12month old + mono-di twins on the way =advice? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-23-2010, 11:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey all! So I've had my stresses over my pregnancy- I am 24 weeks with mono-di twin boys. I spent the first 2 months of my pregnancy oblivious because I was nursing my daughter and hoping for, but not expecting, a pregnancy. Due to nursing I had no cycle to come up with dates for the doctor so I was able to get an ultrasound immediately to get a due date/estimation of how far along I was. We found out we had twins at 6weeks gestation. We had joked/hoped for twins since wanting children, but were shocked and overwhelmed. Then, we had weeks of panicking that we'd have mono-mono twins (the doctor's suspicion from early on), but to our relief they each had their own sac. The more recent concern is that the doctors want me to have a c-section. I don't think I will even be capable of that due to the recovery. Both babies are head down currently, and I delivered my daughter vaginally perfectly, so I feel I have a really great opportunity to try for a vaginal birth. There is still a chance that I will have one or both babies delivered by c-section whether I like it or not (in the case that the placenta detaches or the babies end up in unfavorable positions at the time of delivery). I have a lot of faith in my doctor and his residents, so I'm not so concerned about the health or safety of my twins as they are growing beautifully, but instead I worry about my recovery and my daughter. My husband is military, and due to his current assignment, he won't be able to stay home to help me get settled after the birth and I don't have family to help. My daughter will be about 15 months old (or less) when her brothers arrive, so she is very young. I am a stay at home mom and nursed her exclusively for 9 months, so she is very bonded to me and can be clingy at times. I wanted to know if anyone else had to get a c-section and recover while caring for not only their new twins, but also a very young toddler/baby. How did ya do it, seriously?! I'm most afraid of holding my daughter and tearing my stitches, not being able to get around the house as needed, and being alone and exhausted with 3 little ones! Thanks for the help!!

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#2 of 6 Old 12-24-2010, 06:55 PM
 
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i just want to say welcome and hugs, its a lot to worry about. please feel free to come over to the twins chat and add yourself to the list so we can all cheer you on.

 

as for the delivery, you have some time and i'm sure other moms that have had theirs will chime n and help out. most of all remember that you always have options, a lot of doctors will talk like you dont or that they will only "allow" certain things. its your body and your birth, educate yourself and ask then why when they say things and ask for stuff to read and get your own as well.

 

have you read any good twin books?

 

ask them to explain the risks as they see it and what precent do things really happen in, they tend to say things like "the risk doubles" or stuff like that without mentioning that the risk might be just doubling from 1% to 2%.

there are some reasons to justify a c section but them just being twins or having one placenta is not one of them.

 

again welcome to MDC, you have found a great group of folks here


partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
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#3 of 6 Old 12-25-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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I also didn't know I was pregnant for a LONG time and found out when I was 3 months along that I was pregnant and 4 months along that I was having twins.  That was a HUGE surprise!  My son was 22 months when my daughters were born.  I had a C-section with him.  I wanted to try VBAC and my doctor was willing, but by the end of my pregnancy, the girls never dropped properly and my BP was going up, so they ended up doing a C-section at 39 weeks 1 day.

 

For you, I think it's most important to try to make it as full-term as possible.  I couldn't even imagine caring for my son plus two premies (though I'm sure many on here have done that too, so nothing is impossible).  And you really need to find some kind of help for at least a week.  My mom came and helped me for a week and then I was on my own, in the day.  I really had to have my husband help too, at night.  And people from my church came 3 times a week for the week after my mom left.  Those first few months are really hard and I didn't go out hardly at all.  But, it is doable.  I had had a C-section before and no regular deliveries, so I didn't really know the difference in that respect.  You just do what you have to do. 

 

You'll be able to do it.  It's still the hardest thing I've done in my life, but the most rewarding as well.

