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Old 12-05-2009, 02:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay so I really need to vent. My boys are 6 weeks old now. I thought it was going to get better...I spent most of the day crying today. Maybe I'm just still having postpartum depression problems but I don't think I can do this! I want to breastfeed them...but it is still so hard! It shouldn't be this hard at this point right? I am still in so much pain. One of the boys has a really shallow latch and it doesn't seem to matter what I do...it kills to nurse him. And then, he seems so lethargic all the time (is only in the 4th percentile for weight) that he only nurses for like 10 minutes...only gets like an ounce in and then is hungry right after that but I am hurting too bad to nurse again so I give him a bottle of pumped milk (which makes me feel guilty). Then, the other boy spits up SO much all the time that he gets hungry again really quickly and I am either too sore to nurse again or don't have any milk left. Other than constantly nursing and/or pumping, burping and changing diapers...I don't have time to do anything! I haven't finished the laundry in the last 6 weeks. I have no clean dishes in my cupboards, no clean pans...you can't even see the counters in my bathroom...I don't live like this! I'm not one to ask for help, especially because my older sisters and their husbands (and even my mom) seem to think that it is no harder to have two babies then one...and that they have all had it just as hard. None of them have ever offered to come to my house and help me clean or hold babies so I can clean. And my body is so disgusting I can't stand it. I just can't do it. What do I do? I can't do it...and my husband is only gone 3 hours a day. I don't let him go anywhere cause I'm afraid to be alone with the 3 kids cause one of the babies is always crying and then my 2 year old tries to poke his eyes out while I'm nursing the other one. Does it get better? Why are my babies so difficult to nurse?! Two shouldn't be this hard...how on earth do you moms with triplets do it?!
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Old 12-05-2009, 05:11 AM
 
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Okay so I really need to vent. My boys are 6 weeks old now. I thought it was going to get better...I spent most of the day crying today. Maybe I'm just still having postpartum depression problems but I don't think I can do this! I want to breastfeed them...but it is still so hard! It shouldn't be this hard at this point right? I am still in so much pain. One of the boys has a really shallow latch and it doesn't seem to matter what I do...it kills to nurse him. And then, he seems so lethargic all the time (is only in the 4th percentile for weight) that he only nurses for like 10 minutes...only gets like an ounce in and then is hungry right after that but I am hurting too bad to nurse again so I give him a bottle of pumped milk (which makes me feel guilty). Then, the other boy spits up SO much all the time that he gets hungry again really quickly and I am either too sore to nurse again or don't have any milk left. Other than constantly nursing and/or pumping, burping and changing diapers...I don't have time to do anything! I haven't finished the laundry in the last 6 weeks. I have no clean dishes in my cupboards, no clean pans...you can't even see the counters in my bathroom...I don't live like this! I'm not one to ask for help, especially because my older sisters and their husbands (and even my mom) seem to think that it is no harder to have two babies then one...and that they have all had it just as hard. None of them have ever offered to come to my house and help me clean or hold babies so I can clean. And my body is so disgusting I can't stand it. I just can't do it. What do I do? I can't do it...and my husband is only gone 3 hours a day. I don't let him go anywhere cause I'm afraid to be alone with the 3 kids cause one of the babies is always crying and then my 2 year old tries to poke his eyes out while I'm nursing the other one. Does it get better? Why are my babies so difficult to nurse?! Two shouldn't be this hard...how on earth do you moms with triplets do it?!
Listen mama, I know its hard. You hear that if "you are doing it right" your breasts won't hurt. Well that is B***S***. I kept a journal of my first year with my first set of twins. I had breast pain for over two months. I treated for yeast, I used Lansinoh like crazy, it still hurt. I had smallish babies and it took a while for their mouths and latches to improve.

Please listen to me. You can only have one job. Feeding the babies. Only job. You can't do any housework and barely any cooking. My husband (and my mother who pitched in on weekends) did all the cleaning and pretty much all the cooking for 9 months. That was when I finally go my head above water. You need to ask for help. I got help from my family and my community. People brought precooked meals. People came and cleaned my house to give my husband a break. You are expecting way too much of yourself. I have worked with a midwife in the Amish community. Even those hardworking ladies get two months off after birthing twins. An older teen girl is sent to the house to do all her work and care of other children. You are six weeks postpartum and while the depression is certainly probably clinical as well, part of it is that you are not resting because you are trying to do a billion things you should not be doing.

