps 8-7 now.

I've never given supplements, only tried CIO once, but I do "schedule" a bit. Up two hours or less, down for a nap or bed. I've always nursed when they wake up once they reach an age where I can do that (an age I don't remember).

I just think every baby is different and we have to do what works for our own household. Having a baby that doesn't sleep isn't any one person's fault. It's just life. And I do remember reading somewhere, maybe Dr. Sears, about how we signed up for nighttime parenting too. Our job doesn't end at 8pm when the kids get in their beds.

Valerie, wife to Kevin, mother to Elena (4), Jonathan (2), and twins, Andrew and Benjamin (2/2010)
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#17 of 21 Old 10-30-2009, 02:36 AM
 
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I've tried solids just before bed too with no success. We're still waking 2-3 times/night, too. If it's your fault, then I've done something wrong, too. No advice, just hugs!

~Danelle~ Mama to four wonderful, intact kiddos ~~ Cami (10), Jimmy (5), Ella & Alex (2/09), and Newbie due 8/11 
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#18 of 21 Old 10-30-2009, 08:01 PM
 
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Reading that this is normal makes me both want to cry and be happy. I am exhausted! I am up every hour basically. I'm lucky if I get a 2 1/2 hour stretch. And in the 8 months 1 week since they were born I've only gotten one 4 hour or longer stretch, total fluke, about 4 months ago.

My hubby is supportive (To the original poster, tell you husband to man up and quit blaming). But there is only so much a hubby can do. One of my boys will NOT fall asleep without boob. I've tried so hard to teach him ways to sooth himself, changing his position, rubbing his back, tummy, giving him a lovie, etc. He won't have anything to do with it. My other boy is good about going back down with a back rub, so hubby can help with him. I still nurse them both around 3ish. (it was 2ish) but I've been encouraging them to hold off a little longer each week. They nurse again at 6am when we start our day.

I can not even begin to describe how exhausted I am every day. It is effecting so much of my life!

Deanna Mom to 3 boys! Jake (April 2006) & Twin Boobie Monsters Wesley & Nathan (Feb 2009)!  homeschool.gif nocirc.gif

 

 

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#19 of 21 Old 10-30-2009, 09:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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^^hubby is helpful when it's convenient, and is very blame-y. i am learning to ignore. sucks for me

but anyway, i've since come to the conclusion that if the nursing down works... it's for a reason. i noticed the other day that one of my guys had 2 teeth coming in, and since they've cut the gum he's been waking a bit less. somehow i am totally fine and functional during the day. i think it's b/c they haven't been waking at the same time lately. that is the worst! at least when it's one at a time, i can grab a guy, bring him into bed and pass out if i am too zonked to wait to put him back. i am also getting MAYBE 2.5hrs of uninterrupted sleep on a good night. i have no idea how i am not a zombie.

so yeah, i know it's for a short time, i feel relatively ok, so whatever. i just won't do cio. i know i wouldn't appreciate it if i were screaming and crying for company, a drink, a cuddle, whatever and was being ignored for hours on end!
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#20 of 21 Old 03-09-2013, 07:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Leslie in Chicago View Post

oh gosh, thanks for posting! We had GREAT sleepers at 6 months, and may never get back to that. Between one being sick or teething, or whatever, we're still getting up at least once a night and ours are 20 months!


I'm not nursing anymore, but offering a few ounces of milk is the only sure-fire way to get them back down calmly. I know this "breaks" all the rules of mainstream sttn parenting, but it works for us.


Dh takes ds, I take dd. Sometimes it gets a bit competitive, especially when one has a good sleeping spell for a few nights. But there's NO way I could do this without his help!


hang in there mama--[/q
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#21 of 21 Old 03-09-2013, 07:32 AM
 
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Hello Leslie,

I found your thread, I'm experiencing infertility and I saw that you got pregnant with twins! I originally saw your thread when I was looking for Chinese herbs and I found out you went to see dr lisa lau in Chinatown. Can you please share your experiences? Thanks so much
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