Tell me what is good about having twins - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-29-2010, 07:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel bad even expressing this, because I know I should just be grateful for my double blessing when so many have none (I am!) and I'm scared to say it because I DO love them already, both of them, and I would be devastated if something happened at they didn't make it to viability and I don't wanna jinx myself, yk? But, I think it would help me to hear from those who've btdt and seen the bright spots.

Here goes...
I've never been one of those mamas who pined after twins. I know lots of them, I'm just not one of them. In fact (or maybe due to?), I had a nanny job once for infant twins and I hated it. I thought "sure glad I'll never have twins" The Universe works in funny ways. It seemed like all the fun of having a baby was taken away because one of them always needed something and I was always having to leave the happy one for the crying one (or leave the one crying the softest). (and they weren't particularly high needs babes, either) Their mama was miserable, their dad never around.
The only twin moms I've known IRL who have seemed happy the first year have been ones who could afford to hire a nanny- which is impossible for our family.

I'm having a really hard time seeing what is good and joyful about having twins, beyond the fact that they look super cute in pictures

I don't think it helps that all 15weeks and 5days of my pg so far have been living hell, after two joyful easy singleton pgs. I have hyperemesis and still feel like death warmed over and literally can't get out of bed somedays.

I've had to give up the homebirth I wanted so badly. There's only one unlicensed MW who attends twins in my state and she won't do a breech, and while I realize I may get lucky w/ two vertex babes, I might not and we honestly *really* can't afford a transfer or shadow care (she doesn't refund much if you transfer at the end for position) So that leaves me seeing MFM bc vaginal breech births are VERY hard to come by in my state, and my best chance is thru MFM. The birth issue is sort of a separate issue, tho, bc I know it is only one moment in time...

We recently went public with the 'pg w/ twins'. I can't BELIEVE how negative people are- even perfect strangers and even people who "love" twins! I'm sure those who've btdt can...
"oh, kiss sleep goodbye now"
"have fun on bedrest"
"...two carseats, two sets of diapers, two insert baby item here..."
"think of the minivan you'll have to get"
"you'll be begging to go back to work before they are even sitting up"
"you'll LOVE Babywise with twins"

ect...

it is CERTAINLY not like I haven't thought/worried about ALL these things. I worry all the time.. how are we going to afford this? how is our marriage going to survive? how are my other kids going to adapt? what if they are born very prematurely? etc..
I know we'll get through it. Moms do it all the time. But, that's the thing. I didn't want to just "get through" my last baby year. I wanted it to be joyful.

So, help me, moms of multiples- what do you LOVE about parenting twins? What is particularly good? I'd especially love to hear about joys and happiness in the first year of life.
Any words of wisdom?

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but a lesson must be lived in order to be learned.
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:52 AM
 
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I also never wanted twins. I never wanted 4 kids. I had a miserable pregnancy after two fine singletons. My home birth went out the window. BUT

Just yesterday I was thinking to myself.. How would I do this if I had 4 singletons? "This" being attend all of today's halloween parties at school. It works out perfectly, 3 parties back to back to back. If the two little ones weren't in the same grade I'd have to miss one, or at least be late/leave early to fit them all in. Rather lame, but it is a positive!

Also, my 3 year olds don't have friends their own ages. They always have someone to play with- each other, and they have the older kids' friends to play with. But I've never endured a play date with another kids' mom like I did with my older kids. Again rather lame but still.

So, I'll let someone else give the positives to having two infants, since I never really discovered it. But I did survive with my brain mostly intact and my little girls are pretty interesting little people due in part to having each other.

I think it is good for you to talk about how you really feel. Congratulations, condolences and wishes for peace.

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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Old 10-29-2010, 12:11 PM
 
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My twins are complete opposites in every way. They rarely acknowledge the other one exists (except for when my dd is pulling ds's hair or taking things away from him), so it's really great to see them playing together or snuggling up together when they're asleep. When things are going all crazy, I try to remember how cute they are those few times when they're together.