First, get your refluxing baby to the pediatrician and insist upon some reflux medication so he can keep more of your precious breastmilk in longer. Next, STOP feeling guilty about the need to give pumped milk. I had to do this for about seven weeks to get my smaller twin up to speed. I didn't want to add to our latch problems so my husband and I did the feedings with medicine syringes. You may find they do okay with bottles, I did not. But regardless, who cares how it gets in them right now. You have to get it in them whatever way you can. Milk production, milk letdown, all of this is related to a well nourished, hydrated and rested mama. My husband left me a prepared breakfast before he went to work each morning. On weekends he would make egg salad, salmon salad, and fruit salad and green salads. He made sure there were pitas and cut veggies so I could easily scoop food for myself on the run to feed again. We used paper plates, etc. for months to keep down the kitchen mess. Nobody dusted anything. Floors were vacuumed by my mother once a week. Hubby cleaned bathrooms once a week.

I coslept in a big megabed. We lashed the frames of a twin and queen together so I could have both babies cosleeping and would breastfeed laying down and rolling from one to the other. Get one latched, fall asleep, get another latched fall asleep. It worked. This didn't happen right away because I had all the challenges you had with breastfeeding and didn't know as many things to do. But you can get there!

Don't change diapers at night unless they are poopy or the baby is bothered by it. Don't burp when laying down to nurse unless the baby is fussy. If they go back to sleep--they don't have bad gas. Your reflux-y one will likely need burping until you can get that under control. Try eliminating dairy and see if it improves. It did for my one twin. I was off dairy six months till he outgrew it. Other things to try to eliminate (one at a time to see effects) are wheat, soy and eggs.

For the shallow latch baby call LLL and find out who a good doc to evaluate if there is a shallow frenulum that needs clipping to enable him to take in more nipple. If your nipples are on the flatter side you may need to get some breast shells to wear in your bra in the daytime. Mine were flat and that contributed to the long term problems I had.

For the sore nipples you need to get a prescription for Jack Newman's All Purpose Nipple Ointment. It must be made at a compounding pharmacy. See his website and direct your care provider to it at www.drjacknewman.com. You can also take homeopathic castor equi 30C and calendula 30C for cracked bleeding and sore abraised nipples. Take a pump break every other feeding and don't put them to the breast to give them a break. And a tip I used one bad early week that and LC told me was to put some baby anbesol (for teething pain) on my nipple to deaden the pain every now and then to give myself a break.

I understand how you feel. I had toe curling, tears streaming down my face pain for two solid months. We were to poor to buy formula. I had to succeed so I just kept doing it. And then one day all the problems were gone, the babies nursed easily, I got more sleep because the cosleeping and latching in bad made it easier to mother them. And I nursed them for 3 1/2 years. And I loved it. I teach childbirth and breastfeeding now and I tell my students that the books don't describe all of us and that breastfeeding is bliss--just not right away. Let go of the guilt, get the help you need, use things to aid breast healing, keep going mama. In the long run it makes having twins easier to take care of!!!!!
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Old 12-05-2009, 07:59 AM
 
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Wow, the PP covered it so well.

From personal experience, my twin boys first two months of life were the most difficult for DH and myself. In fact, I can't recall the first two months (at all). I had PPD as well, though and thankfully got on the appropriate meds for a couple of months which helped me a lot.

That said, after around 8-10 weeks, we got into a routine, things settled down and everything began to feel normal. Did I still welcome help with laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.? YES! Was I still sleep deprived and teary every so often? YES. Did I still wonder off and on for that first year just what in the world had we gotten ourselves into (of course, we only thought we'd have one baby!)? YES. But those dreadful feelings do go away slowly.

I am sorry, mama. I wish I could come and help you, but I'm a little far.
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Old 12-05-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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Hugs, mama. I remember how difficult that time was. The PP's advice has been awesome! I agree that your only job is to feed the babies right now. I also had major pain from nursing for 2-3 mos (preemie mouths are so small) and I agree that it really just stopped as they got bigger/figured out their latches.

You'll get through this! Your house will never be as clean as it was pre-babies. In fact, I'd expect a pig sty for at least a year.

Mama to lovely twin girls 1/08
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Old 12-05-2009, 01:48 PM
 
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Totally agree with all the PP. Life is different with multiples so it's okay to forget about the laundry etc for a while & it's okay to do things differently than you might with one baby. For me, the first 4 months was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life & I don't think it's something anyone can truly understand unless they've lived through it themselves. The important thing to know is that you CAN get through it & that it WILL get better.

