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#31 of 44 Old 11-15-2010, 07:15 PM
 
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I also didn't want twins. When I found out, I cried. And not out of anger but fear.
They are only 1 1/2 weeks now but still I already aM experiencing the joys.
Sure, they aren't smiling or anything yet but they know me. The bonding is 2x as amazing. 2 heartbeats instead of one. When they're older it'll be double the smiles and laughs and kisses and hugs.
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#32 of 44 Old 11-19-2010, 10:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"...It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away ..."
"...I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly ..."

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny. 

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

So that being said, the best things (for me) about having had twins (and a third child only 13 months older, which considering I had three in diapers and bottles at one point practically made it like having triplets):

  • they all outgrew Barney & Dora around the same time
  • they are all best buddies.  Yes, sometimes they bicker as all siblings do, but overall they have a lot of fun playing together, they are never lonely, and they have a lot of laughs together.  They also stick up for each other against playground bullies, have built in buddies to play games at birthday parties together with, have someone to tell secets to, and always someone there to give them a hug or kiss their boo-boos, even when mom's busy on the phone or making dinner.  And there are never feelings of being left behind because of one child being much older and able to do things the other children aren't allowed to do yet - they all have the same level of freedoms and responibilities. 
  • likewise, they all have the same bedtime!  No whining about "How come she gets to stay up longer?  That's not fair!", etc. 
  • it teaches them a lot about sharing, taking turns and compromising.  They are very laid-back kids which makes it easy to make other friends out in the real world.  And having always had to deal with noisy siblings and shared quarters, they are not fussy kids and never complain about stuff that a more isolated child might. 
  • it's usually fairly easy to get everyone on-board for a group costume since they usually have similar interests and similar maturity levels (e.g., Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Piglet; this year was Alice, the White Rabbit and the Cheshire Cat; next year we're doing Peter Pan, Tinkerbell and Princess Tiger Lily!) :)
  • they always have an audience to tell lame knock-knock jokes and nonsense stories to, even when mom has had a long day at work, has a headache and just wants to be left alone for a bit.  :)
  • and there is nothing cuter than seeing them unconsciously spoon one another or hold hands in their sleep!  TOO CUTE!!! 

 

So sorry to say that for a while, it IS going to be rough.  Really rough.  (I was so tired from nursing, bottle feeding and changing diapers every 30 min. non-stop during the first four month, I thought I was going to kill someone!  It wasn't gonna be my babies though, so unfortunately for my husband at the time he was the only other person in the line of fire).  ;) 

 

But things get easier.  And it is so fun to have enough kiddos for an impromptu badminton game at the park on a nice day - without having to call around to organize a play date.  And hopefully some day I will have 3 grown children who love & adore me enough to make sure their old ma is well taken care of in her old age!  haha  :)
 

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#33 of 44 Old 11-23-2010, 12:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama3LilBears View Post

Quote:

Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"...It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away ..."
"...I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly ..."

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny. 

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

 

 

Wow! What on earth would you have said if you were *trying* to be mean?!
 

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#34 of 44 Old 11-24-2010, 12:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"think of the minivan you'll have to get"

So, help me, moms of multiples- what do you LOVE about parenting twins? What is particularly good? I'd especially love to hear about joys and happiness in the first year of life.
Any words of wisdom?



Don't knock the minivan, if you choose to get one later - I love. love. love. my minivan.  And my twins are my first and so far only kids. 

I was, quite honestly, terrified of twins - it was not something I ever 'dreamed' about... but it's not (and wasn't, even in the infant days) as bad as I worried it would be-though I'm just hitting the 2s now, so we'll see how that goes! :)

Things I love:
Watching them interact - NOTHING can get them laughing as hard as each other.  And while they fight like cats and dogs sometimes, there are moments of such sweetness - one going over to hug the other when she's crying it seriously nearly makes my heart burst!   (Ok, 75% of the time that hug results in the crying one pushing the comforting one away, but it's the thought that counts... eventually they'll get it!)

