how to communicate with 3.5 year old twin boys without yelling? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 4 Old 10-13-2010, 05:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
peacechief's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have 3.5 year old twin boys and it seems like lately all I do is yell. And I am starting to see very clearly that they are learning from me - their first response to problems is to scream at each other or me.

One of the hardest things for me is when they don't listen to me, or they are constantly talking at the same time, and fighting and just won't stop to listen to me... It drives me insane and I feel so totally powerless and I start to yell. The (one of the) crappy thing is that I KNOW it doesn't work. I KNOW it's not helping anything and just making things worse, but I just feel at my wit's end and don't know what else to do.

How do you get your twins to 1) learn to take turns talking and 2) stop talking and listen when you need them to.

And is it just the age that when I talk to them - trying to explain things - they seem to not hear a single word? I tell them something and then ask if they understood and instead of answering they just tell me something totally random. It feels like beating my head against a wall. Help!
peacechief is offline  
#2 of 4 Old 10-13-2010, 08:17 PM
 
ABO Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 153
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been there, and it is so hard some days. Sometimes whispering to them helps, because they have to get quiet in order to hear you.

Mama to twins, my little guy, and
ABO Mama is offline  
#3 of 4 Old 10-13-2010, 11:28 PM
 
OGirlieMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 2,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, I know how you feel! I always tell people I was never as surprised as the day my girls went to their four-year-old well visit and passed their hearing tests. I was actually almost disappointed because that meant they were just ignoring me all the time.

Some things that work for me occasionally:

- Turning the lights off and on to get their attention
- Singing (often along with the lights)
- Using crazy voices and accents (they love when I do Julie Andrews as Maria or Mary Poppins)
- Taking their hands while I talk so they cannot ignore me

Unfortunately, none of these work all the time, and there are times I just don't have it in me to even try and be playful because it's the 30th time I've had to do so in a day and I'm exhausted and fried. Then I yell like a lunatic. Oh yeah, that'll fix everything.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
OGirlieMama is offline  
#4 of 4 Old 10-14-2010, 09:48 AM
 
Shuli's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My first response to your post was "you don't"

There are some days that I feel like a fish wife. I grew up in a shouty family and it is a hard habbit to break. What really gets me is when one of my little guys asks me why I am shouting. Sigh.

I find that seperating them, even if it's on either side of me sometimes helps. Putting them back to back also helps because they can't play off each other if they can't see each other then going down to their level one at a time sometimes helps. I also put my hands on my ears and tell them that they are talking to loud and they are hurting my ears. My guys are noise sensative so that really gets their attention. I have also found that a "talking stick" works - only the person holding it can talk and they really seem to respect those rules because they know that they will be heard, so they are more willing to listen to the other. And when all else fails, there's always just walking away and hope that they follow you.

Good luck.

: wife to James, MoM to R babyboy.gif and D babyboy.gif  (Aug 2007) and E babygirl.gif (Nov 2009) and Y babyboy.gif (April 2012)

Shuli is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off