I was not aware of them until my boys were toddlers but I joined my local MOTC at that time. We were able to offer a very strong support system for other MOMs in need of help or just encouragement. Maybe your local group could be a great resource for you too??
http://www.nomotc.org/index.php?opti...earch&Itemid=7
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Old 12-05-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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Forget those judgemental people. I had those in my life, too, and it sucked. People who thought I wasn't trying "hard enough" to be AP to my twins. Yeah, I'd just about shriek for joy if they got pregnant with twins 8 months pp. *evilgrin*

You need help. Hire someone, beg someone, bribe someone. Even if a maid service comes over and just hits the hardest spots you'll feel better. Get some sunshine. Breathe. This stage of twins was hardest for me even though mine had started sleeping better by that point. They weren't as tired in the day and the holding/feeding got SO overwhelming.

Maybe I've missed it but have you had the bad latcher checked for tongue tie? And have you had his evaluated by an IBCLC? Someone GOOD with lots of experience? IRRC he also sucks weakly at the bottle? I am still hopeful he will grow out of that!

Lots of love and light coming from me. I think it was about 6 weeks when I hit a wall with my babies. It's hard work.
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Old 12-05-2009, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow...thanks for all of the info. I guess I just feel like everyone else has things under control but me. The only people I have to help me (namely my family) are too busy with stuff going on in their own lives. I'll see what I can do though. I did have the smaller one with the shallow latch checked for tongue tie and said he was fine. I think my nipples are kinda flattish and a little short. I try to kinda lengthen them before I try to latch them on, but when they pull away over and over and I have to keep re-latching an already horrible latch...it kills. Hopefully as they get older and bigger it will improve.

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Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post
For the sore nipples you need to get a prescription for Jack Newman's All Purpose Nipple Ointment. It must be made at a compounding pharmacy. See his website and direct your care provider to it at www.drjacknewman.com.
So I wonder if I have this stuff...my pharmacy calls it C-Newmans Ointment that they compound there. I keep forgetting to use it, but I should probably keep up with that. And the anbesol idea is great, I'll have to try it. Thank you so much for all of your input. It is all very helpful. I think my family (who all lives near me) would die if they heard what you said about me needing help. They just keep telling me that it is no harder for me to have twins and a two year old than it was for them to have 3 kids close in a age, etc...or my mom who has 8 kids, ya know? So I guess I just feel like I'm being a baby. Anyway...thank you so much for the reply!
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Old 12-05-2009, 07:32 PM
 
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You know what? I thought I was fairly well prepared. I'd had four children in four years, all of them between 17-20 months apart. Twins BLEW ME AWAY. I was NOT prepared for two infants. And bless their hearts, they were pretty darn easy babies and we had NO latching/nursing issues and I made plenty of milk. When you have a baby and a toddler, even a very young toddler, that older baby is often nursing less, sleeping more, and generally, you know, USED to life outside the womb. Two babies who constantly needed to be on my breast or later, on my hip, was just completely overwhelming. I can't imagine for someone who had NOT done two babies close together.
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Old 12-05-2009, 07:50 PM
 
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Wow...thanks for all of the info. I guess I just feel like everyone else has things under control but me.
omg NO! Okay, so I consider myself a very intelligent and capable person. Did well in school, did very well in a difficult career, etc. I've always been a got-it-all-together kind of person.

Twins BLEW ME AWAY. I think that all five of us (me, DH, DD1, who was 2, and the twins) all spent a good solid four months crying. I remember one day that DH came home from work, and all four of us were together on my bed crying and crying. I used to think maybe I needed to offer one twin for adoption, that I wasn't capable of handling this job. DS was high-needs, had nursing problems and relux, DD2 had a weak suck, my toddler was in a very bad place emotionally, and I felt like I was ruining them by trying to be a mother to all of them.

It was rough. Really rough.

And the twins are nearly 3 now, and I can say honestly that having been through that, I feel like I could climb high mountains in bedroom slippers, but we got through it and they're all fine and beautiful and normal and wonderful. You can do this. It's gonna take time, and some really long, long days, but it does and it will settle down. It just takes longer, with twins. I don't think I felt the slightest bit of control until at LEAST four months, and it was about seven or eight months, when they could sit up well, and were happy for a short time to be put down, that I really felt like I could breathe. \

I think I walked around the house topless for at least three months. I remember frantically trying to find a shirt when the UPS guy knocked. We ate off paper plates. I know for sure I didn't wash the babies' clothes for the entire first two months. I just kept sending DH out to buy more packs of onesies....