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoomaYula View Post

I can't believe you've gotten nasty responses about having twins. I will say, having twins is _difficult_ but I would never say anything terrible to a mom pregnant with twins!

Sleep is hard to come by -- but that's just life with young children, it's not a twin thing, ime.

Good things about baby twins:

- They're cute. Twins are really adorable. If one baby is cute, two is freakin' darling. If you're ever having a bad day (which you probably will at some point), just take them to Target or to the mall or something, and people will come up and fawn all over them and you. I did that when my twins were little and it would lift my spirits.
-They're unique, and people will think you're an amazing mom! They'll say, "I don't know how you do it!" and mean it.
-When they start interacting, it's usually pretty interesting. There were definite hitting/biting/torturing each other phases in which I had to shadow them all the time, but when they started looking at each other and touching each other, it was amazing.

Since about the age of 3yo, my twins are definitely closer with each other than they are with me or my dh. Isn't that amazing? If they have a chance to go somewhere alone with me, they would prefer being together. I have to force them to separate, even when they're arguing. They're just very very close.

 

Everything this. 

 

As babies - the hardest things were the whole scheduling thing - babies who didn't sleep regularly, didn't nap regularly etc... "home life" was harder.  Going out with them actually wasn't too hard, and often made me feel like a supermom, thanks to the comments of random strangers - "I don't know how  you do it!", "Wow, I can't beleive you go out/shopping/whatever with two babies!"

 

As toddlers - now going out is harder (they don't want to stay put, would rather run amok throughout stores etc.), and the "home life" is maybe a bit simpler - at least they have a regular routine, and even if things get crazy in between, they nap and sleep at the same time.

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#35 of 44 Old 11-24-2010, 08:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Mama3LilBears View Post

Quote:

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

So that being said, the best things (for me) about having had twins (and a third child only 13 months older, which considering I had three in diapers and bottles at one point practically made it like having triplets):

  •  
  •  



Ouch to the first bolding!  And to the second bolding, I'm sure a mom of triplets would roll her eyes at that! 

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#36 of 44 Old 11-24-2010, 08:51 AM
 
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I think my biggest obstacle to overcome with twins was feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed.  My husband and I had decided no more kids (we have 3).  A few weeks after that, I found out I was already pregnant and we said, "Ok...we can handle one more..." and then a few weeks later, found out it was twins.  I broke down crying...how am I going to handle 4 kids ages 4 and under??

 

But, I think it's like everything else.  It's overwhelming at first...and then a few months in and everything falls into place.  The older kids get used to the newborns, the newborns don't need as much time, and the feeling of being overwhelmed becomes less and less.

 

Take it one day at a time.  I am now 8 months pregnant with my twins and I am very excited to meet them...2 more months seems like FOREVER before they get here and to think back 4 months where I was dreading their births because of the overwhelmed feeling...it took me a long time (until about 6 1/2 months) to get excited...but the kids' excitement and the family's excitement (and friends) have helped me feel supported and looking forward to them.

 

*hugs* mama, having twins when you already have several kids is overwhelming and challenging.  But, you can totally do it.  We're never given anything we cannot handle, right?  :D

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#37 of 44 Old 11-26-2010, 01:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, Mama3LilBears, IMO, that's a pretty brutal and unnecessary response.
Rather than follow my first impulse and justify that I've have more than a decade of parenting so far for the Universe to teach me what it is to mother selflessly, I'm going to say I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your twins.

Your post is actually similar to dialogs I've had with others that led me to post this post originally (Frankly,your comments about wanting to kill your babies and instead taking your negative energy out on your husband is particularly worrisome to me, as I haven't heard anything that negative)- I totally understand it will be rough (and I also have a toddler, tho I don't imagine that's anything like HOMs). I'm not expecting it not to be. I just wanted to own my emotions and reach out to others to replace the negative dialogs with positives.

 

Thanks, mamas who are contributing joyful stories to this post. I'm nearing 20weeks now and I'm getting very excited to meet my twins.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama3LilBears View Post

Quote:

Originally Posted by babygrey View Post

"...It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away ..."
"...I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly ..."