Denise, mama to ds1 (03/26/05) and boy/girl twins born 08/12/08
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Old 10-29-2010, 05:24 PM
 
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My sons adore each other (or at least thus far). They are in day care and are exposed to other children all day but seem to prefer each other.

The biggest benefit to me is the warmth and outpouring of support we've gotten from other twin parents. I can't tell you how much that has done for our emotional support. I am in a twins club but mostly it is the average person in my day to day life who has reached out to us to tell us about their twins, how we will survive, what to expect, etc... and to offer helpful suggestions.

Some people like all the twin attention; it is a blessing and a curse.

My twins are just plain fun. We laugh at them all the time.

I don't have to have a multi-age house, my guys do things at the same time.

Also from a male perspective-my husband feels that our male twins are less likely to be bullied because there are two of them and they have a united show of force.

Hope this helps,
Gabrielle

Mommy to Franklin & Callan
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Old 10-29-2010, 06:21 PM
 
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What's great about it:

Watching them sleep all cuddled together.
Rocking them as one sleeps on each shoulder.
Seeing them "notice" eachother for the first time and their faces light up.
Double the baby slobber kisses.
Watching old ladies in town ohh and ahh over them and have somebody recall their twin - It makes their day

I could go on but the twinnies need me

Rachel
Mommy to DS13, DS12, DS7, DD5, DD3, and twin GIRLS : born at home in the water on 12/18/09
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Old 10-29-2010, 11:07 PM
 
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Celebrating the arrival of our twins twins.gifCharlie & Chloe, born Jan 28th 2011 !

 


 

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Old 10-30-2010, 12:33 AM
 
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i made a post similar to this in the fertility friend forums...got a lot of nice replies...i am also wondering/worrying about my capacity to stay happy/healthy/supportive when the twins arrive...

im already stretched thin w/ the three i have and sometimes i feel like i cant even manage them...

i guess it is like anything else...you just expand and advance.

becky.
mama to m (3/96), o (8/07), p (5/09) and our twins: r (2/14/11) and l (2/15/11) 

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Old 10-30-2010, 12:50 AM
 
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One of my sis's fave twin experiences was seeing them hold hands while nursing simultaneously.
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Old 10-30-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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All the negatives are valid and all are true at different times. But they are certainly not the whole of the story. I'm not feeling very wordy this morning, so I'll just show you a few of the things I love these days about having twins...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4692240208/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/5121822357/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4981456296/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4997100392/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4867039289/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4855285381/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4836335770/

They fight like nothing I've ever seen in my life, but they are also closer to each other than any other human beings I have ever met, and their forgiveness of each others' transgressions is instant and complete. Every day is an adventure and provides new insight into the entire range of emotions in human relationships. I cannot imagine missing this experience.

I guess was feeling a little wordy.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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Old 10-30-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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I understand what you mean about not wanting twins. I wasn't even sure I was ready for parenthood-- that was husband's idea! He said that if we were going to start trying, perhaps we should soon. I said, eh, probably right. Immediately pregnant with twins.

The joys are so many. They are really fun to watch, and be around. They approach everything differently. I'm in the process of teaching them to read, and one is a sight words kid, the other sounds it out. It is really neat, being able to watch two very different people navigate similar circumstances, and see who does things which way.

Twinfancy can be challenging, but it's fleeting.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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Old 10-31-2010, 04:08 AM
 
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I am really enjoying being a MOM. I always knew that I was going to have twins (all genetics, we were "doomed" from the beginning ). They are what I like to call frienemies - best friends, worst enemies. They love each other to peices, but have no gumption about going after each other for something that they want. The first year was really hard, but it was also very rewarding. Two little babies smiling up at you while nursing, two little people to watch develop and grow at the same time, it was awesome. Now they are in preschool together and it is such a joy to watch them both develop and mature in different ways. My DH is a twin, so he understands their close relationship, but I have never seen anything like it. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