Hang in there. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. I used to count it an awesome day if everybody ate. That was my only goal for the day-- keep all three kids fed. The house and the rest of it went to pot for a long, long time. But that's okay, and anybody that tells you it isn't needs to shut up and come over and DO some of the work.


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Old 12-05-2009, 08:38 PM
 
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yeah, i have four older children who were all under 5 - but twins has turned me upside down like i can't believe. still at 14 months it's but amazing and wonderful often enough now that i keep going.

i had a few occasions when i've been ready to 'dump' one or two of them on a friend and questionned how i would survive. getting through early b'feeding challenges actually has helped me to get through some of the later ones (b'fed babies are difficult to get taken care of by someone else )

you're doing great if you're eating. i still feel very pleased with myself when i get food on the table!!

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Old 12-05-2009, 09:18 PM
 
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I'm not normally on this forum, but saw it in new posts and I can only imagine how tough two babies are when just one is a 24/7 job! Go easy on yourself and don't feel guilty about bottles! But I have to say... can't your husband help with the housework part of it?
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Old 12-06-2009, 12:28 AM
 
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Wow...thanks for all of the info. I guess I just feel like everyone else has things under control but me. The only people I have to help me (namely my family) are too busy with stuff going on in their own lives. I'll see what I can do though. I did have the smaller one with the shallow latch checked for tongue tie and said he was fine. I think my nipples are kinda flattish and a little short. I try to kinda lengthen them before I try to latch them on, but when they pull away over and over and I have to keep re-latching an already horrible latch...it kills. Hopefully as they get older and bigger it will improve.



So I wonder if I have this stuff...my pharmacy calls it C-Newmans Ointment that they compound there. I keep forgetting to use it, but I should probably keep up with that. And the anbesol idea is great, I'll have to try it. Thank you so much for all of your input. It is all very helpful. I think my family (who all lives near me) would die if they heard what you said about me needing help. They just keep telling me that it is no harder for me to have twins and a two year old than it was for them to have 3 kids close in a age, etc...or my mom who has 8 kids, ya know? So I guess I just feel like I'm being a baby. Anyway...thank you so much for the reply!
You can tell your family from me - a childbirth and breastfeeding educator and mother of six including two sets of twins that they are being selfish and ignorant. They have NO IDEA. And there are no twin mamas out there, esp. ones who have also had singletons who think twins is just twice the work. It's more!
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Old 12-06-2009, 12:30 AM
 
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Not much time to post, but big HUGS mama. The Dr. Newman's cream SAVED my nipples....oh, it was WONDERFUL stuff!!! Use it whenever you think about it! My nipples were sore for at least 2 months...cracking, bleeding and then blisters that were pretty unbearable. Putting a warm cloth on for a minute or two (if you can manage longer great) just before feeding really helped as well.

And yeah, get help, as much as you can, and however you can...my mom came Mon-Fri 8 hours a day for the first month, then about 5-6 hours a day for another month or two and then a few hours in the afternoon for another couple of months. Even with that it was tough, but at least she folded laundry and held a baby or two while I got a shower. I can't believe people would think that it's no different having two at the same time

Tammy, Canadian Mama to 4 girls May-02...March-05 and...identical twin girls Jan-09
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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you're doing great if you're eating. i still feel very pleased with myself when i get food on the table!!
Does an entire bag of cheetos count?
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Old 12-06-2009, 06:46 AM
 
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Does an entire bag of cheetos count?
At this point in time, it counts for the most part.
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Old 12-06-2009, 10:06 AM
 
