feeling isolated and depressed - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-01-2010, 10:31 AM - Thread Starter
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Hello, everyone,

I was wondering if anyone else experienced feelings of isolation with twins?

My babies are 6 months old, and I am SO happy to have them. That said, I also feel really isolated and burnt-out from the almost constant care, almost no breaks, and how hard it is to go out anywhere, and almost never ALONE.

It probably doesn't help that we moved just this month, so I'm in a new town with no one that I really know. But even before we moved, I felt this way. It's just worse now.

I'm an introvert by nature, and I don't need a lot of interaction. But I do like to leave my house more often than I am able to now. And I feel very overwhelmed just from being NEEDED all the time.

My sister told me I should consider hiring a babysitter and giving them one bottle during that time... First of all, I don't know if they will still take a bottle. And second, I worked SO hard to get them nursing exclusively, that the idea of giving them formula makes me ill. I'd rather wait until they eat more real food and drink than do that.

Which brings me back to my original problem - how can I feel less overwhelmed? I'm tired ALL THE TIME, and besides the babies, I also have older boys that we homeschool, and a work from home job as a writer (about 15 hrs a week, from home). I work when the babies sleep, which means I get very little free time.

I also feel guilty for feeling this way... I worked so hard for so long for these babies. I prayed and pleaded and cried over not being able to have another child. Then, on the fertility treatment cycle that I had said would be my last if it didn't work, I finally conceived the twins!

I should be over the moon! And in some ways, I am. But in others, I feel I shot way, way past the moon -- no oxygen out there, if you know what I mean.

And in case any one will suggest it... I have a therapist who I talk to (from home, on the phone, with the babies with me, because it's the only set up I could get), and I can't take any medications because I have had serious reactions in the past (life threatening).

Anyway... I'm just tired in all ways. Tired emotionally, tired physically, tired spiritually. Simply tired. And always "behind", which just makes me feel beyond exhausted.

Can anyone relate? Any words of wisdom or comfort to share? I'd love to hear it. Nothing worse than feeling alone in your craziness...

~ Rachel

Rachel & Eli , with DS1 (7/99) and DS2 (11/01) twins DD1 & DS3 (01/10)
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#2 of 7 Old 08-01-2010, 12:13 PM
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Can't really type right now, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

mom to sam arlo (5), olive loretta (3)....and twin girls Annie and Ramona Jean, born 3/10.

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#3 of 7 Old 08-01-2010, 01:53 PM
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No words of wisdom here, I actually came to this forum today hoping to find a thread with people talking about how I am feelng - namely isolated (and frankly a little resentful).

I too did ART (ivf) to concieve these babies and feel like I should just be grateful.

I am lucky to be in a city where I have lots of people to talk with, hang with, etc. However, I feel like the world around me, including the women I normally spend time with, are wizzing by at warp speed and I'm on the outside. As you allude to, caring for twinfants is just so much constant work and I find it tough to do the kind of outings I used to do with DS1.

I should be trying to live in the moment and accept that this too shall pass, but mostly I feel lonely. I tend to need tons of social interaction and am finding it tough to get what I need. When I do go out then I am sacrificing the babies sleep (they only sleep at home in a quiet dark room,but that's a whole other post ) and I have to rely heavily on other people to hold and care for my babies with me. In all of this my DS1 is getting lost in the shuffle and so I feel guilty about that. No end to the guilt around here, actually . . . I am experiencing delayed bonding with the babies and sort of feel like i have someone elses two little babies living in my house.

Sorry, I'm being so self involved here, making my reply all about me. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone in feeling worn out. Thanks for the opportunity to get this all out!

Oh, what I would give for a night out by myself. I'm starting to resent DH (even though he is great) since he has things in his life that he enjoys (golf, working out, jogging, reading, lunches out, etc) and I no longer do any of the things I enjoy (going to crossfit, reading, going out with the girls, taking DS1 to movies, etc). Life feels out of balance. Blah. I could just cry, only I don't even have the energy for that.

mama to big brother Mason (Jan '05) and the littles, Adam and Holden (May '10)
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#4 of 7 Old 08-01-2010, 02:12 PM
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Being so tired is really hard. Is there any part of your activities that can be reduced or put on hold? I was the primary breadwinner, so I couldn't quit working for long.

The one thing that helped me the most was getting exercise. I started in the gym, leaving all the kids with DH and going at 5am because that was the only time I had. Doyou have a YMCA in your town? You could start going to a yoga or exercise class with the kids in their ChildWatch. That way you are "out" but you don't have to interact any more than you feel like.

You may think that you have no energy for exercise, but my stamina and energy increased dramatically by adding exercise.

I never liked playgroup type thing, but maybe join LLL or a mom of multiples group?

My other "escape" is going grocery shopping with DD (3yo) while the twins are with DH or big brother (12yo). It is amazing how EASY one kids seems!

Joanna - wife to Mike, mamachicken to Cub(8/98), Kitten (4/07), Dew-man, and Woe-boy(twins, 10/08)
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#5 of 7 Old 08-01-2010, 08:10 PM
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Twins are hard, and I remember feeling like I couldn't leave the house. One thing that helped was a twin stroller, which let me get some exercise, and also makes places like the library easier.

As for a baby sitter-- you don't have to give them forumla should you decide to use a baby sitter. You could pump, or just go away for an hour after they've been fed. Sitter might be there longer than that, to give you a chance to get other things done (maybe a nap?).

Things really do get better.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#6 of 7 Old 08-01-2010, 11:43 PM
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Ladies, don't beat yourselves up about not feeling giddy with six month old twins! It is HARD!

Ditto something like LLL. I only went to a few meetings, but made some connections that have turned into friends. Are there any baby yoga or storytimes in your area? People often swoon to help mothers of young twins and you also get looked at like a rock star for mananging it all.

When mine were 10 months, I set up a date with myself. Every Saturday I went to knit at the local yarn shop for a few hours. If there is anything you can do - just for yourself, grocery shopping doesn't count - for an hour a week, you will fill so much better. They may be a little young for that to happen for you, hang in there. Mine didn't take bottles either. I understand how you feel! It gets better.

 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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#7 of 7 Old 08-05-2010, 12:51 AM
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Yes, yes, it can be so hard. It's so hard to be tired. And also difficult to get around...I have described it as a 'stuck' feeling. I didn't mind being home in the winter at first, but as someone who used to take my children out a lot and then not having energy or enough arms to do it, it was a hard change. Last summer, one thing I enjoyed more than I thought I would was a mother/baby class through the local school district's community education program. It was a good way to meet some moms also.

Now this summer, my older children are a HUGE help and we can go places. When it's time to leave, they often will have the twins buckled up in the van before I have rounded up my car keys and diaper bag. We hit story time, and go to the grocery store, park, appointments...Hang in there!

Sunshine, wife and mom of 6...with b/g twins in '09
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