: wife to James, MoM to R babyboy.gif and D babyboy.gif  (Aug 2007) and E babygirl.gif (Nov 2009) and Y babyboy.gif (April 2012)

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Old 11-01-2010, 05:19 AM
 
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Sometimes it' been the most challenging thing ever, but other times I'm bowled over by how incredibly lucky I am to have twins. Here are a few moments/observations over the last 2 years since having my B/G twins:

* they cuddled together as newborns for comfort
* when nursing as tiny infants, they would stare at each other and sometime stroke each others' face or foreheads
* they used to hold hands when nursing when they were little
* they got so excited when we went from a DNG stroller to a side by side, and they would reach over and touch each other a lot
* when they were really little I'd put them in the Moby wrap and they'd turn towards each other, press their foreheads together, and go right to sleep.
* there is NOTHING more amazing than the love among you when you are hugging your twins! Triple the love of a singleton, because they love each other too.
* when they played as infants, sitting up, they wanted to face each other and would babble back and forth
* they made little noises to each other in their sleep
* when they got mobile, they'd always be just a few feet from each other. Doing different things, but always close by.
* as toddlers, they always have someone to play with that is interested in the same things
* it is adorable to see them play peekaboo together--and saves me from having to do it constantly!
* when one learns a new word, the other one starts saying it too--great for vocabulary development
* when one cries, the other gets upset and goes to comfort them, so sweet
* they learn empathy more easily because of their bond
* they learn a lot of social skills and patience at a younger age
* if one of them is missing their lovey, the other one joins in on the hunt so they find it with teamwork!
* they learn about sharing early--I can give 2 snacks or drinks to one of them and they automatically know that one is for their twin
* it's adorable to see them play something together, like wrestling, tickling, or hiding under a blanket.
* hearing them make each other giggle is one of the best things in the world
* seeing them hug and kiss each other makes me emotional, it's pure sweetness
* they love feeding each other their food, which is cute
* they like to copy each other, which can be really funny
* when they're having a rough time going to sleep and we take them into separate rooms, just before they start to fall asleep they start asking for the other one

I'm sure I'm missing a bunch, but those are all special twin things that make me happy.
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Old 11-01-2010, 04:58 PM
 
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well my babies are only two weeks old, and i was absolutely terrified of having twins but i can tell you i LOVE it so far

it is amazing to look down at these two sets of sweet eyes staring back up at you as they nurse.

they snuggle closer to eachother already

i feel like super mom (in a good way) when i care for them

my older daughter ADORES them
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Old 11-01-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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the first year was definitely really hard. but when i look back, i am just so incredibly PROUD of myself that i did it. like, i can't even believe that i did it. i'm so proud that i nursed them for 15 months. and when i see them running around, accomplishing a new feat, whatever, i sometimes think back to that crazy first year and think wow... look what a great job i did. i have these two amazingly sweet toddlers, so incredibly different from each other in appearance and demeanor... turning into such fine little kids... because, despite the exhaustion, i somehow have always found it within me to nurture them in a really special way.

and while other people are complaining about the toddler years, i am LOVING them so far! the first year was so tough for me (i bet it wouldn't have been as hard if i knew how to take care of one baby period - they were my first and i had NO IDEA what i was doing!) that since they turned 1, life has just been getting so much easier. they run around, hang out, play with their toys, sleep well at night, eat food well at their little table, etc... it's not like attending to two tiny babies. it's FUN now! and endlessly fascinating to watch how two people who have done pretty much everything together from birth can be so different. what a trip!

two babies - hard. no matter how you slice it. but nothing that's really truly worth it in life comes for nothing. you reap what you sow. twins are such a blessing. and believe me, i was so not the kind of person who wanted twins from the get-go. if i would have had a singleton, it's very very possible that i wouldn't really care to try for more. but i am just so over-the-moon in love with these guys it's not even funny. and i'm so grateful for the experience of being a mom to twins... it has made me learn and grow in ways that i never even thought about. really wild stuff!
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Old 11-01-2010, 11:19 PM
 
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Well, I've never had twins, but I am a twin and we were #4 & 5, with 3 yr, 4 yr, and 6yr old siblings. Despite that, my mom said she would have had more children if she could have guaranteed twins! She thinks everyone should be so lucky to get twins, and my dad's sister agrees (also had twins then a singleton 13 months later, plus an 8 yr old, all boys). So, there must be something really great about us, right?

