Is it normal to not like nursing them at this point? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 02-10-2010, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is so strange for me because I always loved nursing my son. But now, nursing the twins just makes me want to cry all the time! I am just not enjoying it and am doing it because I feel that I have to. I think it mainly comes from the fact that I am not getting any sleep and can't nurse them both while lying down. I also have one twin that is a really abusive nurser (likes to bite down and pull my nipple, scratches me, etc).

Tell me it gets better.

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#2 of 11 Old 02-10-2010, 10:04 AM
 
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Not sure that it gets better, but you get used to it. Tv, computer, audiobooks, magazines etc really helped me not hate it as much. Tandem made me want to pull my hair out, I had to have something else to concentrate on.

 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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#3 of 11 Old 02-10-2010, 10:55 AM
 
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I remember feeling that way the first few months especially. I HATED nursing the twins. As they got older, got better head control, responded better to my "ouches" and "easy" comments, it got better.

I also found that tandem nursing was too overwhelming for me. I decided to take twice the time to nurse, so I could enjoy nursing each baby--and focus on each one's habits one at a time. Then as they were older (probably when they hit 1 1/2 or 2, tandem nursing was more tolerable for me, since they could latch on and off independently and didn't nurse for that long at one session.

Hang in there mama. It will get better. It is hard. But you're doing it, and you can continue doing it!

"We think we're gliding down the highway when in fact we're slip sliding away." Paul Simon
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#4 of 11 Old 02-10-2010, 01:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nummies View Post
This is so strange for me because I always loved nursing my son. But now, nursing the twins just makes me want to cry all the time! I am just not enjoying it and am doing it because I feel that I have to. I think it mainly comes from the fact that I am not getting any sleep and can't nurse them both while lying down. I also have one twin that is a really abusive nurser (likes to bite down and pull my nipple, scratches me, etc).

Tell me it gets better.
Oooh -- you sound like me. I called Thomas my tiger cub, since he was a pincher/biter/scratcher since day 1.

I waffle back and forth between loving nursing, and DETESTING it. I just want to hang on until age 2.

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

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#5 of 11 Old 02-10-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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Almost forgot --- I would try swaddling the 'abusive nurser' --- if he's all swaddled up, he won't be able to pinch/poke, etc.

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

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#6 of 11 Old 02-10-2010, 04:49 PM
 
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Try getting your abuser adjusted. It might help.

I HATED nursing my twins most days at that age. I, too, avoided tandeming like the plague and would just take twice as long to nurse them. It was so overwhelming. It did get better, but I still don't like nursing them as much as I did my singletons. At 20 months I'm really feeling done. I have one twin who's no where near ready to quit and one who probably would if her brother wasn't on me. Sigh. I'm hanging in there.
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#7 of 11 Old 02-10-2010, 11:24 PM
 
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Same here! I adored nursing my son, it was my purpose in life at the time. I would nurse him all day and night and just cry tears of pure joy and awe. I nursed him over three years. This time, not so much. I loved tandem in the begining but now, I cannot get them into a good position and they both have really sloppy latches unless they are positioned just so. I HATE the ez2 nurse pillow, it's way to long in the back and I have to either stuff the center with blankets or sit way forward on the couch with no support and even then, they get all sloppy. My goal is 2 years but somedays I feel like 1 is a major accomplishment. I know that soon I will be able to put one off a little better while I nurse the other one. Right now they go from perfectly content to OMG I'm litterally starving to death lickety split. It is really a labor of love, I tell ya. I had such a hard time yesterday keeping them full that I dove into my stash (my precious stash that I count at least twice a day) twice. Bottle feeding and pumping afterward was a much easier route, it was crazy.

Great job and keep it up! We can only hope it gets better with time.

Dena
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#8 of 11 Old 02-11-2010, 03:45 AM
 
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Oh...I would say just give it time. I know many people here probably think this is a "no no" but I had to pump and supplement at the beginning for a while anyway, and when I couldn't take it anymore I had my husband bottle feed them. Cause I didn't want to hate it ya know? I used to HATE when I felt like I JUST fed them and they are both crying (what is apparently 2 hours later) and my husband comes to tell me they are hungry! LOL...he's learned not to do that anymore. Anyway...it took me like WELL over two months to really be able to enjoy it. It frustrates me even now sometimes just cause it's so repetitive. I only tandem when I absolutely have to. I really like being able to spend one on one time with each baby...where I just look into that ONE set of eyes and smile and play with them. It seems so overwhelming looking back and forth at each of them on the breast, I dunno. I really enjoy it 90% of the time now. I hope you get to that point soon like I did.
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#9 of 11 Old 02-11-2010, 07:49 PM
 
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Nursing one at a time is always more of a pleasure for me. The early days for us were pumping and tube feeding and trying to keep track of weight gain and frequency of feeds. I worked really hard to get it going and by the grace of God it did....so that any time it was a bum to be nursing I would think how lucky we were and that nursing changes as they get older.
The memories of an older child nursing are NOT like newborn days etc....now I have the love hate relationship still going, but it's so precious to have been able to choose to keep on iyswim.

I really have needed more time out with the twins than with my singletons though. Just taking a walk/ drive on my own for 30 mins sometimes, even from the early days helped.

Can you pin point more specifically what bothers you? Does it make a difference if you 'choose' to nurse when you are ready rather than feeling 'demanded'? It's ok to take some deep breaths, tell them you'll just be a minute, get some water whilst they shriek in the background and then tell them 'okay, mama's ready now'.......

I think somehow creating space is important with such an overwhelming, all-encompassing job. Give yourself rewards for it, distract yourself (why I ended up on the computer so much ) Find ways to take the pressure off psychologically iyswim. It can be so weird switching between two nursling styles!! But every child has a different style.

Equally I have moments of absolutely relishing nursing like I did with (some of ) my singletons. So I do believe it will get easier for you as you settle into discovering each child's personality.



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#10 of 11 Old 02-25-2010, 03:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nummies View Post
I am just not enjoying it and am doing it because I feel that I have to. I think it mainly comes from the fact that I am not getting any sleep and can't nurse them both while lying down.
for me, the worst aspect of those first weeks with twins was the profound sleep deprivation; it made me feel like i couldn't function at all, which was scary. i'm not sure if you've already received this advice, but i find that if if i'm sitting up to nurse in bed (which i do while they sleep), a wedge pillow behind my back makes all the difference (if you google "wedge pillow" it should come right up). true, it's not like lying down, but it does offer some semblance of reclining and resting. i initially resisted it because it seemed like just another "gadget" that might not even work, but since i could not find a way to nurse them both and sleep, i gave in. it's really worked for me--and it got me through those really difficult first 2-3 months by allowing me some actual sleep--and a return to feeling like i could handle the challenges of parenting twins.

i hope you're doing okay--!
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#11 of 11 Old 02-26-2010, 03:23 PM
 
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My first child didn't do it, but while nursing my twins both like to grab and yank my hair, scratch and pinch my skin, my DS will even slap my skin over and over. It was really uncomfortable and I felt like I couldn't just relax because I was always wrestling with them.

I ended up introducing lovies. First we tried a blanket with a satiny edge, but it didn't work well. Then I tried two stuffed animals, and it's done the trick. I lay them both down int he football hold, put their animal on top of each of them so they're hugging them, and then put my arm down so my elbows kind of lock the animals down on top of the babies. If that makes sense. It really works because it transfers all that abusive fiddling to the animal, and they pick and hit and pinch the fur instead of me! It allows me to relax.

Just another idea for you.
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