 

Sarah   

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#4 of 6 Old 12-27-2010, 08:19 PM
 
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My kids are 3.75 years, 1.5 year old twins and now a 5 month old... my first 3 are 26 months apart, and it was tough at first!  I recruited as much help as possible when I was pregnant (and was surprised by a preterm delivery at 28 weeks, but that is a different story).  By the time they came home from the NICU, DH had exhausted all of his sick time + paternity leave + vacation.  I guess my best piece of advice (if this is even advice), is that I barely remember those first few months of them being home.  Also, if you can afford it (or have something to barter), hire a post partum doula.  You may even be able to find one fresh out of training, and if you are willing to fill out some paperwork, a lot of new doulas will work for a reduced rate (or FREE, in some cases!). 

 

As far as the birth goes- thats GREAT that they are both head down, but twins have a lot of leverage to change positions at anytime during a pregnancy.  I would become familiar with the spinning babies site, talk to you OB, the head nurse and other hospital staff about their policies.  Give them scenarios and ask what they would do... just be VERY prepared, and be prepared to sign waivers of release if you are going to do things against their policy.  I was a total pain in the neck with my twin pregnancy (as far as my OB was concerned!).  I was hoping for a VBAC with them, and we went as far as to find another doctor (in another state over an hour away) who would deliver me even in baby A was not vertex.  Some OBs are comfortable ONLy when both babies are vertex at the onset of labor (which is funny because they can change at any time), others only require baby A to be head down and will deliver baby B either breech or vertex...  just things you will need ot ask!  Write it down, too- it will help to remember!  GL with the rest of you pregnancy and delivery!! 

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#5 of 6 Old 12-27-2010, 08:40 PM
 
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Why is your doctor talking about a c-section already?  It seems a bit early to be planning for that, unless they just don't support vaginal birth with twins.  I ask because my doctor also scheduled my cesarean with my first set of twins (mo-di girls.)  I didn't show up and had an awesome homebirth.  Recovery was amazingly easier than I thought (and I had a 3-yo and 1-yo at the time.)  However, I had a c-section with my second set (mo-di boys) and my husband left (military) leaving me with a 5yo, 4yo, 2yo twins and newborn twins.  Cesarean or not, it would have been tough... but the recovery difference between a vaginal birth and a cesarean is just worlds apart.  If you can, find a supportive care provider that will encourage you through a vaginal birth and set yourself up for the best scenario as far as recovery/breastfeeding/caring for two babies.  If you're able to get help, do it.  If you have friends where you are stationed, enlist their help now.  That is my biggest regret- I tried to do it all and didn't ask for help.  Don't make that mistake!  But, in the end, if you do end up doing it alone, you will find ways to make it work.  I used to grab a bunch of books and sit on the couch nursing each set of twins for what felt like the entire day.  It was like Groundhog Day: eat, feed babies, change diapers, feed babies, eat, feed babies, etc.  LOL  ;)


Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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#6 of 6 Old 12-30-2010, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies- it's good to know there are mamas out there that do it! To answer some of your questions- They are talking about a c-section because I'm almost in my 3rd trimester, which means it's a good time to discuss what is to come. They are supportive of vaginal births with twins, but very apprehensive when it comes to vaginal deliveries involving a shared placenta due to the risks. Also, we are military, so while it would be ideal to find a doctor who does what I want, we don't pay a penny for anything so for that we make compromises. One of the hard-fast rules my doctor has is not letting me go past 37 weeks due to complications. Although I may not have chosen him as my doctor, I have a ton of faith in him because he is the chief of staff at our hospital. My frustrations come in when his residents tell me things that I know he doesn't agree with- but he has the ultimate say, and he is the one who agreed to letting me attempt a vaginal delivery. So I have a chance, but if the placenta detaches before my 2nd baby is born, they have to get him out... My main concerns then lying with what to do with my 1yr old while I recover. I don't have family to help, some friends but all have lots of their own small children (and I'd rather go it alone than have my house full of other peoples' toddlers), and my husband will be with me in the hospital, but he just doesn't have the option to stay home. We can't afford it (military family with a stay at home mom), but if I absolutely have to I will hire a maid to help me. So with that, I'll take the advice of "do what you have to do" and looking into a doula- thank you again!!

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