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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Old 11-02-2010, 05:25 PM
 
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Betsy - I remember asking this question a couple of years ago and you linked THE most adorable picture of your toddler girls on a road holding hands. My twins are now 2 and doing cute things like that and yours are still adorable

I have found twins soooooooooo difficult; psycholgically more than anything. The whole surrender to what may be and going with the flow....but it is incredible. It's like most of the time it's hard work, but the intensity of the joyful moments just outweighs everything and I feel so prostrate (with a mix of humbleness, awe, joy, gratitude.......)

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Old 11-03-2010, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, mamas, you have no idea how much joy and excitement I've found from this thread.
The twin-pg hormones made me get all teary at some of your responses.
Ogirliemama, your girls are BEAUTIFUL- thank you for sharing.

Now, when I find myself obsessing over the image of trying to walk the halls with two screaming newbies, I'm going to replace the image with two cuddling newbies. ah. so much better

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but a lesson must be lived in order to be learned.
and the clarity to see and stop this now
that is what i've earned (a.d.)
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Old 11-05-2010, 03:50 AM
 
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Well, my twins are just 5 months old, and it is still pretty tough. I can't wait until they can just sit up! But I am so happy to have them. They are both so amazing, and I really enjoy (mostly) the comments that I get about having twins. I also have a 2yo dd and I think it will be great having 3 girls so close in age. And I have to say, giving birth two two babies was an amazing thing. I did have pain relief, so it might have been a different story otherwise, but to have a baby and then have ANOTHER baby, was so cool! I am still kind of astounded by the whole situation.
It is hard--get all the help you can even if you hate the thought of that. But it is also such a special thing.
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Old 11-05-2010, 03:32 PM
 
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For me the best thing about having twins was actually HAVING them. This was my second twin pregnancy, but I lost one of my daughters in the first one. Parenting twins, while surely a challenge, is nothing compared to parenting one while grieving another.

Watching my girls interact, hold each other's hands, light up when they see each other, and just want to BE together has been incredible.

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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Old 11-07-2010, 12:48 PM
 
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I had never wanted twins. In fact, I was the one to say, "I would never wish twins on anyone. But if happened to me I guess I'd deal with it."

And it's been wonderful! Yes, hard work, but wonderful. Now that they are approaching 3.5, I love watching them work/play/fight/love each other.

Missionary, birth-worker, midwifery student
Mama to love.gif DD (9yr), DS luxlove.gif (3yr), & 2twins.gif UC twin DDs (5yr)

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Old 11-07-2010, 05:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OGirlieMama View Post
All the negatives are valid and all are true at different times. But they are certainly not the whole of the story. I'm not feeling very wordy this morning, so I'll just show you a few of the things I love these days about having twins...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4692240208/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/5121822357/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4981456296/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4997100392/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4867039289/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4855285381/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/betseeee/4836335770/

They fight like nothing I've ever seen in my life, but they are also closer to each other than any other human beings I have ever met, and their forgiveness of each others' transgressions is instant and complete. Every day is an adventure and provides new insight into the entire range of emotions in human relationships. I cannot imagine missing this experience.

I guess was feeling a little wordy.
Your babies are gorgeous. Just had to tell you, but I'm sure you knew it already.

mom to sam arlo (5), olive loretta (3)....and twin girls Annie and Ramona Jean, born 3/10.

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Old 11-08-2010, 12:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Molliejo View Post
Your babies are gorgeous. Just had to tell you, but I'm sure you knew it already.
Aww, thank you! You are so sweet to say so. I do think they are beautiful, but I am pretty sure I'm ridiculously biased in that department!

