Is this offensive? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 03-13-2004, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mamas
I don't have twins or multiples, but I take my boys to a nursery that has two sets of triplets and a set of twins. I just found out the main nursery worker is the mother of grown twins. And I asked, "Are they identical?"
She was very polite and not at all negative, but as soon as it was out of my mouth I wondered if that is offensive. Like maybe it implies identical are more special than fraternal.
So before I stick my foot in my mouth with the other mamas to multiples I thought I would ask if that bothers you.
Thanks
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#2 of 13 Old 03-14-2004, 01:10 AM
 
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I get that question a lot (right after "Are they twins?") and I have never been offended by it. I don't think that a mother of twins would see it as you thinking identical twins are superior to fraternal twins. If it still bothers you, you could word it differently. For instance you could say "Are your boys identical or fraternal?" or you could really show your stuff and say "Are your boys monozygotic or dizygotic?" Monozygotic means identical and dizygotic means fraternal.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#3 of 13 Old 03-14-2004, 03:06 AM
 
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i think the only time that we find that offensive is when
A) we clearly are in a hurry/distracted/not wanting to chitchat
or
B) when the babies are obviously dressed in b/g clothes

and even then it is not offensive, just tedious

and maybe i can only speak for myself, but if you ever feel brushed off by some harried twin momma
when you just wanted to show interest in her and her babies
don't take it personally
we are just really tired


i forgot to add: make sure you don't say
"are your babies IDENTICAL or PATERNAL?"
or try to argue with the answer that you get
(it does happen)
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#4 of 13 Old 03-14-2004, 11:03 AM
 
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Nope, I wouldn't find that offensive. I get asked that a lot about my boys.
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#5 of 13 Old 03-14-2004, 01:32 PM
 
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I always : when I hear people asking if b/g twins are identical. : : :
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#6 of 13 Old 03-14-2004, 07:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Mamas! I will definitely curb my enthusiasm and not accost any twin mama who looks to be in a hurry. I appreciate your insight!
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#7 of 13 Old 03-16-2004, 01:08 PM
 
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Heee!! Nope, it's not offensive, but if you take the time to look at my twins, they look SOOOO different!! In every way!

Also, I am guilty of getting annoyed after awhile of ALL the chit chat I've engaged in while taking them out...it's part of the reason it takes so long to go anywhere these days!! But I know people are just being NICE.

sorry to all in advance.
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#8 of 13 Old 03-19-2004, 02:08 AM
 
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Elyssia covered it pretty well for me!

And you know what, I had *an OB* argue with me that boy/girl twins can be identical. That was right after she sneezed, then coughed into her hand and offerred it to me to help me off the table, but right before I left, never to see her again.

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#9 of 13 Old 03-23-2004, 07:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Smilemomma
And you know what, I had *an OB* argue with me that boy/girl twins can be identical.
You know that they can, right? It is extremely rare but if identical twins are conceived with Turner's Syndrome (XXY), one twin can drop the X and become a boy and the other can drop the Y and become a girl. Unlikely, but it has been known to happen.
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#10 of 13 Old 03-23-2004, 10:30 PM
 
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Yes, I knew that, but then they're not really *identical*, as in the same. There's always a difference, even with truly identical "identical" twins anyway, and with Turner's/Kleinfeldter's, they are different physically AND genetically. I prefer the MZ/DZ, I think it gets more to the point of what the question really is, anyway.

What was whacked about this conversation with her was that she knew that my babies were the result of IVF. I had four embryos transferred. On the u/s, one was on the anterior uterine wall and low, while the other was on the posterior wall and high. Not likely from one split egg, for many reasons.
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#11 of 13 Old 03-23-2004, 10:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by laralou
You know that they can, right? It is extremely rare but if identical twins are conceived with Turner's Syndrome (XXY), one twin can drop the X and become a boy and the other can drop the Y and become a girl. Unlikely, but it has been known to happen.
How I understood it was that a boy baby is conceived and splits into identical twin boys. After the split, one baby develops normally and the other baby loses it's Y and becomes a girl. The girl baby has Turner Syndrome and will never develop breasts, be fertile, etc. I read about it in Twins Magazine a while back...I think that's how it went but I could be wrong.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#12 of 13 Old 03-26-2004, 12:46 PM
 
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You are probably right, Karen. My memory is rusty now at best.
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#13 of 13 Old 04-02-2004, 02:47 AM
 
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Nope, it doesn't offend me, but I have to laugh at the people who ask me if my boy and girl are identical. I usually smile and say, "Yes, until we open their diapers!" Of course, the fact that Sarah has brown hair and David is sandy blonde should have tipped them off even if they couldn't tell one was a girl and one was a boy (though that ponytail on one of 'em seems to make it pretty obvious to ME, rotfl)!

The ones who offend me are the idiots who INSIST that twins cannot be boy/girl OR those who INSIST that twins "skip a generation". I mean, hello, are you REALLY telling me that these two children were NOT inside me at the same time? Am I hallucinating??? And as for the "skips a generation" line, *I* am a twin and I *have* twins, so I'm thinking that is a myth!!! Why people argue this is beyond me. Sometimes I think people speak before engaging their brains. LOL
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