 

Wow, I'm sorry.  Was it supposed to be fun???  lol

Also, it's too bad you had to give up something you wanted so badly.  But guess what?  GET USED TO IT.  There is a lot more you're going to have to be forced to give up eventually.  Maybe this is something god/karma/fate/the universe decided you need to work on and now you will have a pair of beautiful babies to teach you some imporant life lessons, like not being so spoiled, self-centered and whiny. 

 

Not trying to be mean, and it will indeed be hard work, but it won't kill ya - and what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger!!

 

So that being said, the best things (for me) about having had twins (and a third child only 13 months older, which considering I had three in diapers and bottles at one point practically made it like having triplets):

  • they all outgrew Barney & Dora around the same time
  • they are all best buddies.  Yes, sometimes they bicker as all siblings do, but overall they have a lot of fun playing together, they are never lonely, and they have a lot of laughs together.  They also stick up for each other against playground bullies, have built in buddies to play games at birthday parties together with, have someone to tell secets to, and always someone there to give them a hug or kiss their boo-boos, even when mom's busy on the phone or making dinner.  And there are never feelings of being left behind because of one child being much older and able to do things the other children aren't allowed to do yet - they all have the same level of freedoms and responibilities. 
  • likewise, they all have the same bedtime!  No whining about "How come she gets to stay up longer?  That's not fair!", etc. 
  • it teaches them a lot about sharing, taking turns and compromising.  They are very laid-back kids which makes it easy to make other friends out in the real world.  And having always had to deal with noisy siblings and shared quarters, they are not fussy kids and never complain about stuff that a more isolated child might. 
  • it's usually fairly easy to get everyone on-board for a group costume since they usually have similar interests and similar maturity levels (e.g., Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Piglet; this year was Alice, the White Rabbit and the Cheshire Cat; next year we're doing Peter Pan, Tinkerbell and Princess Tiger Lily!) :)
  • they always have an audience to tell lame knock-knock jokes and nonsense stories to, even when mom has had a long day at work, has a headache and just wants to be left alone for a bit.  :)
  • and there is nothing cuter than seeing them unconsciously spoon one another or hold hands in their sleep!  TOO CUTE!!! 

 

So sorry to say that for a while, it IS going to be rough.  Really rough.  (I was so tired from nursing, bottle feeding and changing diapers every 30 min. non-stop during the first four month, I thought I was going to kill someone!  It wasn't gonna be my babies though, so unfortunately for my husband at the time he was the only other person in the line of fire).  ;) 

 

But things get easier.  And it is so fun to have enough kiddos for an impromptu badminton game at the park on a nice day - without having to call around to organize a play date.  And hopefully some day I will have 3 grown children who love & adore me enough to make sure their old ma is well taken care of in her old age!  haha  :)
 




reading.gifdiaper.gif ♥ baby.gif baby.gif ♥
but a lesson must be lived in order to be learned.
and the clarity to see and stop this now
that is what i've earned (a.d.)
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#38 of 44 Old 12-04-2010, 03:42 PM
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I agree that was unnecessary. 

 

Maybe saying I don't want to have twins because of the stretch marks is a little "ok get over it" but not getting the birth you envisioned is a whole lot more than being "whiny and self centered".  For some of us, twins are the only birth experience we will have and I think it is perfectly valid to have those feelings of loss.  Giving birth is the one of the most momentous occasions in life and having feelings or ideas about how you would feel most connected to the experience is not something you just get over.  Yes, first and foremost, I value that my sons were born alive and thriving.  But I do wish I had worked on ways to feel more well, involved, when it was evident that I would have a c-section.  So, babygrey, my advice would be to really think of even little touches that will help you in the labor (if you have a vaginal delivery) and certainly the birth.  I wish I had asked for a mirror for the c-section.  I wish I would have had it videotaped. I wish I would have insisted on no visitors for the first hour or so after the birth. All in all, it did not make those first few days any less joyful, but I think it would have given me a little more of a place for those feelings I had surrounding the birth. I actually think these things would have made me feel more confident as a first time mother. 