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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Old 11-08-2010, 12:08 AM
 
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I never thought of myself as someone who wanted or could handle twins, but my twins are 16 years old now and are absolutely amazing. They are extremely close & I feel so lucky to have them in my life. It's very true that the days are long but the years are short.
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Old 11-08-2010, 11:24 AM
 
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All the circumstances surrounding my twins should lead to the conclusion that raising them was SO much harder than raising my current singleton (or my step-son, who lives with us, for that matter). When I had the twins, I was young (early twenties), unmarried and they were extremely premature, so I had a year of carting around oxygen tanks and apnea monitors, in addition to two babies. Whereas, with my 2nd pregnancy, I was married, everything went smoothly, he's healthy...and there's only one of him!

But, MANY times I've found myself wishing things were as "easy" or "nice" as they were, with the twins!

* Twins always have a playmate their own age. I know people say this so often, it can sound trite and you tend to blow it off. But don't. My 11-year-old step-son (who was essentially an only child, until he moved in with us 3 years ago) and my almost-3-year-old are more demanding of my time/attention and have a harder time entertaining themselves than the (15-year-old) twins ever did. It's hard for me to recall a time the twins complained of being bored. Sure, it was hard keeping up with housework, as a single mom with twins. But it is actually harder, with one toddler who is always bored (translate: restless and destructive), if I don't do all of his activities with him. With the twins, I could get out play dough, or help them build a Lego village, then let them play with it together for a reasonably long time, while I snuck in some work.

* Twins come into the world knowing how to share. I am astounded by the process of teaching my toddler - and even, to be honest, my step-son - how to do this! Is it possible that I - who was always praised for having such sweet, agreeable children - also produced this typically self-centered little terror who declares everything is "MINE!" and who completely fails to understand that other children can't enjoy playing with him, if they never get any of the toys?! Evidently, the twins' ability to share was never due to my wonderful parenting, but was something they brought with them!

* Having twins reinforces your parental accomplishments and helps justify your challenges. It can be a quiet let-down, for a 1st-time mom to master breast-feeding, comforting a fussy infant and to accomplish getting a decent amount of sleep...only to admit to herself that women have been doing that since the beginning of time - and long before indoor plumbing, central heat/air, disposable diapers/Bum Genius and automatic washing machines!! But when you figure out how to care for and transport two babies at one time (and you will - because you have to), you will rightly feel you've accomplished something above and beyond. And you will get impressed feedback from friends and strangers alike, that really boosts you up, in those hormonal post-partum months.

I, too, fielded those negative comments during my pregnancy with the twins (when people somehow think they're being supportive?!?!): "You'll never get any sleep!", "You'll never be able to go anywhere without help!", etc. I got A LOT of that from my Mom, who, deep down, was just hoping her headstrong, independent daughter would suddenly NEED her all the time... All that bulls*^# made me feel determined that, when the babies came, I would find a way to handle things. I would accept help from the grandparents and friends, who wanted to come cuddle and coo over the twins. But I would not allow myself to be stuck in my apartment, if my Mom couldn't accompany me, on outings! And rest assured: if I figured out how to take daily walks, do my shopping, go to the park, doctor's appointments, etc. with two babies, two apnea monitors and two portable oxygen tanks...you will be just fine, when yours come! And overcoming those gloom-and-doom predictions about life with twins adds to that sense of accomplishment I was just talking about.

On the flip side, every new mom has moments when she feels like a failure - like every other woman has figured out how to do something, but she just can't get the hang of it. Or, all the other kids out there seem to behave well and here is yours, melting down in the middle of Target! At those times, it's easier to be forgiving and gentle with yourself, knowing you have TWINS - and more on your plate than normal moms! And other people will respond accordingly. Instead of giving you withering looks and muttering about why you can't get your kid under control, you will be met with sympathy and statements like, "You're amazing! I don't know how I would have managed, with two!"