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oh, those were the days! I feel for you moma, I really do! My mom is a doula and a birthing coach so she flew in for a month to be there at the birth and afterwards. All I did was nurse for those first few weeks while she moved in with us. I would nurse, an hour later pump, an hour later nurse, just so that I would have milk in the freezer so I could leave them for an hour just to have time to myself. DH was working part time and I cried every day for three months after my mom left. I had one very high needs and two colicky babies who both had bad reflux and the only thing that saved my nipples was lanolin. I was calling DH up every day and begging him to come home so I wouldn't have to deal with them on my own. One went down for naps quite nicely on his own and slept for an hour and it took me 45 minutes of rocking, jossling, cajoling and pleeding to get the other very tired, very cranky baby down leaving me with.... 15 minutes of "me" time. The house was in shambles. Someone from the community arranged for us to have meals delivered every night for a month. There was no such thing as visitors, someone walked in, I handed them a baby so I could do what I needed to do (shower, hang up the laundry, pee). You must get help - from a neighbor, a church group, maybe the local high school would like to send over a home ec student for extra credit? At one point DH asked innocently when I was going to get to the laundry because he was running out of underware. I was in the middle of a three hour marathon nurse and must have given him this look because he took one look at my face and said "so I'm going to do the laundry, is there anything else I can do?" My DH's family lives in the area and the only thing that my MIL did was come and visit to play with the babes. So I did the housework while she was there. It gave me a break from them and even if the surface dirt got cleaned, I felt better.

Oh, and I didn't even bother getting dressed for the first three months unless I took the babes to the wellness clinic because there was no point in putting on a bra. At now 28 months (after nursing them for 18) I can say that it does get easier and I didn't have supply or latching issues after the first week. It was/is tough and two babies close in age in NOT twins.

Good luck

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Old 12-06-2009, 11:46 AM
 
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It's hard but you can do it. You'll be on the other side before you know it.

There is no shame in asking for help. If you attend a house of worship I'd ask an elder to get you some help. Meals or a helping hand. Do you know any other moms? What about a playdate for your eldest and maybe the mom could help you hold a baby for a little bit?

You've got some great advice as far as bf goes. My house is still messy, it just comes w/ the territory. For laundry, how about getting a few baskets, don't worry about folding or putting away. Have one basket for the twins, one for your eldest dc, one for you and your dh and one for towels/household. The laundry can live there instead of dressers/closet.

We ate a lot of frozen food and take out the first 6 months. The end of their first year was a combo of frozen and easy meals.

Hang in there.

 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:26 PM
 
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There is so much good advice here I don't have any more to add. But I will say that IMO if there are two parents for every singleton baby, then there sould be four parents to rasie a set of twins. We NEVER got a break, there were always two babies and just two of us. It was totally overwhelming and I frequently questioned my ability to do it. Now my girls are 4, and those first few months are a blur, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

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Old 12-06-2009, 11:38 PM
 
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My kids are the same ages as yours--6 week old twins and a two year old. I have loads of help from my husband and parents and I'm STILL going crazy. I'm so glad to have read through this thread because i spent half the day crying about being the worst mother ever and now I feel like this is normal; not fun, but normal. Thanks, ladies.

Karen, mama to one toddler (9/07) and twin babies (10/09)
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:27 AM
 
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The other day I looked around and saw that I had a clean house, clothed children, I had showered, everyone was fed, and I was even starting to watch other people's kids here and there, and I might add that we are at 19.5 months. Really before this, none of this was true. I was wondering what changed, and really it's been 2 things: 1. we got a diaper service and 2. the babies were sucking on me for HOURS ON END EACH AND EVERY WAKING (and trying to sleep) MOMENT OF THE DAY!!!!! and were finally giving me a break here and there.
You know how people always say "TWINS?????" It's not b/c they are easy. It's b/c 99.9% of the world realizes that twins are just more work than singletons spaced close together.
Maybe tell your family that you are just not as tough as they are, and you need their help.
(personally I think every MoM is "tough", but if that's what it takes for your family to help you, then give it to them.
HUG!
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Old 12-07-2009, 07:20 AM
 
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Does an entire bag of cheetos count?
yes, absolutely

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Old 12-07-2009, 12:42 PM
 
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The #1 thing that helped my nips was after each nursing session fill a glass with warm salt water and hold the cups in place over your boobs (one at a time!) for a few minutes. It gave me such relief. And of course letting them hang out as much as possible with no shirt afterwards... or at least with no bra.

Mama to lovely twin girls 1/08
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Old 12-07-2009, 02:36 PM
 
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I also don't usually frequent this forum (no multiples here!) but I feel so sad for you while reading your post because you DESERVE HELP! Your mom/sisters/etc need to get their butts over there! My gosh! I cannot even imagine! I only have one ds and for the first 4 months I did nothing but feed and change him (no cleaning, cooking etc. dh handled all that). I wish I lived near you because i'd come over and help

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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