Pregnant with twins--Help me think clearly - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 03-22-2010, 05:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, thanks to everyone who has posted the last few days. I, too, am struck by how many here say they considered termination, or at least cried for days. They definitely should say more than, "congratulations, twins!" when they show you the ultrasound. I knew abortion was wrong for me from the start (long story), but the terror was just so overwhelming. What gave me the courage in the end was coming out and telling my husband exactly what I wanted him to say. ("Don't have an abortion. I want to raise these babies. I will not abandon you, and we will find a way to do this together.") He went and took a walk around the block, then came back and said it--from his heart.
I'm going for my follow up sono Friday and will post the results. For now, I wanted to share a few pieces of great news:
1) We just found out my SIL is auditioning for her dream job in the city and very well may be moving here soon. She's great, and would be a huge help.
2) My husband, who has not gotten so much as a cost of living adjustment in 2 years, asked for a raise, and the CEO of his organization just nominated him for a huge award in his field.
Good things.
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#32 of 40 Old 03-22-2010, 06:46 PM
 
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Just chiming in to say that my SIL was in Brooklyn when her twins were born and she met some great people through the Brooklyn multiples club. Mostly not AP, but very supportive. I know the two POMs groups that I am part of here are good at helping out parents of multiples in need of extra assistance. Definitely check the local group out.

Good luck.

Kate
mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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#33 of 40 Old 03-22-2010, 07:15 PM
 
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Congrats on the potential helper and the MONEY! Oh, wouldn't that just be huge? I don't know where you stand spiritually but the Universe has kept us fed and clothed although we've had to swallow our pride and do things we'd rather have not more than once. Our basic needs have been provided for though, and we feel very, very lucky.
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#34 of 40 Old 03-28-2010, 02:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Update: Had another sono Friday and sadly I did lose twin b. Twin A is doing well. I'm crushed, and like the poster who wrote about miscarrying twins at 10 weeks wrote, I would take back every tear I cried about being pregnant with twins. To get to the point where I'd accepted the twin pregnancy, I'd bonded with both babies, fantasized about our future...this whole experience has been a roller-coaster and now it feels like nothing but pointless punishment. I'm grieving, and it makes it much worse that no one understands--people say, "Oh well, you sort of knew it could happen," (true, but it doesn't mean I'm not sad) or, "You're still having one baby, so that's good" (true, but it doesn't mean I'm not sad), or, "Well, it's for the best, this will be much easier than having twins" (true, but it doesn't mean I'm not sad). My husband says it was just "pixels on a screen" and that if I hadn't gotten the scans I wouldn't even know about it, so it's not a real loss. Sigh.

I know I will out the other side soon, happy for the pregnancy and the family I have, but it's rough at the moment. Thanks for all the support, and I'm sorry I won't be joining the moms of multiples "tribe."
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#35 of 40 Old 03-28-2010, 04:06 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. And so sorry for the lack of support.

I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through it can really understand the complexity of grieving for one baby while trying to celebrate another. Especially after all the work you went through to come to peace with expecting twins.

I hope for ease for you soon. Grieve for your loss as you need to. And may the rest of your pregnancy be less stressful.

*Hugs*

Kate
mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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#36 of 40 Old 03-28-2010, 07:57 PM
 
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Yeah that to Kate. You did so much work to come to a place of acceptance. I'm so sorry Mama. I am glad that the other baby is doing well but I am so sad for you for the loss of your other precious bean. And your husband is wrong. It wasn't just pixels on a screen. It was your child.
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#37 of 40 Old 03-28-2010, 09:46 PM
 
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I am so sorry, mama.

mom to sam arlo (5), olive loretta (3)....and twin girls Annie and Ramona Jean, born 3/10.

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#38 of 40 Old 03-29-2010, 03:17 PM
 
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My heart goes out to you. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. Best wishes and many condolences.
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#39 of 40 Old 03-29-2010, 06:35 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have an uneventful and beautiful pregnancy and birth.

Cindi, mama to Hannah (7/04) :, Eli & Sam (6/06) :
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#40 of 40 Old 04-03-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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I didn't read all the posts. I am so so sorry for your loss! I found out I had twins, when I lost a triplet. I occasionally wonder about that baby and even miss him.

Take care of yourself and have a wonderful pg.

Courtney wife to geek.gif and mom to 4 boys: chicken3.gif   . I need caffix.gif !
They're not typos. . . I can't spell!
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