 

Anyway, having twins is great.  Really, there is definitely a give and take of experience but three years in, I value having twins more and more. It really is a special thing to witness.

 

So enjoy this time and know that you really will one day feel that you wouldn't trade this experience for the world! 

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#39 of 44 Old 12-04-2010, 11:31 PM
 
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Mama3litle bears, I would suggest that you understand that we strive to be a bit more supportive around here when a mom comes to us with honesty and openness about her fears and worries. Your comments certainly did not feel constructive to me. I think most folks here are doing a pretty good job of pointing out the bright spots (which is what she was looking to hear) without enjoying or being delusional of the hard side. But the poster asked for the good things and folks were giving that to her, a great reprise from the horror stories we get bombarded with while preggo. (I know I was loving reading this thread as a soon to be first time mom or twins myself)

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
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#40 of 44 Old 12-05-2010, 05:24 PM
 
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I have twin 5 month old girls. Some days it is so incredible difficult, but I never wish that I had just one. Watching them kick and pull each others hair in the bath (they don't mean to, they're still really little) is hilarious, and one of them especially ADORES her sister. She absolutely lights up every time she sees her. So far there has not been an easy day, but I look back on the past 5 months and realize that I have accomplished so much. I nursed them exclusively for 4 months with bad latches (and PAIN), then got it through my thick skull that there was an issue and realized they had tongue-ties. I have not been able to continue nursing them (I pump the milk), I had to have a c-section (baby A was transverse and blocking the path!) and not the home birth I had planned, and I can barely AP both of them like I wanted- it's worth it. They will have a best friend for life, and I only had to go through one pregnancy for two kids! We used to say, "two for the price of one" but they charge you a little more for the second twin at the dr/hospital. Go figure :)

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#41 of 44 Old 06-18-2012, 11:01 AM
 
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Thank you so much for your post!! it brought tears to my eyes!

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#42 of 44 Old 06-18-2012, 12:37 PM
 
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The twins are a light in our lives!!  I love having twins, though I never would have guessed it before having them.  It's hard to know what to expect because of all the negativity we encouter in day-to-day casual conversation with strangers.  The fact of the matter is... most people only know what they've heard.  We are a lucky groups of moms to be having this experience.  I love running into other twin moms who are positive with what they are experiencing.  We all handle stress and situations differently, so no one can tell you how you will handle twins, and it is hard, but isn't that what also makes is so rewarding?!

 

I love their connection.  They are now toddlers, giggling at each others jokes, head butting each other for fun, holding hands, calling to the other from downstairs, feeding each other, sharing toys (and stealing), and generally always playing the same thing.  They chase each other until they are laughing so hard they fall over.  I love having TWO toddler personalities in our home.

 

They draw attention from other people.  Not my favorite, but a new opportunity I am learning to take advantage of.  I want others to know that I love being a mom.  I love my kids, and they are not a burden.  They are not double trouble, they do not make me crazy.  They have brought so much happiness into the lives of our whole family.

 

I am so excited for your experience.  Soon, you'll be able to post 100 billion things you have LOVED about having twins!

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#43 of 44 Old 07-08-2012, 02:59 PM
 
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I love having our b/g twins, but there were a couple of years where I was bitter because I felt I was disadvantaged from those my age who had just one and were enjoying/savoring their time with their babies/toddlers - well at least more than me.  That said, they are 4.5 now and many parents near me seem to be craving for their kids to play with other kids.  Well, you know what?  Mine have built in playmates :). Yep, if they play with others great, if not, that's fine too.  I've seen drama with kids and parents (who get involved in kid fights - we're talking pretty young kids here) I get the advantage of distancing myself from it or not feeling like I NEED to join in to socialize my kids.  It's a great feeling!  We also got the "two for one and we're done" special here. 

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#44 of 44 Old 07-10-2012, 02:56 PM
 
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Just wanted to thank you for posting this and to everyone who responded. I really needed to hear all of this! I saw a lot of myself in the original post and the responses have completely changed my attitude. Thank you!!


~ Kasie 31 ~ Tim 29 ~ DS 4 ~

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