Yes, the cute pictures aren't the half of it. In fact, you may find it's pretty hard to get them both looking cute in the same shot...

One woman in a house full of men:  my soul mate:    or... twin sons:(HS seniors) ... step-son:  (a sophomore) ... our little man:   (a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all:  our
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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Jeannine:

What a terrific reply! I feel better about myself for reading it and what you said is so, so true!

Thanks for making my day

Gabrielle

Mommy to Franklin & Callan
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Old 11-08-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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I can't believe you've gotten nasty responses about having twins. I will say, having twins is _difficult_ but I would never say anything terrible to a mom pregnant with twins!

Sleep is hard to come by -- but that's just life with young children, it's not a twin thing, ime.

Good things about baby twins:

- They're cute. Twins are really adorable. If one baby is cute, two is freakin' darling. If you're ever having a bad day (which you probably will at some point), just take them to Target or to the mall or something, and people will come up and fawn all over them and you. I did that when my twins were little and it would lift my spirits.
-They're unique, and people will think you're an amazing mom! They'll say, "I don't know how you do it!" and mean it.
-When they start interacting, it's usually pretty interesting. There were definite hitting/biting/torturing each other phases in which I had to shadow them all the time, but when they started looking at each other and touching each other, it was amazing.

Since about the age of 3yo, my twins are definitely closer with each other than they are with me or my dh. Isn't that amazing? If they have a chance to go somewhere alone with me, they would prefer being together. I have to force them to separate, even when they're arguing. They're just very very close.

treehugger.gif Erika
mom of twins.gif (8)  blahblah.gif(5) thumbsuck.gif (3) and baby.gif born at home on Christmas day! 
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Old 11-10-2010, 06:58 PM
 
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I too had so many negative comments that I was absolutely terrified at the thought of bringing my sweet baby girls home. While parenting twins points out my shortcomings every day, it is by far the most fulfilling and rewarding experience! Just watching these sweet souls grow together makes every sleepless night worth it. My girls also share with each other, and if one starts crying, watch out- sister wants to know why. The interaction between them is amazing. I can't even begin to describe the joy of nursing and looking into their sweet baby faces. It is hard, but you adjust. It is so worth it, and I wouldn't mind another set one day! My girls are 16 months old now, and watching them belly laugh at each other is really one of my favorite past times these days. The attention you get is unbelievable! As much as people love babies, they are fascinated by twins. I can't tell you how many people stop me any given day to look and talk. They really are a joy to have and a blessing. Congrats on joining the club!

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Old 11-11-2010, 07:27 AM
 
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When you see them after a brief separation from you, and they both run into your arms.  Two little toddlers calling you mom, running to you full speed and squeezing you at the same time makes you feel like you won the lottery.  It's all worth it.

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Old 11-12-2010, 02:14 PM
 
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Twins are amazing. One healthy baby is a miracle; two are even more so. Many times since they were born I sit back and just watch them - two babies. Well, now toddlers. First sleeping next to each other, baby milestones together, talking together.

 

I remember a friend telling me, "Oh my. Better you than me." She had a very close friend with twins who had a very hard time. Many times I've thought of that comment as I have found so much to enjoy.

 

I am so glad I was able to nurse mine - a wonderful experience. I love to share stories about the twins and people love to hear them. Someone told me that I make it sound like an adventure to have twins, and it really is.


Sunshine, wife and mom of 6...with b/g twins in '09
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Old 11-12-2010, 10:39 PM
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I'm eight months in and the time is just flying by.  There are days that are difficult; but really I'm just trying to live in the moment because all this will be over so very soon. The girls nursing together, wrestling, laughing at each during nap time, I could go on and on. I love reading all these responses too - wonderful twin moments abound.  I know my life would be so much easier if I had only had one new baby; but I honestly feel like it's double happiness.  Also, I'm not really a spiritual person - but I truly think things happen for a reason; and I feel sort of special that I got chosen to be a mom of twins.  The universe has faith in us, we can do this because we have to; and we can do this because we were meant to.

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